Click

October 19, 1966

Nobody said there'd be juice.

Unlimited juice? This party is going to be off the hook!

Notice no one else is affected so he's either drinking a lot or he just can't hold his liquor. Either reason seems plausible.

"Old Brutus isn't very tech-savvy, is he?" "What makes you say that?" He still uses mostly coaxial cables. I didn't even know you could still do that.

As much as I hate to admit it, Brutus is roughly around my age. The Thornapples are Millennials. There's no reason Brutus needs to call the remote a "clicker" because he would never have a remote that clicks. I consider myself an old soul and know of and about a lot of old-timey things, and I've never called the remote a "clicker".

More Like Crap-titude

The world was happy yesterday with the prospect of President Donald Trump possibly being dead. He hadn't been seen since Tuesday or Wednesday and had nothing on his schedule for this Labor Day weekend. He then apparently went golfing with his grandchildren, returned to rant and rave and conduct policy over social media, and woke up to go golfing again this morning.

If these are actually pictures of him from the last couple of days, he looks terrible. "Quit making jokes. Trump is alive and well!" Is he though? Sure he might be alive--the jury is kind of still out on that--but is he well? If not, that's fine, we the people just need to know. We spent four years speculating on Joe Biden's health so why not spend another four years speculating on Donald Trump's health? It's only fair.

Anyway, someday Donald Trump will die and the majority of people will be happy about it. And he has to sit with that. Sure, he may not care. He may get angry and decide to make policy based off his hatred of people wanting him to be dead. "Wishing someone dead should be as illegal as actually making someone dead!" I feel we should continue to act like President Trump is dead and as a first act of remembrance, the Epstein files should be released. Burn in Hell, you old bastard!

May 31, 1987

Is this a Christmas play (the strip came out in May after all) or is it a generic Sunday School-like play? It's nice to see Marcie and Lucy from Peanuts making a cameo in this Born Loser.

What was the rest of Hattie's line? Sure, she comes out saying "I bring you good tidings" but what's her next line? She actually has to give the tidings.

I can't get over the "I printed out this email from Wilberforce's school..." He printed out an email. He didn't just bring the laptop over or point it out on his phone. He printed out the email. Is he going to put that in Wilberforce's scrapbook with all his other achievements? I'm just kidding, of course. Wilberforce has no other achievements?

I will be the first to admit we need to do something about our educational system. It fails kids routinely and just pushes kids down the line whether or not they are ready. If Wilberforce isn't ready for third grade, then why is he in third grade? Because our system is set up to just pass him along. And no wonder he's not ready, he comes from a man who prints off emails.

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The Whole Week!!?

October 8, 1966

I guess pants are part of the suit... What kind of bet was this? On the bus?! Is Brutus allowed back on the bus? Is the other guy?

Is that a boot scraper attached to the step?

Why are you teaching about Mount Rushmore? First of all, colonizer bullshit. Second, saying there are four presidents on it will be moot in about two years when Trump has his ugly mug sandblasted into it, long thick red tie and all.

I Hate Wilberforce's Shirt, Too

September 22, 1966

If you are this scared of walking down alleys then maybe you shouldn't be walking down alleys. I also find it odd that there's a Plum Street in an area where you have dangerous alleys, but I'm sure there's one somewhere.

You just have loose M&Ms in your pocket? Ugh, children are disgusting. Why do we keep having them?

What are they sitting on? Some kind of wooden dock?

Hanging Off the Back of the Chair Probably Isn't Helping You Stay Cool

April 26, 1987

Bo Derek does not consent! I've never had a dream (or nightmare) that made me not want to go to sleep. They may be scary or unsettling or just plain cruel, but I enjoy sleep too much. Just like in real life, you are not entitled to dream women.

Why is it so hot in the house? I don't care if it feels like a 115 outside, it should be vastly cooler indoors even with just the shade and lack of air flow. I thought Gladys was not going to give a shit this year.

Hottest day of the year...so far. We still got August to get through.

🠄 What started as just wanting to know more about this elephant debacle turned into researching the elephant. While I never found out what happened with Myrtle and Singh after their stop in Topeka, I think it's interesting nonetheless.

If you would like to support me or this website, you can check out the support page at the top. You can also contact your Congresspeople and urge them to do something about releasing the Epstein files (because Trump clearly doesn't want that information out) and ending starvation in Gaza.

