That'll Learn 'Im

August 27, 1966

Well, this batch of whatever is ruined. That also looks like it will be hard to clean. I expect more from someone who has two ovens.

Have you heard car horns lately? They're all wimpy these days. Brutus is waiting thirty seconds before honking his horn? No wonder people walk all over him. Five seconds. Ten seconds tops because thirty seconds at a stop light is a long time.

I was stuck at a light yesterday. East- and westbound traffic got a green light as did southbound, but northbound never did. I just turned right and went to the next block. No horn required.

Next Window Please

August 19, 1966

Do you pull that out from under the table every time someone comes over? Seems like an inconvenience to do that all the time. I would just have everyone gather around the dining room table. "Brutus made it with the $700 power tools I bought him for his birthday!" "Wow! Brutus made the entire table?!" "No, the little block under this leg that keeps it from being wobbly."

$700 sounds like a lot for 1966.

Well, why didn't you read the signs? This would never happen where I live because driver's licenses are handled by the state while license plates are handled by the county so they wouldn't even be in the same building.

You Hit One More Person It's Technically a Spree

A neighboring county's sheriff's office posted back in March that a horse was found dead. Believing the horse to have been shot, the sheriff went well out of their way to find out who did it. Getting the Kansas Bureau of Investigation, K9 units, detectives from other agencies, and even veterinarians from Kansas State University in on the investigation, the sheriff ginned up anger from all across the United States and got about $10,000 donated as a reward to catch the perpetrator. Whoever killed this horse was clearly going to have a public hanging.

Then, about a week ago, they posted that the cause of death was discovered. Traumatic brain injury. They caused all this anger and finger pointing for absolutely no reason. Going through the comments on the post, most of them are going "Heh. Yeah, that's a horse for you. Always hurting themselves." Then why wasn't that the go-to explanation until you discovered more? When someone actually did call them out on it, the person was attacked with "They were doing their job" and "Everyone matters or no one matters". But they didn't do their job. They claimed it was murder, got other people to do the work, and couldn't find or do anything until they actually knew what happened. And let's be honest, they did more for this horse than most cops do for a missing or dead person, because they thought it was going to be easy. They even admitted in their posts that criminals that do this tend to talk about it so keep your ears open for people talking about it. The social media for this sheriff's office is run almost like a meme account. It is clearly run to generate views and interactions, so I guess mission accomplished. And all it took was turning neighbors against each other.

Yesterday, my story For Ashlea posted. It's the first thing I've written that I've posted since 2022. It took a lot of convincing myself in order to get it scheduled. Please check it out, and I hope you like it.

February 8, 1987

I guess that's not Brutus' hat? How many hats has Brutus lost now? At least four, I think. Maybe he should stop wearing them. It's the 80s, most guys don't wear them anymore.

I'll be honest. I initially checked out on the word 'oopsie'. I had to go back and read this again. Were they able to get the Thornapple family truckster off the other car or did Gladys get a ride, from I assume a police officer, and the car is still on top of the other?

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Hide-And-Abandon

June 23, 1966

Is it too late in my Born Loser-snarking career to admit that I never understood the title? I mean, I understand that back in 1965, They'll Do It Every Time was already taken, but calling every person in this comic a "loser" is stretching it. Most of what we see isn't loser behavior, it's just life bending us over. Maybe Art should've called this strip Life Bends Us Over.

"Well, I hope they aren't hiding in the abandoned cistern. It tends to flood even when it's not raining..."

I think this would be better if Brutus was sitting watching TV and Gladys walks in. "I'm back!" So? And?

Late Night Quickies

June 16, 1966

Ok, sir. Get back in your car. Just wait for the police. You don't need to beat this guy into a bloody pulp. Let his insurance do it.

How does he fit into that car? "Everyone deserves to drive an automobile, even the very tall..."

It's nice that Brutus always goes into Wilberforce talking about playing sports believing he won. Maybe someday Wilberforce will win one.

What does playing an "intersquad game" have to do with anything in this strip?

Couldn't They Just Write the Special On a Board?

