So you want granite countertops? You can just say so. You don't have to make a pun.

September 26, 1966

So when you offend Brutus, he climbs a tree? Not that I'm complaining...it's better than lashing out or something. I'm just wondering how he got up there. He must be pretty good at shimmying up trees.

siiiiiiiiigh...If you need me, I'll be in a tree.

What's for Dinner? *posts at 11 in the morning*

August 26, 1966

Your guess is as good as mine here. Is it funny because he's a named partner and has to clean the floors? Is part of the joke in the door that we can't make out? Whatever's going on, Thornapple is embarrassed!

CLINCH
ABISCH
SCHLEP
HENLAYER
&
THORNAPPLE

I guess...?

They've been eating this meatloaf since Sunday? How big was this loaf?

Look, I get having leftovers constantly can get boring, but I've never had a meatloaf I didn't like. Gladys probably just makes it wrong.

Don't You Mean Spring Has Sproinged?

April 15, 1966

I don't like it when family members do this. I never know if I need to remind them who I am or if they are joking around and/or being cute. Anyway, hire me if you want to ruin any family gathering. I'll even dress like this kid if you pay extra.

This kid sounds like the kid in Spike Jones' "All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth", right? Definitely sounds like George Rock.

Brutus spent somewhere between $60-100 on a pogo stick for what is kind of a dangerous bit that could get him or someone hurt and possibly fired and/or sued? I mean, it's his money. And he seems better at pogo-ing than I would be.

Thank you for your support and readership!

No Spoon, Radio

April 8, 1966

I research one-room schoolhouse and the early days of public schools and the stories I read about the mischief pulled on the teachers is always interesting. Usually it's not very violent though. And never have one of the student tried to blow up the teacher.

Can Brutus just not wash a spoon? Do the Thornapples just throw away all their dirty silverware?

Are the Thornapples Even Catholic?

April 6, 1966

Is this the crew of the Mary Celeste? Or maybe the Carol Deering. If the captain hand-picked his crew then he is a very bad judge of character. All of these people are clearly shady-looking as hell.

Wh...What's getting fatter? The Tuesdays? The years? I feel you are talking about your body, but where?

I thought today was a rerun because of the copyright date. I guess they put the wrong copyright on today's strip because last year's Shrove Tuesday strip was this.

The Games Would Be Shorter

February 14, 1966

How did that ladder get over this light pole? I don't know, but I'm enjoying the ride.

It's like with football. Those damn last five minutes.

How many TVs do the Thornapples have? Wilberforce looks like he's being held hostage watching basketball. If they have 2 TVs then maybe Gladys is watching something Wilberforce wants to watch even less. Like K-dramas.

Quarterback Quandary

August 10, 1986

I like how weird these Born Loser strips are. Who left that box there? Who wrapped it? It could've been much worse. Brutus could've fallen into the box and disappeared, or a monster could've popped out and eaten him. Not a loser in this strip...

I vaguely know the rules of football but it took a couple reads for me to realize "Oh! It was the fourth down. That's bad."

Brutus should know better to think his team is actually going to win.

I know the holidays are mostly over but can still read Christmas on Marrow-Bone Ridge where Danny Dugen and Genie Magoon attempt to give the citizens of Marrow-Bone Ridge a special Christmas. If you would like to support me or this website, you can buy me a cup of coffee on Ko-fi.

Friday Veeblefe$ter

January 15, 1966

Your guess is as good as mine, folks! I guess this guy isn't really all that he makes himself out to be (watercress sandwiches? Wotta loser!) but that's meeting this strip more than halfway.

I don't think you can put symbols in your name. And I wouldn't be spending any time on your surname when your given name is Rancid.

Really Warms the Heart

January 4, 1966

It's a patent office, not an episode of Shark Tank where this idea is so good, they may not pay attention to yours. Patent offices consider everyone's bad ideas.

The other guy sitting there has definitely killed someone. It's very likely his invention could be an easier way to slice off human skin, right?

🎵Ringle, ringle, coins when they mingle

Make such a lovely sound.🎶

Oo guineas and tuppance and tuppance and bobs

Make my ears tingle and keep my heart throbbing

🎶Humbug, it's humbug, it's giving to charity.

Orphans are pesky and Christmas a parody.

Ringle, ringle, coins when they mingle

Make such a lovely sound.🎵

Of You and Me

What's Veeblefester's problem? Brutus looks like he's doing his job. Leave him alone.

I don't quite understand today's comic. Unassuming means modest or not pretentious. So Veeblefester is saying Brutus is a modest fellow with a great deal to be modest about? Is that an insult? Who talks like this?

