Kitchen to Clean? Yard to Mow?

August 1, 1966

Yeah, yeah. You know what I usually say with these type of comics. I want to point out how these monkeys remind me of my Mom's coconut monkey. When she passed, I, of course, got it. It's older than I am. It's currently sitting on a shelf in the living room. It doesn't eavesdrop and gossip like these monkeys clearly do.

Do the Thornapples not have regular cable TV? What are they doing? Your lives are boring even with wi-fi. I never see you on a computer and barely see you on your phones. Y'all always have things to do around the house, and here you are just sitting on the couch.

If you plan on protesting, be safe out there.

Late Night Car Wash

April 21, 1966

Oliver?!

What kind of meeting is this? Some sort of Darwin Society? Are those even a thing? I thought they were, but according to search results they are just something I made up.

Anyway, thanks Bill Copeland of Sarasota, Florida.

I washed the car a couple weeks ago and it rained, which whatever. I don't care. But then, like, two days later it rained again. It rained mud because of all the ash from wildfires. So, now my car needs to get washed again.

Spirit Animal Saturday

March 24, 1966

I'd like to try this out and see what happens. Although I never see this many people in a bank anymore.

Eh, I'd go for more like a koala. Koalas also sleep a lot--up to 20 hours a day--but, like Brutus, are loyal, caring, sensitive, respectful, tolerant, and riddled with chlamydia.

Slab Crab

February 14, 2025

Sorry I was gone all week. I caused you to miss this lovely comic featuring Brutus and Gladys' last Valentine's as a married couple.

October 5, 1986

Who is this frog? Prince Andrew? How about you find a woman over the age of consent, and not, you know, a 9-year-old?

And this isn't going to be a One Froggy Evening situation. If that frog prince doesn't sing, Hattie will just play frog baseball with him or just throw him against a wall.

I mean, if Todd Sweeney has the best meat then paying his exorbitant prices is fine. I'm willing to pay a little more for fresh cut slabs of the best beef this side of the Ohio River from Todd Sweeney, the demon butcher of Fleet Street.

I posted a link on social media yesterday, but for those who may have missed it, Timmy and the Robot posted yesterday. If you would like to support me or this website, you can buy me a cup of coffee over on Ko-fi.

Thursday Echo

January 14, 1966

Well, these guys are going to undergo some trauma. Don't get me wrong, I feel like these cartoon moose with their little mating dance would be kind and generous lovers, but real moose would probably just entice you, mount you, trample or crush you, and still try to shove it in.

Maybe a moose will mate Brutus right off the edge of Echo Point. Which would definitely make the news because Ohio does not have moose.

Thursday Quickies

December 16, 1965

Hey! More death in this comic strip!

Skipper and Smee? We're mixing pop culture references now.

July 25, 2024

Hmm. Someone watched that Christmas episode of The Office where Dwight is selling Princess Unicorn dolls, the hottest toys of the season, and says "Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-ka-ching!"

Maybe don't watch the Olympics tonight, Brutus. They're clearly depressing you.

Trash Panda

October 27, 1965

What is this PTA meeting? Don't get me wrong, it's nice seeing parents involved in their children's school. This is a vastly bigger turnout than the zero parents I usually see show up. I'm just confused who this guy is. On a scale of 1 to 10, how inappropriate is this joke?

Just put a rock on top of the lid. Keep things in bags? I always feel when people complain about animals in their trash, they just put their trash loosely in the can and not in bags. There are raccoons and possums around here, too, and they've never made an awful mess of our trash.

Water, Water Everywhere

August 19, 1965

I have a lot of questions about this Noah's Ark themed strip. A turtle giving a weather report. That conventional time exists (11 P.M. weather). That news exists! That animals talk. That we're blaming a turtle for God's temper tantrum. But I can't get over that the turtle's name is Maurice Bascombe.

Oh shit! Veeblefester is on to you, Brutus! Just because you are hanging out at the work watercooler doesn't mean you are doing work. If you keep abusing the watercooler privileges, it will go away and you'll just have to start bringing your own water to work.

Maybe They Took Kewpie

August 3, 1965

We. Are. Going. To. Be. SO FREAKING RICH!!! A new species! And it seems friendly!! We are going to tour the country! The world! Get out from behind that desk, Dad, you and Clara will never have to work again!!

What? Someone broke into your house and stole the dozen or so sensors they placed around the doors and windows? If the system was armed then maybe you can get your money back. That's a terrible security system and you should be glad you learned that before anything more expensive and important was stolen.

She Sees Dead People

I've been having weird dreams like when we were on lockdown during the pandemic over the last couple of weeks. I blame it being winter and cold, but have we really left March 2020? Have we?

