Sometimes Why?!

August 30, 1966

Is this part two from yesterday? If you are going to sleep at your desk either keep your door shut or have a bed built underneath the desk.

So "Thornapple" is a regular character now, right? Should I start tagging him? I don't think he's technically Brutus yet though. Not yet, but a close facsimile.

"A?" He wasn't sure about "A"?! And I could go on all day about how stupid Wilberforce is, but what teacher does this? Teachers don't "assign" crap over the summer because they aren't going to do the work and you will never see these kids again. Also, vowels? Wilberforce is in second or third grade. He should already know his vowels.

Wise Old Fool

August 29, 1966

This'll be me when we go back to school in August. I'm never fully awake until 9 AM or so. I keep telling employers this but they always insist I arrive at work up to three hours before 9 like we don't live in a 24-hour world all interconnected to each other.

How about you leave the room, Veeblefester? Brutus is on his break.

That's a weird thing to say to your child, and it's not a common saying if it's a saying at all. The only uses I can find for it are from the Bible. "If you want to wise, be faithful in God", "If you want to be wise, listen to your parents", "If you want to be wise, honor God in sexual purity(!)". It's like Brutus' parents looked at him and were like, "This kid seems dumb, we better try to keep him from becoming dumber!"

That'll Learn 'Im

August 27, 1966

Well, this batch of whatever is ruined. That also looks like it will be hard to clean. I expect more from someone who has two ovens.

Have you heard car horns lately? They're all wimpy these days. Brutus is waiting thirty seconds before honking his horn? No wonder people walk all over him. Five seconds. Ten seconds tops because thirty seconds at a stop light is a long time.

I was stuck at a light yesterday. East- and westbound traffic got a green light as did southbound, but northbound never did. I just turned right and went to the next block. No horn required.

What's for Dinner? *posts at 11 in the morning*

August 26, 1966

Your guess is as good as mine here. Is it funny because he's a named partner and has to clean the floors? Is part of the joke in the door that we can't make out? Whatever's going on, Thornapple is embarrassed!

CLINCH
ABISCH
SCHLEP
HENLAYER
&
THORNAPPLE

I guess...?

They've been eating this meatloaf since Sunday? How big was this loaf?

Look, I get having leftovers constantly can get boring, but I've never had a meatloaf I didn't like. Gladys probably just makes it wrong.

Wilberforce and Gladys Must Be Off On One of Their Adventures Again

August 25, 1966

I am on record that credit and credit scores are stupid and should be illegal. I guess I should go ahead and go on record that loans and interest rates are garbage as well. You shouldn't be paying more on interest than the amount you owe. And once you essentially pay off the equivalent of the principal, the interest goes away and you just continue to pay on the principal. Anyway, just another reason I will never elected to public office.

Congrats on Thornapple paying back his loan. I don't understand why loan people are such smarmy pieces of shit. You gave me $7000 and I paid you $8500 so how about you keep your attitude to yourself?

"Absolutely! I don't even know why I'm watching this crap," I say. "Let's get some snacks and really make this an afternoon! Maybe we still have some ice cream!"

Sunday Night Fight

April 5, 1987

As we watch the Thornapples drift further and further away from God, let's be reminded that were, at one point, a church-going family. Brutus even sang in the church choir, for some reason. I've always found church choirs strange. If a quarter to a third of the members are in the choir then who are they singing to?

Was Gladys and Wilberforce at church? Or does Brutus just go to choir practice? Look, Gladys, you are free to grab a hamburger or whatever with a friend if you want. You can have friends!

Oh, who knows why Gladys is mad. She just gets angry. It's a family trait.

There's a post about the tragic death of William Nottingham that published yesterday. Don't forget to support me or this website at the top of the page.

Uncle Ted Took Up This Hobby Just to Make This Joke

August 24, 1966

Thornapple is just spelling it how most people say it. We rarely say "information" and slur it together into "infermation". To be honest, I don't know if an 'O' could even fit on that sign.

Ok. Well, so far you are only making a stake. Invite me back over when that stick becomes something worth talking about.

Shouldn't he be whittling over a trash can or something. There's going to be wood pieces all over the chair and floor.

William Nottingham

William P. Nottingham was born in Palmyra, New York around 1833. He apparently never married or had children. He served during the Civil War serving in the 111th Regiment of the New York Infantry. He participated in the defense of Harper's Ferry and Washington, D.C. along with Gettysburg, the Siege (and Fall) of Petersburg, and Appomattox Courthouse among many other battles. After the war, Nottingham seemed to just wander the country mostly traveling between Kansas and Oklahoma Territory and living on a small military pension and inheritance allowance.

Nottingham took up residence in the old Curtis House at 216 West Curtis Street but was forced out due to the 1903 floods. He had been staying with J.F. Blake at 2009 Harrison but had returned to his room at the old Curtis house on July 31. Nottingham was found dead in his room later that night. Originally, it was believed death was caused by a combination of old age and alcoholism--Nottingham had sadly been a heavy drinker and taken the habit back up after the flood. Luckily, the coroner thought the death seemed suspicious and saved the stomach. A chemical analysis showed that Nottingham had more than enough morphine in his system to kill him. Focus now shifted on who had done the deed.

