Dog Rules

November 26, 2025

I like how it looks like Jimmy is marching down the street giving everyone the finger. "Fuck you, Westfinster! Respect your God, Jimmy!"

January 12, 1967

The cop pulled him over from the front?

A boulevard stop is apparently when you yield to the traffic on a priority street, like from a smaller street or private drive. I've never heard it called that, but I wasn't born during the Great Depression.

Dog show. I will choose dog show 100% of the time. I hope Kewpie is ready and willing to fight for this dog show, because I am.

Phone Bemoan

from Heathcliffcomix Instagram

The boys all just came from running over Garfield. What's Scratchy doing here? He's not a comic strip character.

January 11, 1987

I guess building a snowman is a young man's game? I don't know. I've never built or helped build a snowman in my life.

Why is Brutus sitting on the giant snowball?

He should memorize a number or two. Businesses still tend to have landlines. You can also ask someone to borrow their phone. "Can I borrow your phone?" "Yeah, sure." "Damn it!" "What's wrong?" "None of my numbers are in your contacts!"

Brutus needs to be honest with himself that even with phone numbers memorized, Wilberforce would be useless in an emergency.

In case you missed it, I believe I have found myself a new nemesis in The Brain. Although I don't think I'll go to this well as much as I do with Capt. Kid. If you would like to support me or this website, you can throw some money at my Support page.

50

Heathcliff made his debut on this day 50 years ago. Here, Heathcliff's wacky supporting characters are flooding the streets to honor the original orange cat that they love and fear.

I don't think there's going to be enough cake.

September 3, 1973

I'm shocked you can get a raw fish at this ice cream parlor. I guess Westfinster has always been very accommodating toward Heathcliff.

January 8, 1986

Brutus balanced that flowerpot on his head all the way home? That's pretty good. If only there was a way to monetize that. What was Brutus doing at the florist? He didn't buy anything.

I don't understand any of this. This comic is clearly only written for the golfers who read the Sunday comics. Short game? I don't know what that is, and nobody tell me because I don't want to know.

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A Saturday Evening Show?

May 26, 1985

I don't know if Brutus is seeing a movie or a play but if Brutus bought a ticket, then why doesn't he have a seat? Why are you standing? Just sit down! What are you doing? Now you're wet.

I don't think this strip needed seven panels to tell a joke. Brutus wanted to watch "Mr. & Mrs. Holmes" and Gladys says it was on last night which then starts a whole back-and-forth instead of "it was on last night, you fell asleep, luckily I recorded it". This is a three-panel strip at most.

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Flickin' Thursday

Five years after it came bursting onto the scene and into our lives and about a year after it's last peak before a huge decline in use, the Distracted Boyfriend meme has made its way to Heathcliff.

This comic deserves all the Reuben Awards.

June 24, 1974

I love that Brutus is going to read his pornographic magazine right in front of Gladys' bridge group. He's going to noisily eat, drink, burp, and probably fart while flipping through that magazine with his hand down his pants. That's "quiet" to him.

The biggest offense are those feet.

So Brutus can withstand being stabbed in the nose with a dart, but not being flicked in the nose. Got it.

I am a bit worried that we've entered the 'physical abuse' stage of this relationship and I really don't want to see us head down that road.

Sad Carrot

March 25, 1974

Since The Born Loser is no longer a wacky avant-garde comic strip that, despite it being based in reality, is kind of silly, the man-eating giant had to go somewhere. Luckily, Heathcliff is now our wacky avant-garde comic strip.

Yeah. You're on your own. No one is making you diet. You should season up that carrot by throwing it away and opening a package of Oreos.

Bluto's Just Strangling an Innocent Man...He Deserves To Be Twisted Into a Knot

We have a new writer/artist on the long-running Thimble Theatre/Popeye comic strip. Randy Milholland apparently was the most popular of the creators during the Popeye Cartoon Club run back in 2019 and is now the new creator for the regular Sunday strip. Congratulations, I hope your run is long and successful.

Yes, Castor's daughter is named Deezil.

Look, if you're trying to recreate the movie-going experience from the 1970s then charging $50 isn't part of it. Tickets were around $1.75 back then. Add on another $1.75 for soda and popcorn and you are still nowhere close to $50. But whatever, enjoy the movie guys.

Weird that Uncle Ted has the same living room setup as Brutus and them. He even has more places to sit despite Brutus' house having three people living in it. That TV looks precarious though.

