@tauycreek

Tuesday, January 28, 2025

Tuesday Quickies

A man and a woman are walking down the street by moonlight. She looks behind them and then asks "Harvey, why don't you cast a shadow?"

March 2, 1966

Vampire, maybe? They don't cast shadows do they? According to some cultures, lack of a shadow means the lack of a soul. Maybe he's like Peter Pan?

Brutus is standing in Veeblefester's office. Veeblefester is sitting at his desk which has a big sack of money on it. "Due to your disastrous performance on your last sales call, I need to rein you in. From now on I want you to call me on the phone before making any decisions. Consider it a new leash on life at the company."

You could also, you know, just fire him. Maybe good help really is hard to find.

Is anyone else noticing the discoloration on Veeblefester's face and the back of Brutus' head?

Monday, January 27, 2025

Loser On all Fronts

"See here, Mr. Quit, I demand a $10 Smith, or I raise!" screams Thornapple at his boss, Mr. Smith. "Care to try that again?" Mr. Smith sneers as Thornapple vibrates with embarrassment. Thornapple begins to leave the office. "Oh, and Thornapple, don't stumble over the..." Thornapple has indeed stumbled over the watercooler just outside the office spilling water all over and hurting his pride even more.

March 1, 1966

Oh, good lord! My precious watercooler! Is it okay? Do we have more water to put in it? Get out of the way! I'll carefully and lovingly stand it back up.

Thornapple must stumble over the watercooler a lot considering Mr. ~~Quit~~ Smith tried to warn him about it.

Is that $10 an hour, which would be a good raise, or $10 a year, which would be an 83¢ per month raise?

Brutus and Arnie are at work standing in front of the watercooler. "Hey, you look like you've lost some weight, Thorny. Are you on a new diet?" "Yeah, Gladys finally came up with something that works...A timer lock on the refrigerator door."

Ok. But what about the cabinets? All my crappy food is in the pantry corner, in cabinets, or on the counter. Maybe the Thornapples refrigerate everything even if it doesn't need it.

Sunday, January 26, 2025

White People

Brutus walks up to Veeblefester, who is standing next to the watercooler. "You look worried..." he says. "Something bothering you?" "You wouldn't believe me if I told you," Veeblefester sighs. "Try me." "No." "Hey, maybe I can help." "Oh, very well. That raise you've pestered me for...It's yours!" "I don't believe it!" Brutus exclaims excitedly." Veeblefester takes a drink of water. "I wouldn't either..."

September 14, 1986

Is the same raise Brutus was kicking his telephone over last week? Is Veeblefester standing next to the water cooler like a commoner? That I don't believe.

Brutus walks up to Gladys in the kitchen. "What are you up to, Gladys?" "Remember when I said I wanted to paint the kitchen white? Well, I decided to pick out some paint chips to select the perfect shade of white, so I can get started. I'd like you to weigh in with your preferences of these paint samples," Gladys holds up paint chips that are all basically the same shade of white. "Here's Ahab's Whale White, Surrender Flag White, Shade of Pale White, and Poltergeist White." "Gee, Gladys, they're all nice and they're very similar. Whichever one you pick will be all white with me!"

Mm. I'm torn between Surrender Flag White and Poltergeist White. I'm leaning Poltergeist White, but I would paint my kitchen a nice blue with a vintage-looking tile backsplash. Maybe a blue a little lighter than the sweater Brutus is wearing.

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Saturday, January 25, 2025

Get the Heart Pumping

A woman is angrily talking on the telephone. "Oh, it's not that Brutus wouldn't like to attend the PTA meeting with me tonight, Marge...It's just that he's going to have a nasty headache!" Brutus, who is painting the house, has scrawled NO NO NO NO NO on the wall and on his wife's blouse in paint.

February 28, 1966

I'm all for painting NO on the wall, but on your wife? Brutus deserves whatever happens that gives him his headache.

Why is it such a big deal to go to this PTA meeting? Do both parents need to go? If she doesn't want to go without her husband, then maybe she just needs to quit.

Brutus comes into the kitchen covered in snow. Gladys is sitting at the table with a cup of coffee. "Phew! It took me an hour to shovel the drive. I'm exhausted!" "It's Saturday. Where do you have to go today that the drive couldn't wait?" asks Gladys. "I want to go to the gym to work out."

I have never seen Brutus at the gym. Does Brutus think the diner he always goes to is a gym? He should go to the doctor and make sure his brain is okay.

And why is he covered in snow?!

Friday, January 24, 2025

Never Steal Anything Wet

February 26, 1966

How "stolen" is this car? If the police know it's missing then that could be a problem, but if no one knows then a stolen police car could be an asset. People won't look twice at it, it won't be pulled over, and you can play with the lights and siren.

I'm glad to see our mobsters back. I mean, I don't think it's exactly the same mobsters, but it's nearly a month later. Mobsters die all the time.

Is Beach Blanket Bingo a boring movie? I mean, it's a stupid teenager beach party film but isn't it one of the better ones that most people know? I've never seen it, but I have seen Catalina Caper and that isn't boring at all.

Thursday, January 23, 2025

Sources Say 'No'

Two men are riding in a gondola, angry at the journey, but it is probably because the gondolier is singing The Bonnie Banks o' Loch Lomond with a loud "By yon bonnie banks and by yon bonnie braes, where the sun shines bright on Loch Lomond..."