Frank Brown could've had a storied life and career. A lawyer, Brown even served as a deputy attorney for the city of Topeka. In 1898, Brown was arrested for passed forged checks and embezzling money. In Topeka alone, Brown passed more than two dozen fraudulent checks. Famed Topeka attorney A.H. "Hib" Case noted that "[Brown] is not insane. But when he is drinking, his mind is gone." Brown also lived in the old Curtis house which was run by his mother, Sarah. Newspaper articles from 1900 to 1913 had several instances of police going to the Curtis house because Brown was bootlegging, gambling, or just contributing to societal nuisance.

William Nottingham and Frank Brown spent July 31, 1903 together drinking and carousing around town. Around noon, Nottingham returned to his room where he ate lunch and retired to bed. Brown returned home shortly after but soon left to go back downtown. Nottingham was found dead around 5 p.m. Brown, meanwhile, appeared over the next day in different saloons and gambling houses with more money than he had ever been seen with. It is known that Nottingham had $200 on him and a search of his room yielded no money. It was theorized that Brown gave Nottingham the morphine while they were riding together in a carriage before Nottingham went home. Brown then disappeared and wasn't heard from in at least two weeks.

Nottingham was buried in the G.A.R. section of Topeka Cemetery.

There is no evidence that Brown was ever arrested or convicted of Nottingham's death. Brown did return to Topeka and, as noted above, continued being a nuisance to the people of Topeka. He continued to pass forged checks occasionally, bootlegged, gambled, and even posted advertisements violating a city ordinance. Even as late as 1921, Brown was arrested for manufacturing 5 barrels of moonshine which his then 84-year-old mother had to bail him out for. Sarah Brown was aunt to Vice President Charles Curtis and lived at 216 Curtis, one of the first houses built along the Kansas River, from 1875 until her death in 1931. She is buried in the Curtis Family Cemetery in North Topeka. Her obituary mentions Frank as living in Washington, D.C.

Worst Independence Day Ever

It's a sad day in the history of your country when fucking Hi & Lois shows more fight and backbone than a majority of the people actually elected to fight and show backbone. This is a legacy strip, it's only goal is to stay the course, not ruffle feathers, and give readers a light chuckle (not a guarantee). Not upset the populace by suggesting that we might have to fight a tyrannical ruler again.

And look at their faces, with the exception of Trixie, the Flagstons absolutely know that fascism is here, several of their neighbors are Nazis and nothing set up to keep this from happening is going to work. Dot's thrilled to start fighting though.

August 23, 1966

Just to the front door? I would think you could make it to the mailbox or the street (whichever is further). Maybe the bathroom is further away. I could definitely make it to the street with toothpaste at my house.

It's amazing how the Fourth of July turns people into inconsiderate scofflaws. "Hey, my dog gets anxious with fireworks, can you go easy this year?" I'll make sure to point the loud ones at your house. "The neighbor down the street is a veteran with PTSD." Then he should understand that he fought for my right to shoot off loud noise makers. "Why are people shooting off fireworks? It's June 29th." It's our right and perfectly legal. All within the law (law says no fireworks until July 3 and 4). "Our city is thinking about banning fireworks." I'll still shoot them off. It's my right.

You're all jerks!

You Know You Can Buy Sandwich-Making Stuff That Isn't Peanut Butter and Jelly, Right?

August 22, 1966

Oh, but daddy!! I love him!! At least he's dressed normal and his pants don't seem as high-waisted as father's trousers seem.

Does Brutus not have any other things to make a sandwich with? Are there never any leftovers--which I guess wouldn't matter if Gladys has been gone all week. How come he isn't going to the diner? Is it closed again after yet another failure of health codes?

Gladys can just visit Mother Gargle? Then why does Mother Gargle visit here so often?

Stay Hydrated💦

August 20, 1966

I think Thornapple has enough self-confidence since he's currently hiding out angrily under his desk to get away from you.

Where'd he put his chair?

We're getting a lot of watercooler love the last few days. I feel it's some sort of colossal joke at me, but I know I'm far to unimportant to warrant that kind of attention.

And of course Brutus is going to spend a lot of time at the watercooler. It is his memorial watercooler after all.

Next Window Please

August 19, 1966

Do you pull that out from under the table every time someone comes over? Seems like an inconvenience to do that all the time. I would just have everyone gather around the dining room table. "Brutus made it with the $700 power tools I bought him for his birthday!" "Wow! Brutus made the entire table?!" "No, the little block under this leg that keeps it from being wobbly."

$700 sounds like a lot for 1966.

Well, why didn't you read the signs? This would never happen where I live because driver's licenses are handled by the state while license plates are handled by the county so they wouldn't even be in the same building.