Wilberforce and Gladys Must Be Off On One of Their Adventures Again

August 25, 1966

I am on record that credit and credit scores are stupid and should be illegal. I guess I should go ahead and go on record that loans and interest rates are garbage as well. You shouldn't be paying more on interest than the amount you owe. And once you essentially pay off the equivalent of the principal, the interest goes away and you just continue to pay on the principal. Anyway, just another reason I will never elected to public office.

Congrats on Thornapple paying back his loan. I don't understand why loan people are such smarmy pieces of shit. You gave me $7000 and I paid you $8500 so how about you keep your attitude to yourself?

"Absolutely! I don't even know why I'm watching this crap," I say. "Let's get some snacks and really make this an afternoon! Maybe we still have some ice cream!"

People Don't Want to Hear About Your Dreams

August 2, 1966

Did the pitcher hate Thornapple that much? Does Thornapple's head take up too much space on plate? Hey, there are guys in the showers back there!

I like the idea of Thornapple bouncing around whatever jobs are needed to make the joke work. He's not just stuck at a tea cozy company. I guess you can't have a wife and kid and have a new job every day. He's not Homer Simpson.

Is there a carbon monoxide leak in this house...? Why doesn't Gladys know what extra innings are?!

So is Brutus fired? I know it doesn't matter because he'll just be back at work tomorrow like some sort of sick Sisyphean punishment, but it's so hard to keep track of these things.

I Don't Think Your Boss Can Talk To You That Way

June 30, 1966

It is a good thing that window was open. The broken glass could've shaved this man's face off.

Is Veeblefester upset because he only has one bag of money on his desk today? Somehow Brutus kept Veeblefester from having two or more bags of money on his desk?

Late Night Quickies

June 16, 1966

Ok, sir. Get back in your car. Just wait for the police. You don't need to beat this guy into a bloody pulp. Let his insurance do it.

How does he fit into that car? "Everyone deserves to drive an automobile, even the very tall..."

It's nice that Brutus always goes into Wilberforce talking about playing sports believing he won. Maybe someday Wilberforce will win one.

What does playing an "intersquad game" have to do with anything in this strip?

O...K...?

I am against AI. No one is stopping you from creating anything, just start creating. Oh, it's not good? Well, keep working at it and you'll get better. But I'm also against AI helping us learn things. ChatGPT isn't a search engine and it will just make things up. The screenshot to the left is a list of 10 "lesser-known facts about Snoopy". Clearly, much of it is gathered from AI. It was posted to one of those non-official random Facebook Pages that anyone can create and no one was calling it out despite being weirdly incorrect about a lot of it. Let's go through it, shall we?

1. Snoopy doesn't have a full name and if he did, it wouldn't be "Snoopy Von Peanuts" as Schulz was not quiet about how much he hated the name "Peanuts".

2. While Snoopy was inspired was Schulz's dog, Spike, Spike was an English Pointer. Spike (drawn by Schulz) actually appeared in a "Ripley's Believe It or Not" comic about being able to eat nails. Andy, Schulz's favorite dog, was a mixed breed.

3. Snoopy wasn't always a dog? He was, but clearly the AI got confused because Snoopy originally started out as a regular dog who seemed to roam the neighborhood. It took awhile to establish that he was really Charlie Brown's dog and even long to turn Snoopy into the character we all know today.

4. Snoopy does have an entire family. You may have seen his family tree popping up around the internet. Snoopy's family consists of siblings Andy, Olaf, Rover, Spike, Marbles, Molly, and Belle. Belle also has a son, giving Snoopy a nephew.

5. Snoopy's favorite food, at least based on appearances in the strip, are chocolate chip cookies.

6. It's weird that the most complicated fact is also the most correct. The World War I Flying Ace is probably Snoopy's most famous alter ego having appeared in "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown". But is it a "lesser-known fact"?

