The Best Defense Is a Good Offense...

June 7, 1987

Careful, Brutus. Don't upset Veeblefester. He'll take it out on all of us and ultimately declare war on Chicago.

Veeblefester came over to play chess? Is this a play date? That's cute.

Am I going to have to get into sports to continue reading this comic? I swear to God...

There's only a finite number of positions on the team. The odds of having the same position as your father is 1/11. What does Wilberforce do when his team is playing defense?

Read about Capt. Kid becoming a drum major and getting his ass handed to him. If you would like to support me or this website, head to the link at the top of the page.

Scrolling Through Old Sports Comics

October 17, 1966

Did...Did this guy just accidentally blow his brains out? I mean, I guess he's still standing there and maybe he looks burned(?), but that's clearly a gun and NOT a cigarette lighter. I'm glad Veeblefester finds it so funny. What does he care, it's another head for his wall. Not that there's a lot of head probably left under that bad scan.

The elephant foot trashcan? (ottoman?) makes me physically ill.

Hmm. Now I know where Gladys and Wilberforce get it...

"This is the middle of the third quarter." Ok. That doesn't answer my question at all.

Hey, wait a minute...  2014       2025  Wilberforce already knew hockey had three quarters and two halftimes.

Worry Wart

October 14, 1966

Based on the expression on his face, Wilberforce isn't exactly sure why he painted your chair either. You know when you get an impulse and you just do something? That's what happened to Wilberforce.

"Orange crate" seems oddly specific.

I feel that if I had more money, I'd have fewer worries. Maybe that's just me.

And I feel it's your partner's main job to not make life harder for you, so thank you for the compliment.

Can We Go Back To Talking About Malts?

May 17, 1987

I don't know. Is it? I think no, it's just frowned on. It's so weird how many comics hang their entire punchline on readers knowing the rules of golf.

It's nice to see a woman playing golf, though. Unless her being a woman is supposed to be part of the punchline. It's so hard to tell sometimes.

Ok. What would you like to do? You want to go out to a nice dinner? See a movie? Paint the town red as it were? Then you gotta make plans. Doesn't mean we'll be going out because maybe Brutus will get a gallbladder attack like I did yesterday. Hard to enjoy a Saturday when you can barely move and are spasming all the time.

Yes, please stop Mother Gargle from talking about all the dates she used to go on in high school. I have nothing against stories like that, but I do have something against How I Met Your Grandfather-esque stories that last about two seasons too many, has no character growth, and an unsatisfactory ending.

Take a look at Saturday's post on the Towhead Creek Bridge. If you would like to support me or this website, you can leave a tip on the Support page.

Resting Scowl Face

September 18, 1966

I don't think bulldogs actually know or understand the purpose of Yale's fight song, but whatever you think will help, I guess. You couldn't just beat the dog with your umbrella or go into one of those doors?

Eli Yale, or Elihu Yale, was the primary benefactor for Yale University, for those that don't know. I even had to look up what the hell is Bulldog thing was about.

Brutus knows you aren't supposed to tell women to smile anymore, right? Now Mother Gargle has even more of a reason to be a complete menace to him. He's tired of scowling now, just wait, it'll get even worse now. Brutus will wish he were dead.

You'll Never Catch Mother Gargle Pop Some Tags

August 10, 1966

I hope this guy is sitting in the old buzzard's office. He originally just used the office to fart in and then one day, just never left. Except to get that picture of the boss off the big printer.

Does Mother Gargle hate everything? Isn't that tiring? She clearly doesn't like thrifting unless it leads to an insult of her son-in-law.

Tuesday Quickies

June 27, 1966

Oof. This is not a good look for you, Quincy. Or anyone. Just cuz she's not hanging on you and is just sitting there doing a cat's cradle...? doesn't mean she's losing interest in you. Can't we just be in the same room and enjoy the silence together?

You're greeting me at the door and immediately throwing this at me? At least let me get my pants off, Gladys.

17-Down

May 9, 1966

Brutus now wears that same tie. The more things change...like specialty suit stores with salesmen that will do anything for the sale...the more things stay the same.

I don't think Brutus is a jerk. He's other things, but jerk isn't one of them.

It's not quite the same green chair. Are they at Mother Gargle's house?

