Sometimes Why?!

August 30, 1966

Is this part two from yesterday? If you are going to sleep at your desk either keep your door shut or have a bed built underneath the desk.

So "Thornapple" is a regular character now, right? Should I start tagging him? I don't think he's technically Brutus yet though. Not yet, but a close facsimile.

"A?" He wasn't sure about "A"?! And I could go on all day about how stupid Wilberforce is, but what teacher does this? Teachers don't "assign" crap over the summer because they aren't going to do the work and you will never see these kids again. Also, vowels? Wilberforce is in second or third grade. He should already know his vowels.

Wise Old Fool

August 29, 1966

This'll be me when we go back to school in August. I'm never fully awake until 9 AM or so. I keep telling employers this but they always insist I arrive at work up to three hours before 9 like we don't live in a 24-hour world all interconnected to each other.

How about you leave the room, Veeblefester? Brutus is on his break.

That's a weird thing to say to your child, and it's not a common saying if it's a saying at all. The only uses I can find for it are from the Bible. "If you want to wise, be faithful in God", "If you want to be wise, listen to your parents", "If you want to be wise, honor God in sexual purity(!)". It's like Brutus' parents looked at him and were like, "This kid seems dumb, we better try to keep him from becoming dumber!"

That'll Learn 'Im

August 27, 1966

Well, this batch of whatever is ruined. That also looks like it will be hard to clean. I expect more from someone who has two ovens.

Have you heard car horns lately? They're all wimpy these days. Brutus is waiting thirty seconds before honking his horn? No wonder people walk all over him. Five seconds. Ten seconds tops because thirty seconds at a stop light is a long time.

I was stuck at a light yesterday. East- and westbound traffic got a green light as did southbound, but northbound never did. I just turned right and went to the next block. No horn required.

What's for Dinner? *posts at 11 in the morning*

August 26, 1966

Your guess is as good as mine here. Is it funny because he's a named partner and has to clean the floors? Is part of the joke in the door that we can't make out? Whatever's going on, Thornapple is embarrassed!

CLINCH
ABISCH
SCHLEP
HENLAYER
&
THORNAPPLE

I guess...?

They've been eating this meatloaf since Sunday? How big was this loaf?

Look, I get having leftovers constantly can get boring, but I've never had a meatloaf I didn't like. Gladys probably just makes it wrong.

Wilberforce and Gladys Must Be Off On One of Their Adventures Again

August 25, 1966

I am on record that credit and credit scores are stupid and should be illegal. I guess I should go ahead and go on record that loans and interest rates are garbage as well. You shouldn't be paying more on interest than the amount you owe. And once you essentially pay off the equivalent of the principal, the interest goes away and you just continue to pay on the principal. Anyway, just another reason I will never elected to public office.

Congrats on Thornapple paying back his loan. I don't understand why loan people are such smarmy pieces of shit. You gave me $7000 and I paid you $8500 so how about you keep your attitude to yourself?

"Absolutely! I don't even know why I'm watching this crap," I say. "Let's get some snacks and really make this an afternoon! Maybe we still have some ice cream!"

Sunday Night Fight

April 5, 1987

As we watch the Thornapples drift further and further away from God, let's be reminded that were, at one point, a church-going family. Brutus even sang in the church choir, for some reason. I've always found church choirs strange. If a quarter to a third of the members are in the choir then who are they singing to?

Was Gladys and Wilberforce at church? Or does Brutus just go to choir practice? Look, Gladys, you are free to grab a hamburger or whatever with a friend if you want. You can have friends!

Oh, who knows why Gladys is mad. She just gets angry. It's a family trait.

There's a post about the tragic death of William Nottingham that published yesterday. Don't forget to support me or this website at the top of the page.

Uncle Ted Took Up This Hobby Just to Make This Joke

August 24, 1966

Thornapple is just spelling it how most people say it. We rarely say "information" and slur it together into "infermation". To be honest, I don't know if an 'O' could even fit on that sign.

Ok. Well, so far you are only making a stake. Invite me back over when that stick becomes something worth talking about.

Shouldn't he be whittling over a trash can or something. There's going to be wood pieces all over the chair and floor.

