Hanging Off the Back of the Chair Probably Isn't Helping You Stay Cool

April 26, 1987

Bo Derek does not consent! I've never had a dream (or nightmare) that made me not want to go to sleep. They may be scary or unsettling or just plain cruel, but I enjoy sleep too much. Just like in real life, you are not entitled to dream women.

Why is it so hot in the house? I don't care if it feels like a 115 outside, it should be vastly cooler indoors even with just the shade and lack of air flow. I thought Gladys was not going to give a shit this year.

Hottest day of the year...so far. We still got August to get through.

🠄 What started as just wanting to know more about this elephant debacle turned into researching the elephant. While I never found out what happened with Myrtle and Singh after their stop in Topeka, I think it's interesting nonetheless.

If you would like to support me or this website, you can check out the support page at the top. You can also contact your Congresspeople and urge them to do something about releasing the Epstein files (because Trump clearly doesn't want that information out) and ending starvation in Gaza.

Water, Water

May 25, 1966

Was this a common dream people used to have? Frolicking with pretty angels? Greek or Roman Gods? Fairies? Whatever. Say 'good night' to Bob Cratchit.

Veeblefester drinks the water from the watercooler? I mean, don't get me wrong, Veeblefester doesn't drink tap water, but I can't picture him drinking water from a little paper cup at the watering hole like an anthropomorphized Timon and Pumbaa who now have 9-to-5 jobs, yet there it is. I'm seeing it.

Sleep Big Last Night

April 4, 1966

What's going on here? Is this a "I don't like the idea of Milhouse having two spaghetti meals in one day" thing only the spaghetti is roast ox and, what is it? Crepes belle otero?

Dreaming is different than sleeping or cat napping. The size(?) of sleep is not indicative of the size of dream. When I sleep, I have a lot of little dreams. Quick stories to rile up one of my emotions. When I nap or doze, that's when the sleep paralysis demons come out to play.

The Night Before Crimmis

January 26, 1966

I don't know how infrastructure was back in the 1960s but good luck not stepping on a crack while walking on a sidewalk these days.

I love when policemen argue like family and friends. Just kiss already.

I'd rather have visions of sugar plums dancing in my head for a dream than some of the ones I've been having. Hanging out in a laundromat? I haven't stepped foot in a laundromat since 2005.

Dream Cream--Wait, That Came Out Wrong...

November 19, 1989

Then what happened to Brutus' ball? Sand trap? Water trap? The rough? A wooded area that's not even part of the golf course? It's cute that Brutus thinks that his ball would land that close to the hole.

From 2018.

I had a weird dream the other night. I'd talk about it but I really don't know how to explain it. Or the nudity.

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The Great Wine Connoisseur

November 26, 1975

Geez, Brutus, calm down. You're in public.

Brutus, you're, like, 40, 45. Stay away from those 20-year-olds.

According to the internet, cabernet sauvignon should be served at around 60 degrees which means it should be slightly chilled. What I saw is that it should be in a wine fridge of about 50 to 60 degrees. If it's too warm, you can't taste the flavor because of the alcohol or some crap.

That, and Brutus being by himself in this restaurant yet again really take away from the waiter's great microwave line.

Better Late Than...

May 25, 1966

I don't think I've ever had a (sexy?) dream about dancing with an angel? Aphrodite? Some other heavenly siren? Maybe that's what people dreamed about before the Internet.

Brutus, Ebenezer Scrooge called, he wants his pajamas back.

Brutus was just complaining that he had to be on time. It's hard to take his complaint seriously when he's late constantly.

Why Do Their Pajamas Match Their Bedding?

This is a strange dream? Now take away the refrigerator and you're left with some weird Blair Witch scenario. Now that's strange! Even Gladys' dream is stranger and hers was just about a light.

Hey, what happened to the porch?

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Hot Fudge Sundae Sounds Good...

Hey, if you are reading this in Kansas, are 18 or older and are registered to vote, make sure you vote early or get out on August 2nd and show our state legislature that abortion is healthcare and a human right.