Bald Knob

April 14, 1966

These type of jokes are always good for a chuckle, but I always question if the phone call is worth getting out of the shower. It never is. Besides, if it was actually important, they will call back. They will call back repeatedly.

Why does Brutus set himself up like this? He's just asking for some kind of retort or insult or comment. He leaves himself open like that and he's just going to lose.

I would prefer some kind of *snort* or other stifled laugh sound, not a tee-hee like some four-year-old girl. Mother Gargle hasn't tee-hee'd in 75 years.

If you would like to support me or this website, you can utilize the new Support page at the top. Thank you for your support and readership!

Bloodhound Gang

October 19, 1986

I'm assuming there is cash in the safe if Mother Gargle needs cash for...something...I guess if the furnace goes out or Wilberforce is kidnapped.

Mother Gargle steals from her daughter and son-in-law. What a good person.

Holy shit, enough about Rusty and Blue.

A "chow hound" is a cross between chow-chows and basset hounds. Kewpie is not that either.

Check out Saturday's post on local confectioner Charles Junod. If you would like to support me or the website, you can buy me a cup of coffee over on Ko-fi.

Breathless Sunday

via Tomb of Null

It's great to see all the laws and news about trans people lately. Did I say great, because I meant horrifying. I've been around for 40 years and I don't think I've ever seen a group of people so hated by the government and a small minority group of people. I mean, other groups have come close, but the transgender community are the first that are being legislated out of existence.

Since January, there has been 21 anti-trans bills introduced in Congress including bathroom bills, keeping men out of women sports bills, and protecting minors from transitioning bills. Even states are getting in on the act. There have been over 550 bills coming out of the states. Even my state of Kansas is doing the protecting minors from transitioning and teachers better not use your preferred pronoun or name without parental consent garbage. We've seen these before, minors are not undergoing major transitioning, it's normally just puberty blockers and hormone therapy. No minors are getting top or bottom surgery. As for the name/pronoun thing, teachers would need parental consent to use the student's preferred name or even a nickname. So, Mr. and Mrs. Gatsby would need to give permission for the school to use their child's (Mark William) nickname of Willie.

The biggest thing that has been happening over the last couple of days is transgender inmates in federal prisons are to be moved to prisons according to their biological gender. For years, transgender prisoners have been held in prisons corresponding to their current gender. It has been that way because of the number of assaults and rapes of transgender inmates. Many people against the move claim it's basically "death by rape". Trans inmates will either be killed or kill themselves to make it stop. It's interesting to note that this comes from an executive order. Executive orders are not laws, they are guidelines to follow. The Bureau of Prisons doesn't need to follow the order but are choosing to. Both the BOP and President Trump are just being needlessly cruel, which has been the point for much Republican legislation for years.

Call me crazy, but I don't feel we should be bothering people that aren't bothering us. If you can explain how someone being transgender affects and hurts you I am very willing to listen, but all the arguments I've heard aren't real arguments. Transgender people don't molest children (at least at the rate seemingly religious people do) and transgender people aren't taking over women's sports.

I've contacted by Congresspeople (all 3 Republican) and thanked my state legislators (I'm lucky to have Democrats represent me in my statehouse) to let them know my thoughts on any and all anti-trans legislation. We all need to contact our representatives and let them know how we feel. I've had students that were trans, I have family members that are trans, I've had coworkers who are trans. I worry about them and want them to be safe and I don't understand why people who consider themselves good people would want to hurt other people. Trans people deserve to be safe.

Please follow trans journalists who do a much better job of reporting on trans and other LGBTQ+ issues than the mainstream media does. Some of my favorites are Erin Reed, Imara Jones, Frankie de la Cretaz (who mainly focuses on sports), and Samantha Riedel.

October 12, 1986

Wilberforce just announced to everyone that he is home alone. All you criminals know what to do!

Does this guy think Ms. Kewpie is a maid or housekeeper? If you are Brutus' financial advisor, then you should know Brutus can't afford anyone like that.

"Keep holding it. Hold it...Hold it..." Mother Gargle passes out, falls out of the chair, hitting her head on the table before hitting the floor. Brutus looks down at her unconscious body. "Keep holding it..."