William Nottingham

William P. Nottingham was born in Palmyra, New York around 1833. He apparently never married or had children. He served during the Civil War serving in the 111th Regiment of the New York Infantry. He participated in the defense of Harper's Ferry and Washington, D.C. along with Gettysburg, the Siege (and Fall) of Petersburg, and Appomattox Courthouse among many other battles. After the war, Nottingham seemed to just wander the country mostly traveling between Kansas and Oklahoma Territory and living on a small military pension and inheritance allowance.

Nottingham took up residence in the old Curtis House at 216 West Curtis Street but was forced out due to the 1903 floods. He had been staying with J.F. Blake at 2009 Harrison but had returned to his room at the old Curtis house on July 31. Nottingham was found dead in his room later that night. Originally, it was believed death was caused by a combination of old age and alcoholism--Nottingham had sadly been a heavy drinker and taken the habit back up after the flood. Luckily, the coroner thought the death seemed suspicious and saved the stomach. A chemical analysis showed that Nottingham had more than enough morphine in his system to kill him. Focus now shifted on who had done the deed.

Frank Brown could've had a storied life and career. A lawyer, Brown even served as a deputy attorney for the city of Topeka. In 1898, Brown was arrested for passed forged checks and embezzling money. In Topeka alone, Brown passed more than two dozen fraudulent checks. Famed Topeka attorney A.H. "Hib" Case noted that "[Brown] is not insane. But when he is drinking, his mind is gone." Brown also lived in the old Curtis house which was run by his mother, Sarah. Newspaper articles from 1900 to 1913 had several instances of police going to the Curtis house because Brown was bootlegging, gambling, or just contributing to societal nuisance.

William Nottingham and Frank Brown spent July 31, 1903 together drinking and carousing around town. Around noon, Nottingham returned to his room where he ate lunch and retired to bed. Brown returned home shortly after but soon left to go back downtown. Nottingham was found dead around 5 p.m. Brown, meanwhile, appeared over the next day in different saloons and gambling houses with more money than he had ever been seen with. It is known that Nottingham had $200 on him and a search of his room yielded no money. It was theorized that Brown gave Nottingham the morphine while they were riding together in a carriage before Nottingham went home. Brown then disappeared and wasn't heard from in at least two weeks.

Nottingham was buried in the G.A.R. section of Topeka Cemetery.

There is no evidence that Brown was ever arrested or convicted of Nottingham's death. Brown did return to Topeka and, as noted above, continued being a nuisance to the people of Topeka. He continued to pass forged checks occasionally, bootlegged, gambled, and even posted advertisements violating a city ordinance. Even as late as 1921, Brown was arrested for manufacturing 5 barrels of moonshine which his then 84-year-old mother had to bail him out for. Sarah Brown was aunt to Vice President Charles Curtis and lived at 216 Curtis, one of the first houses built along the Kansas River, from 1875 until her death in 1931. She is buried in the Curtis Family Cemetery in North Topeka. Her obituary mentions Frank as living in Washington, D.C.

Worst Independence Day Ever

It's a sad day in the history of your country when fucking Hi & Lois shows more fight and backbone than a majority of the people actually elected to fight and show backbone. This is a legacy strip, it's only goal is to stay the course, not ruffle feathers, and give readers a light chuckle (not a guarantee). Not upset the populace by suggesting that we might have to fight a tyrannical ruler again.

And look at their faces, with the exception of Trixie, the Flagstons absolutely know that fascism is here, several of their neighbors are Nazis and nothing set up to keep this from happening is going to work. Dot's thrilled to start fighting though.

August 23, 1966

Just to the front door? I would think you could make it to the mailbox or the street (whichever is further). Maybe the bathroom is further away. I could definitely make it to the street with toothpaste at my house.

It's amazing how the Fourth of July turns people into inconsiderate scofflaws. "Hey, my dog gets anxious with fireworks, can you go easy this year?" I'll make sure to point the loud ones at your house. "The neighbor down the street is a veteran with PTSD." Then he should understand that he fought for my right to shoot off loud noise makers. "Why are people shooting off fireworks? It's June 29th." It's our right and perfectly legal. All within the law (law says no fireworks until July 3 and 4). "Our city is thinking about banning fireworks." I'll still shoot them off. It's my right.

