Saturday, January 29, 2011

Sick


I'm sick today so I don't really want to comment on today's strip.  Insert your own joke.  See you tomorrow over at the Daily Comics Review.

#225: Kansas

Kansas became a state on this day 150 years ago in 1861.  I've only lived here for my entire life so I know a thing or two about its history and how beautiful it is here.  I've been nearly everywhere in this state (southwest, northwest, I will get to you as soon as there is a reason) and I've taken a lot of pictures (most of which can be seen here) and I've seen a lot of sights.  I honestly don't really know what to do for Kansas' 150th anniversary.  I began writing on this thing twice and the third time isn't going any better.

Most of what people know about Kansas comes from The Wizard of Oz, Superman stories and various jokes in movies and TV shows.  Kansas is really nothing like that.  Yes, there is a lot of open space, few people, and a lot of general nothingness however, have you driven through Nebraska?  I've seen pictures of Nebraska and it looks more desolate than Kansas.  But I'm not here to knock other states.  Kansas has a very rich history which seems to get lost in the lore of other history.  For example, the Civil War began April 12, 1861 at Fort Sumter, South Carolina but a battle between pro-slavery and free-state factions took place in the area of Baldwin City in June of 1856.  After Thomas Barber was killed during the Wakarusa War, John Brown, who was viewing the body which had been placed in the Eldridge House commented that we were now in a "civil war".  Charles Dow became the first person murdered in Kansas in 1855 after an argument was a pro-slavery landowner.  Out west, Nicodemus was founded in 1877 by freed slaves and remains a small town that has been declared a National Historic Site.  The Oregon, California and Santa Fe Trails went through Kansas and several places as Lawrence, Ulysses, Finney County and Irving have intriguing histories which are worth taking a look at.

I can't really see myself living anywhere else.  I fantasize about living somewhere else.  Denver, New York, Boston, Chicago.  But what are the chances I would actually move there or enjoy living in any of those places.  Maybe I would, maybe I wouldn't.  One thing I learned is that after driving in Chicago traffic I will no longer complain about traffic in Kansas City.

The more I've seen of Kansas the more I've grown to love it.  I am proud of where I am from and proud that I am a native Kansan--born and raised.  While Kansas may have its problems, I will still defend it even though we once stopped teaching evolution in schools, even though the awful people of the Westboro Baptist Church reside here and even though Governor Brownback's budget reduction proposal will make Kansas the only state in the country without an arts commission.  The state's been good to me, and I've been good to it.  Happy Birthday, Kansas.

~Brian

Friday, January 28, 2011

Veeblefester's Pet Rock


Oh, boy.  Another strip featuring Brutus and Veeblefester.  I hope there is more next week.

No. 19: The Cat Rangers

The training for me was rigorous. I had to climb up a steep grade while dodging laser blasts then upon reaching the top I had to go back down using my optic blasts to deflect various objects being shot at me. I reached the ground and proceeded to run toward the balancing floor. I began leaping from platform to platform trying my hardest not to fall. I was in the middle of the floor when I landed on one platform that immediately buckled sending me crashing into the floor.

I kept my head above water as my friends, Aaron and Alex tried to keep from laughing but did show concern for my well-being. I swam to the shore where the training had started and climbed out of the creek. “That was not fun,” I said.

“Glad I didn’t go first,” Alex said.

“Are you okay, Brian?” Aaron asked. “Who knew that log wasn’t secure?”

“Wish it was just a little warmer today,” I shivered. “Okay, so we’re going to have to rework that part of the course.”

“Maybe we can find another log we can toss in or maybe there’s a path further down the creek,” I suggested.

“Why do we have to go through this training?” asked Alex.

“So when the time comes we can defend our country from Ganthet,” I said, in a dark and foreboding tone.

Ganthet was our main adversary. He is, or at least was, an archaeologist who believed he was destined to rule humanity. He had the great fortune of finding the Seven Rings of Emtrion, powerful weapons from Double A’s home planet of Emtrion. Ganthet was now hell-bent on ruling the world. We were here to stop him at every turn. We are the Cat Rangers.

