The Best Defense Is a Good Offense...

June 7, 1987

Careful, Brutus. Don't upset Veeblefester. He'll take it out on all of us and ultimately declare war on Chicago.

Veeblefester came over to play chess? Is this a play date? That's cute.

Am I going to have to get into sports to continue reading this comic? I swear to God...

There's only a finite number of positions on the team. The odds of having the same position as your father is 1/11. What does Wilberforce do when his team is playing defense?

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Click

October 19, 1966

Nobody said there'd be juice.

Unlimited juice? This party is going to be off the hook!

Notice no one else is affected so he's either drinking a lot or he just can't hold his liquor. Either reason seems plausible.

"Old Brutus isn't very tech-savvy, is he?" "What makes you say that?" He still uses mostly coaxial cables. I didn't even know you could still do that.

As much as I hate to admit it, Brutus is roughly around my age. The Thornapples are Millennials. There's no reason Brutus needs to call the remote a "clicker" because he would never have a remote that clicks. I consider myself an old soul and know of and about a lot of old-timey things, and I've never called the remote a "clicker".

Can I Get Peanuts and Crackerjack At a Football Game?

October 18, 1966

This insurance agent looks like he might die soon. But he probably has insurance.

Brutus dies within the next week. It's clearly murder. "I wonder who did it," the police ask. "Brutus was loudly threatened with death by an insurance salesman last week." "Hmm. I guess this case will remain...unsolved."

Someone could probably rewrite "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" to fit football. We should also play "Baby Elephant Walk" at football games more. Creating or rewriting songs to be about football is probably cheaper than paying for the rights to actual songs.

Scrolling Through Old Sports Comics

October 17, 1966

Did...Did this guy just accidentally blow his brains out? I mean, I guess he's still standing there and maybe he looks burned(?), but that's clearly a gun and NOT a cigarette lighter. I'm glad Veeblefester finds it so funny. What does he care, it's another head for his wall. Not that there's a lot of head probably left under that bad scan.

The elephant foot trashcan? (ottoman?) makes me physically ill.

Hmm. Now I know where Gladys and Wilberforce get it...

"This is the middle of the third quarter." Ok. That doesn't answer my question at all.

Hey, wait a minute...  2014       2025  Wilberforce already knew hockey had three quarters and two halftimes.

Lovin' a New Oven

October 15, 1966

Why is she being ruled ineligible? Is it because she's a girl? I think you could fight that. I know Title IX isn't going to be a thing for six more years, but I think Mary Josephine has a case.

Does she have two names to underscore the facts she's a girl to the readers. "Mary" wasn't quite enough?

You painted the kitchen earlier this year. You were going to get new countertops just last month. Now a new oven? What's going on with the Thornapple kitchen?

Worry Wart

October 14, 1966

Based on the expression on his face, Wilberforce isn't exactly sure why he painted your chair either. You know when you get an impulse and you just do something? That's what happened to Wilberforce.

"Orange crate" seems oddly specific.

I feel that if I had more money, I'd have fewer worries. Maybe that's just me.

And I feel it's your partner's main job to not make life harder for you, so thank you for the compliment.

The Last Labor Day

October 13, 1966

The song they're singing sounds familiar but I've already spent way too much time trying to look it up. And look, if she's that eager to sing love songs with who I'm assuming is a stranger then she probably wasn't ever yours to begin with.

That horse is not amused.

Didn't we elect Trump to specifically bring down costs? Instead all Trump did was suck and not die.

Maybe Gladys should get a job. Even something part-time. And then next year when child labor laws are abolished, Wilberforce can get a job.

More Like Crap-titude

The world was happy yesterday with the prospect of President Donald Trump possibly being dead. He hadn't been seen since Tuesday or Wednesday and had nothing on his schedule for this Labor Day weekend. He then apparently went golfing with his grandchildren, returned to rant and rave and conduct policy over social media, and woke up to go golfing again this morning.

If these are actually pictures of him from the last couple of days, he looks terrible. "Quit making jokes. Trump is alive and well!" Is he though? Sure he might be alive--the jury is kind of still out on that--but is he well? If not, that's fine, we the people just need to know. We spent four years speculating on Joe Biden's health so why not spend another four years speculating on Donald Trump's health? It's only fair.

