Six A.M. Smells

September 28, 1966

It took me a minute but Blackie has killed at least four people in this shoot-out. Good for him!

I like how the sheriff star on his hat is just an asterisk. Just a tiny butthole on his head.

I'm the same way. I will wake up like an animal with an alarm, but if you just let it happen, I'm in a better mood. I hate waking up in the morning. I especially hate waking up and then having to do stuff.

The + symbols in the eyes when these characters are excited are weird. +s and Xs are a symbol for death. They'd be much more at home in the first panel.

See?

King of Over the Hill

September 7, 1966

SHOOT 'EM!! Who cares if they are in the shape of heart and spelling MOM, you could probably down two or three of them since they are all clustered together like this!

Uncle Ted, you've been over the hill for years now. Hell, Brutus is over the hill now, too.

I'm more concerned that usually polite baristas are going around calling people of certain ages "old-timer". "Medium hot mocha with cinnamon for the old-timer!" "Large wrinkled middle finger for the whippersnapper, you dick."

👅

February 19, 1966

Thornapple can take a baseball to the mouth which is pretty good. He's going to need medical attention to remove the baseball and fix his teeth, but at least that doesn't affect his playing.

The Cleveland Spiders were a real team!! A very old team. They competed between 1887 and 1899. Apparently, the Spiders were a very good until 1899 when most the roster (which included a name I actually recognize, Cy Young) were sent to other teams. The Spider finished the season 20-134, which is still a major league record. The next worst team win-loss record is the 1965 Mets 40-120. The Spiders returned for a 1914-1916 season when the Toledo Mud Hens moved to Cleveland becoming the Bearcats (1914-1915) and then the Spiders (1915-1916) before moving back to Toledo.

Another interesting thing, the Cleveland Spiders reportedly have the distinction of employing the first Native American baseball player, Louis Sockalexis. He played for the Spiders from 1897 to 1899. According to Cleveland fans, Sockalexis was the person who suggested naming Cleveland's new major league baseball team the Indians, though that is disputed. Sadly, Sockalexis was not appreciated during his time and was called racial slurs and confronted with war whoops and dances when at bat. Sockalexis was also an alcoholic which hurt his image due to the stereotype of "Indian weakness". Sockalexis would die of tuberculosis in 1913 at the age of 42.

me: *keeps looking around, trying to peer around the borders of the panel* WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO??!!

It's a stupid comic strip pet peeve of mine. If your character is going to essentially talk to themselves, put those words in a thought bubble. I know thought bubbles aren't something this strip does, but still...

Even assuming the Thornapples have a coffee maker that has a schedule and can immediately go downstairs and pour herself a cup of coffee right away, the toothpaste taste doesn't last that long. At least for me. Maybe I'm doing something wrong.

Coffee Monkey

January 21, 1966

I went back and forth on whether I would be subtle or raunchy with my commentary here and chose: I think I would also prefer being taken away and possibly wooed and railed by that guy and not the knight. Absolutely no offense to that horse, it's amazing, but good knights that you want to rescued by don't ride horses like that. I don't make the rules, they just don't.

I guess Brutus is asking if Ms. Preen wants coffee because she might be in the conference and he's just being nice. He and Ms. Preen never interact outside of this setting so that's the only thing that makes sense. Unless it's something else. What's your game, Brutus?

Not That Impressive, Really

October 30, 1965

One thing I find interesting is how many times cartoons, comics, TV shows, movies, basically anything pop culture-related of a certain age go to the William Tell well. It's like quicksand, piranhas, and dynamite. Just made us kids go around thinking someone would want to shoot an apple off our head.

"I got up just before dawn this morning." "Good slap-happy God, why?!?" is a much better response.

At this time of year, dawn is typically around 5:50 AM in Cleveland, Ohio, which is a normal time to wake up if you have to be at work by 8 and you have a normal routine that includes eating breakfast every morning.

A Day Without Coffee Is Like...

October 14, 1965

As someone who was tall, it was expected that I liked playing basketball and was good at it. I absolutely do not and am not. I made several kids upset at me during gym in school, but I'm not a sports guy. I enjoy dorkier pursuits.

What is this cabbage stuffed with? Dog poo and knives? I see that the cabbage is normally stuffed with beef and rice. I don't know. I'm not a fan of cabbage. Can we shove the beef and rice inside of iceberg lettuce?

Never heard anyone say this before. Is Chip phoning it in this week? That would explain why yesterday's strip was a repeat from 2019.

How Is This Even Possible?

January 31, 1978

Why is Veeblefester skoaling with coffee? To Brutus? What a Monday.

How about you fix it instead of just staring at it?

He can't put an artificial tree together but he can climb a house and hang lights?

There's That Hat Again

January 21, 1978

I don't like this coworker. Give me Arnie or douchey blond guy any day over generic middle-aged guy.

Where are you going? Taking Wilberforce and starting a new life without Gladys and Mother Gargle? It's about time.

You Just Leave That Creamer Out All Day?

August 23, 1977

I cannot play chess. I don't know how. And even if you tell me how to play as I'm playing it, I still wouldn't be any good at it. I never understand why people who are bad at chess always want to play. I don't play games unless I have reasonable assurance that I will win.