Was this one of those dreams where you wake up feeling worse than when you went to bed? I've never had an eating dream before but I've had plenty of walking or cycling dreams where I wake up and my legs hurt. I don't even know why I have cycling dreams--I haven't rode a bike in 20 years.

What the hell does your heart have to do with dreaming? It's all subconscious gobbledygook. "Shows where your heart is." Shut up, Gladys.

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Weird Weather Channel Advertisement

January 14, 1974

These days, the panels would look normal and the middle panel would be Brutus waking up with a *POOF* cloudburst above him. He'd then look at us and say "Of course it was a dream," or some crap.

This also paints Brutus in the light of he's good at his job, Veeblefester just doesn't like him. Whereas today, Brutus is bad at his job which is why Veeblefester doesn't like him. I like the former better.

I agree. Brutus should go outside and enjoy the nice weather. The high today in Cleveland, Ohio is 86. As I write this, right now, at 12:42 AM, it's 89 and the high will be 102. Enjoy 86, Brutus. Enjoy 86.

Dreamweaver

I have been waiting for a couple months now for the new Dave Matthews Band album. I always get so excited when I hear one is coming out. It's been this way since having to wait for "Everyday" back in 2000. In 27 years of existence, Dave Matthews Band has put out only eight albums--nine with the one coming out in June. I'm glad they are not a band to endlessly put out albums because then I don't think the quality would be as good and I want time and care to be put on the song musicians write and play.

Over the last month I have been really expecting the title of the album to drop and this week we finally got it. "Come Tomorrow". Like all the other album titles, this one probably comes from one of the song titles or a line in a song. Plus, it has a really cool album cover by Beatrice Coron, an artist who uses silhouette cut-outs. While I was expecting another album drawn by Dave Matthews like on the previous two albums, I love the look of this album art and how versatile it is when used elsewhere to promote the album. I'll be seeing Dave Matthews Band when they're on tour this summer. I'll be at the Rogers, Arkansas show in late May. Maybe I'll see you there.

I don't think I have every dreamed myself as younger. If I ever have a dream where I am back in school or something I am always the same age at the time I dream. So in my dream, I'm in Kindergarten but still in my thirties. It's not weird at all and could be a decent movie starring, oh let's just say, Andy Samberg.

Sleep Forever

Sadly, it looks like it's time to get up or close to it. That's worse than having a bad dream.

Call a Counselor

Today's Born Loser gets really dark as we learn that Wilberforce is being terrorized by a bully. And seemingly, not a bully in the fun, stereotypical way like Harley Keiner in Boy Meets World...

...but more like Moe in the comic strip Calvin and Hobbes.

It's also revealed, besides being hunted down routinely at school, Wilberforce also dreams of Butch beating up him. The dreams are much better than real life because dreams can't hurt you.

Golf Carts Aren't Street Legal

Well, luckily, there is another that you can pass him on. I understand the frustration of people driving slow in the passing lane (frustrating and, in some states, illegal) but zoom by them in the driving lane. Or follow along behind them with barely six inches of space between the bumpers. Call police dispatch and give them their description and license plate number. I'm sure the cops have nothing better to do.

1268: Back to School

I never got bad dreams or nightmares before the first day of school but what I did get were searing pains in my stomach and a healthy dose of near-diarrhea. Both of those being something that would continue for the rest of the school year. I wish I had just simple dreams but those always ended up all convoluted and erotic.

1143: Gladys--In Like a Lion

What happened to Gladys' toothbrush? Eh, maybe we don't want to know.

I have to admit that it has been a long time since I've seen the word 'cad' or the onomatopoeia 'humph.'

987: I, Too, Often Dream About Things I Will Never Become

Aw, Gladys. You are a six. See? When you stand up you kind of look like the number six:

6

Since When Does Arnie Work With Brutus?

Everything we see is in 3-D. That's how our eyes work. And it wasn't cold sweat, it was cold urine.

HD-TV these days are fairly inexpensive compared to how humongous TVs used to be. To be fair, I do think it's impressive that the Thornapples do have a flat screen though.

