Gladvent Calendar

It's time for another Captain Kid adventure! Since the last time we saw Captain Kid, he apparently has been afflicted with whatever disease Popeye has that makes his forearms and shins abnormally large.

It also looks like his hands have some kind of reverse-vitaligo. Maybe he's just wearing gloves but it's very strange looking.

"Oh, Captain Kid, take my hand. Ugh, your hand is all leathery. Is that a leather mitten or has your hand died and somehow atrophied into this?"

There may not be such things as ghosts but clearly there are such things as demon gremlins.

It's probably just some guy in a costume trying to commit real estate fraud. It happens a lot.

Captain Kid has the same discoloration on his feet. Matching mittens and boots? Still strange.

I am already on board with this villain. I can't wait until he twists the head off of Captain Kid.

No one has ever heard of the Ogre of Haunted Mansion? You would think that would come up when talking about Swatsville. "Yes, yes. Here is our historic city hall, the old waistshirt building, the veteran's park, and the haunted mansion. It has an ogre, you know. Now, the pizza place does a pizza in the likeness of the ogre..."

That piece of fabric doesn't really do a good job covering up his bits. Makes me wonder why the artist even bothered drawing it.

What's Captain Kid going to do? Clearly wallow in self-despair. Our hero, ladies and gentlemen.

The ogre is going to cook Betty Mae in the fireplace? Is he going to skewer her like you do when you roast a pig?

Is it me or could Betty Mae get out of those ropes pretty easily?

Now you've done it you big, mean ogre! Captain Kid now has a knife!

Oh, it is a man. And the big reveal is over in just three pages.

Oh, cool. And it looks like he's a racist caricature of an Asian person. That's always good.

If we've learned anything from our last story, Captain Kid hates snakes. At least these snakes kind of dangerous unlike the cute things we saw before.

Aww. So cute. This art is so much better as well.

That's not much of a pit of someone is just able to jump out of it.

So Captain Kid can jump out of that pit but this guy can't? What?

This guy couldn't tell the difference between water and oil? I thought the oil was underneath the town or underneath the creek at least. No, this moron literally thought there was river of oil going through the town? If that's true then he deserved to die.

And the story is over. That was quick. Funny that the kids learned about the "oil" and were like "well, we'll just take it!"

I'm always confused by young characters who have girlfriends but get embarrassed or confused when their girlfriends kiss them. That's what you do, you donks. Especially when you save them from being cooked and a pit of snakes.

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Yes, yes, Gladys couldn't not eat the chocolate in the advent calendar. We all saw that coming. That is one festive tree. I love it. There's ornaments, lights, stars, and gingerbread men. It's such a nice color of green as well. Today's comic strip is a nice, colorful, and refreshing respite after the awfulness that was the Captain Kid comic.

CC'd

Nick at Nite is known for originally hosting old TV shows from the 1950s through the 1970s. Then it became known for old TV shows from the 1980s through the 2000s. Now, it has a lot of original programming and I really don't know what they do now. In 1995, Nick at Nite published a magazine. There was only one issue and was published in conjunction with Nick at Nite's 10th anniversary. Let's see what classic TV goodness it gives us.

The magazine starts off with a timeline of television history from the birth of the word 'television' (1900) to the birth of Nick at Nite (1985). They also reveal what several classic TV stars first jobs were before making it big: Judd Hirsch was in a Listerine commercial, Agnes Moorehead was in Citizen Kane, Bob Denver worked in a grocery store, and Jackie Gleason was a diver(!) in the water follies. There's also a handy guide to the 39 countries where I Love Lucy airs so you know where you will never be without I Love Lucy. Sheila James Kuehl (Zelda, The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis), Clint Eastwood, Nancy Kulp (Ms. Hathaway, Beverly Hillbillies), Sonny Bono, and Fred Gandy (Gopher, The Love Boat) all ran for political office. Kuehl, Eastwood, Bono, and Grandy won their races. Kuehl continues to serve on the Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors and was the first openly gay California legislator. Eastwood served as mayor of Carmel, California from 1986 to 1988. Bono would represent California's 44th district in the House of Representatives from 1995 until his death in 1998. Grandy would represent Iowa in the House of Representative from 1987 to 1995 and unsuccessfully run for governor. Nancy Kulp would run for the House of Representatives in Pennsylvania in 1984. A Democrat in a heavily Republican district, Kulp was an underdog and her chances faded even more when former co-star Buddy Ebsen recorded radio ads attacking her. She lost with 33% of the vote.

We then have an overview of actor Michael Burns who began acting in an episode of The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis and would go on to play Blue Boy in "The LSD Story" of Dragnet 1967. Burns is currently a professor emeritus of history at Holyoke University. The magazine then gives you a short scene from Blue Boy and finger puppets.