The Cat Rangers was a team led by me, Fuzzytail who could use his optic blasts with pinpoint accuracy. The other team members were Alex, as Abracadabra, a skilled magician and sorcerer and Aaron, as Double A, a cyborg. Our headquarters was located in a small wooded area by a creek just a quarter mile from our neighborhood. Our hideout was located a little ways down the creek near a tree that had fallen over which became the steep grade in our training.

“So how should we modify the training?” I asked.

“No time for that now,” Aaron said, lowering his voice to be Double A. “There’s a monster attacking the city.”

I looked at an imaginary computer screen that Double A was standing in front of and glared. “Gargantua?” I asked.

“Of course,” Double A answered and soon the Cat Rangers were racing downtown to stop the monster.
Gargantua was a massive brown, almost wood-like creature, accidentally created when Dr. Michael Kirkwood was bombarded with radiation while doing research in an arboretum. The Rangers raced downtown to see the giant monster tossing cars into the building and seeing the citizens scatter. We gathered in an alleyway to come up with a plan for the disposal of the monster.

“Aber,” Aber was Abracadabra’s nickname. The name came from a cat that Alex used to own. “can you use a freeze spell to stop Gargantua?”

“I can try FT,” Aber said and flew off toward the creature. FT was my nickname as the others didn’t really enjoy the name Fuzzytail for the name of their leader. I had also taken my name from a cat I knew and I guess I didn’t think the name through but what I lacked in a good name, I made up for in leadership and abilities.
Aber was just out of Gargantua’s sight when he spoke his magic words, “abracadabra” and a bright light of shapes and shadows flowed from his hand and toward Gargantua. The spell did not work as well as we all had thought, it just annoyed him and he swatted Aber down onto the street. That’s when Double A and I attacked, emerging from the alley and leaping onto the monster, taking him down. Double A used his arm cannon to keep him subdued while Aber worked on conjuring up a bigger spell.

Gargantua overthrew Double A knocking him several blocks away and leaving me and Aber to face his wrath. Aber barely got a shield spell up to protect himself from Gargantua’s fist and I fully opened my visor to unleash my optic blasts onto the monster which at least knocked him down.

“The militarys’ on it’s way!” shouted a policeman from the sidewalk. “Just keep it busy until they arrive!”
“I think we can do that,” I hollered to Aber who was casting a disorientation spell on the beast. Double A joined us again and quickly stunned Gargantua with a right upper-cut. Double A, Aber and I simultaneously attacked keeping Gargantua busy until we saw the military rolling down the street. They were able to subdue Gargantua and inject the calming effect serum into what would quickly return to Dr. Michael Kirkwood. The Rangers didn’t stick around as Dr. Kirkwood was loaded onto a military van but returned to the hideout.

“We should probably get home,” Aaron said, looking at his watch. “It’s about time for my dinner.”
“Yeah, I said I’d be home by now,” Alex said.

We left the clubhouse and walked to the main road and continued walking until we each arrived at our own streets. I arrived at my house and walked in to see my mom packing away some sit-around figurines and all the pictures had been taken off the wall.

“Oh, good. You’re home,” she said. “You can help me wrap all the breakables in newspapers.”
I didn’t want to move. I had lived in the same house for ten years and I had grown slightly accustomed to it. I knew this day was slowly coming but it had taken a while getting here. Mom had worked for years at one of those mainstream real estate companies and had finally found a small company she could purchase in an up-and-coming suburb. It was a great opportunity but I still didn’t want to go.

“What are we having for dinner?” I asked.

“Oh, I haven’t been thinking. When we get hungry I can make something. I just got so caught up in packing today that I barely thought about anything else. When I’m done with the knick-knacks in this room we can start on your room.”

I muttered something in agreement and began grabbing knick-knacks off a shelf by the kitchen and slowly wrapping them in newspaper and placing them in a box.