Something In Common With Wilberforce? Kill Me Now

I just had a weird dream--it wasn't a nightmare by far but it was still pretty strange. I had helped organize some kind of charity chocolate give-away at this school and I guess it became a pretty big hit and got the attention of the media and then celebrities.

I got to meet University of North Carolina men's basketball coach Roy Williams, esteemed former news anchor Tom Brokaw and Dawson's Creek star James Van Der Beek, who came to me for relationship advice about him and his boyfriend (despite James being married to Heather McComb since 2003). I liked the dream except that giving away the chocolate was called "bundling up" because the more you gave away, the more stuff you earned (and the more the charity made).

Brutus, however, came home from the bar last night and fell asleep on the staircase. Or is that Andy Capp?

#177: Dream Weaving

Future Dystopia
I had a terrible nightmare about President Bush a couple months ago, it opened up with a disheveled Tom Brokaw on the news, hair a mess and a decent five o'clock shadow on his face. The headline below the distinguished anchor read 'America Celebrates Bush's 10th Year As President'. No one was happy it was his tenth year but, like The Twilight Zone's "It's a Good Life", you couldn't say anything bad no matter what so you had to celebrate whether you wanted to or not and suffice it to say, no one really wanted to. As you looked out on the cities, it reminded me of scenes from Fritz Lang's Metropolis. Dark, enormous skyscrapers tore through the grainy and oily sky. Outside the cities, oil derricks could be seen and huge plumes of smoke erupted from the cooling towers of coal-burning plants. The sky was a permanent red color and we were effectively cut off from the rest of world, prisoners of a world we didn't create.

Jerk
Back in April, I had a two-part dream which is really weird because I rarely ever continue a dream after waking up. It started out with my cheapskate of a landlord selling my house to someone new. I really wasn't all that thrilled about having a new landlord but my attitude changed when I found out who it was. Kansas University's basketball coach Bill Self. Yeah, I don't get it either.

I'm not a sports fan so I don't know why I'm dreaming about Coach Bill Self. Turns out Coach Self, in my dream, is a douchebag. He raised our rent $200 and wouldn't come fix anything. Then one day, this Korean man and wife came to our door wanting to buy a car from Coach Self and wanted to know where he lived. I drove them to a small neighborhood near 31st and Kasold despite the fact I know Coach Self lives near The Yankee Tank on the west side of town. With me standing there, Coach Self gave the kind Korean man a very good deal on a 2006 Mercedes. Everything seemed all nicely wrapped up in a neat little package.

Until part two...

On a stormy night, I was busy throwing pots and pans under leaks Coach Self refused to have fixed, or reimburse us for fixing when the nice Korean man came back and was complaining that Self raised the price of the car $1,000 over Blue Book value. I had finally had enough of the Coach Bill Self and his National Championship douchebaggery and drove back to his place and complained. For some reason, Coach Self was getting ready for Christmas and was dressed like Santa Claus which made it hard to yell and be mad at him. He gave me a candy cane. It was really fun watching the Korean man tear into Bill Self dressed as Santa Claus. I awoke to the phone ringing so didn't find out if the Korean man got the car but I honestly don't know if I'd really want to find out.

I'm pretty sure Bill Self is one of the nicest guys in collegiate sports because on TV he seems a lot more approachable than a lot of the others so I have nothing against him. I'm just saying Bill Self may be a bad landlord.

Sheriff of Mayberry?
One of the weirdest, but by far my most favorite dream is where I was the sheriff of a small town because I was wearing the uniform. I was in this empty, dusty old house with this girl. I never saw the girl's face but she had long brown hair and I don't know if she was just a friend or if I was trying to woo her but I got a call that a rabid horse was running around destroying the town. The horse ended up running toward the house so I spent the rest of the dream trying to protect the girl from the horse. I woke up before the dream could finish but I've been looking for that girl since or even the house or town. I feel like these dreams are trying to tell me something but I don't know what because I'm not very good at interpreting dreams.