June 13, 1966

Car horn don't typically "die". They do rely on an electrical current to work so I guess a horn that won't stop blaring could eventually drain the battery. I've never had a horn malfunction so can a horn keep blaring if the car is turned off? I guess so, because you can still honk the horn if the car is off. I'm thinking about this and perusing this Boss Horn website too much. Women drivers, amirite?

Hope you like oysters in brown gravy, Brutus!

That was the most disgusting thing I could think of that this diner might have. I spent too much time learning about how car horns work.

Car Trouble

June 3, 1966

Betty, you gotta keep your eyes on Bamm-Bamm. Yes, he's the strongest baby in the world, but the world can be a dark and scary place.

Grocery stores still have loose pieces of vegetables that you can buy. You can use one of those hard-to-open plastic bags, but no one's making you. Just through that lettuce and celery in the cart without care. However, I never see loose loaves of bread.

1989

Gladys, if you're not going to help then get out and I will just push, steer, and stop on my own.

I think I could pull Gladys' hat off.

Phone Bemoan

from Heathcliffcomix Instagram

The boys all just came from running over Garfield. What's Scratchy doing here? He's not a comic strip character.

January 11, 1987

I guess building a snowman is a young man's game? I don't know. I've never built or helped build a snowman in my life.

Why is Brutus sitting on the giant snowball?

He should memorize a number or two. Businesses still tend to have landlines. You can also ask someone to borrow their phone. "Can I borrow your phone?" "Yeah, sure." "Damn it!" "What's wrong?" "None of my numbers are in your contacts!"

Brutus needs to be honest with himself that even with phone numbers memorized, Wilberforce would be useless in an emergency.

In case you missed it, I believe I have found myself a new nemesis in The Brain. Although I don't think I'll go to this well as much as I do with Capt. Kid. If you would like to support me or this website, you can throw some money at my Support page.

Late Night Car Wash

April 21, 1966

Oliver?!

What kind of meeting is this? Some sort of Darwin Society? Are those even a thing? I thought they were, but according to search results they are just something I made up.

Anyway, thanks Bill Copeland of Sarasota, Florida.

I washed the car a couple weeks ago and it rained, which whatever. I don't care. But then, like, two days later it rained again. It rained mud because of all the ash from wildfires. So, now my car needs to get washed again.

Does Every Bowl of Stew Get a Hockey Puck?

April 5, 1966

Say what?
Fuck?

Shit?

Goddamn?

Kerfelfluffer?

Ziggity-wing-wang?

Come on, give me a clue. There are a few other words he might say but I'm not sure if I'm allowed to type them out.

My favorite thing when one of the characters in this strip are mad, it looks like they are three seconds away from having a full-blown tantrum. Brutus is going to throw that stew on the floor--hockey puck and all--and begin pounding on the counter.

Man's Luxurious Hubris

March 12, 1966

Thing is, she couldn't do that again if she tried.

I don't see how the ball could hit that tree and then practically go straight up, but what do I know? I don't really know physics.

Dolores and Gladys. I'm not gonna judge that team until I see a spec script. Do we have to keep the beret though?

I'm pretty sure if you installed a heated steering wheel on your 2014 whatever you have, the car would explode.

I Think I Also Ran Over a Kid

I always feel that you are going to be late, have a good story. Even if you make it up. I understand that your employees have to be at work at a certain time, but at the same time I'm like, things happen. Just let me know you're going to be late and don't let it become a habit. If your schedule is a problem then we need to talk about it. It's an attitude like that which is probably why I'm never considered managerial material.

Wait. Brutus would have to leave earlier in order to ride the bus so why is he late? He must've really overslept.

Belly Belly Nice

December 29, 1965

I feel like the fault is not on the one-way street. Those things just don't pop up out of nowhere.

For some reason, I don't have an issue with the word 'belly' like I do with 'tummy'. I mean, this is still a weird context for saying 'belly', but at least it's not 'tummy'.

Ah, Sweet Love

Organized in 1897, the Topeka Women's Club built and moved into their beautiful brick building in 1925. Due to declining membership, the Women's Club sold the building to the Kansas Insurance Department in the 1980s. When the department moved out in 2020, the building remained abandoned until purchased to be renovated into an event space The Beacon.