At school the next day, during recess, Alex, Aaron and I met near the jungle gym like we always did but today we had something different. A boy in our class had joined us. Anthony wanted to join our club but we were not accepting new members. Especially for someone who was calling themselves Supercat. Anthony wouldn’t leave us alone so we did really the only thing we could do.

Supercat had holed himself up on his Rocky Mountain base, watching Earth while his robots took control of justice and took that control just a little bit too far. Supercat had never acted like this before so everyone was wondering what was wrong. As the Rangers approached it, several robots attacked us. They maneuvered expertly and actually pulled some very good punches but after a few minutes they were beaten. We smashed down the door and saw Supercat floating in a huge cathedral like room surrounded by huge monitors.


“What’s wrong, SC?” I asked as Supercat turned his head toward us.

“How can humanity live so close to extinction?” he asked. “This planet has enough nuclear ammunition to destroy itself several times over. I’ve had the power all this time to stop it and I didn’t. I’m rectifying that mistake now.”

“This isn’t like you, Supercat. You would never police the world like this. Even you know you can’t control Earth’s destiny,” Double A said.

“I used to think that but now I can be so much more to this planet than just a hero.” Supercat gracefully glided down and made eye contact with us. “I could guide this planet into being the most advanced technologically, scientifically and intellectually. And no one can stop me, not even you.”

“That does sound good but you were sent here for so much more. You are not a dictator and those robots you created have hindered more than they have helped. You’ve got most of the world angry at you and several countries are considering your recent policing an act of war,” I explained. “Either stop what you are doing or we will be forced to take you down and bring you in.”

Supercat looked at me with a surprised look on his face then smiled. “I have a planet to monitor,” and he flew back up into the position he was in when we arrived. The Rangers all looked at each other and shrugged then we attacked. We were actually too quick for Supercat and were able to catch him off guard but our victory was short-lived as he used his heat vision on us. Aber and I quickly dodged the blasts but Double A was hit and was pushed back.

Double A’s cybernetic parts were made of a metal alloy called Arkym, which was near indestructible. Double A shot at Supercat with his arm cannon and Aber cast an entrapment spell, binding SC in a mystical box.
“Let me out!” Supercat yelled and tried in vain to shatter the magic box.

“That box won’t hold him for long. What are we going to do with him? There’s no way we can take down the world’s most powerful superhero,” Aber said.

“Somethings wrong with him. Supercat would never act like this unless it was for a good reason,” Double A said. “I think someone is controlling him.”

“But who?” I asked and noticed the box was starting to crack and fade as Supercat continued to punch and use his heat vision on it. “It would have to a pretty powerful being to take control of Supercat.”

Supercat punched his way out and flew fast toward us. We tried scattering but were still hit by his fists of steel. “You have only prolonged your demise, Cat Rangers. After I destroy you, no one will be able to stop me from taking over the world as Supercat!” the voice came from Supercat but it was not his. His eyes glowed white and an evil smile spread across the bottom part of his face.

“I recognize that voice. Supercat is being controlled by someone,” I said. “Brainwave!”

“Very good, Fuzzytail,” Brainwave said, finally showing himself and releasing control of Supercat who was now weak and disoriented. “But I will still be able to defeat you and use Supercat to take control of the world. Nothing can stop me!” Brainwave bellowed.

“Brainwave…” Supercat staggered to his feet, “you talk too much,” Supercat reached over and punched Brainwave as hard as possible sending him flying into the monitors causing electricity to radiate out. Suddenly, the monitors exploded sending shards of glass and wire out into the Fortress.

Aber quickly cast a spell around everyone protected the four of us from the explosion. When the smoke and static cleared, Brainwave was a charred mess but was still alive.

“I’ll take it from here,” Supercat said, still not at full power but good enough. “Brainwave will be placed where his powers will be useless. Thanks Rangers, you did good.”

Supercat smiled at us, picked up Brainwave and flew off. “Thanks, SC!” I hollered back.

A teacher blew a whistle and everyone from our class ran to line up and go in. “I guess I might as well tell you guys now,” I began as I walked with Alex and Aaron. “I’m moving.”

“Moving? When?” Aaron asked.