Is Ian Petty's cat, Champion, okay? Does Ian think this

is his cat?

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Marvin Would Just Pee on the Couch Anyway

In a lonely corner or Prairie Center Cemetery in Osage County, Kansas, lies the grave of Joseph Dolifka. Born in Hungary, on March 5, 1838, Dolifka married Josephine Groman and they had five children--Agatha, Joseph, Philip, Julius, and Mary. In 1884, the family left Hamburg, Germany for New York City. Their ultimate destination, though, was Kansas. They settled on 80 acres in the Grand Haven neighborhood on the Shawnee-Osage county line where they raised livestock. Grand Haven was just a collection of farms with a post office on the property of W.H. Sears about a mile and a half west of the Dolifkas. Grand Haven was located northwest of Burlingame and southwest of Auburn. The post office, initially established in Osage County, existed from 1875 until 1901.

Dolifka farm in Auburn Township, Shawnee County, Kansas.
From Atlas of Shawnee County, Kansas (1898)

Little is really known about the Dolifkas. On December 15, 1890, Joseph died at the age of 52. No obituaries of Joseph are available if any were printed in local newspapers. A Facebook post mentions that he may have been kicked in the head by a horse or mule but that could just be speculation. His family continued in the Auburn area until about 1895 when they moved to Hanover in Washington County, Kansas. Agatha (1869-1938) married baker Henry Kraushaar but the two divorced and he moved to Kansas City, Missouri and remarried. She is buried in Marysville, Kansas. The younger Joseph (1876-1905) was a photographer in Hanover until moving to Colorado for his health, passing away in Colorado Springs. Philip (1878-1968) was a farmer in the Hanover area. He married Katie Dusch in 1904 and had eight children. He died in Lawrence of bronchial pneumonia and is buried in St. John's Cemetery in Hanover. Julius (1880-1956) originally went to Hanover with his family until about 1904 when he moved to Flagler, Colorado and started a ranch. He married Amy Anna Banner in 1906. He is buried in Akron Cemetery in Akron, Colorado. Mary (1883-1971) married Roy Pangborn in 1906. They also moved to Colorado but after Roy died, Mary moved to California where she was buried.

Josephine Dolifka was born in Vienna in 1843. She had been visiting in Hanover the evening before her death and was feeling fine. The next morning, Philip went to her house to do some work, and upon entering the house, found his mother feeling sick. A doctor was called but she died mere hours later. Services were held at the St. John's Church and she was buried in Pecenka (Bohemian) Cemetery south of Bremen, Kansas.

Joseph Dolifka gravestone in Prairie Center Cemetery.
May his soul rest in peace.

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Ripley's Believe It Or Not

I gotta give some accolades to today's Believe It Or Not of not only opening today's comic with a beautifully detailed illustration of Hitler but also telling us, while we're eating our breakfast cereal before heading to church, that he had rotting gums, bad breath, and fake teeth. This is quite a kneecap for those who love Nazis.

You know who you are.

Marvin

That "couch" doesn't look like it would fit two people anyway.

Blondie

Were Dagwood and Herb out on a date? Are they using Christmas lights as some kind of code? Is this an open marriage scenario or are they on the down-low? Dagwood also looks like they maybe broke up.

Mother Goose & Grimm

Lassie hasn't had a live-action TV show since 1999 and network TV shows haven't had designated sponsors since the early 1980s but sure, go on.

Kitty Korner from Heathcliff

Where the hell is Adelaide and Figaro watching "Heathcliff"? Does she have DVDs? Does she pull them up on YouTube? Is "Heathcliff" on some streaming site I don't know about?

The Born Loser

Going to dinner and a movie isn't special. Although I guess it could be considering Mother Gargle believes they never go out at all. Did Brutus go into the movie thinking it would be good? It's a melodrama, those are never good. The only worse would be if it were a period piece.

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Four Candles? There's No Way Gladys Is 40

Recently, my students had to read "The Monkey's Paw" by W.W. Jacobs. Written in 1902, it's become a classic tale about unintended consequences and being careful about what you wish for. One of their assignments was to write an ending for it. Those who know it, know that the story ends with Mr. White using his third wish to wish away whoever is knocking at the door, presumably his own deceased son, but the ambiguous ending leaves just a little room for interpretation. To give the kids kind of an idea, I wrote my own ending, adding a little twist and another unintended consequence courtesy of the paw. If you wish to read the original story, you can read it here.

