Hide-And-Abandon

June 23, 1966

Is it too late in my Born Loser-snarking career to admit that I never understood the title? I mean, I understand that back in 1965, They'll Do It Every Time was already taken, but calling every person in this comic a "loser" is stretching it. Most of what we see isn't loser behavior, it's just life bending us over. Maybe Art should've called this strip Life Bends Us Over.

"Well, I hope they aren't hiding in the abandoned cistern. It tends to flood even when it's not raining..."

I think this would be better if Brutus was sitting watching TV and Gladys walks in. "I'm back!" So? And?

A Golfer's Wife

February 1, 1987

Is Brutus a jerk here? According to the actual definition of 'jerk (derogatory)': "a contemptibly obnoxious person", so I guess you can say Brutus is that. Anymore, I feel 'jerk' is used for someone who is consciously mean--a nicer way to call someone an 'asshole'.

"So by rule..." and then what? Depending on how they were playing, either they have to play the hole again with the correct balls or the player who hit first loses the hole. I guess we'll never find out because Gladys can't stand to talk to and/or listen to her husband.

Y'all know you are supposed to like who you're married to, right?

Newsy Sunday

In case you didn't know, this past week was a rerun week. Chip took a week off a few weeks ago so older strips were used with just that day's date edited. Since I had already commented on the strips used, I just took the week as well. But I did post links to the original posts if you would like to scroll through my Threads and Bluesky for them.

Anyway, there's a new comic today so let's get on with it already.

January 18, 1987

Wilberforce knows how to play chess? That ain't right.

I'd go with Gladys, because I've known Wilberforce for 35 years or so and he is definitely no genius.

I don't think Wilberforce is 6 these days. I place him more 8 or 9, like the kids from Peanuts.

I'm assuming it's not important bad news. Like, it's bad news but it doesn't really affect them. More like, DOGE has eliminated a grant that Veeblefester was going to use to create a better tea cozy. Tea cozies, I assume, are already perfect. DOGE just saved the taxpayers $715,000.

We're seeing a lot a face-front Gladys today and it makes me unnerved.

The second installment of Chris Welkin, Planeteer went up yesterday. Check out the comics from December 1951 by Russ Winterbotham and Art Sansom.

If you would like to support me or this website, you can toss some money at the Support page.

17-Down

May 9, 1966

Brutus now wears that same tie. The more things change...like specialty suit stores with salesmen that will do anything for the sale...the more things stay the same.

I don't think Brutus is a jerk. He's other things, but jerk isn't one of them.

It's not quite the same green chair. Are they at Mother Gargle's house?

You Just Leave That Creamer Out All Day?

August 23, 1977

I cannot play chess. I don't know how. And even if you tell me how to play as I'm playing it, I still wouldn't be any good at it. I never understand why people who are bad at chess always want to play. I don't play games unless I have reasonable assurance that I will win.

And that move was just putting his arm around her.

All right, calm down. I'm just talking about how I enjoy this time of year. No need to go on a "I'm rich, I hate spending money" rant. You're the reason we talk about eating the rich.

Mother Nature Is Angry

February 8, 1974

Brutus' uncle is just giving away the game of Monopoly piece-by-piece? Is this some sort of complicated way to get the family together a bit more? "My family loves playing Monopoly but they never get together anymore. I have an idea..."

I remember in 2012 when it snowed on May 2. It happens--especially if it gets cold and you live near a massive lake--or several massive lakes.

Or, it's the end of the world. Truthfully, I hope it's that.

Brown Eyed Brutus

February 24, 1985

Brutus gets little pockets of luck so he's not a complete born loser. Unfortunately, all the luck happens during moments like this so they don't matter.

And if this had happened while he was doling out card to his friends during a game, they'd accuse him of cheating. Brutus gets screwed no matter the scenario.

Bob Dylan. I didn't know that. I looked it up. I never would've guessed it on my own. I don't think I've ever even heard this song.