Yes, they even give you cubes of LSD.

The original idea of several shows are revealed including The Dick Van Dyke Show, Mary Tyler Moore, Taxi, and The Partridge Family. Nick at Nite then adds lyrics to various instrumental-only theme songs thus ruining them forever. Nick at Nite then gives the TV history of counter culture (hippies, beatniks).

There is an article on fashion and how today's designers go back to classic TV for some inspiration. There's then an article on negative reviews that classic TV shows received. "The stinkeroo of all time!" (1964 review of Gilligan's Island, 1964-1967). "Show's chances look slim." (1970 review of The Partridge Family, 1970-1974). "Should soon be extinct from Nielsen malnutrition." (1969 review of The Brady Bunch, 1969-1974). "Should sell a lot of cigarettes." (1951 review of I Love Lucy, 1951-1957).

We have a Barbara Eden as Jeannie pull-out
poster for the guys.

And a John Travolta as Vinnie Barbarino pull-out poster for the ladies.

They do an interview with TV show collector James Comisar who has memorabilia from The Honeymooners, Dragnet, Batman, Get Smart, and dozens of other shows. It's actually quite interesting. You can learn and see much more at his website.

A reprint of the very first Dobie Gillis story takes up five pages and is the longest feature in this magazine which is very disappointing considering all the material Nick at Nite had to work with. There is an article on "lost" TV episodes featuring original Honeymooners sketches, the 1966-69 version of Doctor Who, a couple of pilots, and more. Plus, last but not least, six degrees of separation of a bunch of TV stars.

The magazine ends with a 10th anniversary examination that you mail in to get a Nick at Nite merit badge. My mom filled it out, got every answer right, and didn't mail it in! We could've been royalty but instead our lives remained the same.

The 37 greatest episodes ever!

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I'm covering all my bases. I'm asking for 37 things this year along with my usual request for cold, hard cash and I want to make sure I get everything. If you and Santa somehow get me the same stuff, we can just return it and get me something I didn't get from the list. 2020 sucked butt and I refuse to have 2021 suck the same way.

The Last Losers Are Made Not Born

A couple weekends ago, I had to go to Waterville to help clean out the house of my wife's last-living maternal aunt. She had accumulated a lot of items from her older sisters who have passed away earlier. One aunt loved to write things down and keep things in notebooks. She had tiny ones with just random information in them (which I will be posting over on Twitter when I am able to get the trunk here but more on that later) and she had three or four normal notebooks filled with what she thought was funny clipped from newspapers, magazines, and tabloids. These notebooks had everything: comic strips, slice-of-life submissions, Ann Landers, Roman J. Israel, Esq. But most importantly, she had nearly four dozen clippings of The Born Loser which, in case you didn't know, is totally in my wheelhouse. And what better way to bring this thing to an end than with a collection of classic comic strips?

Other comics featured in the notebooks were Frank and Ernest, Pickles, Peanuts, a few Calvin and Hobbes, and Funky Winkerbean. A lot of Funky Winkerbean for some reason.

Based on the fifth panel, this comic is dedicated to John and Joan Stoner (that name will come up in another strip below). I can only imagine that John was going to walk his newly-educated dog when the dog quickly untied the leash and hooked it to a tree.

That leash seems really long. I wanna walk my dog but I don't want it to seem like I'm with the dog.

But what are the odds that man had a dog? Brutus should be putting something on that wound.

I never thought I'd say this but Brutus looks better than some of the philodendrons I saw while doing a quick Google search so clearly Gladys is just being mean.

Wilberforce is stupid which leads to the apathy. I've seen it dozens of times including myself. Why try if you're just going to get it wrong?

Veeblefester has always been full of himself. Maybe Veeblefester always hangs out with Brutus so that he looks better by comparison.

Streets named Elm and Oak rarely intersect. Am I nitpicking. I'm nitpicking. I'll move on.

I feel personally attacked by the first strip.

I have many great memories of going to the birthday parties of my friends' grandparents'. It was nice of Charles Schulz to allow Art to use a rejected Peanuts character in this strip.

Did Gladys chew the gum before putting it in her ears or did she just shove it in?

Is this our first sex joke in The Born Loser? I do believe it's our first sex joke. It was those cocaine-fueled 1980s that caused this.

"Love is like an onion"? I did a search and I guess this is a poem by Philippa Court. It's the only confusing moment in an otherwise top-notch comic. I'll admit, I really like this one.

And now we have a poop joke. I don't care if you go to Europe for a funeral, any trip to Europe is an amazing trip.

"Those clowns in Congress are at it again. What a bunch of clowns." How does a 30-year-old comic strips still remain so topical?

You'll never catch Wastrel Gravesite drinking gasoline. That's good to know.

"We had weekend guests and too many used condoms got flushed down the toilet."