February 25, 1966

The Bonnie Banks o' Loch Lomond is a Scottish folk song attributed to the Jacobite rising back in 1745. You may recognize it from a season eight episode of The Office. What you all may remember if you watched old cartoons and sitcoms is from the chorus: "O ye'll tak' the high road, and I'll tak' the low road, And I'll be in Scotland afore ye." That's where the good stuff is.

Are these two men trying to take a romantic gondola ride?

Brutus is at the fortune teller again. She is leaning in, looking really hard into the crystal ball. "Hmm..." she sighs. "What do you see about my future? Is it good? Is it bad?" Brutus practically begs. "I can't see anything in your future."

She is really leaning into that crystal ball. If my fortune teller had to look that hard to see my future, I'd ask for my money back.

Wednesday, January 22, 2025

Chekov's Trashcan

A man and woman--I'm assuming they are married--are arm wrestling. The wife wins and the husband suggests two out of three. He loses again and asks for three out of five. "What you lack in strength, you make up for in persistence," his wife says.

February 24, 1966

There is a running gag in Murder, She Wrote, where Sheriff Metzger's (Ron Masak) wife, Adele, is a fairly burly and strong woman. In one episode, Sheriff Metzger says he has to get back into shape because Adele has been beating him constantly in their arm wrestling matches. He then says that he "usually wins a couple".

Maybe it's not persistence, but more of a kink. She even calls him "tiger". In the first and third panel, that is a man getting his rocks off.

Brutus and Veeblefester are standing in an office. Veeblefester is holding a stack of paper. "What did I think of your design proposals?" Veeblefester asks. In the next panel, Brutus has a green trashcan on his head. Veeblefester has left. "Okay. I get the message. Can I take this off now? Chief? Are you still there?"

Why are you asking permission? Just take it off. Your employer can't humiliate you like this.

Tuesday, January 21, 2025

Is Hattie Brutus' Best Friend?

A firing squad stands at the right of the panel. The intended victim is still standing, all in white with his arms behind his back and a cigarette in his mouth. The commander is lying dead on the ground riddled with bullet holes. One of the firing squad guys says "Talk about a persuasive speaker..."

February 23, 1966

Viva la Revolution!!

Living in a country where firing squads might become the norm, I hope there are some out there able to convince the soldiers to direct their rifles over to the commander. I'm surprised he was allowed to talk enough to sway opinion.

Brutus is sitting in his green chair with Hurricane Hattie hanging off the back of it. "Bet you can't solve my riddle! What do you get when you cross a rooster and a crocodile?" Hattie asks. "I don't know," Brutus answers. "A croco-doodle-doo."

Aren't roosters and crocodiles essentially the same thing? Modern day dinosaurs? My amalgam of crocodile and rooster--croosterdile--makes a bit more sense. But I give this riddle a solid 4.7 out of 5. It's way better than Gladys' pathetic attempt.

Monday, January 20, 2025

Weigh Your Weight Away

I wrote this post about John Quincy Adams back before the 2016 election. Adams is quite possibly the most qualified person to ever run for president. Sadly, dirty D.C. politics and Andrew Jackson would screw up what could've been a very prominent legacy.

A man is playing fetch with his dog, throwing a bone in each panel until the last one when the dog returns instead with a policeman's cap.

February 22, 1966

Now you might be thinking that the officer will understand and take the dog stealing his hat as a little joke. Ha ha. Right? Well, all cops are bastards so this man will at least get a long lecture about watching where you play with your dog all while using his nightstick to get his point across.

Did the bone knock the hat off? Did the dog jump to take the hat? Was the hat already on the ground? Is the policeman lying dead in an alley?

Brutus and Gladys are walking into the bathroom together. "The doctor told me if I want to lose weight, I should weigh myself every morning," Brutus says. In the bathroom, Brutus stands on a scale and sighs dejectedly as Gladys watches. "I think he meant in addition to dieting..." Gladys points out.

Ok, but are either of you going to use the bathroom...?

Sunday, January 19, 2025

Just Order What You Want

Brutus is in the background on the telephone while Gladys walks by with a stack of books. Gladys then joins him and he begins kicking the telephone stand , jumping around and almost having a tantrum like a child. He collapses in a chair. "Well, don't keep me in suspense," Gladys says. "Did you get the raise or not?"

September 7, 1986

Brutus is acting like several people I see online talking about TikTok over the last twelve hours.

Calling over the phone to ask for a raise seems weird. I mean, having to ask for a raise has always been weird to me. You shouldn't have to ask for one, you just get one. If I asked for a raise at any of my jobs, they would've just laughed at me and talked to me about "modest, scheduled raises" every year or whatever.

Brutus and Gladys are at a fancy restaurant. The waiter stands next to the table. "The chef has a special this evening not on the menu. Beef wellington. Only fifty dollars. If you have made your selection, may I take your orders?" "After you, my dear," Brutus invites. "I'll have whatever my husband is having," Gladys answers. "Very well. And what will you have, sir?" "I'll have the spaghet..." but Gladys interrupts. "He'll have the beef wellington. And I'll have what he's having!"

Why can't Brutus have the spaghetti? Why can't she just order the beef wellington? If the beef wellington is $50 and on special, how much is this spaghetti?

Beef wellington is just a fancy corn dog.

Don't forget to check out the first month of Art Samson and Russ Winterbotham's Chris Welkin, Planeteer that posted yesterday. If you would like to support me or this website, you can buy me a cup of coffee over on Ko-fi.

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