Showing posts with label gifts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gifts. Show all posts

Friday, May 09, 2025

Brutus Could Barely See the Parade Anyway

June 8, 1966
I'm going to assume that the joke for this strip is that he's an officer and has long forgotten what a lowly sailor likes or would want.

"Oh, Gob!"? Is this guy's name 'Gob'? As in, George Oscar Bluth as portrayed by Will Arnett in the cult favorite TV show Arrested Development? Does this lady know him or is Gob some sort of military codename?

July 4, 2011
Calm down. It's just a parade. Why can't Wilberforce just scoot past those four people?

When I first commented on this strip, I pointed out the person of color in the "crowd". That man would become Arnie, a beloved character who not only works with Brutus but also lives next door. Wait. Do all Veeblefester employees live in some sort of compound or enclave?

Thursday, December 26, 2024

Mall Gall

Satan stands in Hell, lighting a cigar. "I enjoy a good cigar!" he tells the reader. He then yelps in pain. "Burned my finger..."
January 28, 1966
There you have it, folks. If you want to get on Satan's good side, give him a good cigar. I'm assuming you could also just set him on fire and rule Hell as your own.

I hope Satan does look like a normal man wearing a Halloween costume.

Brutus, Gladys, and Wilberforce are all in the car driving somewhere. Wilberforce is in the backseat. "Santa Claus makes all our presents, doesn't he, Pop?" Wilberforce asks. "That's right, my boy!" Brutus exclaims. "He and his elves make our presents in his shop at the North Pole." "Then why are we returning some of our gifts to the mall?"
Not every gift is from Santa, ya knob. Brutus and Gladys are clearly returning the gifts they got from Mother Gargle, the O'Hara's, and the hot chocolate mix set they got (that everyone at the company) got from Veeblefester.

Santa doesn't make the toys. At least, according to Christmas specials. I've never seen Santa do any work except on Christmas. Santa gets all the credit, the elves get the shaft.

"He and his elves--Mastercard and Visa--make our presents in his shop at the North Pole!"

Wednesday, December 25, 2024

Merry Creditmas

An explorer, seeming in a cave or something looking at hieroglyphics. "I mean it Gladstone. Creep up behind me once more and yell 'Boo! and I'll..." He looks behind him. "Gladstone?" We go to the other room where a sarcophagus is open and an pith helmet and pair of glasses lying on the ground. "Gladstone?"
January 27, 1966
So is there some sort of mummy that is now on the loose that's going to eat people? Or is the sarcophagus some sort of portal?

If Gladstone was eaten, I'm impressed by the lack of bones and blood.

Brutus is sitting in his stupid green chair with Gladys standing next to him and Wilberforce standing in front of him. "I got everything I wanted from Santa Claus," Wilberforce says. "How does he do it all?" "Let's just say," Brutus begins. "Thank goodness for Visa and Mastercard."
"Mastercard and Visa...but...but...the elves. What happened to the elves? Are those the names of the elves?"

Despite all their progress, Discover still can't get name-dropped in a comic strip or even be lumped together with the generic "credit cards".

Saturday, December 21, 2024

Saturday Quickies

Two men, one tall and one short, stand waiting at a bus stop. The taller man then points at the sky and says "Bang!" The tall man walks away, the short man is confused. A dead bird suddenly falls to the ground in front of the short man.
January 24, 1966
He's a witch! BURN HIM!!

Let us hope that he never uses that finger on a person.

Why is an eight-year-old girl buying presents for a grown-ass man anyway?

Tuesday, December 17, 2024

Gift of the Magi

A doctor goes up to another doctor and whispers something into his ear. The doctor looks down at his patient with an exclamation point. "Don't punish yourself this way, Doctor. Anyone can make a mistake. Appendectomy does sound an awful lot like tonsillectomy," the one doctor says to the other doctor now crying in the corner.
January 19, 1966
At least you took out another useless organ and weren't performing open heart surgery. That would be terrible.

The appendectomy is going to be comped, right? I don't feel insurance would cover it since it's a mistake.

