Sunday, May 24, 2015

1198: Did All That Paper Pile Up In Ten Minutes?

Before we get started on the return of Sunday Comic commentary, I need some help. I have finished and am currently editing a story about a transgender teen who becomes friends with and then enters a relationship with a cisgender teen. I want to make the story as true-to-life as I can and have looked up all I can on the Internet to get some of the trials a trans teen would have to go through. What I need now is someone, actually several someones, to read through it and give me notes on what's good, what needs to be changed, what doesn't work and what's just stupid.

If you would like to help out or know someone who would like help out, please send me an email at tauycreek [at] gmail.com or via the contact form and I can get the story and critique form sent to you. The story is 44 pages, contains some sexual situations, slight offensive language but I tried to write it for anyone 12 years old and up.

Now, onto the comics...

I guess it's too much to ask that this confusion last over the next week. Dan could walk in and be all "No, it's 'You fill up my bridges.'" and then Nelson could come in and be all "No, it's 'You kill all my bitches'" because Nelson clearly listens to too much rap.

I feel women should be insulted by this comic. Should women feel insulted by it?

And here I thought that B.C. was the unquestioned king of bad dictionary puns.

Marmaduke has just finished filming another scene for his balloon-popping fetish website.

On first thought, I believe those lumps protruding under the blankets are feet but considering none of these people are three feet tall, I'm going with erections.

Three minute shower. In one of my science classes, we were talking about ecology and saving water and the teacher gave a demonstration of a three minute shower to the class. Is that weird? He kept his clothes on.

Somehow, that makes it weirder...

Saturday, May 23, 2015

1197: Apologies to the Estates of Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster

I used to love drawing. There was a time I wanted to do my own comic book and my own comic strip. I even did over a year of strips for a comic strip. I knew I wasn't the best artist but it passed for a simple comic strip. There were some things I did that looked really good. In fifth grade, we were supposed to do our own take on a famous painting. I took the Mona Lisa and turned her into Cyclops from the X-Men. I wish I still had that but it got lost somewhere between moving from Baldwin to Lawrence back in 2002 along with all the other art I kept.

When I was in middle school, my aunt paid for my cousin and me to take a summer drawing thing. It was a fun class but it was then I realized that I was a terrible artist. It's not that I didn't try because if I really take my time then I could do something pretty cool as this odd anthropomorphic leopard shows:
See? It's not too bad but I spent too much time on drawing it and didn't have time to color it. Our last assignment was to create a short comic book--four pages. I don't know why I didn't choose one of my comic strip characters but instead I made up a superhero that was similar to Superman in every way imaginable. I even remember going in with my family and all the other kids' families and going through all the books and mine was clearly the worst. I was so embarrassed and made sure that no one could connect that terrible comic to me.

I still have it, you can read it below. See if you can tell the parts where DC Comics/Warner Bros. could sue me. Keep an eye open, they're a little hard to see.


It was during my freshman year in high school that I finally decided to quit drawing. I was so excited about my year-long art class but as the year wore on, I realized that I was not getting any better so no more art for me. Except for my maps or doodles in the margins of my notebooks and Customer Service, I haven't drawn anything since.

Brutus, even if that were true, I would not consider you a "successful breadwinner." Breadwinner, sure, but not successful.

Friday, May 22, 2015

1196: Xylophone With a 'Z'

For fun, I looked up the origin of the word 'xylophone' where I learned that 'xylo' means 'of wood' so xylophone technically means wood sound. I think this strip would work better if Hattie spelled 'phone' correctly and got the x-y-l-o part wrong--it's a small thing that doesn't make it seem like the American public school system is failing our children.

Thursday, May 21, 2015

1195: Canceled Shows Are a Part of Life--Time To Get Over Them

Anymore networks keep a show on the air unless they have something to replace it. In fact, with networks having so many sister stations these days on basic cable, if a series is canceled then there is a good chance it will end up on a sister network or online.