And that move was just putting his arm around her.

All right, calm down. I'm just talking about how I enjoy this time of year. No need to go on a "I'm rich, I hate spending money" rant. You're the reason we talk about eating the rich.

Chivalry Is Dead

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Now, onto comics.

August 16, 1977

Hit him with the coffeepot, Brutus!!

When did Brutus loan him the money? I personally wouldn't have but I never believe I'm going to get paid back and am too introverted to come out and ask for it back. If it's been more than a month, this guy's a jerk.

He doesn't even look trustworthy so this is probably all on Brutus.

If my wife and I rarely fought then I would maybe apologize even if she was the one who was wrong but Brutus and Gladys fight all the damn time so, no, Brutus shouldn't apologize. And he shouldn't wear that undershirt either.

Brutus Doing Yoga Will Last Two Days

I agree: To what end?

Every time I watch people do yoga, I'm just like "that looks stupid and would annoy me" which is mainly why I don't want to do yoga. If you like it, whatever. Enjoy it. I'm not you.

I'm not upset at the lack of watercooler in today's strip because I imagine that it is early in the morning and Brutus is talking to Veeblefester, not Arnie or that jerky-looking blond guy.

The Monday Blerghs

October 1, 1976

When you really think about it, giant billboards advertising things seems like a very dangerous distraction. When you think about it further, having a radio seems like a distraction as well. I guess the way it works is that you can either read something or listen to something but you can't do both at the same time. That causes accidents.

He just threw up in his mouth a little.

Brutus looks more hungover than tired. Can he even remember Sunday?

His Full Name? Is There More Than One Wilberforce In Class?

So what if Wilberforce drinks coffee? What are you going to do about it? You can't even read Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry without your years of experience at a job very few people can even fathom being called into question.

Didn't Even Bring His Family--That's a Vacation!

November 5, 1975

Brutus: Picky little prick about his coffee since 1975.

Just use what I wrote yesterday, just replace "decaf" with "sugar".

Good for Brutus for taking a vacation. I haven't had a vacation since 2018. Extra props for not answering the phone. Could just silence it though. The implication here is that Brutus just took a day off to go to a nearby beach. Cleveland has beaches. I looked them up. Again, good for him.

The other day, while waiting for my tacos, that god awful Alan Jackson/Jimmy Buffett song "It's Five O'Clock Somewhere" came over the jukebox. Jesus, it's terrible.

48 Big Boys

November 1, 1975

Want to see a 9-year-old smoke a cigar? Here's a 9-year-old smoking a cigar.

I always joke that Hattie has absent parents or just plain bad parents but since we actually see them in these old strips, they seem like respectable citizens. Respectable citizens who raised a young girl who smokes cigars and has a skunk for a pet.

Just drink your damn decaf and get coffee on the way to work if it's so important. You just sitting there crying in your mug isn't helping you drink 48 cup of decaf like you suggest.

Morning Blah

Of course it's asleep. Look at how you're sitting.

Five O'Clock World

August 28, 1973

Gladys is busy cooking for her family. Quit bothering her with your drunk antics, Brutus.

That's something that hasn't aged well over the years--jokes about drinking, alcoholism, and being drunk. I used to find them hilarious, now they just make me sad and overly sympathetic. Take that glass off your head and get some help.

Apparently, comics are in reruns over at GoComics because of the weird outage before Thanksgiving. That doesn't really explain it but whatever. I haven't commented on these comics before so they are new to us! I did comment on comics from these days. Here's Monday's and here's Tuesday's.

For me it's the bathroom. "I have to use the restroom, I'll be right back..."

"Wow! This week has flown by!"

🚮

August 2, 1975

This dog is huge for just a year old. Or maybe Hattie and Wilberforce are just really small. Either way, this dog is no skunk. I'm bothered by Wilberforce not knowing how birthdays work. I mean, of everything Wilberforce is ignorant about, birthdays shouldn't be one of them.

Going back to Hattie's pets, Hattie did ask for a skunk as a pet for Christmas back in 2017.

I wish I could throw this comic in the trash. I get so tired of pumpkin spice being used as a joke. It's been how many years since pumpkin spice became a thing? Stop it.

I Admire That Brutus Gets His Coffee at Home

January 21, 1975

Yeah, cuz Brutus is so desirable. The important question is 'is she happy?' Maybe I'm just a bleeding heart moron but I would like my exes to be happy with their life. You definitely don't need me in your life to be happy.

But it's so early in the morning. Another cup isn't going to kill you.

So how does Chip figure out when Gladys gets curlers and when she doesn't?

They Couldn't Get a Cart With a Roof?

July 1, 1974

It seems dangerous to have a hot pot of coffee on a burner sitting on top of a file cabinet. But this is before OSHA or whatever so it's probably fine.

I mean, I would assume Brutus isn't going to keep score today since he's playing against his Uncle Ted. I would assume, but you know Brutus will be keeping score in his head. Suck it, Uncle Ted! I won!! he'll scream in his head, hoping the words don't actually come out.