You're all jerks!

You Know You Can Buy Sandwich-Making Stuff That Isn't Peanut Butter and Jelly, Right?

August 22, 1966

Oh, but daddy!! I love him!! At least he's dressed normal and his pants don't seem as high-waisted as father's trousers seem.

Does Brutus not have any other things to make a sandwich with? Are there never any leftovers--which I guess wouldn't matter if Gladys has been gone all week. How come he isn't going to the diner? Is it closed again after yet another failure of health codes?

Gladys can just visit Mother Gargle? Then why does Mother Gargle visit here so often?

Stay Hydrated💦

August 20, 1966

I think Thornapple has enough self-confidence since he's currently hiding out angrily under his desk to get away from you.

Where'd he put his chair?

We're getting a lot of watercooler love the last few days. I feel it's some sort of colossal joke at me, but I know I'm far to unimportant to warrant that kind of attention.

And of course Brutus is going to spend a lot of time at the watercooler. It is his memorial watercooler after all.

Next Window Please

August 19, 1966

Do you pull that out from under the table every time someone comes over? Seems like an inconvenience to do that all the time. I would just have everyone gather around the dining room table. "Brutus made it with the $700 power tools I bought him for his birthday!" "Wow! Brutus made the entire table?!" "No, the little block under this leg that keeps it from being wobbly."

$700 sounds like a lot for 1966.

Well, why didn't you read the signs? This would never happen where I live because driver's licenses are handled by the state while license plates are handled by the county so they wouldn't even be in the same building.

The Taekwondo Kid

August 15, 1966

It took me a second to realize that this guy is a Santa Claus. The "yo-ho-ho..." threw me off and the bad scan job. And is he holding a tambourine? Does this poor guy need money or is he just in the holiday spirit?

Santa Goodslob.

Wilberforce doesn't want to waste his summer learning martial arts when he just pays Hurricane Hattie $5 a month to be his bodyguard. He already wastes his weekend with his numerous sports teams. Wasting his Monday through Friday is a bridge too far.

Why do we do this "taekwondo" --> "taekwondon't" stuff? It's not taekwondoo, it's taekwondoh. It's like the old commercial "Sega does what Nintendon't." I get what you're doing, but it's wrong.

The Brutus P. Thornapple Memorial Watercooler

March 29, 1987

Why is Brutus wearing a top hat? I've never seen him in a top hat before and I don't think I've seen him in one since. I guess Brutus is trying something different. Something he will probably stop doing because it caused him to fall into the sewer.

Who are those kids? Why are we just creating random children when Wilberforce and Hurricane Hattie are already established characters?

Didn't you hear him? Weren't you listening? Veeblefester specifically said the naming rights would be paid for. My reaction wouldn't be "Golly, Chief!" but "How much is this stupid idea going to cost us? Me, specifically?"

Naming the watercooler for Brutus does make sense since that's where Brutus spends most of his day.

"Thorn My Apple"

August 13, 1966

Is this a continuation from yesterday? He went bowling and is now returning home at...two in the morning!? And the large stick of dynamite is for, what? Scaring him so he falls down the stairs? Deafening him? I'm sure the neighbors will love the two A.M. explosion.

"Omelette du fromage."

I never see Gladys be romantic. I see Brutus attempting to be more romantic than her. And I think I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen them say "those three words".

Friday Quickies

August 12, 1966

I think Brutus is going to go bowling anyway.

The best thing about the good old days? When he had rules and law in relation to the government.

Thirsty for Something Sweet

August 11, 1966

I think we should start doing this to anti-vaxxers. "I don't want to get no jab!" Oh, because the needle scares you? "No, because it's a gubmint conspiracy to give us autism and control us!" I just look away, it's a little prick, and you move on with your life. "But then you get the 'tism and never contribute to society!" Not true, but that's better than getting sick with a completely curable disease🤷.

That looks like a really long needle and the doctor does look kind of psychotic.

Ha! Kids! For some reason they don't want a glass of slightly colder than room temperature water with no ice. Go figure.

Maybe Brutus has some juice or something. There's a bag of sugar on top of the fridge.