“Not for a while, end of the school year or so. We started packing last night,” I said. “I don’t want to move but my mom got an awesome deal on a real estate company so we’re moving to be closer to her new business.”

“Man, that sucks,” Aaron said. Alex was curiously quiet as we all went back into the school in single file.




After school, we all met in my backyard. None of us were really in the mood to play or do anything as me having to move sunk in. Instead, we just sat around on the lawn and just talked. We talked about anything that came into our head trying to avoid the real issue.

“So what do we do?” Aaron asked.

“Do about what?” I said.

“You moving. When you’re gone, the team is dissolved,” Aaron said, raising his voice a little.

“Calm down, Aaron. It’s just a fake superhero team. Besides, I’ll still be here until May so we have plenty to finish up the loose ends,” I explained to the guys. “So what will be the next thing we fight?”

“Remember when you gave those flowers to that girl?” Aaron asked.

“Of course I do. I was so nervous then after I gave her the flowers I was so embarrassed because then everyone thought we were dating then she starting hating me. That was a busy week,” I said.

“I can’t even remember what we used to do before we started the Cat Rangers,” Alex began, “I don’t remember being outside as much.”

“We do spend a lot of time outside.”

You could tell Aaron was getting tired of all this moving talk and he stood up. “Something’s coming!” he said in an eerie voice.

Both Alex and I looked at him. “What?” I thought he was being serious.

“He got through our initial defenses.”

“What are you…?”

“Eradicator…” he said.

Alex and I leapt up. “Who’s Eradicator?” Alex asked.

“I had hoped it wouldn’t come to this,” I said. “Eradicator is my brother,” I revealed.

“Nice,” Aaron smiled.

“You have a brother?” Aber asked.

“We were launched from our home planets at the same time when the disease took over but while my course took me to America, his course took him to Sarkelostan where he was raised to only know hate. As an alien he was tortured and subjected to horrid experiments until they saw his potential as an army of one. They trained and conditioned him until he became a living killing machine.”

“We better stop standing around. He’s plowing his way through our secondary defenses,” Double A said and began running toward the tree in my backyard that was near the edge of the property. “Strengthen the auxiliary defenses and seal the doors and windows.”

We prepared for the onslaught that was sure to come from Eradicator because while the defenses were slowing him down he was still making his way through the perimeter. We watched on the monitors in awe but finally decided to act.

“Double A, you stay here and watch the monitors, Aber and I will attack and try to push him back,” I said and Aber and I flew off to defend our hideout.

I flew at full force toward Eradicator. As I emerged I saw that he was protected in reinforced steel armor. Every inch of his body was covered. Only his eyes were exposed but was surrounded a bright red metal mask. A flowing lighter red cape billowed behind him. Wanting to stop him, I hit him as hard as I could and we flew back several feet before coming to a stop. Eradicator’s fist flew out at me and struck me, sending me back to where I came from, nearly hitting Aber.

Aber quickly cast a spell on Eradicator, trying to blind him. It worked a little as Eradicator struggled to stand up straight and staggered backward. I was even taking awhile standing back up and couldn’t keep my balance.

Eradicator was mad now. When he was able to stand firm he began running toward the mansion. None of the defenses could hold him back because he was running too fast. Aber couldn’t cast a spell or fly away before Eradicator knocked him out of the sky. I just watched in awe as Eradicator trampled through our defenses and plowed through the wall of the mansion.

Aber and I just looked at each other then rushed to the mansion. Eradicator took no time in finding our control room and knocking Double A across the room. Although Double A was still down we had Eradicator surrounded, prepared to fight to the death.

“What are you doing here, Eradicator?” I asked.

“Can’t a guy visit his beloved brother?” Eradicator chuckled, which echoed from his helmet.

“Depends on why you’re here and since you’ve already pulverized me and Double A and caused massive damage to our artillery and mansion I can guess your visit isn’t a peaceful one,” I said, warming up my optic blast.

“Ganthet wanted me to loosen you up so his job would be easier,” Eradicator said.