Co-Ed Fever is considered the shortest-lived American television series lasting from February 4, 1979 to a half hour later on February 4, 1979. It was an attempt to cash in on National Lampoon's Animal House. The show wasn't even supposed to air until February 19 but the episode "Pepperoni Passion" was aired as a special preview after the movie Rocky. Co-Ed Fever never made it to its regularly scheduled timeslot. The show Billy was aired in its slot instead. Billy was off the air by the end of April 1979.

On February 5, 1969, the ABC variety show Turn-On premiered and, in some markets, never made it past its first commercial break. Turn-On was heavily sexualized and highly political. Stations that did air it received complaints, some stations opted not to air it and Cleveland's WEWS decided not to return to Turn-On after the first commercial. Turn-On was officially canceled on February 10. Tim Conway, the host of the first episode, stated the show was canceled because it was ahead of its time.

A more recent example is the ABC series Emily's Reasons Why Not starring Heather Graham. Emily's Reasons Why Not was about Emily Sanders (Graham) who makes a list of reasons why she shouldn't date someone and premiered on January 9, 2006. The next day on January 10, ABC canceled it. The first episode consisted of the characters making fun of Mormons, virgins and homosexuals causing ABC to receive a lot of complaints. It's reported that ABC bought the series sight unseen. The cancellation was so abrupt that for the next week or so some magazines had cover stories articles showcasing a canceled series.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

1194: But I Guess You Can Also Deep-Fry It

Since kale is essentially just lettuce or cabbage, I would assume it will be used like lettuce on top of burgers, in side salads and crumbled into other things. According to news, the kale will be part of breakfast bowls.

I'm fine with adding kale to stuff but I feel adding it to the food at McDonald's is basically the equivalent to ordering everything on the left side of the menu and then washing it down with a Diet Coke.

Sunday, May 17, 2015

1193: Why Does Gladys Need Keys? She Never Goes Anywhere

Yesterday the seniors at the school I work at graduated. It was a short and sweet ceremony which is always nice. These kids were sophomores when I first started working there so they aren't my group of freshmen that I have seen grow and mature over four years but when I first started, I was in several general science classes which is a sophomore class. Afterwards, most of my classes consisted of junior and some senior classes so I was around this class a lot and, to be honest, of the classes that are in my school right now, they were my favorite. Coming in a close second, this year's sophomores.

Congratulations to all who are graduating and to the students of the University of Kansas, get out of my city.

I've never been a fan of the phrase "they're always in the last place you look" because when you really think about it, the phrase doesn't make sense. Of course my car keys were in the last place I looked because I found them so I stopped looking.

Why is Gladys so worried about her car keys? I've misplaced my car keys a few times and while it is aggravating, it's never made me break down like Gladys looks like she's about to do in panel five.

Saturday, May 16, 2015

1192: Twelve. That's Why Brutus Looks So Terrible

Ugh, another day where Brutus says he isn't going to be kept down by life anymore. On the bright side, at least Wilberforce gets to eat with his family.

Friday, May 15, 2015

1191: Gimme That Head of Hair

The above picture is a self-portrait Art Sansom did in 1977. According to Chip's update on the new Born Loser Facebook page, it was one of the first things he inked when he started his apprenticeship.

It's interesting to see how the characters have changed. But I have no idea who that cleaning lady is. Also, Wilberforce's hair is the worst.

Speaking of hair, I would bet Brutus would rather be bald than have Wilberforce's curly-cue blond hair.

Why is Brutus lecturing Hattie about school? Shouldn't that be the job of, I don't know, her parents?!

Thursday, May 14, 2015

1190: Three-Day Catch-Up

As opposed to the Kansas governor who believes that if it ain't broke then you should "fix it" so it becomes broken and you can just privatize it claiming that it never worked.

Look how determined Brutus is in those first two panels. He's listening to Veeblefester with every fiber of his being.