7. Another correct fact. Peanuts first debuted on October 2, 1950, with Snoopy making his first appearance on October 4.

8. He's a global icon. Yeah, this is also correct.

9. The Peanuts television specials began in 1965 with "A Charlie Brown Christmas", but the first Peanuts feature film was "A Boy Named Charlie Brown" in 1969. "Snoopy Come Home" was the second.

10. While Snoopy is shown typing on top of his doghouse trying to write the great American novel, "expert in typing" is odd phrasing. What is his words per minute? How accurate is he?

May 26, 1966

Ugh, why is that water fountain so close to Veeblefetzer's office? Just so he can harass his employees? Seems like a very specific bit for someone who has "Don't Tread on Me" written on his door.

I looked this up and nothing was helpful. I just want to point out how pissed off people get when it looks like our sports are being rigged. Pine tar. Deflategate. Doping. Pete Rose.

Hair-Brained

May 4, 1966

I don't think there's ever been a time where people wanted to hear criticism of how they do things. Especially when you are the one in charge. I don't know why people they would know better than Birdie Tebbets, whose life was baseball for 30 years. Yes, George "Birdie" Tebbets was a real person! He was a catcher who was very good at directing the pitchers. Tebbets played from 1936 until 1952 and then managed from 1954 until 1966. I don't know, maybe what this guy said sunk it considering Tebbets would retire from the Cleveland Indians after the 1966 season. He would continue being a scout for various teams until his retirement in 1997. Birdie Tebbets would pass away in 1999 at 86.

I guess we're just ignoring all of Kewpie's fur that is on his head and focusing on the two longer hairs that I always figured were oddly placed eyelashes/eyebrows.

Why are they just staring at Kewpie?

Prodigious Blast?

December 21, 1986

I've never had to give a speech before. I know me, and I know I wouldn't like it. The closest I've come is I had to give a little speech to run for sheriff of this fake city my class took a field trip to in middle school. I was not elected sheriff, but instead was hired as a meter reader. My speech trying to garner votes of my fellow classmates clearly did not resonate.

I spent hours on my speech and read it. I didn't leave it up to ad-libbing because all that gets me is a panic attack.

The Weasels are so bad, the coach doesn't even bring a second ball to practice. Also, the coach just lost $8 because of Wilberforce.

Maybe the ball rolled into a alternate realm of fantastical creatures?

All aboard the Candy Line Express! If you would like to support me or this website, you can throw some money my way.

Did Brutus Take Off Work for Opening Day?

April 28, 1966

So that beautiful woman is going to hook up with Harry here? I probably shouldn't scoff. Harry, as much as I hate to admit it, kind of looks like me.

Hey, Tallulah, if you'd quit posing on that couch, Bertha could have a seat, too. Are these two women friends or what's going on here?

Hey, readers, it's baseball opening day. The crack of the bat, the roar of the crowd. That's right, baseball's back! The boys of summer and The Born Loser a winning team! There. That's over. Although I do believe we will see several more baseball-themed comics over the next seven(!!??!!) months.

Excite Is Such a Strong Word

March 8, 1966

I vaguely remember an old friend of mine having a boomerang when we were kids. I think I saw it once, it did not return, and I never saw it again. I'm sure having a non-returning boomerang was a real kick in the butt to our childhood because why would cartoons lie to us, but non-returning boomerangs exist and mainly just used to wallop people and things. Since this boomerang is curved, it seems to be a returning boomerang, but one could argue that this man is being hunted for sport.

I'm thrilled. Baseball is my favorite of the sports I hate.

Why is the news(?) showing the equipment leaving? Is there demand for that? I know the country is on fire right now what with the coup of an unelected South African billionaire and his gaggle of half-pint sidekicks, but the equipment, not the actual team, on their way to Goodyear, Arizona is not even "feel-good news".

👅

February 19, 1966

Thornapple can take a baseball to the mouth which is pretty good. He's going to need medical attention to remove the baseball and fix his teeth, but at least that doesn't affect his playing.

