Hide-And-Abandon

June 23, 1966

Is it too late in my Born Loser-snarking career to admit that I never understood the title? I mean, I understand that back in 1965, They'll Do It Every Time was already taken, but calling every person in this comic a "loser" is stretching it. Most of what we see isn't loser behavior, it's just life bending us over. Maybe Art should've called this strip Life Bends Us Over.

"Well, I hope they aren't hiding in the abandoned cistern. It tends to flood even when it's not raining..."

I think this would be better if Brutus was sitting watching TV and Gladys walks in. "I'm back!" So? And?

Four Bags of Money

June 18, 1966

Everyone named Hercules sounds made-up, like a character in a novel or TV show or something. This is no different. The names Hercules seemingly portrays strength, but when you look, most people named Hercules are nerds and dorks with the occasional soldier thrown in.

In 17 years, Brutus has only had 3 raises totaling $13? Also, Brutus hasn't had a raise in nine years? Those both somehow seem illegal, but it probably isn't.

Thursday Quickies

April 1, 1966

"Born Loser"? You created this yourself.

At least he's not a muscular beach man, but he's tall and stringy and probably pretty fast.

Come ask me about how my life is going, Arnie.

The Gift of Nothing

July 4, 1986

I'm impressed that one lifeguard can lift and carry Brutus. But enough fat-shaming. Maybe the lifeguard is trying to keep Brutus from going out too far thus making saving him more difficult. Brutus doesn't strike me as the best swimmer.

Nothing is what I would get her. Call me crazy, but I don't buy presents for people who call me "a loaf of shit". I mean, what even is that. And I am just assuming Mother Gargle has called Brutus this. Off-panel, of course.

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Poolside

December 3, 1965

I can only assume that he tested it when done fixing it and the lamp worked fine. Therefore, the problem lies with the outlet, not the lamp.

I can tell you one thing for sure. I did not need to see Wilberforce's weird body today. Or any day. Nobody needs to see that.

She Sees Dead People

I've been having weird dreams like when we were on lockdown during the pandemic over the last couple of weeks. I blame it being winter and cold, but have we really left March 2020? Have we?

Anyway, last night I had two weird dreams. The first one, I was working in an office job and had just come back from vacation. Why the dream couldn't show me on vacation, I don't know. Maybe it's because I haven't had a vacation since 2018 so my subconscious doesn't remember what one feels like. I came back from vacation and saw that many of my desk tchotchkes had gone missing so the rest of the dream was me trying to figure out what happened to them and no one caring. The next dream was my block was celebrating Voice Day, apparently a day where we dress in sky blue robes and sing in the streets. There was barbecue, rides, games. It looked pretty fun. At least it was until someone showed up and started shooting at people. Even in dreams, we can't be safe from mass shooters.

July 13, 1965

I hope that's someone wearing one of those shark fins you wear around your torso. Not that that makes this scenario any better. Shark or murderous stranger pretending to be a shark?

Mother Gargle's other senses are failing so her sixth one needs to compensate.

Brutus Had Wilberforce Do It

April 8, 1974

While Norman and, I'm going to call him George, stare at what they claim is a large aircraft, the fish to the right, who I will call Walter, is wondering why his friends are staring at a dead human. (Brutus' belly, arms, and legs will sink soon causing the body to rotate face down.)

Who knows how that happened? Older people are always hitting random buttons and messing up things on phones. It's, sadly, their lot in life.

Did Gladys Get Any?

June 23, 1985

Like Apex Doob, Agnes, this reverend guy, Ed Gilmore could possibly be kind of a recurring character who sells insurance. This is the first time I'm seeing him so I don't know how many appearances he put in.

I am not a fan of his aggressive sales tactic which includes killing potential clients.

There are a lot of previews. Or maybe it's the same number and my patience has just shrunk. I don't know. I just know it's very stupid to buy a jumbo popcorn and not get a drink to go with it.

Huh. Wilberforce doesn't get to eat dinner with the family or see movies.

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Technically Not a Riddle

August 20, 1973

Brutus' swimming must've really looked bad out there. This guard is a better person than me or any of our faithful readers:

I don't know what I'm more curious about: The guard's weird triangular outfit, his tiny hat that's still on his head despite being in the water, or Brutus' swim trunks.

Brutus didn't even try. I at least act like I'm trying to come up with an answer when I'm asked a stupid riddle. Brutus could at least play along. It's not even that hard of a riddle.

Sad Carrot

March 25, 1974

Since The Born Loser is no longer a wacky avant-garde comic strip that, despite it being based in reality, is kind of silly, the man-eating giant had to go somewhere. Luckily, Heathcliff is now our wacky avant-garde comic strip.

Yeah. You're on your own. No one is making you diet. You should season up that carrot by throwing it away and opening a package of Oreos.