Gladys and Mother Gargle are sitting at a table with two cups of coffee. "I know his heart is in the right place, but whenever Brutus buys me clothes as a gift, the size is too small!" Gladys says. "There's a simple solution to that...Just tell him to buy you a gift card," Mother Gargle suggests. "I tried that. He buys gift cards in too small a size as well, if you catch my drift."
Why is Brutus just getting Gladys clothes? I'm not knocking a nice pair of pants or whatever, but where's the imagination? I absolutely suck at buying gifts, but I can be somewhat thoughtful.

Sunday, December 08, 2024

Seriously, Why So Angry?

I had to think about it, but I have never been denied anything from my health insurance. I think my wife has been, but it was reinstated because of the doctor or on appeal or something, I can't remember. However, it suddenly came to me that a healthcare denial has personally affected me.

My mom was in the hospital for almost a month. Because she had Aetna, every couple weeks she had to be testing to see if she was getting better. Honestly, depending on the day, it did seem like she was getting better, slowly but surely. Anyway, it came to a point where she had to be at a certain point or they would stop paying for her hospital stay and require she be moved to a nursing facility.

I don't understand or know what their criteria is/was. I asked but even the professionals couldn't really tell me. Anyway, an extension of her stay was denied so she was then transported to a nursing facility. In the meantime, because her insurance would basically no longer pay for care/rehab and I certainly can't afford it, we began proceeding to basically begin palliative care. She went to the facility where she died two days later.

Anyway, I don't know if former Aetna CEO Brian Kane, who left Aetna in August, had anything to do with it. But maybe all these insurers realizing how much they are hated and having at least one person do something about it will make current Aetna CEO Steve Nelson be better.

But probably not.

Glady is on the phone, trying to be secretive. "Hello? I, uh...I can't talk now..." Brutus peers around the corner. "I told you only to call when my husband is at work," Gladys continues. Brutus is stunned. "Listen, Frederick, he goes to work at eight in the morning," Gladys says. "Frederick!" Brutus thinks. "Alright, I'll look for you about ten..." "Aha! GLadys, the jig is up!" Brutus leaps out from around the corner. "Mercy. Caught in the act...of buying you a new lounge chair for your birthday. Care to talk to the salesman?" GLadys hands Brutus the phone but Brutus has shrunk from embarrassment. Seriously, he only comes up to Gladys' knees.
July 13, 1986
Part of this is on Gladys. Why did she use these words? She also didn't have to spill the beans on the chair. Is today Brutus' birthday? Maybe. It'd be one of seven, I think is what we are up to now.

Brutus is in a fancy restaurant. The waiter is waiting on him. "Are you ready to hear tonight's offerings, sir?" "I already know what I want. I'm on an expense account for a business trip, so I'm going to splurge and have surf and turf with a glass of an appropriate wine." "Excellent! I'm sure you will find our filet mignon and lobster tail superb. As for our featured wines by the glass, today we have a chardonnay for a white and a cabernet for red." "Gee, I know red wine should be paired with beef and white with seafood, but I'm having beef and seafood! I'm so confused. I can't decide whether I should go with the red or the white." "Why don't I just bring you one of each and you can mix them together?"
Chip got me. I have been complaining since forever about Brutus eating out at fancy restaurants without his family and for no good reason. Well, we finally have a reason. Whenever he's in a fancy restaurant without his family, he's on a business trip. Chip won this round.

What I don't understand now is why this waiter got so angry so quickly. Brutus got the wine pairings right so it's not like he's being gauche. Don't be a dick, just offer a suggestion, dude.





In case you missed it, there's an original post about the He Said/She Said comics of the early 1990s. If you would like to support me or this website, you can buy me a cup of coffee over on Ko-fi.

Sunday, December 01, 2024

The Gift of Nothing

Brutus happily walks into the ocean. He is only in up to his knees when someone calls out "Hold on, fella, I'm coming!" A lifeguard suddenly grabs Brutus and picks him up. "What in blazes are you doing?!" Brutus yells. "Rescuing you." "I don't need rescuing!" "No...but we lifeguards need practice, too."
July 4, 1986
I'm impressed that one lifeguard can lift and carry Brutus. But enough fat-shaming. Maybe the lifeguard is trying to keep Brutus from going out too far thus making saving him more difficult. Brutus doesn't strike me as the best swimmer.