The Cleveland Spiders were a real team!! A very old team. They competed between 1887 and 1899. Apparently, the Spiders were a very good until 1899 when most the roster (which included a name I actually recognize, Cy Young) were sent to other teams. The Spider finished the season 20-134, which is still a major league record. The next worst team win-loss record is the 1965 Mets 40-120. The Spiders returned for a 1914-1916 season when the Toledo Mud Hens moved to Cleveland becoming the Bearcats (1914-1915) and then the Spiders (1915-1916) before moving back to Toledo.

Another interesting thing, the Cleveland Spiders reportedly have the distinction of employing the first Native American baseball player, Louis Sockalexis. He played for the Spiders from 1897 to 1899. According to Cleveland fans, Sockalexis was the person who suggested naming Cleveland's new major league baseball team the Indians, though that is disputed. Sadly, Sockalexis was not appreciated during his time and was called racial slurs and confronted with war whoops and dances when at bat. Sockalexis was also an alcoholic which hurt his image due to the stereotype of "Indian weakness". Sockalexis would die of tuberculosis in 1913 at the age of 42.

me: *keeps looking around, trying to peer around the borders of the panel* WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO??!!

It's a stupid comic strip pet peeve of mine. If your character is going to essentially talk to themselves, put those words in a thought bubble. I know thought bubbles aren't something this strip does, but still...

Even assuming the Thornapples have a coffee maker that has a schedule and can immediately go downstairs and pour herself a cup of coffee right away, the toothpaste taste doesn't last that long. At least for me. Maybe I'm doing something wrong.

Drama-Free Dog

December 18, 1965

More crime in these early strips! There are only two constants in these early strips: Crime and death.

Can none of these people who get overpowered and tied up fight back? There's a couple where it's possible they were asleep. This guy was at work!

July 27, 2024

Two strips in a row talking about smoke detectors going off.

DINNER BELL!?!? Who still rings a dinner bell to announce it's time for dinner? It is 2024 for goodness sake.

Kewpie seems like my kind of dog. Rarely barks, doesn't try to jump over the fence in order to eat the neighbors, lazy, genderqueer/non-binary.

Is Uncle Ted over at Brutus' or did Brutus take Kewpie to Uncle Ted's?

The Other Team's Coach Also Tells His Players to Move In

We're going back to look at the short-lived Golden Age comic book character, The Cat Man by June Tarpé Mills. This story is taken from his first appearance in Amazing Man #5 in 1939. I like the premise of the story and it gave us this amazing quote pictured here. There's also some old Sunday comics for you and Gladys in a horrible "Super Mom" sweatshirt.

May 18, 1986

Veeblefester's tennis partner broke his hip? He'll be dead within months. I used to be pretty good at tennis. I think it was mostly because I took it seriously while most everybody else in high school goofed around. Is Brutus confusing tennis with another sport or does he and Wilberforce not play with a net?

Hey! Veeblefester knows/remembers that Wilberforce is Brutus' kid!

For some reason, I figured today would be a rerun. I love Brutus' skepticism and concern in the next to last panel. "Really? In what context?" You are not ambidextrous and definitely favor your right hand. Do I need to have a talk with this coach? Is this how I'm going to spend my Sunday? Beating up a pervert?

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Inevitable Return of the Great White Dope

November 19, 1965

I don't usually compliment this comic strip because it's usually so meh, but I do want to give credit where credit is due. I love the phrasing of this strip. "Me? Paint myself into a corner?", the scoffing noise, the seemingly sinister implications of "escape hatch" which is just the door leading out of the room. The dastardly set-up (for some reason) makes the joke of the strip even better. Take it down a few notches, Brutus. You remembered not to paint yourself into a corner. Congrats, you did the bare minimum.

I'm just imaging Brutus, who shouldn't want to talk to Mother Gargle in the first place, walking by and going "Hey, Mother Gargle. Not dead yet?" and getting more frustrated and louder each time he repeats it because she can't hear him.

Wilberforce, put your own damn clothes away. And scrub out your own skidmarks.

This is a weird question to ask in your own house. You hear someone talking then it is obviously one of the three people who live in your house. She should also be able to recognize her own husband's voice. Unless Brutus uses different voices when he talks to himself. If so, that's some very impressive insanity.