“Ganthet? Where is he?” I yelled.

“He’s somewhere. But that is of no matter. He will find you and crush you,” Eradicator threatened.

“Those jewels don’t belong to Ganthet, Eradicator. They belong to the people of Emtrion. They belong to the people of that planet to keep their history alive!” I said, trying to get through to him.

“Their people are all dead, Brother,” Eradicator growled. “You may have garnered sympathy for them but I have not! They are dead-just like the majority of humans will be as soon as Ganthet takes care of a few things.”

“Ganthet has indescribable power and he still has to “take care of a few things?”” I asked, grinning. Behind Eradicator, Double A was standing up and starting to aim his arm cannon at his back.

“Taking over Earth’s military is seeming a bit more problematic than Ganthet thought but they will be gone soon…” and with a crackle and a loud explosion, Eradicator went down. Double A’s arm cannon was smoking, as was Eradicator’s back.

We moved closer to Eradicator and saw that is armor was badly damaged. He was started to move and we didn’t really know what to do with him. We all looked at each other hoping the others would know what to do.

“I have an idea but we need to get that helmet off him,” Aber said. I used my optic blasts to cut the helmet off, starting at the hole that had weakened the entire armor. “Get him up. He needs to be fully conscious.”
Double A and I rolled Eradicator over and pushed him to stand up. “Get up! Pay attention, you monster!” I said and saw that he looked almost like me only a little older and with lighter colored hair. His eyes opened and I pointed his face right at Aber.

Aber raised his hand and spoke the magic words, “Abracadabra!” and a collage of bright lights and shapes surrounded Eradicator’s head. Soon, he was unconscious and Double A and I dropped him on the floor.

“What did you do?” Double A asked.

“Mind wipe. He will now probably spend the rest of his life as a vegetable,” Aber said. “I know a facility he can stay in and be taken care of.”

“Remind me not to get on your bad side,” Double A said.

“Alex?” I asked, breaking character and seeming a little miffed, “Mind wipe? Really? As a magician you can mind wipe people?”

“I’m really more of an all-powerful sorcerer,” Alex said. “From outer space. So cosmic sorcerer, I guess.”

“Cosmic sorcerer? Aaron, any new powers you wish to divulge to us?” I sounded like I was joking but was actually serious.

“Oh, Brian,” Aaron said, “how is Alex’s cosmic sorcery any different than your late-developing ability of having bones of steel?”

“It’s not “late-developing”, on Earth the sun makes Fuzzytail’s bones as strong as steel,” I explained.

“What? You said Earth and Omegatron had the same sun!” Aaron pointed out.

I paused for a moment. “We’re not talking about my bones, we’re talking about Alex being an all-powerful sorcerer!”

Aaron and Alex laughed. “I have to get home. I didn’t realize it was so late. I’ll see you guys at school,” Aaron said.

Aaron leaving left Alex and me alone. We had been friends since Kindergarten and it was six years later. I wondered where the time went but Alex and I weren’t ones to really share what was going on inside.

“So when are you moving?” Alex asked.

“Sometime in April but I’ll finish up school here,” I answered.

“That’s quite a commute,” Alex joked.

“20 miles, roughly half an hour,” I said. “It’s my mom who’ll be driving, not me. Sit back and nap if I want to,” I smiled.

“Remember when we tried to include a girl in the Cat Rangers?” Alex suddenly said.

I snorted. “Yeah. That didn’t work out so well. It would take a special girl to understand what we’re doing but Laura tried, she just didn’t get it.”

“This was fun. Having our own club,” Alex sighed.

“It was. And I’m only 20 miles away so it’s not like we can’t continue doing this,” I said. “You can visit me and vice versa. It’ll be fine.”

I only invited Alex over once but I tried to talk to him once every two weeks to catch up and see what he was doing. We started sixth grade in schools roughly 20 miles apart. Between our last adventure and me moving we did other things that we had gotten into so the Cat Rangers never formally disbanded and Ganthet never tried to take over the world. But if the time ever comes, hopefully the Cat Rangers will be there to save the day.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

University of Failure (Good Ole F-U!)