How is it possible that Mother Gargle looks better now than she did back then. That sneer in the last panel is just...just...wow.

Hattie: "Hey, Brian, did'ja hear what happened t'poor old 'Hatch'?

Me: "Who's Hatch? What happened to him?"

Hattie: "I hate you, Brian."

It's clear that Veeblefester just came in laid down on the couch and began screaming "Conceited! Me?" which is exactly how Donald trump wakes up in the morning. Just replace 'conceited' with 'narcissistic',

Hey. That car was made in Guatemala.

The original third panel was Brutus just slapping the crap out of Gladys but the syndicate called the police to do a welfare check on the Sansom house.

The original third panel was Veeblefester just slapping the crap out of this hippie busker(?) but the syndicate told Sansom that he should maybe take a couple weeks off.

Throw Wilberforce under the tires. And no, we don't see Wilberforce in any of these strips. Clearly Aunt Alice thought any strip with Wilberforce in it was garbage--just like we think now.

Wastrel can't afford this doctor visit. How much is this visit going to cost the taxpayer? It's even worse because we're keeping alive a worthless drunk.

Was that too mean? I'll move on.

I've never eaten at anyplace that gave you finger bowls. I feel, as a restaurant, if you are serving food that requires patrons to rinse off their fingers then you are doing something wrong. Barbecue excluded, of course.

Elmo really got into phone sex in the 1980s and 1990s. Those ads were everywhere. I remember seeing these ads while trying to watch Mystery Science Theater 3000 or Mighty Max which was inexplicably on for two hours at midnight on Sunday night on a local station.

The joke is he's not talking about her gray hair.

Maybe you're tired because you're wearing those heavy jogging clothes. Shorts and a t-shirt. That's all you need. When will people learn?

Just pour your coffee and get back to work.

Why does everyone look like they're to slap everyone else?

Oh, I guess we do get to see Wilberforce. Just as stupid as always.

"Labrador. Not lavatory. Wilberforce, you've been to my house. You've used our bathroom. Did you suffer some kind of traumatic head injury? Maybe you should go to the doctor."

The Thornapples don't go to operas anymore either.

The original third panel of this strip was just Dr. Stoner (from the first strip up there) just slapping the crap out of Brutus but...ah, forget it.

Who schedules a yearly appointment with a dermatologist? Does Brutus have some kind of skin condition that requires yearly attention? Did he have a referral for this visit?

Is there a reason he couldn't feel the seeds through the packet? Do the nerves in his fingers not work?

Why is the sign at Echo Glen so specific? What if what I say isn't repeated at least ten times? Who do I contact? The city? County? Is there a form to fill out?

Here, Veeblefester kind of looks like Kingpin from Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse.

The earliest Born Loser strip in the GoComics archive is July 14, 1994. It doesn't pick up again until January 1, 1996 so we're at the point that you can read these on GoComics. Now, will GoComics ever reprint or publish the comics between 1965 and 1995, who knows? I hope they do.

"Is this Miss Always Right?"

"No, this is Gladys."

Don't blame the seat, Brutus. It's not the seat's fault.

🎵And I'm here, to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair, to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you give to me
You, you, you oughta know!🎵

With six you get egg roll. Do we really want to be eating egg rolls at this diner? Brutus should stick to tried-and-true Chinese restaurants for his egg rolls.

This is what I've been doing with this post. I've been working on it for three days. This also explains why I'm ending LAMNB. I've been working on several stories and a novel which are hard to get done if I have to focus on content for a website. I'm unhappy that I've gotten very little writing done on my novel since I got my computer restored and I'm the only one who can change things.

That's not funny. You should get him to a doctor.

I agree with Gladys. I don't want you to shove that needle in my gums. I'll just live with my crooked, rotted teeth thank you.

The indoctrination of little girls being told that their bodies have to be perfect starts at an early age. Hattie doesn't care about any of this weight stuff, she just wants to eat cake. Why can't we just let people enjoy things?

Oh, and it's called pound cake because there's a pound of each ingredient.

This comic would greatly benefit from today's colorization. Sadly, the shirt would probably be more of a forest green instead of lime green but these comic syndicate interns are just in it for the experience, you can't expect quality.

Mm. I guess Brutus doesn't know how to work an elevator. Although Veeblefester isn't exactly innocent here. He didn't notice Brutus didn't press the button causing it to light up or that the numbers weren't lighting up since the elevator isn't moving. He also didn't press the button himself because, as we all know, the person before we get there pressed it wrong.

If you would like to support my writing or research, you can give money over on my soon-to-be-revamped Patreon page or buy me a cup of coffee on Ko-Fi. You can also follow me on Twitter. New stuff will be happening on here and elsewhere in the near future. Until next time, I remain...
~Brian