Mother Gargle stands in front of Brutus as he sits in the green chair. "I've gotten an early start on my Christmas shopping," Mother Gargle says. "Have you picked out a Christmas present for me yet, Brutus?" she asks. "As a matter of fact, I went shopping for your gift yesterday," Brutus replies. "Really? Did you find something special for me?" Mother Gargle asks, maybe a bit too hopeful considering the way she treats Brutus. "You deserve nothing but the best, and I found the perfect gift for you. But when I priced it, I realized I couldn't afford it. So, since it's nothing but the best for you, and I can't afford that, I'm afraid it's nothing for you!"
Nothing is what I would get her. Call me crazy, but I don't buy presents for people who call me "a loaf of shit". I mean, what even is that. And I am just assuming Mother Gargle has called Brutus this. Off-panel, of course.





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Sunday, July 14, 2024

Foot Pain

When a group of bandits make an important cattle drive pass impassable, a group of cowboys--and Bess, a cowgirl(!), try to figure out a way to their destination. But, when their best shot, and Bess' boyfriend, is gunned down, a mysterious stranger steps up. But can he be trusted? Read Ride Fast for Wyoming!

May 25, 1986
Knowing Veeblefester, I'd appreciate the empty box.

First Veeblefester remembers I have a kid and their name is Wilberforce. Now he's gifting me empty boxes.

The walk-in clinic was too booked up to help you? You can't speak with your own doctor to try to get into the podiatrist? I know the American healthcare system is terrible, but Brutus just seems lazy here. Which I'll allow.

He dropped a can of paint on his foot.





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Thursday, December 28, 2023

Christmas End

March 6, 1989
I wish someone would make me a cup of cocoa before bed. A lot of times I have a small glass of chocolate milk but a nice warm mug of hot cocoa would be nice. You don't need to put anything in it. I don't need to be dead to the world for 36 hours.

They can mention each other but neither the twain shall meet, or whatever.

Do you get the book of the year of 2023 to read in 2024 or does the subscription actually begin in December 2024?

Tuesday, December 12, 2023

December Thornapple

January 8, 1978
Gladys is the one with Cheez-Its on her pants...

Is bringing a balloon home 1970s code for someone went drinking after work? Were balloons easier to come by in the 70s?

It's December 12. You should have gifts by now. Or at least an idea of what you are getting. Gladys is going to be completely disappointed, but I'd refuse to let her return it.

Monday, May 08, 2023

Monday Quickies

February 26, 1974
I debated on posting this because the punchline is faded. I thought maybe I could figure it out. But I can't. Something about a spring? The watch Brutus got for his birthday is already broke, I assume, and the spring is sticking out.

August 23, 1975
Why is he chewing that gum so loudly?

And Gladys just walks away? Brutus could be choking on that gum now and you're just walking away with your plant.

Brutus works hard all day for an abusive rich person, he's allowed to nap and doesn't need your sarcastic idioms.

Saturday, February 25, 2023

Friends for the Friendless

December 4, 1973
Animal could be be some form of fur coat. Mineral could be jewelry. What's vegetable? This?

We were way too excited about just throwing credit around back then. President Carter was right.

Take your loss of friends as the beginning of your supervillain era. They'll be sorry! They'll live to regret this!!

I feel Wilberforce has the same problem as me in keeping friends and I don't know what the problem is. I'm absolutely delightful.

Thursday, February 23, 2023

The Best Policy

November 30, 1973
Who's this girl and why is her stocking cap so long?

It has a calendar? You mean it shows the date. I have an Apple Watch and even that doesn't have a calendar so I doubt even the most expensive watch in 1973 had a calendar.

It's a job performance review. You don't ask if you can be honest, you just be honest. Not that Brutus listens and will actually attempt to do better at his job. It's not like he's gonna get fired.

Monday, December 26, 2022

Are You Questioning the All-Powerful Santa Claus?

October 2, 1973
This is, like, the third time the Thornapple house has been robbed since I've started posting older strips. Instead of insurance, maybe Brutus should invest on better locking doors and windows. Or even just turn on some lights. Good lord that is pitch black.

Smart move having Santa bring all the stuff Wilberforce didn't want or ask for. Bold move for wanting to exchange Santa gifts despite those gifts being made at the North Pole by elves and not having receipts.