Poolside

December 3, 1965

I can only assume that he tested it when done fixing it and the lamp worked fine. Therefore, the problem lies with the outlet, not the lamp.

I can tell you one thing for sure. I did not need to see Wilberforce's weird body today. Or any day. Nobody needs to see that.

Father's Day Plans

November 11, 1965

One piece suit? So where it looks like the jacket ends is really just like a skirt-like thing? I'd rather just wear a skirt--or a dress. They look so freeing.

Now we know why this specific week was chosen for this week of reruns. I am not a huge birthday or "your day" person. I feel like you should be honoring me everyday because I'm a damn delight.

I appreciate those parents who just want to lounge around and do absolutely nothing on these parent-specific days. Can I have just one day off from you howler monkeys? Thank you.

What was I on back in 2022?

Saturday Squish

October 26, 1965

This is why you're not putting me to sleep if I ever have surgery. I have a right to hear what goes on in the operating room.

I am a bit disturbed that the patient wasn't already asleep, could hear everything, and can just get up and leave without anyone noticing or caring. They better not bill his insurance.

"I must've left it in the kitchen" so he sits down instead of going into the kitchen to retrieve his sandwich? "I must've left my peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the kitchen. I can't go back and get it. I guess it's lost forever."

Saturday Suffering

October 13, 1965

I am assuming what's going on is this delivery person delivered flowers to this lady, and as a tip, she gave him a flower from the many flowers she receives from different suitors. That's my take on this poorly scanned comic anyway.

...

...

...

What?! Do Uncle Ted's naps last longer than a day? You should go see a doctor about that, Uncle Ted. How is a calendar going to help? Calendars don't wake you up. What is this comic trying to say?!?

And are Uncle Ted and Brutus practically wearing matching outfits!!!?!!

Strike Out

November 12, 1989

I hate escalators. I try to avoid them whenever I can. After bridge collapse, escalators is second on my list of possible ways I will die.

At least this strip didn't end with Brutus' mangled, bloodied corpse caught in the comb plate like so many of my nightmares.

There's not another game you can watch while this one figures itself out? It's gotta be boring just watching the announcers complain and bad video of the field with fans slowly leaving.

If you would like to support me or this website, you can buy me a cup of coffee over on Ko-fi.

Waking Up Is the Worst

June 30, 1965

Men would rather make a giant pencil than go to therapy.

That's a good-looking pencil. Interesting size choice for the lead. Hopefully he's not blocking the washer and dryer. She's busy taking care of the house while he's screwing around in the basement.

Get your best night sleep EVER

with the SLEEP SACK!!

Form-fits your body to reduce muss, fuss, and tossing and turning.

You don't need to move your arms, legs or body while sleeping so why

even give your body that option!

Stop movement in its tracks!

Comes in four sizes! Child! Large! Extra Large! Couple!

Only $39.99 at Walmart, Target, and other fine department stores!

Vegetable Stew in Beef Broth

June 16, 1965

Another one where I can't really tell what's going on. Clearly she doesn't have a pearl in her but something else? A diamond? Three oysters don't have anything. Are those pearls? These oysters have human names? What is going on here?

By three it will just be vegetable stew.

Oh, hey. They moved the gumball/antacid machine.

Suicidal Tendencies 2 is now up on Ko-fi. If you enjoy it, let me know, or buy me a cup of coffee if you would like to support my writing and website.

I Used to Be With It

June 10, 1965

Your guess is as good as mine about this strip. Is it a large bird wearing a human skin suit? Is he wearing some sort of weird shoe? We may never know.

I don't like all the generational conflict that passes between the generations. We are all great in our own way and we all suck in our own way. I'm not going to take the bait of today's strip except to say that Brutus is Gen X.

It's All Greek to Him

June 8, 1965

Art is going to blow up your house while you are on vacation.

Is this guy supposed to be something? Insurance agent or something? Or is he just a weirdo?

That's just the kind of joke Wilberforce doesn't understand.

I was in fourth grade and I never had to write a report on Greek mythology. It's like adults can never remember what they were actually taught in school and when. Like Charlie Brown having a read and write a book report on War and Peace. Yes, I get it's a joke, but still...

December Thornapple

January 8, 1978

Gladys is the one with Cheez-Its on her pants...

Is bringing a balloon home 1970s code for someone went drinking after work? Were balloons easier to come by in the 70s?

It's December 12. You should have gifts by now. Or at least an idea of what you are getting. Gladys is going to be completely disappointed, but I'd refuse to let her return it.