Dollar stores never have sales. Maybe Dollar General but that's more of a price reduction than a sale.

I'm getting this feeling in the pit of my stomach that Chip watches "Dr. Phil" and it worries me greatly.


Liberty #50: Supercat

The lost tomb of Ahnkamhet was located about forty miles south of Cairo. Ahnkamhet only ruled for a few years before he was mysteriously murdered. He was buried in his unfinished pyramid, which was then dismantled over the years for use in other tombs and pyramids. Only the foundation remained above ground, the tomb was below ground and forgotten.

The foundation had to be uncovered from underneath several feet of sand and Alex Turk and four other archaeologists from the University of Chicago’s Oriental Institute were one of the few invited to view the mysterious tomb.

“Welcome, Mr. Turk,” a man greeted the Institute archaeologist with his arms spread apart. “It is an honor to have you here. I am Dinesh Malouf.”

“Please, the honor is ours. This is an amazing opportunity and we are thrilled that Egypt has allowed us to come in and collect heirlooms for our museum,” Alex thanked Dinesh, shaking his hand.

“Follow me. We are just about ready to open the passage to the tomb,” Dinesh led the men to where a group of Egyptian archaeologists were gathered at a wall. “We found a weak spot here so we are thinking there was an entrance here.”

“There used to be a pyramid, shouldn’t there be an entrance on top?” Alex asked.

“There is but it is filled with tons of sand. The underground entrance is easier, quicker and safer,” Dinesh said. He led Alex and his team down the makeshift stairs to the underground entrance. Above the door was a stone with hieroglyphics carved into it.

“What does that read?” Alex pointed.

Dinesh glanced up. “Ah, it reads ‘Powerful cat,’” he replied. “We actually have been saying ‘Super cat.’ It just has a better sound to it.”

“It does,” Alex agreed. “Why does it say that?”

“Based on legends, Ahnkamhet considered himself a savior, a hero and more than a god. It is said that when he was murdered, his last words were a curse that a sand monster in his image would avenge his death. From what we can tell, that never happened.”

They pushed the door open and stepped in. The underground tomb had been untouched for centuries and was unblemished. The sarcophagus was wide open in the center of the room on a decorative slab. There was several doors scattered in the tomb along the wall.

“Ready to get started?” Alex and Dinesh led their teams to the door to their left, directly behind Ahnkamhet’s sarcophagus. Again they pushed the door open to reveal what looked like a decent portion of Ahnkamhet’s fortune. Coins, challises and numerous other gold items filled the room. Personalized gold vases detailing Ahnkamhet’s life were the only thing unique in the room. Dinesh and Alex sighed and led the teams back into the main room and then started over to the next room.

One stayed in the room and slowly walked to the corner that was curiously not at a ninety-degree angle. When he got closer, he saw that the corner held another door. “There’s a door in here,” he shouted and Alex and the others came back in.

Alex looked above the door and saw the same hieroglyphics carved above this door. “Get that door open but be careful. We don’t know what’s behind it,” Alex ordered. Two men pried the door apart and they all cautiously walked in the small, triangular room. It was a plain room, no hieroglyphics, no gold, only a five foot pedestal with a bracelet on it in the middle of the room. The pedestal had hieroglyphics on it as did the bracelet. The bracelet had the same marking that the stones above the doors had.

“What does it say?” one of Alex’s team asked.

“Something about power,” Alex said. “I can’t read it very good. Dinesh?” Alex went to pick up the bracelet but then hesitated.

“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised about hidden rooms but it’s odd that one would be nearly empty,” Dinesh said as he approached the pedestal. Alex stepped to one side to let Dinesh read. He looked at it for a few seconds and spoke, “It says this bracelet contains the power of Supercat but it also mentions the curse and a trap.”

“Powers? Does wearing the bracelet make you the next pharaoh?” Alex chuckled.