Sunday, December 25, 2022

...To All a Good Night

October 21, 1984
Holy shit, Brutus is fucking awful with money. I apologize for the language but that the only way to describe what's going on here. I don't know how Gladys has stuck with Brutus after all that. Was that coat the only thing keeping her around? That must be some coat.
This one is only $7,300 if you're interested
in your own sable coat.

I don't like Brutus calling Gladys his mate. Almost makes me not want to eat this Christmas.

I find something very disturbing yet funny about how Brutus and Gladys are lying in bed. Do they not move at all during the night? Are they tucked in really tight? If so, who tucked them in? I have other questions but I'll hold off on them until we get downstairs. I wonder what the Thornapples got me.

Brutus and Gladys could've at least poured the milk down the drain to make it seem like Santa drank it. Unless Santa really exists and just left the milk to spoil and dirtied one of their coffee cups. Gee, thanks.

M E R R Y   C H R I S T M A S
T O   A L L





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Saturday, May 07, 2022

Pre-Mother's Day Jitters

Gladys already gets money every week or so in the form of Brutus' paycheck so she doesn't need any more.

The Born Loser very rarely talks about Mother's Day. It's usually not specifically the focus of the strip. I went through my archive and found that we've never seen Brutus give Gladys a Mother's Day present. Maybe that was the problem. She kept returned what he was buying her so stopped giving her gifts in 2008 and now she wants a present for 2022. Because it's been a rough three years.

Saturday, December 25, 2021

And Then He Made a Honking Noise and Danced Out of the Room

They did the same date thing I complained about yesterday.

I really hope Brutus got his wife and mother-in-law something more than just candy and nuts. I didn't comment on whether or not candy and nuts is a decent gift back in 2018 but I'm going to now. If candies and nuts is all that Brutus got the two most important women in his life, then that really pales in comparison to the, oh, let's just say, hand-crafted, engraved golf clubs that he got for Christmas.

Sunday, December 19, 2021

Why Does This Santa Stuff Seem New To Wilberforce?

Mary MacLane was born in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada on May 1, 1881. At an early age, her family helped found Fergus Falls, Minnesota. After her father died, Mary's mother married a family friend and they moved to Montana, eventually settling in Butte. Mary began writing for her school newspaper in 1898.

In 1901, shortly after high school at the age of 19, Mary MacLane wrote her first book, The Story of Mary MacLane, published by Herbert S. Stone & Co. It sold very well and was very influential to young women although more conservative outlets criticized it. The book was raw, honest, self-aware, and extreme, even by today's standards. She wrote honestly about her life, even about her love life, egotism, and bisexuality and lesbianism. Her second book, My Friend Annabel Lee, was a modest success but not as notable as her first book. She continued to write article through the early 20th Century. In 1918, she wrote and starred in a silent film, The Men Who Made Love To Me, about her life and six love affairs. The film is now considered lost.

Her last book, I, Mary MacLane: A Diary of Human Days, was published in 1917 and may have sold well but was probably overshadowed by the United States' entry into World War I. She used the money she made from her books and other writings to travel the country living her Bohemian lifestyle. It's rumored that MacLane was a partner or even spouse to editor and writer Harriet Monroe.

On August 6, 1929, MacLane was found dead in a Chicago rooming house of "unknown causes" at the age of 48. Below is one of her essays, published in her third book, I, Mary MacLane.

My Damns                                by Mary MacLane

I bear the detailed infliction of being a person with a tired mixture of patience and indifference and scorn.

I say on Monday, Damn the ache in my left foot: on Tuesday, Damn that rattling window--I hate it: on Wednesday, Damn this yellow garter--it's too tight: on Thursday, Damn my futile life: on Friday, Damn the solitude: on Saturday, Damn these thoughts: on Sunday, Damn my two dresses.

But I pronounce each day's Damn in a half-perfunctory half-preoccupied tone, more from duty and fitness than from conviction. I intently mean each Damn, but the scornful indifferent patience which is my spirit-essence leavens each one. I swear at my life's perversities with only a fatigued contempt due partly to bodily fragileness but mostly to a cold continently reckless mood which is clasped on me like a strong stupefied devil-fish. In this mood I should murmur the same gelded Damn if I found myself penniless and foodless in strange streets: if I became suddenly deaf: if my Body were being lashed with whips or raped by a Mexican bandit. I should murmur the same worn Damn if I were this moment on a gallows with the rope around my neck and life were dearly madly precious.