Anyway, last night I had two weird dreams. The first one, I was working in an office job and had just come back from vacation. Why the dream couldn't show me on vacation, I don't know. Maybe it's because I haven't had a vacation since 2018 so my subconscious doesn't remember what one feels like. I came back from vacation and saw that many of my desk tchotchkes had gone missing so the rest of the dream was me trying to figure out what happened to them and no one caring. The next dream was my block was celebrating Voice Day, apparently a day where we dress in sky blue robes and sing in the streets. There was barbecue, rides, games. It looked pretty fun. At least it was until someone showed up and started shooting at people. Even in dreams, we can't be safe from mass shooters.

July 13, 1965

I hope that's someone wearing one of those shark fins you wear around your torso. Not that that makes this scenario any better. Shark or murderous stranger pretending to be a shark?

Mother Gargle's other senses are failing so her sixth one needs to compensate.

Vegetable Stew in Beef Broth

June 16, 1965

Another one where I can't really tell what's going on. Clearly she doesn't have a pearl in her but something else? A diamond? Three oysters don't have anything. Are those pearls? These oysters have human names? What is going on here?

By three it will just be vegetable stew.

Oh, hey. They moved the gumball/antacid machine.

Suicidal Tendencies 2 is now up on Ko-fi. If you enjoy it, let me know, or buy me a cup of coffee if you would like to support my writing and website.

In the Nosebleeds

April 20, 1974

some questions...is this a pet turtle that the Thornapples are trying out? why is Brutus trying to walk a turtle?

That's one determined turtle. Doesn't even seem to be choking himself on his leash unlike some dogs I know.

So you were either sitting in Illinois or somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Either way, that's a big-ass stadium and I hope Uncle Ted had fun.

Brutus Had Wilberforce Do It

April 8, 1974

While Norman and, I'm going to call him George, stare at what they claim is a large aircraft, the fish to the right, who I will call Walter, is wondering why his friends are staring at a dead human. (Brutus' belly, arms, and legs will sink soon causing the body to rotate face down.)

Who knows how that happened? Older people are always hitting random buttons and messing up things on phones. It's, sadly, their lot in life.

Tubby Tuesday

April 1, 1974

I always thought that snails were called "escargot" because that's what the French call snails. But it's really because that's the sound snails make when they sneeze. I don't know who figured that out but what a legacy!

Interesting that the snails are French (Pierre!) yet acknowledge the sneeze in German.

"My weight's up again. I'm so discouraged! I've done and changed absolutely nothing and I'm not losing weight."

Email Message?

November 2, 1973

Still impressive. And it may not be his fault. Maybe those turtles just got switched around as they were walking in. Sadly, those turtles are now at risk of getting ill from the fingernail polish Brutus used. At least, I hope it's fingernail polish.

So are Brutus and his bucket hat-wearing friend trying out a new terrible diner or is this the usual diner that Brutus goes to that he's subjecting his bucket hat-wearing friend to?

What does Veeblefester do all day? Clearly he doesn't read his own emails. Using television as a guide, I watched The Office. I'm not really sure what Michael Scott did as the boss either. I'm starting to think that most bosses just make it up as they go along.

Second Lunch

August 15, 1973

Uh-oh. Trouble in paradise. Or at least the paradise section of the pet store.

That macaw looks like he's lived through some stuff. I had a friends whose mom owned a bird. I don't know why you'd want a pet that could launch their body fluids across the room but she had one.

Instead of spending another giant chunk of money at a restaurant, just go down the block and pick up some fast food if you're hungry again.

And finish your wine before you leave.

Brutus, Just Eat Your, I'm Gonna Say, Oatmeal

December 10, 1973

Bear rugs don't have bones and muscles, right? For Brutus' sake, bear rugs better not have bones or muscles.

He's already said this several times in the past week? And he was on vacation this past week!

I'm assuming Brutus has tried the left and right side along with scooting to the foot of the bed. Has he tried standing up and climbing over the headboard? I don't know how many more ways you can get out of bed.

Neither Do Either

There is absolutely no difference between a woodchuck and a groundhog. The name woodchuck doesn't even have anything to do with wood. Although you have to admit that "how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood" makes more sense than "how much ground could a groundhog hog if a groundhog could hog ground."

Superman For the Animals

Superman for the Animals came out polybagged with a handful of comics with a November 2000 cover date. I must have gotten mine with Superman Adventures #41 as I didn't read any of the other comics that this book was sold with. Superman for the Animals was made by DC Comics for the Doris Day Animal Foundation and it's made to talk to kids about animal abuse. The story follows Tommy Delaney, who is new in town, and him getting in with the wrong crowd. This crowd doesn't do the normal things that punk kids do like spraypaint graffiti or sit around drinking alcohol and doing drugs. No, these punks abuse animals.

