Tuesday Quickies

June 27, 1966

Oof. This is not a good look for you, Quincy. Or anyone. Just cuz she's not hanging on you and is just sitting there doing a cat's cradle...? doesn't mean she's losing interest in you. Can't we just be in the same room and enjoy the silence together?

You're greeting me at the door and immediately throwing this at me? At least let me get my pants off, Gladys.

Blow Her Kisses!!

June 2, 1966

Is a moth flying out of his wallet? I'm going to assume that's what's happening.

Quincy Madison is really a ladies man. I don't like that he seems to bounce between some kind of simp to a man of action, but The Born Loser isn't really known for its character development or continuity.

19-I wish they would've left on the original signed date-83

"Come on, Gladys. You can't be mad at me for sneaking out of that party and leaving you alone with a suit of armor. That happened 10, 11 years ago."

Welcome to the Bungle

April 22, 1966

I wish that key word and sign weren't so jumbled by the scanner, so we could clearly understand what's going on. This is clearly some relationship counslor who is asking proto-Brutus and proto-Gladys to find compatibility(?). It's not going to work since proto-Gladys is being mean just to be mean.

There have been file cabinets promoted before Brutus.

We're mixing metaphors, here. Is it survival of the fittest or law of the jungle? Can it be both? I don't care.

Wrinkle In Time

November 24, 1965

Ooh, more Quincy Madison! I think he appears once or twice more in 1965. I like him. I think it's interesting that Quincy will walk through atomic fallout for his Emilie, but getting married is a bridge too far.

I wonder if we were anywhere close to getting The Born Loser starring Brutus Thornapple Quincy Madison?

Part two?! This isn't a joke or even remotely funny. This is just an explanation. I do have to hand it to Brutus for not using this opportunity to mock Mother Gargle.

Time for a Summer Break?

November 4, 1965

This is partly on the boss. Why are you just standing behind the door? It's kind of your fault your head broke the window.

Rerun! So I guess we're done here. I'm sure more than his legs are asleep so I'll just leave them alone to enjoy that feeling. See you tomorrow!

I Don't Think It Requires Crying...

October 20, 1965

She even took all the furniture home to mother? She even had the floor waxed so I guess she's never coming back. She had a busy day.

Memorial Day is for those veterans who are no longer here--make sure you make that distinction or else you will get yelled at on social media. I'm sure Great-Grandpa Jim is very happy that Wilberforce is wearing the cap that he killed fitty men in. Such an honor.

Just Buy Donut Holes As Well

October 11, 1965

Well, 'loser' is in the name of the comic strip. I want to know the story. They kind of look like brothers which is...something. I would need to ask the bride some questions about that. Are they friends? What jobs do they have? What makes this guy stand out over the other guy? Better hair? Friendlier face? More generous lover?

I thought it was common knowledge why a doughnut has a hole in the middle. It's so it fries up evenly. Right?

That is a very normal way to hold a doughnut.

Casual

September 7, 1965

You can look all you want, dude, but Wilma here is never going to leave Fred.

What's up with that tree? Is it a portal to another dimension? Are there schlubs like this guy there? Maybe Gloria should check it out.

"I was born dressed like Mr. Peanut and I will die dressed like Mr. Peanut!"

Corporations believe that their employees would rather be able to wear jeans to work than get paid what they're worth. "Here's your Friday Pizza and Jeans Day! Try not to think about how much you get paid compared to those above you who do less!"

I'm Glad He Clarified It His Car's Tire That Was Flat

July 3, 1965

Kookie, Kookie, lend me your comb. I hope the war goes on forever and Calvin gets drafted.

What's his shirt say? "Fly Your Flag!"? "View Your Meat!"?

I love that Brutus is late and Gladys just immediately thinks he went out to imbibe in some spirits or something. Brutus doesn't need Mardi Gras as an excuse to drink.

Yacht Rocked

January 16, 1986

Oh, no! The Thornapples are those kind of people.

Fungus Falls sounds like a...fun(?)...place...? People just don't want to watch a slideshow of your vacation because people tend to not care about things that don't happen to them, and they don't want to take a chance and possibly see Gladys in a bikini.

Oh, Brutus just lied about having a yacht. I thought he deceived her using more nefarious methods and I was not going to be on board for that.