I'd Rather Play at the Park But Sure Let's Learn Some Words

September 15, 1966

I'm terrible at plumbing stuff but I've never had this happen. How would this happen? You know what? I don't need to know. What happens between a man and his plunger is none of my business.

Curiosity is when you don't know if President Trump's name is in the Epstein files but you want them released just so you know who we should go after, if not criminally, civilly. Ignorance is when you don't know if President Trump's name is in the Epstein files so you go to great lengths to cover the files up including offering immunity to the woman who trafficked the victims, point fingers at other people, and just say that the files don't exist. Wait. That's not ignorance. That's called "conspiracy". If Trump isn't in those files, he's certainly behaving like he is.

I hear kids do this all the time. They learn a new word and immediately want to tell their friends about it, and their friends are excited that not only did their friend learn something, their friend now gets to teach them.

Ms. Yuck

September 8, 1966

I love these rain showers. Oh, cool. You're going to rain just enough to get me wet, get my car dirty, and make it feel like we're in an oven afterwards. Cool. Cool cool cool.

Has Hurricane Hattie tasted an oyster? Usually kids just hate something because it looks gross and looks like it would taste gross. I'm impressed Hattie has at least tried oysters. Maybe you should tell Hattie and Wilberforce to start looking for pearls.

Wilberforce and Gladys Must Be Off On One of Their Adventures Again

August 25, 1966

I am on record that credit and credit scores are stupid and should be illegal. I guess I should go ahead and go on record that loans and interest rates are garbage as well. You shouldn't be paying more on interest than the amount you owe. And once you essentially pay off the equivalent of the principal, the interest goes away and you just continue to pay on the principal. Anyway, just another reason I will never elected to public office.

Congrats on Thornapple paying back his loan. I don't understand why loan people are such smarmy pieces of shit. You gave me $7000 and I paid you $8500 so how about you keep your attitude to yourself?

"Absolutely! I don't even know why I'm watching this crap," I say. "Let's get some snacks and really make this an afternoon! Maybe we still have some ice cream!"

Thirsty for Something Sweet

August 11, 1966

I think we should start doing this to anti-vaxxers. "I don't want to get no jab!" Oh, because the needle scares you? "No, because it's a gubmint conspiracy to give us autism and control us!" I just look away, it's a little prick, and you move on with your life. "But then you get the 'tism and never contribute to society!" Not true, but that's better than getting sick with a completely curable disease🤷.

That looks like a really long needle and the doctor does look kind of psychotic.

Ha! Kids! For some reason they don't want a glass of slightly colder than room temperature water with no ice. Go figure.

Maybe Brutus has some juice or something. There's a bag of sugar on top of the fridge.

I Will Judge This Book By Its Cover, It's Beautiful

July 20, 1966

He clearly got some sort of space disease. He should be lucky his body didn't freeze, depressurize, and his heart explode from being in space and that suit clearly not being safe. I do hope this is more of a disease situation and not a chest-burster situation, because then both these men are dead.

Is Hurricane Hattie going to read the classic Caldecott Medal-winning children's tale about the passage the time and slight commentary on urban sprawl called "The Little House" by Virginia Lee Burton? That book may not be very long (about 40 pages) but you could write a dissertation on the themes and nuances in the illustrations.

Another Dollar Lost

Before we get started on today's Born Loser strips, just pointing out that summer is among us so I am out of work for the next couple of months. If you enjoy what pops up here, you can click on the Support link at the top of the page and support me or the website.

If you didn't see, there's a new post about my arch-nemesis, Capt. Kid. He says he knows famous actress Not Rita Hayworth because he's a liar and needs to seek therapy.

February 15, 1987

If this happened today, Brutus would've been beaten by the other restaurant patrons and arrested. Ha ha. We're living in a terrible timeline.

And Brutus, you're fine. No need to be embarrassed or worried. No need to make a federal case out of going into the wrong bathroom. It's 1987, not 2025.

"He says whatever I tell him to say." "I was with Hurricane Hattie at whatever time you say the crime happened. You can't pin this on her, pigs!"

You taught Kewpie to talk? You were only gone 15 minutes.

My Afternoon With Hattie

June 21, 1966

Honestly, I feel you could just connect these panels and call it good.

See? That looks fine.

I've never been a fan of dog whistle jokes. I don't think they are/were as prevalent as movies, TV, and old cartoons lead us to believe.