It's great that 'Brown Eyed Girl' is one of your favorite songs, Uncle Ted. But Van Morrison would prefer that it be a newer song.

Should've Flipped the Table When He Had a Chance

I'm guessing they are playing Scrabble. I don't know why the letters seem so big or why Brutus has a tray of letters but not Gladys. The phrasing also seems off. "This letter does it--I win!" She's putting down an N so is she adding it to DRAW to make DRAWN thus stealing precious points or has she somehow convinced Brutus that you play Scrabble like Uno and the object of the game is to get rid of all your letters?

Shoutout to Chip for spelling LOSER with Brutus' tiles.

Only 500 Pieces?

Is that supposed to be a video game controller Wilberforce is holding? It's like Chip started drawing a joystick, like for the Atari 2600, then remembered that controllers don't look like that anymore and just had Wilberforce tapping buttons on top while still holding the controller from the bottom. At least the thing is wireless.

3 Across

My Mom used to love doing the crossword in the TV Guide. She would even buy the small digest magazines that were just TV Guide crosswords. TV Guide crosswords are considered the easiest crosswords but I don't know. I guess if you know a lot about TV, it would be easy to solve the puzzles quickly.

When I first began making my own publications back in 1998 or whatever, I did three issues of a word search title. Like everything else I've done, I made zero dollars from it.

POB #9: TaleSpin from Tiger Electronics

One of my favorite TV shows growing up was Disney's TaleSpin which aired on The Disney Afternoon from 1990 until 1994 and lasted 65 episodes. It starred Baloo from The Jungle Book as a cargo pilot. I wanted to get everything TaleSpin growing up and I did pretty good. The one thing I was disappointed in was the Nintendo game. I could never get past the third stage and overall the whole game was frustrating. I still own it but it's one that I would never play even if my Nintendo was still hooked up.

This screen is my nightmare.

In something a little different, here is a video of a TaleSpin game I can actually beat. The TaleSpin Tiger Electronics Handheld Game. During the 1990s, Tiger Electronics made possibly hundreds of handheld games that basically worked like a calculator. They had static images that lit up at certain times to simulate movement. Some were better configured than others and I do think TaleSpin falls into that category.

You can only move up and down in order to dodge the Air Pirates, mountains, and lightening. If you start running out of gas or obtain too much damage, you can hit a button to refuel or repair. There are four stages that take about 8 minutes to complete. You can continue playing but who would want to?

Please pardon the guerrilla-like recording and I would recommend turning off the sound after you get a little taste of it because it is repetitive and very annoying.

He's the State's Problem Now

They're long gone, Wilberforce. Most parents don't play hide-and-seek with their 9-year-old children. That's not a game 9-year-olds generally want to play and if they do, they do it with friends. But I do laud your choice of hiding place because you didn't even hear Brutus nail that giant "ABANDONED" sign to the front door.

At the Forefront of Playing Card Feminism

I remember "War" being a bit more complicated. If the cards are the same number then don't you do an actual war with laying down three cards or something like that. Ah, who cares? I care about Wilberforce and Hattie's card game about the same as I care about the U.S.-Portugal World Cup game being played right now.

Actually I care about Wilberforce and Hattie's card game slightly more than the World Cup.

The Mighty One

In 1992, Mattel began selling little toy sets which featured a miniaturized scene with a little boy and one or two enemies. The toy sets were similar to Polly Pocket, the only difference was that these sets were marketed to boys. They were called "Mighty Max" and they dominated the lives of boys for a couple years before disappearing. I liked just collecting the different Mighty Maxes in each set as each Max had a different color hat but I only have one Max left and I have no idea where it is.