Well, That's the First Problem

November 14, 1973

I find it interesting that Gladys greets Brutus at the door. I vaguely remember in TV shows where the wife would meet the husband at the door. I think June Cleaver did it quite often. I think even Lucy did it a few times. I just think it's interesting and kind of weird considering we're in 1973/2023 right now and she still does it.

At least Brutus doesn't come home with a toupee anymore.

Props to these men for drowning their sorrows in coffee and not some sort of alcohol. Although I guess it could be early in the morning and the bars just aren't open yet.

Well, I'm Not Paying You Dues

July 5, 1975

I can't see today's Brutus and Gladys sitting underneath a tree like this. Not because they are no longer in love but because that's now how their bodies work. The years have been hard on them, as they have been on all of us.

You go out and mow then if the yard is so disgusting to you.

Besides, even if they did have a homeowners' association, they wouldn't just tell you to cut your grass, they'd hang your first born over the street between the trees as a warning.

Late-Night Update

June 14, 1975

Another character lost to the ages is Apex Doob. I don't know much about him except he's tall, kind of ugly, and dumb. I'm assuming Ms. Shindell got married or something and as a wedding present, Art drew her this comic of her favorite character, Apex, playing "She loves me, she loves me not" while Agnes and a mailman smooch in the background.

I mean, it's no toaster, but...

I rewatch a lot of things.

I don't rewatch things I don't like.

Brutus must be watching literally anything on CBS.

I Admire That Brutus Gets His Coffee at Home

January 21, 1975

Yeah, cuz Brutus is so desirable. The important question is 'is she happy?' Maybe I'm just a bleeding heart moron but I would like my exes to be happy with their life. You definitely don't need me in your life to be happy.

But it's so early in the morning. Another cup isn't going to kill you.

So how does Chip figure out when Gladys gets curlers and when she doesn't?

Why Is Brutus Wearing That Spiffy Shirt/Jacket Combo?

Look, Chip, just because you put it in your comic doesn't make it a legitimate way to tell your wife that you want an open marriage. Or whatever you are reaching for. ("You know what's a mystery, my wife? Jillian, that single mom that moved in down the block.")

Long-term relationships are very nuanced and what may work for yours may not work for others. Heck, what works for one person in the relationship may not work for the other person. That's why it's important to talk to your significant other to make sure you are on the same page in your relationship. Don't want to end up like Brutus and Gladys. Or, God forbid, Leroy and Loretta Lockhorn.

Pink and Yellow

I don't really have anything for today. I'm not going to go for the obvious low-hanging fruit. Love is love after all. But when are Brutus and Gladys going to wear more seasonally appropriate clothing? I guess Brutus always wears a sweater-like thing with the occasional short-sleeved polo shirt.

Here's hoping Tuesday offers more.

The Magic Is Over

I think it's time to draw up some divorce papers. I mean, if being promised to give you the best of everything is the only reason you got married then that marriage is doomed from the start. It's just a shame that there's a kid involved.

Maybe Brutus and Gladys will leave Wilberforce out of their divorce like they leave him out of dinner, family game night and road trips.

Brutus Has Enough People Disagreeing With Him. He Doesn't Need You.

In my years of reading this comic strip, it's become clear that Brutus is the victim in this little stereotypical squabble. Brutus attempts to meet Mother Gargle in the middle but she just keeps backing up. Frankly, I'm disappointed that Brutus hasn't hit up some subreddit to get some advice. They'd hate Mother Gargle.

Oh, and Mother Gargle? Schroeder wore it better.

I Bet Elroy Fitzbew Doesn't Wear Red Sweaters. I Bet Elroy Fitzbew Has a Wardrobe.

Elroy Fitzbew works for a pharmaceutical company, essentially making sure that the pills his company manufactures don't kill too many people and traveling to various laboratories as some sort of quality assurance. You might know Elroy's name from a September 12, 2019 article where, after returning from Wuhan, China, said that some "really interesting stuff" will soon be coming from his company's lab.

You can currently see Elroy on the FBI Twitter account as a fuzzy security photo from January 6, 2021 with a tweet asking if "you recognize this man who allegedly participated in the riots at the U.S. Capitol".

Anti-Brutus Day

He's a cheapskate because Brutus has no money. I don't see how hard that is to understand. I do object to going to Itchy Eddie's Pizzeria. Why is Eddie itchy? He doesn't make the pizzas does he? I would expect pizza to be cheap there.