Ever since I left Twitter, I've been on all the other social networking sites, but none of them have come close to what I had on Twitter. I want to be able to step away but I have a website to think about. I guess I could just stop updating my website...

Hey, whatever gets you to show up.

I bet they didn't even catch a tire or a boot. That's how loser-y these two are. They are also so loser-y that maybe they caught malaria, West Nile, or Zika from those mosquitoes.

Worthless Boy of Summer

November 10, 1965

Technically, if he were to take one of those "when will you die" quizzes, I bet it would say he's already dead. "Am I already dead?" "Oh, no. That would be terrible. It says next Thursday."

Are the Scandinavian countries different than Europe? Maybe she's just more excited about being alone with those Scandinavian men. Or Scandinavian ladies.

I'm impressed the coach puts Wilberforce up to bat so much. Even if there's a "each of your players have to be up at bat" rule, coaches usually put those kids in when the stakes are low--not five times. Although I've been following the Weasels for years now and the whole team is pretty awful.

2022.

Only 9 Players?

October 19, 1965

Was Alvin smoking the pipe and then quickly shoved the pipe into the dog's mouth to blame it? That dog does not look like he enjoys smoking.

It doesn't matter which order Wilberforce is in, he's still going to suck.

Strike Out

November 12, 1989

I hate escalators. I try to avoid them whenever I can. After bridge collapse, escalators is second on my list of possible ways I will die.

At least this strip didn't end with Brutus' mangled, bloodied corpse caught in the comb plate like so many of my nightmares.

There's not another game you can watch while this one figures itself out? It's gotta be boring just watching the announcers complain and bad video of the field with fans slowly leaving.

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Tis the Season

October 29, 1989

Where did Wilberforce get that Cookie Crisp Wizard (Cookie Jarvis) outfit? Cookie Crook and Officer Crumb had been the mascot for the cereal for five years at this point.

I hope Wilberforce and Hurricane Hattie are robbing Brutus and beating the crap out of him.

Finally, it's Weasels Baseball season. It's my third favorite season after Snowman Brutus Winter and Golf.

Shitter. Coach called you the Designated Shitter.

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We're Talkin' Baseball

December 4, 1975

Veeblefester is really calling Brutus out. "You are weird! You're talking to yourself! And responding! What's wrong with you? Do you have brain damage? Can I get a tax break for hiring you? I'm going to look into it!"

My first professional sports game was a major league baseball game. It's probably why I'm not a fan of sports. Wilberforce at least had fun. And he only had a little beer spilled on him.

He's Not Even That Short

"If he's going to call you names then you need to take down that nude portrait you drew of him!"

Has...Has Gladys seriously never heard of the position of shortstop? Her son has played baseball for years. Her husband watches baseball dependably. I'm thinking it's some sort of brain damage. Has she been bonked on the head by a cocont recently?

He's a Squinter

I logged onto Twitter yesterday with thoughts that I was going to go back to posting, at least for a bit. It was just awful. Antisemitism, people saying personal/paid time off and sick leave were the same thing, the casual racism, bigotry, and hatred. I don't understand why we can't just get along, or, barring that, just live and let live. And now, apparently, hundreds of hateful, banned accounts are back? Cool. Meanwhile, I can't switch over to a professional account because I told a U.S. Senator to eat shit and die. But I can use racial slurs and continuously harass people and keep my account. I could even pay $8 and become "verified".

Literally me logging onto Twitter yesterday.

Anyway, you can keep with my posts on Facebook, Instagram, Mastodon, and Hive Social.

August 24, 1973

Wilberforce is definitely going to hit that man with his bat, because that's what this Wilberforce does.

Seriously, who doesn't know he's in a baseball uniform and that baseball doesn't use goalies?

He can't see the TV and it's only five feet away from him? I don't know what Uncle Ted needs but it definitely wasn't the glasses prescription he was given. Or maybe he should sit further away from the TV.

Uncle Ted has a friend named Ernie and Brutus has a friend named Arnie? Okay.