Dinesh chuckled as well. “Try it on. It was probably just Ahnkamhet’s favorite accessory or something.”

“What does it mean about a trap?” a member of Dinesh’s team said.

“It doesn’t say. It just mentions a trap. I can’t imagine a trap in here still working after five thousand years,” Dinesh said.

Alex carefully picked up the polished gold bracelet and held it close to look at it. A rumbling began and the ceiling began cracking and pieces started crashing to the ground. Everyone looked up and then at the bracelet. Alex slid the bracelet on his wrist as the ceiling collapsed on top of them. Alex then started growing hair all over his body. His clothes changed into an Egyptian tunic and shendyt. The tunic was brown and had the hieroglyphic cat embroidered on the chest. The shendyt went down to his knees and were dyed a pale red. Alex’s hands and feet had turned into paws and he had become a six-foot-tall cat.

Using great speed, Alex tried rushing the men out of the room that was collapsing and back into the main room with the tomb. The small triangular room became nothing but rubble which was then filled with sand from above. “Is everybody all right?” Alex said as he stood over everyone. They all stared at him with their mouths slack. “This must be the powers mentioned on the pedestal,” Alex looked down at what he was wearing and his four paws.

“Powerful cat,” Dinesh said in a whisper.

“Supercat,” Alex corrected, smiling so he showed the small feline teeth. Alex took one last look at himself and took off the bracelet. He immediately changed back into his human form and his own clothes. He continued to hold onto the bracelet. “What
do we do with it?”

“I…I don’t know,” Dinesh began. “Something with this kind of power can be very
dangerous.”

“I can take it back to Chicago. We can catalog it and place it in storage. We can even just keep it in storage until we are sure everybody who knows of its existence is dead,” Alex suggested. “We can put a warning on it saying it’s very fragile and shouldn’t be worn. I don’t think anyone would slip it on but we should still attach a warning.”

“Keep it safe,” Dinesh pointed at Alex. He, Alex and the two teams headed out of the underground tomb. “There is no telling what could happen if that bracelet falls into the wrong hands.”

The teams went up the stairs into the Egyptian sun. The sand in the now-destroyed triangular room swirled around the debris despite there not being any wind.




The archaeology trip was cut short and Alex and his team headed back to Chicago. Within 48 hours, Alex had the bracelet photographed, cataloged and placed in a box in a room with thousands of other artifacts from all over the world.

“Did you get the bracelet stored away?” Alex’s assistant Jimmy asked when Alex went into his small office.

“Yes. I got it cataloged with a note saying it can’t be displayed for fifty years under an agreement with the Egyptian government and that it’s too fragile to wear. I covered all the bases so we can just put it out of our minds,” Alex said. “I wish we could’ve stayed in Egypt longer. This may have been the last time we get to take artifacts with us.”

That night, as most of the country slept, an odd creature, similar to Supercat, flew west over the Atlantic Ocean. It was similar to Supercat in every way except it was made from Egyptian sand. Alex awoke a little bit before dawn to an explosion near his apartment. He shot out of bed to a window. He could barely see as the sun was just starting to come up over the horizon but could see many buildings on fire or completely destroyed. Between the rising sun, fires and police spotlights below, Alex could vaguely make out the form. “Supercat?” he whispered. He quickly got dressed and ran downstairs to a group of police officers standing next to a spotlight. “Officers, what’s going on?”

“You should stay inside your apartment, sir,” one officer said.

“I don’t think it really matters, Blansky,” said another. “Some flying madman is destroying the city. We don’t know how to stop it. We’ve called in the military. It’s like he’s looking for something and doesn’t care what he does in the meantime.”

“Looking for something,” Alex muttered. Alex began running off toward the university, having to take detours due to police barricades and debris. “The bracelet led him to Chicago but not the actual location,” he said out loud.