It is eight o'clock in the morning. What could you possibly have to complain about so early? It's not as bad if you leave off the first panel and you can pretend it's mid-afternoon or whatever, but starting out with "Good morning" and then immediately jumping in with "Here's a list of why I hate you!" is just cruel.

Saturday's post was a mostly pictorial one about the Salt Creek Bridge in Osage County. If you would like to support me or this website, you can buy me a cup of coffee over on Ko-fi.

Can't Even Let Him Compliment Her Daughter

March 10, 1966

Could a mask fit over that nose? I don't care. I hope he gets away with it. Seems like he will. "Yeah, he's ugly, but I don't think I can describe him."

"That reminds me, speaking of sticking to ribs..." and then Brutus stabs Mother Gargle between the ribs with a knife. I'm glad they locked Wilberforce in his room for dinner tonight so he wouldn't see such violence.

Using "January First" Instead of "January 1st" Almost Broke Me

September 21, 1986

Well, to be fair, it's 1986 and smut and drivel are the only things on TV. I don't have the heart to tell Mother Gargle what's going to be premiering in 6 months, but the Thornapples probably don't get FOX yet anyway.

If you just casually glance at today's comic, it kind of looks like Brutus and Arnie are holding hands and I think that's neat.

Would hot chocolate really hurt his diet that much?

And why did Brutus and Arnie switch places in between the last panels?

We took a look at Action Comics #579 by Jean-Marc and Randy Lofficer, Keith Giffen, and Bob Oskner and definitely not guest-starring characters from Asterix. If you would like to support me or this website, you can buy me a cup of coffee over on Ko-fi.

She Should Just Move In!!

February 4, 1966

I don't judge based on appearances. Maybe they are an orchestra. With four guitars. And no other instruments.

This comic actually seems like it would be a TV show back in the 1960s. Maybe on opposite My Mother, the Car. And like My Mother, the Car it would be canceled after one season.

What is Mother Gargle wearing? Is that a nightshirt? Is Mother Gargle the charwoman or laundress who stole Ebenezer Scrooge's clothes after he died? Tell Bob Cratchit I say "hi".

Gift of the Magi

January 19, 1966

At least you took out another useless organ and weren't performing open heart surgery. That would be terrible.

The appendectomy is going to be comped, right? I don't feel insurance would cover it since it's a mistake.

Why is Brutus just getting Gladys clothes? I'm not knocking a nice pair of pants or whatever, but where's the imagination? I absolutely suck at buying gifts, but I can be somewhat thoughtful.

What's Mother Gargle Doing With Her Hand?

January 18, 1966

Is he cooking another tribal member? Someone from another tribe? It's really cool this indigenous tribe has modern amenities like hot dogs and chef's hats.

Gladys is way too excited in that first panel. I get that fruitcake is a food and Gladys loves food, but still, tone it down.

Monday Quickies

January 11, 1966

You should be lucky he just took a pair of scissors to your tie, Lance P. Kettledrum, President❕

Is Willoughby trying to tell him something? It could be one or all of a number of things. It also looks like he's walking about not wearing any pants.

It also could cause a torn perinium but we're not gonna talk about that.

The Gift of Nothing

July 4, 1986

I'm impressed that one lifeguard can lift and carry Brutus. But enough fat-shaming. Maybe the lifeguard is trying to keep Brutus from going out too far thus making saving him more difficult. Brutus doesn't strike me as the best swimmer.

Nothing is what I would get her. Call me crazy, but I don't buy presents for people who call me "a loaf of shit". I mean, what even is that. And I am just assuming Mother Gargle has called Brutus this. Off-panel, of course.

If you would like to support me or this website, you can buy me a cup of coffee over on Ko-fi.

Outdone

I'm glad the dryer didn't ruin the turkey. Although I guess we don't know how the dryer came out.

I am just going to assume that Wilberforce has eaten and is just curled up on the couch relaxing while the adults just stand around for some reason. Pull up a chair! Sit down! I swear, this house does not have enough places to sit!

H a p p y    T h a n k s g i v i n g

Belly Belly Nice

December 29, 1965

I feel like the fault is not on the one-way street. Those things just don't pop up out of nowhere.

For some reason, I don't have an issue with the word 'belly' like I do with 'tummy'. I mean, this is still a weird context for saying 'belly', but at least it's not 'tummy'.