You'll Never Catch Mother Gargle Pop Some Tags

August 10, 1966

I hope this guy is sitting in the old buzzard's office. He originally just used the office to fart in and then one day, just never left. Except to get that picture of the boss off the big printer.

Does Mother Gargle hate everything? Isn't that tiring? She clearly doesn't like thrifting unless it leads to an insult of her son-in-law.

Pizza Night

August 9, 1966

I feel like we keep seeing a variation of this trope, but I could only find one other instance of it. How are you lifting that up anyway? You don't even know what it is, so at the bottom of Lake Erie that treasure chest will remain.

They're not really having pizza are they? Oh, it's worse. They're gonna make their own pizzas using tortillas aren't they?

Dizzy Up the Brutus

August 8, 1966

Why would you hang your nice clean clothes directly over mud? water? oil? Just get those shorts pinned and try to get that string tied back together.

This is why clotheslines are typically made of wire.

Cool. Another symptom of old age we can gladly talk to Wilberforce about.

Has Brutus started any new medications? Maybe Gladys is slowly poisoning him. Does that coffee taste different, Brutus?

Party Goers

March 15, 1987

Brutus must have a few pints in him, because that's the only reason he would do something this stupid.

How did oversleeping blow the sale? I'm assuming he was late, but that on its own doesn't hurt anything. If you have a good story, people will forgive you for being late. Brutus just needs to be better at thinking on his feet!

Who invited the Thornapples to a party? Maybe it's some sort of joke, like when they get to the venue it's all dark and locked up. Meanwhile, everyone is hiding and watching them from afar, quietly giggling about what's happening.

Wilberforce Is Really Curious About Old People

August 6, 1966

What does Veeblefetzer do here? He's clearly not the president/CEO/owner like today's Veeblefester, but he has clearly worked his way up the ladder over the last 35 years and he is appreciated by the rest of the office three dying flowers worth. Are those from the parking lot...?

I love Miss Henlayer's hair. Pure. Sixties.

This is a Family Circus joke. I even did a search trying to find a Family Circus that says it. I couldn't find one, but maybe it was in a Sunday strip which are harder to search. Anyway, I'm not saying Wilberforce is better than this, but Chip Sansom should be.

You don't have to be old to wear glasses, Uncle Ted.

The Kafton Family

Between 1820 and 1870, only 7,750 Russians immigrated to the United States. Due to land scarcity, poverty, and starvation, more than 10,000 Russians immigrated to the U.S. in 1881. Sometime between 1866 and 1881, the Kafton family arrived in Kansas to start a new life. Raised Lutheran, the Kaftons were said to be very devout.

George Conrad Kafton was born December 3, 1842 in Mariupol, Russia (now present-day Ukraine). His parents were Johann and Catherine. He married Catherina Charlotte on June 15, 1861. They had 15 children, at least four of which were born in Russia and the others born in Kansas.

They came to Kansas with Charlotte's parents, Leonhard and Johnna Philippa. They originally settled in the Hillsboro area in Marion County, Kansas, but George and Charlotte moved to Topeka. Charlotte passed away January 5, 1901 at their home on Lake Street. George moved back to Hillsboro to live with his son, John, where he lived until he passed away September 30, 1920.

I, Personally, Love Money

August 5, 1966

I feel of the three men mentioned here, only La Guardia now deserves a mention. Napoleon wasn't all that great and isn't Nero the guy that just sat around while Rome burned? La Guardia was also the only one actually short and rotund. He was estimated to be about Five foot even or five two. Both Napoleon and Nero were considered average height for their times.

None of these purported important men wore a shirt like that though. That might hold you back a little.

Look, I am all for the important things like friends and family. But never discount the importance of money. Money helps keep a roof over your head and put food in your belly. I wish we didn't have to rely on money, but we do.

It's weird Brutus is bringing this up. First, saying there's more important things than money and then bringing up an example that's only doable because of money. Second, just the phrasing. "There's more important things than money...like a BRAND NEW CAR!" It's just weird.

And if the Thornapples were going to Disney World, we'd have a strip of them leaving and a strip of them coming home with no Disney adventures in between.