Yes. My answer would have to be yes.

I don't know. I think Hurricane Hattie would be a fun daughter to have. I've always wanted a daughter so I'm going to grab any opportunity to be a loving father figure to Hurricane-esque girls.

Mathing

June 15, 1966

Did Thornapple not see that gigantic sign hanging up next the entrance? Maybe he always walks around with his eyes closed so he doesn't see advertisements. I also find it odd they don't have signs inside the store.

I don't know if anyone else in education has this issue, but it's kind of difficult to explain to students that when you add or multiply you can transpose the numbers (34+63=97, 63+34=97, 9x8=72, 8x9=72) but you can't do that with subtraction or division (12-4=8, 4-12=-8, 49÷7=7, 7÷49=0.14...) so Hattie is already ahead of those kids.

Phone Bemoan

from Heathcliffcomix Instagram

The boys all just came from running over Garfield. What's Scratchy doing here? He's not a comic strip character.

January 11, 1987

I guess building a snowman is a young man's game? I don't know. I've never built or helped build a snowman in my life.

Why is Brutus sitting on the giant snowball?

He should memorize a number or two. Businesses still tend to have landlines. You can also ask someone to borrow their phone. "Can I borrow your phone?" "Yeah, sure." "Damn it!" "What's wrong?" "None of my numbers are in your contacts!"

Brutus needs to be honest with himself that even with phone numbers memorized, Wilberforce would be useless in an emergency.

In case you missed it, I believe I have found myself a new nemesis in The Brain. Although I don't think I'll go to this well as much as I do with Capt. Kid. If you would like to support me or this website, you can throw some money at my Support page.

Nyah x 6

May 7, 1966

Case history? Thornapple has a file? And apparently he's some sort of sexual deviant.

I don't care if you are a literal child in grade school, six "Nyah"s seems excessive and makes your argument weaker. Although why Brutus chose to argue with a nine-year-old girl is beyond me. Especially a nine-year-old like Hurricane Hattie.

Spirit Animal Saturday

March 24, 1966

I'd like to try this out and see what happens. Although I never see this many people in a bank anymore.

Eh, I'd go for more like a koala. Koalas also sleep a lot--up to 20 hours a day--but, like Brutus, are loyal, caring, sensitive, respectful, tolerant, and riddled with chlamydia.

Slab Crab

February 14, 2025

Sorry I was gone all week. I caused you to miss this lovely comic featuring Brutus and Gladys' last Valentine's as a married couple.

October 5, 1986

Who is this frog? Prince Andrew? How about you find a woman over the age of consent, and not, you know, a 9-year-old?

And this isn't going to be a One Froggy Evening situation. If that frog prince doesn't sing, Hattie will just play frog baseball with him or just throw him against a wall.

I mean, if Todd Sweeney has the best meat then paying his exorbitant prices is fine. I'm willing to pay a little more for fresh cut slabs of the best beef this side of the Ohio River from Todd Sweeney, the demon butcher of Fleet Street.

I posted a link on social media yesterday, but for those who may have missed it, Timmy and the Robot posted yesterday. If you would like to support me or this website, you can buy me a cup of coffee over on Ko-fi.

Is Hattie Brutus' Best Friend?

February 23, 1966

Viva la Revolution!!

Living in a country where firing squads might become the norm, I hope there are some out there able to convince the soldiers to direct their rifles over to the commander. I'm surprised he was allowed to talk enough to sway opinion.

Aren't roosters and crocodiles essentially the same thing? Modern day dinosaurs? My amalgam of crocodile and rooster--croosterdile--makes a bit more sense. But I give this riddle a solid 4.7 out of 5. It's way better than Gladys' pathetic attempt.

Unlimited Brutus

February 5, 1966

Don't listen to Art Professor Maynard G. Krebs here. People of all ages lovingly utilize paint-by-number books while beatnik after beatnik have disappeared.

I mean, he's creating a paint by numbers and not doing one, right? I guess the strip and comment works either way.

I feel the same way. Can I have a discount on my bill because I never actually use the phone part? No one wants to talk to me unlimitedly either, and frankly, I don't blame them.

Saturday Quickies

January 24, 1966

He's a witch! BURN HIM!!

Let us hope that he never uses that finger on a person.

Why is an eight-year-old girl buying presents for a grown-ass man anyway?