Anyway, someday Donald Trump will die and the majority of people will be happy about it. And he has to sit with that. Sure, he may not care. He may get angry and decide to make policy based off his hatred of people wanting him to be dead. "Wishing someone dead should be as illegal as actually making someone dead!" I feel we should continue to act like President Trump is dead and as a first act of remembrance, the Epstein files should be released. Burn in Hell, you old bastard!

May 31, 1987

Is this a Christmas play (the strip came out in May after all) or is it a generic Sunday School-like play? It's nice to see Marcie and Lucy from Peanuts making a cameo in this Born Loser.

What was the rest of Hattie's line? Sure, she comes out saying "I bring you good tidings" but what's her next line? She actually has to give the tidings.

I can't get over the "I printed out this email from Wilberforce's school..." He printed out an email. He didn't just bring the laptop over or point it out on his phone. He printed out the email. Is he going to put that in Wilberforce's scrapbook with all his other achievements? I'm just kidding, of course. Wilberforce has no other achievements?

I will be the first to admit we need to do something about our educational system. It fails kids routinely and just pushes kids down the line whether or not they are ready. If Wilberforce isn't ready for third grade, then why is he in third grade? Because our system is set up to just pass him along. And no wonder he's not ready, he comes from a man who prints off emails.

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Just a Little Burnt...

October 12, 1966

I don't know. Your overreaction to "kids being kids" makes me think Wilberforce here will be doing this again. Maybe even when you are wrapped in a towel about to get in the shower.

They were fine a second ago...

Um, what's holding up that apron? It must be Brutus' ample bosom because I don't see shoulder straps.

The Friday Special

October 11, 1966

I love the performance from this waiter. I love his overacting. I love him saying "Now I can afford to have the operation" which is always a great addition when talking about someone being cheap. I love the violin comment. And I love that he's saying this loud enough for everyone in the restaurant to hear and that they clearly love the performance as well. Bravo! Bravo.

"Golly-Neds" as used here is an old-timey colloquial used mainly in West Virginia, which is probably how Art heard it since Ohio is just a stone's throw from West Virginia.

Anyone who has read a BuzzFeed listicle knows restaurant/diner specials are what's leftover, what's about to expire, or what the place ordered cheap so Brutus should already know this. I find it hard to believe Brutus has never read a BuzzFeed listicle.

The Whole Week!!?

October 8, 1966

I guess pants are part of the suit... What kind of bet was this? On the bus?! Is Brutus allowed back on the bus? Is the other guy?

Is that a boot scraper attached to the step?

Why are you teaching about Mount Rushmore? First of all, colonizer bullshit. Second, saying there are four presidents on it will be moot in about two years when Trump has his ugly mug sandblasted into it, long thick red tie and all.

Blond Coworker Doesn't Know Anything About Anything

October 7, 1966

Farted during a presentation? I know people farted back in the 1960s. I think there's a chapter on President Lyndon Johnson farting in the White House in one of his biographies. Were fart jokes and embarrassment from farting a thing back then? Society's reaction to farting has changed so much over the existence of humans.

I like how he leaves his cane, briefcase, and hat on the floor as he crawls under the bed. However, that means he's still in his suit which is probably pretty uncomfortable under there.

The stock market isn't real and the numbers are made up. You might as well keep your money in a mattress. This country is a sinking ship and we should all get off while we can.

Have labubus become popular enough to warrant a mention in a legacy comic strip? I just recently heard about them and have seen exactly one (1) in the wild.

Oversleep

October 6, 1966

Tulip seems like fun.

If we didn't have that little nose wiggle line in the first panel, Brutus would look dead. Kind of like I commented on before.

Monday Quickies

October 5, 1966

Maybe she didn't notice. And even if she did, who cares? How often does she pass by this bus stop? She doesn't have a face anyway.

But this job is terrible, you don't really like it, and I'm pretty sure no one likes you.

Golf-bledy Gook

May 24, 1987

So. Much. Crime. Too much crime. Was Cleveland, Ohio just a cesspool of crime between the 1960s and 1980s? According to Art Sansom's The Born Loser, yes it was.

Why is Brutus even in this rough neighborhood? Does he usually have to transfer buses on this street when heading to or from work? Also, bus stops in rough neighborhoods tend to be well-used and fairly populated.