I bet I could swing a cat at the corner of 9th & Massachusetts and hit a dozen college students at KU who wish that KU would pay them to leave.

I bet I could also hit a dozen homeless people.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

De-friended


God Damnit Chip!  I'm tired of these Brutus/Veeblefester jerk-off sessions!  It wouldn't be so bad except that Brutus is the only one jerkin'.  Veeblefester is never going to like you Brutus and the sooner you accept it, the better off you will be.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Reminds Me of That Time at Hardee's


As much as I love helping out a local coffee shop, if they don't have something with caffeine I will go someplace who will load me up with 20 ounces of caffeine (at least).  Also, you are a freakin' coffee shop, why the hell don't you have regular coffee?

Jack Lalanne 1914-2011

Jeff Stahler 01-25-11
Yes, I'm sure Jack Lalanne tore open the gates of Heaven with his mighty strength.  That's a good thing to do to get on God's good side.  And we all know how loving and forgiving God can be.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Code-Approved

After 56 years, the Comics Code is dead.  Long associated with comic book censorship and basically being a symbol with no real power, the last remaining comic book is giving up the code.  In 2001, Marvel gave up the code for its own rating system and in 2010, Bongo Comics quietly ended its association.  It was announced earlier this month that DC will be dropping the Code and only a few days later, Archie Comics announced they are dropping it too.  I really have no opinion of the Code as I read mainly superhero books but no one I knew who read comics really cared if their books had the Comics Code on it or not.  I was just always stunned at how small the code had gotten throughout the years and wondered when the publishers were just going to drop it.  I feel once the Code stopped by a presence on the cover (at one point the Code took up the entire upper right corner of comic books), the end was coming.

The Comics Code is survived by its cousins, The MPAA Ratings, The Television Parental Guidelines and the Entertainment Software Rating Board.

Meanwhile in today's child-approved Born Loser:

Brutus is going to miss work which he has been told he has to do despite it being Sunday.  What inventory is he and Veeblefester going to do?  Don't they have lowly peons to handle that for them?

Saturday, January 22, 2011

But Who Is She Talking To?


I get it but I feel it's okay to reward yourself for a job well done--especially on something like a New Year's diet resolution.  But no more for a month.

Friday, January 21, 2011

8. Use as Doorstop


Ten things you can't do with a Kindle, Nook, etc. that you can do with a real book:
  1. Level the legs of furniture.
  2. Tear out the pages to keep a fire going.
  3. Hollow it out to keep your liquor or gun.
  4. Use the covers as decorative wallpaper.
  5. Give yourself a paper cut.
  6. Cut out the words to make a ransom note.
  7. Physically turn real pages.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Does Wilberforce Ever Have Dinner?


Brutus doesn't do any work at home.  He comes home as the sun disappears behind the horizon, he eats dinner with his family then immediately goes bed as evidenced here:

I'm usually saddened by sexless marriages but in the Thornapples' case, I'll allow it.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Stay Classy, My Friends


Brutus wasn't excited about the prospect of possibly 12 hours of overtime, Brutus was excited because of the possibility of two little words:  "circle jerk".

Happy third anniversary everybody!!

Monday, January 17, 2011

Brutus' Glass Ceiling


As I've noted before, it's been shown that Brutus is already pretty high on the corporate ladder.  Not because he is particularly good at what he does but mainly because he's been with the company so long the company has to reward him somehow or else they will have to explain why 1)Brutus is holding everybody on the top floor hostage or 2)why Brutus flew a plane into the side of the Veeblefester Tea Cozy Building.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

How Long Have They Been Married?


Now you're giving them a wedding present even though the Thornapples have been married anywhere from 10 to 30 years?  I just wish we knew what the present was.  My guess?  Coffee bean grinder.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

It's Got the Stink Lines and Everything


I Googled creamed chipped beef and it looks pretty disgusting.  I'd be willing to try it but I don't think it would something I would put in my regular dinner rotation.

In a related note, follow me on Twitter.