Better than the toy sets was the animated television show. Aired in syndication from 1993 to 1994 with forty episodes over two seasons, Mighty Max was an amazing series focusing on Max, who, after finding his cap in a statue he broke, becomes the Mighty One and with help from his mentor Virgil and bodyguard Norman Max travels through portals on a quest to stop the evil Skullmaster among other villains. One of the best things about the show were the voices. You had Rob Paulsen, Tony Jay, Richard Moll and Tim Curry. Now that's a cast! Each episode was action-packed and just the tiniest bit educational. When you played with these sets and watched the show, you wanted to be Max. I wanted to be Max. I even started wearing a baseball cap from 1994-1996 just in case it was a Cosmic Cap and turned me into the Mighty One.

Then I found the video game. Now you could actually be the Mighty One and work to destroy Skullmaster. Now, I do have to confess that most of the games in my video game collections are steaming piles of dung. I have your classic Mario games but I also have "The Three Stooges", "Where's Waldo", "The Addams Family", "Bart Versus the Space Mutants" and "Versus the World" and my collection consisted of "Fester's Quest" and "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" for years before I finally sold them. Now, you would think a Mighty Max game would be fairly straight forward. A simple platform game, going to different places, maybe even a map screen. But that's not what happens. When you start up the game, it looks promising.

You got Max and his friends running away from the darkness and Virgil trying to keep Norman from killing himself trying to fight. It even has an annoying upbeat rock soundtrack that is firmly set in 1994. If you wait long enough, it goes to a demo showing you what the game is like. Different than what you expect but looks very doable. Clearly the demo was programmed differently than the actual gameplay.

When you start the game, you go to a character select screen where you can choose who to play as.

You can choose either Max, Felix or Bea. Yeah, you remember Felix and Bea from the three episodes apiece that they were in! You don't get to play as Virgil or Norman. Norman's in the game and I except for the stage select screen, I don't Virgil is in it at all but I've only ever beaten the first two stages. You get to pick the level you want to start at and the screen shows you what enemies you are going to face which I guess comes in handy. I chose the space level and the enemies you will be fighting are penguins in space suits, flying miniature R2D2s, a cyborg frog and a couple other non-descript robot things. So you go into space and you're dropped onto a platform.

Look at what a mess this is. The background with the space junk is constantly moving and you can't tell what's a platform or what's a wall or what is part of the background. In the picture above, the yellow and black spaces you can stand on but not the red and black girder things BUT if the red and black girder things are vertical then they act like a wall. The biggest problem is the jumping. You jump too high. Look at the picture above, if you were to jump, you would beyond the score box causing the screen to move up with you. With such a high jump--even when you just slightly tap on the B button--you know that this isn't going to be a game where you jump on the enemies. No, you have gun that shoots bullets(?) and the bullets ricochet off the wall. To get rid of an enemy you have to pick it up and throw it away. Yeah, you can pick up objects in this game and you lift them over your head.

You can even lift boulders over your head.

The object of the game is to collect 3 futuristic-looking bathtubs and toss them into a portal. But it isn't that straight forward. You have to find a way to get the bathtubs to the portals and you can't jump while carrying something so you have to figure out ways to get the bathtubs onto different platforms either through teeter-totters, moving hoverboards, barely visible springs or balloons. Instead of being a cool action-adventure game, it becomes a problem-solving game.

Look at this. The portal is on the left side of the screen and the bathtub is on the right. I can't throw the tub onto the hoverboard and I can't jump while carrying it. How the hell do I get it over there?

Then I remembered that there is a lever to shoot that moves the hoverboard so you can throw the bathtub onto it. Yeah. You see that lever?

See it now?

How about now?

Everything in this game is hidden by the highly detailed and convoluted background. There are some power-ups that can help you get through. There are hearts that restore your health by one. There's a clock that freezes enemies but you can still get hurt by touching them. You still have to shoot them and throw them away. There is also something that makes you invincible which is nice but it also increases your jump so you now jump twice as high which can be good but is mostly just annoying. Then there's Norman. Oh, yes, Norman. Nigh-immortal, nearly god-like Norman. When you find a megaphone, that calls Norman and mainly what he does is stand in front of you.

