Slippin' and Slidin'

August 9, 1967

While the height of the Cold War was mostly over by the time this comic strip saw print, worry over the Soviet Union and Communism still persisted in the United States. Many did think that "it can't happen here" either because the United States was so much stronger or believing where they live to be too unimportant to bomb. 

Can Harry see Wilberforce lighting that M-80? If so, then he should do a better job at warning Brutus.

Well, go make more. I don't even know how this happened. She barely moved the tray and all of them just go tumbling onto the floor?

Do you not get a side with the sliders? Some fries or a salad...well, maybe not a salad...but something.

12 Down: First day of the work week, hated by Garfield. 6 letters.

August 8, 1967

The mugger allowed you to turn around. You could've hit him with your umbrella as you turned around. I'm not saying Brutus wouldn't still be mugged, but you never know.

Being mugged was another thing TV and cartoons said was going to happen a lot. Maybe it does still happen a lot, I just clearly look like I have nothing of value on me.

Well, they are only, like, $2 at Walmart and have 80-100 pages so I think I'm fine, thank you.

That does not look like a book. It looks like a piece of paper. Maybe Brutus tears out the pages.

Even Wilberforce Is Confused "You mean Dad?"

June 12, 1988

Isn't there somewhere else you can go to get away from the soap opera, Brutus? There is no need to act like a 6-year-old.

Calm down, Wilberforce. You are nine. Life changers and new situations are still a few years away. At least Wilberforce has a father he can talk to about stuff. Some of us had to be our own fathers. Wait. What?

He Needs a New Bike So He Can Better Represent Cleveland

August 7, 1967

We're just going to ignore that Brutus is running around in a bunny costume. I don't know what color the costume is supposed to be, but I imagine it being pink.

He looks like a deranged Easter bunny. A pink nightmare.

We should follow Tyrone home so we can get a glimpse of Tyrone and Naomi at home. He can regale us with his cool dog catcher stories.

I could've sworn that Wilberforce mentioned a bike earlier in the summer, but I can't find it--or it never existed. I remember lots of these strips. Birthdays, anniversaries, 98% of my students, all completely forgotten, but I can find a specific Born Loser strip with a vague description.

"Pop, can I have a new bike? Pop, can I have a new bike? Pop, can I have a new bike...?" "Everyday for the past two months 'Pop, can I have a new bike? Pop, can I have a new bike?'"

Tonight On 'The Born Loser'...

August 5, 1967

At least we know why Teeny stopped appearing in the comic strip. She moved out into her own place because she was sick of the Thornapple's shit.

Only 12 episodes per season? Pfft. We used to have proper seasons: 22-24 episodes and hopefully enough seasons (5) to make it to 100 episodes. Fucking binge Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (594 episodes) or The Simpsons (808 episodes) if you want me to be impressed.

Give me long-running series with 22 episodes a season where 5-7 of them are all certified bangers any day.

"You're Looking Rundown." "Thanks...?"

August 4, 1967

Wilberforce has to go home at some point. You can hit him when he returns cold and hungry.

I will admit that I like the surreal Looney Tunes-esque stuff Art sometimes does. How did he do that?

Ha ha! It's funny because Brutus has sleep apnea and is slowly dying! Of course Brutus has sleep apnea. Gladys probably has it, too. And Mother Gargle. It's an epidemic.

Put Your Legs Under the Desk

August 3, 1967

Is...Is that God? No, it's probably just some advertisement on a building. You don't have to listen to those...unless it's about giving her English muffins this year.

Has Brutus just been sitting like that all morning? His knees, hips, and feet are going to hurt like hell when he goes to stand up.

If Brutus doesn't want to work, he shouldn't be so blatant about it. Hang in the break room, take longer in the restroom, Oh, I have to run out to my car for something, I was talking with Arnie about the Streisand account. Don't just sit at your desk.

I wonder how the Wimberley account went? Not great, I assume.

Droopy Green Thumb

August 2, 1967

Brutus cares not for your social life, Teeny. Get out of the bathroom! There are other people in this house, you know.

Do (Did?) people normally not keep their toothbrush in the bathroom? You lug it around? Seems inconvenient.

 

Brutus this is serious! This is the only place we get our vegetables from now since everything at the store is so expensive. These plants could mean life or death for us and our little boy. And climate change sure isn't helping.

Carpenters Reference?

August 1, 1967

Is Brutus hungover? He also looks like he's going to throw up, but that may be just hearing the word 'horoscope'.

 

Okay, it's rainy days and Mondays, so saying "rainy Tuesdays through Sundays" is at best redundant and at worst interpreting the song incorrectly. "Rainy days" already implies rainy Tuesdays through Sundays.

But he does seem to have the day off so that a good thing, right?

So Many Golf Phrases...

June 5, 1988

Brutus did not want to miss one second of this game, I guess. I don't know how Brutus expects to get home, let alone just move his car but I guess that's an issue for future-Brutus.

Oh, no! Are we going to do a week of reruns during the week I bring back the older strips? As long as we stay pre-November 2020 we should be good.

Does Brutus need a lesson on how to make the golf ball curve? Golf Digest has a decent tutorial. They even mention Jack Nicklaus, who, as I understand it, is pretty big in the golfing world.