I mark that with my musing regrets. I remember in the strong young furies of eighteen each new day of my life was filled with passionate poetic blasphemy, protests and rebellions of youth. Those were not tired, not acquiescent, not indifferent to slings-and-arrows, but firey-blooded quick-pulsed breathless brave young Damns.

There is splendor in being brave in a fighting attitude, but in being brave through indifference there is no splendor.

But it is only toward calamity and adversity and worldly untowardness that I feel indifferent. Fighting blood is stirred in me if not against the hated things then for the loved things. I could fight and I could die, and love it, to save poet-lusters, poet-fineness, poet-beauty from the world's flat griefs. In that, which I feel warm and real and sparkling in my blood, in some splendor for me.

--and also I could die for my country: and there is fighting hatred stirred in me against its foes--

But in poetry there is nothing that evokes a lusty curse against its vulgar adversaries. Poetry floats too high upon its dazzling wings. I get delicately drunk from watching it till I can see the wings' Gold Shadow touch its foes and magically split them into dust-atoms.

So then the morale of my Damns remains perfunctory.

But they are apt and useful. They fit into the nervous rhythms of my life. They mark time in my spirit's flawed action. I begin each day with a Damn of sorts. I end each day with a Damn of sorts. At midday sometimes it's, 'Damn the terrifying ignorance of people.' In the dusk a deep-felt Damn of the blood. In the night another. And at my late eating time a negligible Damn.

A wonderful word, Damn. It means enough and not too much. It means everything in life, and roundly nothing.

Without Damn my day would lack tone. Damn richly justifies each pronouncement of itself in word-value, substance-value and musical resonance. It harms nobody and it helps me. It destroys nothing and it strengthens me. It damages my annoyances and mends me somewhat.

But--perfunctory, desultory, tiredly insolent, it would be thrilling to think the hot fire would sometime be back in my Damns. Better that than Youth's faith in my dreams. Better that than the jeune-fille beauty in my hair. Better than even Youth's ichor in my veins: Youth's fire in my Damns--

But there is dearness in this mood, which is indifferent and scornful and slightingly patient, though it wants splendor. Let my Damns be always brave, always contemptuous of disaster to me, and they will be first-water value though their kind alter never-so.

News and Notes of Movieland by Daisy Dean, a syndicated column
talking about young Hollywood. This article, reviewing Men Who Have
Made Love To Me
, appeared in the Hutchinson News in 1918.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dennis the Menace
What's the point? I've read this comic strip most of my life. Dennis'll just leave the clothes on the floor, too.

Mutts
Earl doesn't have to take this. If Earl wants to howl then either let him howl or he'll start a pissing contest a la Libby in Mary Worth.

Mark Trail
Oh, no! Mark Trail has snapped! He's going to start burning down corporations until they end their dependency on fossil fuels. How is anyone going to stop him?

Mark apparently hasn't heard that Elon Musk and/or Jeff Bezos is going to save us. They are going to help get all of us into space to either live in Earth's orbit or to colonize Mars. I'm sure we'll take good care of whichever situation we're placed in. I mean, Mars already have a lot fewer trees.

Arlo and Janis
Is...Is Janis dead and Arlo is now just a shadow of his former self seeing his dearly departed wife in places she used to always be? Or is Arlo just a sexist ass who thought "She's a woman and women belong in the kitchen"?

The Born Loser
You can't just bring up magic and elves and say "Santa has to watch his budget" when your kid wants more stuff. Santa has no budget, he and the elves make all the presents themselves. Just tell your kids when they want more stuff from Santa that they're being greedy little pigs. Santa Magic can't fix that.




Stay safe this holiday season. Get vaccinated, get boostered, get tested, and wear a mask. Do your part to keep everyone safe and healthy. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.

Wednesday, December 15, 2021

Does *squints at nametag* Billy Get a Commission?

That is way too much for a kid's remote control truck, even three years later. That's the price for a R/C vehicle that dedicated hobbyists use. For that price, you can literally get Wilberforce a vehicle he can ride around in.