The sun was just over the horizon when Alex got to the Oriental Institute. The campus hadn’t been touched but it was probably just a matter of time. Alex unlocked the staff doors and ran to storage where the bracelet was. It was still in the box and Alex sighed with relief. An explosion rocked the building and he quickly slid on the bracelet and returned to the form of Supercat.

Alex flew out of the Institute and toward the Sand Supercat. Holy God. It’s made of sand, Alex thought upon seeing his twin. Hopefully
a couple of good punches will get rid of it.


Alex prepared to punch but the Sand Supercat caught a glimpse and struck faster sending Alex flying across the sky over the city. He slowed himself and then stopped. “Or not,” and flew as fast as he could back to the Sand Supercat. He collided fist-first into the creature’s chest and they rocketed across the Chicago sky toward Lake Michigan. Maybe he’ll dissolve in the lake…

The Sand Supercat struggled to escape but Alex was flying too fast. They collided with the water about a mile from shore and Alex drove the Sand Supercat into the silt at the bottom. Alex came back up and flew back to the city. He landed next to some police officers who all pointed their guns at him when they saw he was a six foot cat. “Who are you?” one demanded.

“You can call me Supercat. Don’t worry, I’m here to help. I don’t know if that sand creature is coming back but while it’s indisposed, I can help clean up debris, rescue people, whatever needs to be done,” Alex offered.

“There’s an old tenement building that took a lot of damage over on Dearborn. I know they need help with rescues and debris,” the officer said. “We’ll be watching you.” Alex nodded and flew off to the Loop where most of the damage was.

Back in Lake Michigan, the Sand Supercat had dug its way out of the silt and shot out of the water, screaming wildly. It flew back to the city faster than it had left, honed in on Alex and drove him through several buildings and street blocks until crashing through the street into the sewer. It yelled something nearly incoherent in Alex’s face.

It wants the bracelet, Alex thought as he kept the Sand Supercat at bay by holding its wrists. Alex then overpowered it and threw it into a wall. Do I give it the bracelet or try to stop it? Can I stop it?

Alex walked over to the hole in the wall. The Sand Supercat leaped out and grabbed Alex’s neck in both hands. Alex grabbed its wrists again and tried to pull him off. Alex held onto the Sand Supercat’s arms and flew back up through the street and into the air. They flew straight up until the Sand Supercat let go of Alex’s neck and Alex attempted to throw it back down to Earth.

Instead, the Sand Supercat was able to throw Alex down and into a tenement building, causing it to start collapsing. Hearing screaming and cries, Alex quickly flew through the building helping and directing the occupants down the hall and into the street. The brick building fell down, scattering bricks into the street and alley.

“Who are you?” one of the kids Alex had just saved asked.

“You can call me Supercat. Are you all okay?”

They all nodded or muttered in agreement.

“Then I need to go stop that thing now,” Alex said and flew back into the air. He doesn’t even seem to care about me anymore. He’s now just destroying the city. Alex hovered and stared at the Sand Supercat who was smashing into buildings and tossing cars around the streets. Flames roared around Chicago. Screaming, sirens and explosions echoed through the city. As Alex witnessed the senseless destruction his eyes started to burn. Anger welled up inside him and Alex flew faster than he had this morning toward the Sand Supercat. His hand wrapped around the creature’s neck. Heat began pouring out of Alex’s eyes, hitting the Sand Supercat who began screaming.

The heat from Alex’s eyes began turning the Sand Supercat into glass and within minutes, most of the creature was glass and unable to move. Alex continued holding onto the Sand Supercat’s neck and flew over Lake Michigan where he then shattered the Sand Supercat, remnants of glass and sand falling into the lake.

Alex rushed back to Chicago where he helped put out fires and rescue people who were trapped because of the fires of the rubble. Reporters began clamoring to speak to Supercat but he instead flew off. Alex landed behind the Oriental Institute and removed the bracelet. He reverted back to his human form then proceeded to return the bracelet to the box where he put it—ready to use if he ever needed it again.