 

 

 

 

 

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SaturDate Night

So does Mother Gargle also not like her grandchild or is she just gaming money out of Brutus and Gladys? I hope Mother Gargle knows that stealing money from Brutus is also stealing money from Gladys.

Fake It til You Make It

Brutus is off to do subpar work on the Wimberley account. At least it's Friday. Look, Brutus is apparently a terrible employee but somehow he keeps most of his accounts. I'm sure Wimberley will be fine.

A Summer Reading Program Doesn't Seem Like Something Wilberforce Would Join

I thought this was going to be a joke where Wilberforce says he never got past the first book on his list. Why does he need to remember what happened in it? Does your library/school only count the book if you can answer a short quiz on it?

I just finished a biography on President John Quincy Adams, my favorite president and he was such a man ahead of his time who saw the flaws and holes in our Constitution and wanted them fixed while everyone else in power just shrugged. He stood up for Native American, women, and slave rights at a time when doing that was definitely not popular. He worried for nearly 40 years about the country splitting up over slavery and bemoaned how the Constitution separated powers yet could not overcome party loyalty or presidents just doing what they want anyway. Arguing over admitting Texas into the Union, Adams wrote this in his diary.

"The Constitution is a menstruous rag and the Union is sinking into a military monarchy to be
rent asunder like the Empire of Alexander or the kingdoms of Ephraim and Judah." 

I could spend an entire post just gushing about the guy, but I won't. Although I do wish I was clever and creative enough to write a Broadway musical about him.

Don't Ask Questions You Don't Want to Know the Answer To

"I heard ICE is in town and I want to see how they hold up to someone just as violent as them. Also, do you have any gas-soaked rags?"

This is such an odd request and mainly it's because there's no context. What kind of bottle? Do you want something in it? What are you going to do with it? I don't know about Brutus but I don't really have random bottles just lying around.

Or Else

Don't write a check your butt can't cash. I look at some of the people in charge and am like "Nearly everybody else is probably better at their jobs than these people", but not Brutus. He is mediocre at best. Although his salary should keep up with inflation and reflect his years at the company.

Cut Those People Out of Your Life

Mother Gargle is a very toxic person. I'm not a fan of hers and wish she'd go away. I don't like the way she tries to manipulate Gladys about her marriage. What kind of behavior is that from your mother? That's when you start cutting people out of your life. "Don't come over anymore, Mama. Just stay in Erie."

Sunday Is for Shopping

"I've never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure." -Clarence Darrow.

Photos from Getty Images.

I mentioned to my wife this morning that I hope other politicians read how the bulk of people remember Lindsay Graham, who passed away earlier this morning from a "brief illness", and Mitch McConnell, who had a medical emergency back on June 14 and has been neither seen nor heard since prompting speculation into his death, and not want that for themselves. "I don't want people to talk about me like that!" Well, then be a better person. Don't insert yourself into people's lives, don't take away people's right, and don't attach yourself to a man who is definitely bringing about the end of your country.

I don't have much hope in that though. Most politicians, especially Republicans, are not in government to actually help people and make the country a better place, but to enrich themselves, especially after seeing how easy it is with Trump as the president. Lindsay Graham was even an early opponent of Trump. I don't know what happened but seeing him brown-nose Trump over the last ten years has been disheartening and I hate that I can't tell if it's out of necessity, actual respect, or fear. That's how I feel about any politician who brown-noses Trump. Why are you doing this and no matter what the reason, it makes you a bad person and people are not going to care when you die.

Sure, maybe a bunch of randos on the Internet saying bad stuff about you after you die isn't high on your list of why you should be a good person, but why would you use this limited time on this planet--in this life--to be a terrible person? And again, it doesn't matter what your reasoning is, it still makes you a bad person. Anyway, former Capitol Police Officer Michael Fanone probably says it best "Rest in Piss" to both Graham and McConnell. They could've continued making the country a better place after 2016, but instead chose to make it worse for everybody for reasons we will now never know.

Gladys is looking forward to shopping with Brutus? Okay. It's bold of Brutus to still ask if he could not go shopping and play golf instead when Gladys responded so excitedly to them going.

What's Wilberforce going to do? Is he going to locked in his little cage or what? He certainly isn't going shopping with his parents.

Sick Leave Saturday

I don't think employers can control how I use my sick time. Especially when you don't give us personal or vacation time. So anyway, I guess I will go on vacation and call in sick every day. 

I will admit that spraining your ankle doesn't need an entire week off. Sprained ankles aren't contagious and you can still do your job if you don't need to stand or walk a lot. 

You Need a Cookbook for a Charcuterie Board?

Brutus has never heard of a charcuterie board? And what's this about having a dinner party? Do the Thornapples know enough people to invite to a dinner party? At least there'll be meat and cheese.

Daylight Brutus Time

For all I know, you got that coffee at five o'clock this morning. Your coffee being cold is no litmus test for how late someone is.

I don't know what Brutus is doing here. If I am late, the last thing I want to do is alert that fact to my supervisor. Is this some kind of kink Brutus is in to?