Friday, January 14, 2011

#224: The Social Network

I.
With MySpace (or My|______| as the logo is now know as) laying off roughly 50% of its staff, it makes me wonder why it can't compete with Facebook or even Twitter.  Maybe it's all the damn ads that surround the home page, people's profiles and everything else.  Or maybe it's because it allows people to customize their profiles at the expense of quick uploads.  Maybe it was the switch to focus more on music because I know that's when I started going to MySpace about once a week instead of everyday.  What was the final nail in the coffin for me was when 90% of my MySpace friends could also be found on Facebook.  I deleted my MySpace sometime in late 2008.

I started my MySpace in June of 2006 which is also when I developed a bigger Internet prescence because I worked overnight with no supervision and had the ability to bypass Internet filters by downloading a new Internet browser (Opera).  I started out with just a few friends (3) but then, somehow it blossomed to an astounding 32 which I was happy with because I'm not one of those people who needs thousands or even hundreds of friends to justify my existence.  But that is probably why I grow bored with social networking sites because I don't have very many friends and the few friends I do give a rat's ass about don't post very often because they all have lives.

At the time I deleted my MySpace, I had 18 friends as opposed to the 30 or so I had on Facebook plus Facebook was a lot more active than MySpace and sent fewer spam email to my message folder.  I went from checking MySpace everyday to once a week and during that week lapse, nothing happened.  So I made the decision to delete my MySpace instead of just letting it hover around in cyberspace and I haven't regretted it.

II.
Why did MySpace lose my interest?  Well, everyone migrated over to Facebook and basically left MySpace like a neglected strip mall.  Sure there was activity and maybe the occasional person but for the most part it was empty and abandoned.  I kept tabs on a couple of friends that were not yet over at Facebook until their profiles became private and I kept tabs on MySpace just to see if the once dominant social networking site would be completely abandoned.  I realized MySpace would never be taken completely down because it is owned by News Corp.  News Corps would, no matter what, take down MySpace because it is still a revenue generator even if only 1% of the 142,000,000 subscribers log-in.  I don't know about you but I'd take that chunk of change every day.  Hell, I'd take it every week.

So now Facebook is entering that realm where it is getting boring.  I don't do any of the games like Cityville or CafeWorld or whatever else is out there partly because that also gets boring but also because my computer is not equipped to run high-powered games.  That, and I'm not a video game guy.  I never was.  I do seem to spend a lot more time on Twitter now and that slightly depresses me but I like Twitter.  I don't even post status updates on Facebook anymore because I am afraid of offending someone.  But on Twitter I can post a quick 140 characters complaining about how much I hate when people talk about how great their family is.  I, nor does anyone else, care.

I'm sure sooner or later I will grow bored with Twitter--but at least not until people stop posting updates and that's a good two, three years away.

Come and Listen to a Story...


So how many think Veeblefester sounds like Mr. Drysdale from The Beverly Hillbillies?  "Miss Hathaway, you nincompoop!  Get me the Clampitt file and make sure that Jethro doesn't mess up that tea cozy order for Flatt and Scruggs!  I have to be in Silver Dollar City by tomorrow afternoon!"

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Is It Spring Yet?


Our furnace on one side of the house is broken so only half the house has heat.  Even though it's roughly between 58 and 60 on the thermostat, it feels hella colder.  It's so cold, I'm using phrases only a punk girl wannabe would use.

Maybe if Wilberforce had a heavier coat, it wouldn't feel as cold out.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Somehow I Don't Think Veeblefester Would Waste Money on a Timeshare


How does that mean he's stingy?  He just spent more money than he had to just so he wouldn't have to share.  If anything, that just means that Veeblefester is selfish.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

So Close


Isn't Brutus already pretty high on the food chain at the Veeblefester Tea Cozy Company?  It's been established that he's basically Veeblefester's right-hand man and is VP of something or other.  Unless Veeblefester dies or creates a new position then Brutus is stuck where he is.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Can Only Make Twilight Better


If somehow removing the word 'nigger' from Huckleberry Finn actually lasts longer than the time people have spent talking about it so far then copies of the book with the "offending language" are going to be worth something.