A lot of times the first couple panels of a comic strip don't appear in the newspaper. Which is why these throwaway panels tend to either contain exposition not needed for the rest of the strip or its own separate joke. Today's is some exposition that doesn't make sense. "I cannot wait to get out on the golf course again!" Who's been stopping you? You can leave right now and go golfing. Is your golf pro keeping you from the course? Just leave now.

From 2018.

In case you missed it, on Saturday I posted about one of my favorite movies as a kid, Rock-A-Doodle. It's a retelling of Chanticleer but if he became Elvis Presley. Spoiler alert: People probably died in the floods.

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Eat Farts, Gladys

October 4, 1966

What are some things we were shown in movies and TV shows that we all thought would be more common than they turned out to be? Quicksand, piranhas. I would also argue being cooked alive by hostile uncontacted tribes. I was led to believe I'd be walking through the woods and coming upon more savage indigenous peoples than I've actually run into (zero).

Wait. Kids are supposed to accomplish something when off from school over the summer? I thought they were just supposed to have fun and be kids. This is your reminder for next summer, kids. Make a plan to accomplish something. Maybe start a garden or rebuild a classic car. The world could use more sonatas or maybe great novels, TV shows, or movies. It's not life unless you're working 24/7/365.

Diner Whiner

October 3, 1966

What the hell kind of bird is that? He says they got it at Easter so a chicken? Kind of scrawny and reminds me, for some reason, of the dodo bird in Porky in Wackyland.

The last of the dodos.

Look at Gladys sitting there with her tea. "Them's my boys," she proudly thinks.

Does Brutus think du jour is some kind of flavor and not "of the day"? Was "tomato" not written with the soup du jour? I have a lot of questions for this comic. But I always have questions when Brutus is shown eating at this diner.

"TGIF. Right, Brutus?" "That's right, Uncle Ted! Oh, shit! I forgot to go to work today!"

Now we're eating seafood at the diner? What is it with this place? Is it cheap? Does it have a good atmosphere? Is it literally the only place to eat in this city besides the fancy restaurant and the fast food place?

Map Apps?

October 1, 1966

One of the things we're losing in this world are these old sayings. I looked this one up and it's in Beverly Cleary books, fight songs, old-time short stories and I had never heard of it before. I like it. It really punches and leaves a mark. Look at Gladys. She's devastated!!

Now, did Brutus misspell Overton for Overland or maybe even Place for Terrace? Or did he completely botch the spelling, which is weird because the map app still tries to find it. I typed in OVERTIN and it found my local Overton Street. But I type in OBETTIM, like maybe Brutus would on the phone keyboard, and it found nothing.

Did Brutus get lost and then not even attempt to find where he was supposed to go and just skipped the appointment? That's some bad workmanship, right there. And so blatant. Kind of commendable. I respect that.

I will be offline tomorrow as I participate in the Global Strike for Gaza. People are encouraged to not go anywhere or buy anything on August 21st as a protest against the Palestinian genocide being committed by Israel. Palestinians do not deserve what is happening to them and they deserve action and food and water. Not prayers. FREE PALESTINE🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸

That Poor Remote

"Listen Thornapple, if you HAVE to whistle-up your courage, try something a little breezier than the 'Dead March', huh?"
"I'M not whistling--Wasn't YOU whistling?"

(September 30, 1966)

The "Dead March" referred to here is the one from Handel. I am not familiar with it, but maybe others are. Most of us probably more familiar with Chopin's "Funeral March" and possibly Beethoven's funeral marches and Mendelsohn's. Typically, the music I hear when walking through the cemetery at night is either something from The Bloodhound Gang or the Felix the Cat theme song.

"Whistle-up your courage"? Ok.

You are going berserk. Who are you talking to? The readers are not in the room with you.

Vacation Had to Get Away

September 29, 1966

I want to know how you didn't know someone was in the bathroom. And why are you using such shiny paint? Maybe it's varnish or something for a hardwood floor.

So Brutus, and I'm assuming the rest of the family, went on vacation and we didn't get to see it. Sure, we get a repeat of the damn Keane family and their idiotic vacation to New York City every ten years or so, but God forbid we see the Thornapples taking in the sights of beautiful Muncie, Indiana.