That's great, Norman. Um, can you move out of my way so I can see my game sprite?

All Norman does for the thirty(?) seconds he's around is copy exactly what Max is doing. If you run into an enemy then Norman will slice them up but Norman either comes too early in the level thus leaving you on your own for the rest of the level or too late after you have already killed most of the enemies. Now if you could actually play as Norman--even just for a few minutes at a time--and jump while carrying the bathtubs then that would be a better help.

On the plus side(?), you get 5 lives and 3 continues. There are two difficulty settings on the title screen: Normal and Practice. Practice mode gives you 9 lives and you only have to collect 2, not 3, bathtubs. I think when you finish a level, it takes you back to the main screen to play the regular game. When you die and run out of continues, you get an awesome "Game Over" screen with Skullmaster.

I've never beaten this game. I've beaten the Space stage and the Volcano stage which then opens up a Jungle and Arctic stage but that's all I have the patience for. When you beat a stage you get a password which allows you to continue with whatever stage you beat but to be honest, they should've just did one level where you collect five or six bathtubs instead of three levels where you collect nine. Basically, if you want to relive Mighty Max I suggest avoiding this game and writing some fan fiction or, better yet, just watch the TV show:

Until next time, I remain...
~Brian

Origins

I stand by theory of losers being made, not born. People who are considered born losers can't win--they willingly take what is handed to them without argument and use their label as a "born loser" as a crutch. Brutus, and all the born losers out there, can succeed if they just put their mind to it.

Also, I honestly couldn't think of a better title for this thing...

Where Colors Go to Die

Oh, God! My eyes!! Gladys' sweater/long sleeve...thing is hurting my eyes. I may never see red and blue color hybrids again. I'd even wager that her...whatever...also pulls color into it since Wilberforce's shirt is black.

I always thought I would be one of those fathers who would be fine letting my child spend his own money on whatever he wants but that is not the case. I am a hard ass on that matter. And considering decent games cost roughly $50 (and crappy games cost $30) then I'd be a bit more upset than Gladys at this point.

Doesn't Hattie Have Friends...Or Family?

Huh? Queen me?

I don't know if I should be disturbed by the amount of time Hattie spends with Brutus or if I should smile at the notion that Brutus is giving Hattie the father figure she more than likely desperately needs. I wanna see Hattie's parents, I bet it'd be interesting.

Dracula In London

I recently finished listening to Bram Stoker's Dracula at work and it brought back memories of an old computer game I used to have. To put into context how old this game was, it ran on DOS. The game followed the book pretty good as you (or a group of people) controlled the main characters of Jonathan and Mina Harker, Dr. Seward, Professor Van Helsing, Arthur and Quincy. Everyday the team reads the newspaper to find evidence of the Count's presence and then you can go to the various houses the Count has placed the boxes of native dirt in (Carfax, Piccadilly).

The game actually does get suspenseful as Renfield or the Count can show up at anytime and each character can only move five times before the next player starts their move. I really the graphics as they are simple but you can tell what's going on in the scene.
As for weapons, each character can only carry two except for Mina who can only carry one (I usually gave her the garlic) so to a point she's the most worthless character but she's the one the Count is constantly attacking. I find it kind of odd that Renfield is represented by a huge white smiling head but I guess they needed something to represent him.

Looking back I think this was my favorite computer game and I played it a lot. I only got a happy ending a few times. A happy ending happens when you defeat the Count and everyone survives. Most everyone winds up happily married. Dr. Seward's weird because if you don't cure Renfield then Seward ends up being a workaholic and doesn't live happily ever after. I hate when Renfield dies because that usually marks that the game is about the end. One time, Renfield died within the first week of the game I was playing and the Count escaped. Man, I was pissed.

I went searching online to try to find a copy of it I could download that would work on Windows or something but the only version I found actually needed DOS. I also don't want to pay for it because it's not something I absolutely need. I just want to hold onto my childhood for as long as possible.