"What happened?" Mrs. White shrieked. "What happened to our son?"

"I wished whoever was at the door to return being dead. Our son would've been a monster. A disfigured monster. I wanted to spare you that," Mr. White said.

Mrs. White ran over to her husband, crying. "Oh, my Herbert..."

Herbert, still in the cemetery, had awoken, air filling his lungs for the first time in ten days. Engulfed in blackness, Herbert panicked, began pounding on the top of the coffin. If anyone had been in the cemetery, no one would hear him anyway. Soon, the pounding and panicking would stop as the air ran out.

The next day, there was another pounding at the door. Practically paralyzed with mourning, Mrs. White didn't move. Mr. White went to the door and opened it to one of the local constable. "Sorry to bother you this early, sir. We are inquiring about a Mr. Abernathy Meggins. He was out visiting the family of an employee who had died. The family of a Mr. Herbert White. A neighbor reported that they saw him here last night."

Mr. White's eyes widened. The pounding at the door. The wish. What if the pounding at the door wasn't from his reborn son? What if...?

"Sir?" the constable made eye contact with Mr. White. "Would you like to step out here and talk?"

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Marvin

Has Grandpa here ever been around kids? They're loud. They could be sitting right next to each other and they're screaming at each other about their own private business then they get all mad if they discover you listening to them. Then be quiet!

Hi & Lois

Hi should just pay someone. Paying someone has to be cheaper than the medical bills if Hi falls and breaks his neck.

Marmaduke

It's good to see that Marmaduke just can't do anything he wants. Don't go tampering in God's domain, Marm, They'll get you.

Luann

Come on, Toni! Brad's horny!! You better be making sex popcorn in there!

Mallard Fillmore

As some of you may know, Bruce Tinsley, the original creator of Mallard Fillmore, quietly stopped producing the strip late in 2019 and the reins were handed over to Loren Fishman. From what I've seen, the arguments are a bit more intelligent than what Tinsley used and the art doesn't look like it was drawn by a child using their foot.

By the way, I've seen this scenario happen in real time on Twitter. Someone discovered some F-level celebrity followed a pro-lifer and essentially spent the rest of the day ripping their account apart. Social media is fun.

Heathcliff

It must be nice to just take the, what is it? Lasso tool? On Photoshop and just move the character around and not have to redraw it seven times.

The Born Loser

That is a pretty small cake. I get that it's only three people but that cake looks like it would only produce four good-sized pieces.

What a minute! Where's Mother Gargle?! That's something I never thought I'd say but it's her daughter's birthday. You'd think she'd be here.

Running Man

Heathcliff

Heathcliff likes to inflict psychological torture on his victims before he eats them. "Yes, I will eat you. The bib says so. But you won't know where and you won't know when."

Crock

Speaking of psychological torture, Crock here is writing a letter to his beloved mother who is apparently imprisoned in a nursing home and is practically daring her to try to escape her prison.

I wonder how many kids saw today's Crock and couldn't read it because it's in cursive. Who am I kidding? Kids don't read Crock. Only middle-aged Internet writers do.

Arlo and Janis

Is this a poop joke? Yeah, it's a poop joke. Hey, Arlo and Janis, leave the poop jokes to Marvin.

Seriously? Over 25 years?

Hagar the Horrible

Why is Lucky Eddie carrying the dog?

Six Chix

Hmm. She came to life. Good for her.

It appears that the artwork is coming alive. This happens from time to time. I, for one, welcome our classical masterpiece overlords.

Ripley's Believe It Or Not

WHY WOULD ANYBODY WANT TO TRAIN A SPIDER TO JUMP??!!

The Born Loser

"Actually, it's taken me years. Oop! That reminds me, I have to do the next lap today."

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Hopefully Heathcliff Never Has a Stroke

Heathcliff

I hope the city makes a New Year's Resolution to finally bring the Garbage Ape back to the zoo. I don't care how many snazzy bowties he has, he doesn't need to be running amok.

Mary Worth

What the hell is a dress-up concert? Like an orchestra or Mostly Mozart? Did you go to concerts like that when you were 25, Iris? I highly doubt it so why would Zak and his friends?

Arlo and Janis

ARLO HAS A DIAPER FETISH!! HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!!

The Underfold, 12/31/2010