I've actually read all these book with the exception of the Bible.  I attempted but after I got past Genesis, it lost my interest.  I find aging Lolita to 18 more offensive than anything else listed here though although replacing the mice with yarn is a close second.

No Snow Day for Brutus


School got called off today because of inclement weather so while I will still get in trouble for missing work, I decided to call in so I can get one more day of weekend and possibly get some laundry put away.

Today's strip showcases what I look like every damn morning I have to get up and go to work but at least I don't have to have my wife get me up like I'm some kind of ten-year-old.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

I Don't Think Brutus Is Qualified for That


I'm not a fan of mission statements.  I don't know if mission statements are written in the order of importance but the mission statement/core values at where I work list "being profitable" above "respecting people".

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Drama Mama Rama

Saw "Black Swan" last night and it was an amazing movie.  Honestly, it was so good that it doesn't actually need the sex scene between Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis but then why the hell would anyone talk about it?  I'm just getting a little disturbed that I'm actually thinking about the girl who played Jackie on "That '70s Show" as a true actress.


That's why you always have a spare pair just in case the kid loses them.  My son has two or three pairs of gloves/mitten so if he loses one pair it is no big deal and sooner or later we end up getting the lost gloves back.

This, however...
Born Loser 01-07-11
...does not make sense.  I'm sure there's a better way to make this joke without trying to draw a connection between dreaming about eating food and your slow metabolism.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Irresponsible Is In the Eye of the Beholder


FYI, I Googled "worst congress ever" and "worst congress history" and in 2007, news reports and bloggers were calling that congress the worst ever, too.

Now, I know the caption reads "Most Irresponsible Congress Ever" (proof?) but at least this congress actually did stuff (while complaining how Republicans were hurting this county and Obama was ruining it) and got relatively important things like health care and don't ask, don't tell settled.  They weren't like the 80th Congress from 1947-1949 which was labeled the "Do Nothing Congress" or the 2005-2007 which was also labeled the Do Nothing Congress.

There's always going to be bad congresses but if every congress just forgot about what party they were a member of and just debated the issues that are important then maybe more would actually get done.  But God forbid you actually discuss things rationally and look at both sides of the issue.

Two Men, Two Cups


I'm sure Brutus has lamented at least one other time that Veeblefester only has two mood swings--bad and worse--but like I am really going to go through the last three years of strips to find it.  I am interested in why both of these men are wearing matching hats and scarves.


Ooo, what is the marketing fiasco referring to?  And I wonder if it is on par was "The Noodle Incident" and the story of "Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooie".

What am I thinking?  Of course it's not.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

You Got Pistachio in my Ice Cream. You Got Ice Cream in my Pistachio. Together They Taste Like Crap.

Mother Gargle's hiding place is terrible.  The freezer is the first place robbers look.  I hide my money in the tree behind my house in a small hole.  I chose that place because criminals aren't squirrels, they wouldn't check a tree for money.  They'd be laughed out the criminal association.  Criminals acting like squirrels.  That's crazy.

Monday, January 3, 2011

The Inquisitor


Cutting sarcasm, please.

I hope Veeblefester makes Brutus justify himself.  If Brutus can't prove he's lived a worthwhile existence, then he is erased from history and replaced with another Brutus who will then have to live a worthwhile existence.  That's kind of how my job works...

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Why Are They Waiting for a Bus On a Sunday?


That's kind of how I think but my resolutions were usually don't drink as much pop, stop chewing my fingernails and start working out.  One year I did go five months without pop, three months without chewing my fingernails and zero months working out which makes 2007 my best year ever!!

I am all for Brutus learning to play the piano because I do believe this world needs more people who can play Chopsticks.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

At Least He Didn't Say Psghetti


The glorious return of daily Born Loser updates and Chip gives us this delightful gem where Wilberforce does an adorable Family Circus-esque pun.  I've read Family Circus for over twenty years and this strip is no Family Circus.  Which I am eternally grateful for.