Superman for the Animals was written by Mark Millar, art by Tom Grummett and Dick Giordano, letters by John Costanza, colors by Glenn Whitmore and Digital Chameleon, edited by Paul Kupperberg. As always, Superman created by Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster. I do have to warn you, this comic gets rough with animal abuse on every page so if that's something that triggers you, you should bow out now.

The issue starts off with Superman reading some of the many letters that he receives from people all around the world. One of the letters Superman picks up begins "Dear Superman, my name is Tommy Delaney and I'm twelve years old." Tommy is new in town--Springdale. Not only is Tommy new, he had to move mid-semester so he's coming in the middle of everything. Tommy is seated next to Ballser, an angry looking young boy.

Turns out their science teacher has a squirrel in the classroom. Mr. Mulligan found it in a ditch, wounded, so he took it in and has been nursing it back to health over the last two months. "Bushy-tailed rat's probably given half the class rabies by now," Ballser says as he kicks some pigeons out of his way. Tommy has also made other friends and they all hang out with Ballser: Charlie, Donuts, and Eightball. Turns out Ballser has a very specific idea of fun and he quickly reveals it by seeing who can hold their breath the longest--him or Tommy's goldfish.

This would be my first sign that maybe I should stop hanging out with Ballser but Tommy doesn't. Tommy does admit in his letter to Superman that his friends could get a little wild and, yes, even played hooky. Ballser borrows his dad's rifle to get some revenge on a junkyard dog. Donut was bitten by the dog last year and Ballser feels its payback time. Up on a hill, the four boys take their post and Donut takes the shot. The bullet hits the dog in the leg and has to be taken to the vet. The man who owns the dog lives next door to Tommy so Tommy and his dad are outside when their neighbor returns with Major, who had to have his leg amputated. It's here that Tommy learns that there have been a rash of animal attacks lately--hung cats, a dog burned alive in his kennel. Tommy starts to feel really guilty.

Tommy doesn't know what to do. He knows Ballser is behind the attacks but he doesn't know who to go to. Meanwhile, Ballser and the others are out luring and capturing a cat. They go to a highway overpass and proceed to throw the cat over into traffic. Luckily, Superman happens by and rescues the cat. Ballser wants "his" cat back but Superman apparently just takes it as far away from those boys as possible.

Turns out Superman was in Springdale because of a fire at the chemical plant. The same chemical plant that Tommy's dad works at. Tommy stands in awe of Superman, not because of his superpowers but because of how Superman acted. Superman has all of this power but doesn't use it against people weaker than him. Superman just wants to help which inspires Tommy. At school, Tommy stumbles upon Ballser and the crew blocking a sink with paper towels and flooding Mr. Mulligan's classroom. They have also put the squirrel cage in the sink. Mr. Mulligan gets back and the boys flee out the window. He then notices the cage in the sink and...

Tommy has had enough. At Ballser's house, Tommy says that he is going to confess to Mulligan if Ballser doesn't. "Are you threatening me, Boy Scout?" Ballser sneers. Tommy answers with a fist to the jaw. The two scuffle for a bit with Ballser screaming "I'm gonna kill you for that, moron!" while shoving Tommy into a cabinet. The impact knocks a small case off and it breaks open. Inside are at least a hundred pet collars from what we can assume are Ballser's victims. We've got ourselves a future serial killer in our midst.

"How many animals have you killed, Ballser?" Tommy asks.

"C'mon, th-they're just dumb animals. It's not like I really did anything wrong or broke the law," Ballser tries to explain. "It's not like they feel pain...or have souls like us. Doing stuff to them...it isn't any worse than chopping down a tree or burning trash, right?" Ballser then starts swinging a bat. At humans. At his friends. Charlie takes the bat from him.

"What now, Ballser? People not have soul either, dude?"

Tommy and the others tell Mr. Mulligan about what they did to the squirrel. Ballser is sent to therapy and the other four do some volunteering at the local animal shelter where Tommy makes a new friend. Tommy wraps up this letter to Superman telling him that he deserves to hear some good news. Superman inspired Tommy to do the right thing. Being a hero isn't about throwing your weight around. It's about helping those who can't fight for themselves.

If you suspect or witness animal abuse, you can contact your local law enforcement or animal shelter to file a report. You can remain anonymous. You can learn more about animal abuse from the Humane Society of the United States.

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