I didn't include pictures of the many Tiffany stained glass windows in the original post but pictured here is the window honoring education that was installed in the theater.

June 15, 1986

If you're going to jaywalk, do it better. Don't just run out in front of the cars. Wait until there's some space. Or, if I'd rather, just walk the extra 50-75 feet to the nearest crosswalk.

In the first panel, Brutus is clearly at a crosswalk/intersection. You can't just wait for the light to change? Then you deserve to get hit by a car.

Well, this marriage isn't going to last. What? They've been together more than ten years? I do not want to pay Wilberforce's therapy bills.

Brutus interrupts her twice, but one of those times is in the throwaway panels so getting mad at Brutus over one instance makes Gladys seem like a huge jerkass. Knowing what your spouse is going to say is cute. Not according to Gladys, I guess.

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Late Night Post

December 9, 1965

Cream puff? What kind of descriptor is 'cream puff' for a car?

Hey, we got another funny hat.

Veeblefester is so upset at Brutus that he can't even look at him. Go home, enjoy your weekend. Come back Monday and we'll see how I feel about you then.

Tuesday Quickies

November 30, 1965

Who's Princie? Another kid? A dog? It's not like you are moving at a high rate of speed, just open the door and lean out.

Gladys couldn't just leave the mail in the box outside their house? Maybe it needs a stamp.

Brutus is in the doghouse and he didn't even do anything. Even whatever is in his mug is scared.

I've Never Seen You Leave Ohio

Pinkie Prim was a young girl cat clearly created to get little girls to read the comics in the newspaper. The strip was created by Dick Wood and ran from 1906 to early 1911. The strip was distributed by World Color Printing. World Color was founded in St. Louis in 1903 and was an early supporter of Krazy Kat creator George Herriman. World Color would then enter the comic book business in the 1930s, something that would continue for 50 more years including printing Marvel and DC comics. World Color is currently headquartered in Quebec.

May 11, 1986

This sounds annoying. My car screams at me too much. It yells at me when the car starts, when there's low fuel, when people aren't buckled in, when a tire is low, when someone is in my blind spot and my blinker is on, when I'm approaching the rear end of a car too fast, when there's ice over the front camera. The other day it yelled at me with something new: My key fob battery was low. At least these are just a series of dings and not some voice talking to me.

Oh, Wilberforce is in summer school? That sucks.

If a hurricane is a tropical cyclone over 75mph, then a tropical depression is a tropical cyclone under that speed. Is there a carbon monoxide leak in this house? Why has everyone been so stupid lately?

If you would like to support me or this website, you can buy me a cup of coffee over on Ko-fi.

Kids These Days

November 13, 1965

Her head went through the steering wheel. I guess she's fine. I'm assuming the wreck happened right outside and involves a neighbor, which won't make going outside and doing yard work awkward at all.

Make it not 98 degrees by noon? That'd be the first thing I try.

Every summer I see people complaining about kids not playing outside. Kids play outside where I am. There's a group of kids playing outside as I'm writing this. I don't know what's wrong with your neighborhood where kids don't want to play. Those of you complaining about kids not playing outside, do you oppose every new park initiative and want everything kids could do to make money for the city? Do you call the police whenever you see more than three kids in a park? Maybe that's the problem.

They Should Go for a Drive

October 8, 1965

How did this happen? How do you get your tie stuck in the door? And not only did he get his tie caught in the door, he also locked his keys in the car, I guess? And, not to pile on this loser, but his son also seems...what's a nice way to say "stupid"? That kid's not making anyone proud.

Veeblefester is going to pull Brutus' chair out from under him. Or push him really hard. Or just punch him. Whichever, it will lead to workers' comp filing that will be immediately denied.

It runs off of 50 D batteries, you knob.

There's That Hat Again

January 21, 1978

I don't like this coworker. Give me Arnie or douchey blond guy any day over generic middle-aged guy.

Where are you going? Taking Wilberforce and starting a new life without Gladys and Mother Gargle? It's about time.