Uncle Ted Gruber

On April 9, 2018, a new writer/artist debuted on the long-lasting legacy comic strips, Nancy. It was the first artistic change in 23 years. Taking over for Guy Gilchrist was Olivia Jaimes, a pen name, who promised to bring a 21st Century female perspective to the 80+ year-old strip. While reviews were initially mixed, Nancy has become more relevant and most of the negative comments are dismissed as being readers upset that this wasn't their Nancy anymore. But you can be the judge of that. Here is a small sampling of Nancy comics over the last year or so. For more, you can visit www.gocomics.com/nancy.

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I am not a believer in ghosts. I know, that's sound shocking coming from someone who seems to write a lot of ghost stories and traipses around cemeteries and deals with history but I am a spectral skeptic. Anyway, we all know that noise is really a kid that Uncle Ted kidnapped and has locked in a small cage in his attic, right? He's getting hungry. So very hungry.

You Had To Add 'Pro'?

"Watched all the key games"? So basically you watched the two conference championship games? I guess that is the only games that matter. The rest of the season doesn't matter all that much. It's the same for all sports. It all doesn't matter until you get to a playoff or championship game.

Merely

Mm. No. I don't like this strip.

Did Brutus make his own pancakes? I don't think he's at a diner or restaurant. Just microwave them, dude.

He Yam What He Yam

Getting this tribute to Popeye just in under the wire, aren't you Chip?

Popeye, as we all know, originally starred in E.C. Segar's Thimble Theatre which started in 1919 and originally starred Harold Hamgravy and his girlfriend Olive Oyl. Popeye first appeared January 17, 1929 and soon became the strip's star. Thimble Theatre was renamed Popeye in the 1970s. So while we're all honoring Popeye on his 90th, let's all wish Olive Oyl a happy 100th.

630

Ah, the things we talk about at the bus stop. Why isn't Brutus carrying a briefcase? He has an umbrella but not a briefcase? What kind of stereotypical worker bee from the 50s and 60s is he?

Gonna Take You Back to the Past

"Here's to good old Kansas, the greatest state of them all--the fairest of the fair!"

-George R. Peck, in a toast at the Chicago Kansas Day Club annual dinner, Jan. 28, 1911.

Fifty Years Old

by Walt Mason

Special to the Topeka Daily Capital, Jan. 29, 1911

Through fifty years of striving

She held her upward way;

A thousand woes surviving,

She stand serene today;

No more the settler faces

The empty, silent places;

No more the red man chases

To council or to fray.

Across her woods and waters

No more is heard the drum;

And to her sons and daughters

The boon of peace is come;

Prosperity abounding

Her people is surrounding

And in her mills, resounding,

The wheels and shuttles hum.

And we, whose ways are pleasant,

Whose bosoms bear no scars,

Should look back from the present

To old time woes and wars;

Through threat'ning circumstances,

Through death and deadly chances,

The name and fame of Kansas

Made progress to the stars.

Our mother's natal morning

We greet with smiles and tears,

Her shining brow adorning

With wreaths from all the years;

And then, from incense burning,

Our hearts aglow with yearning,

With tender eyes we're turning,

To bless the pioneers.

I haven't gotten to that point yet every year there seems to be a breaking point with me and the seasons. On a really hot day in the summer, I'll promise not to speak badly of winter and vice versa. I haven't gotten to that point this winter but I am ready for it to warm up so I can do some stuff outside.

By the way, Brutus recording the weather report on August 4th actually happened.

I only wish today's strip used the same first panel words as August 4's.

Working Hard Or...?

I saw an ad on Instagram for a goal and day planner that looked really cool and after I kept thinking about it for a couple days, I wanted to buy it. Problem was, I didn't pay attention to what its name was and I never saw the ad again. Anyway, that's the story of why I didn't get a planner this year. Feel free to contact me over purchasing the movie rights.

That's Next Week

Randy walked into Room 232 in Schuyler Hall holding a small ripped piece of paper. “Oh, I didn’t know you were going to be here,” he said when he noticed Brittany in the room.

“It’s for an assignment for my psych class,” she answered. “You’re the seventh person to show up so three more and we can begin.”

Brittany had put up fliers asking for ten volunteers to do a sensory deprivation experiment. Each volunteer would $200. “I’m just here for the money,” Randy said.

“So is everyone else,” Brittany shrugged. Three more people came into the room. “Awesome. All ten people. Please have a seat while I explain what we’re doing here.”




“Oy! You!” Dr. Coot came running up to Dewey. “You’re one of Arjon’s friends, aren’t you? The dorky, TV obsessed one?”

“Dewey.”

“Whatever. Administration wants me to change the school mascot and I figured you’d be good at coming up with a good generic mascot…”

“Wildcat, bulldog, tiger, falcon, eagle…”

“But still be unique to Borton.”

“Fox, deer, falcon, eagle…”

“I mean, anything is better than the mascot they have now,” Dr. Coot held up a poster with a Native American in a bright rainbow-colored headdress smoking a cigar and holding an axe in one hand and a jug of alcohol in the other. BORTON was above the Native and SAVAGES was underneath.

“I’m not seeing the issue with it,” Dewey snarked.

“I’m shocked our school hasn’t been burned down to be honest,” Dr. Coot said.




Volunteers had to spend an hour in the sensory deprivation tanks and then talk to Brittany about what they thought about while in the tank and how they felt. Randy laid in the tank and stared at the back of the door above him. Since it was dark, he couldn’t actually see anything. It was also deathly silent.

I’m horny, he thought. Actually, I’d rather just have a girlfriend. I miss having a girlfriend. How can I miss having what I’ve only had one of? I wonder how Elizabeth is doing. Her kid would be about six months old now. When did we break up? March? She got pregnant in April? May? Randy’s eyes went wide. What if it’s mine? I know she slept with what’s-his-name, like, right after we broke up. What if it’s mine and not what’s-his-name? I could be a father. I should look Elizabeth up when I get out of here. He smiled--at least, he thought he smiled. I should’ve peed before getting in here. I’ve never had to pee so bad in my life. I… Randy almost seemed to see something. “Dad?” he asked out loud.




“We have a problem,” one of the deans came into the workspace Dewey and Dr. Coot were using. “The College can’t actually afford to change anything at this moment. So the changes you make to the mascot has to be done on the cheap for merchandising.”

“So basically you just want us to be able to slap a sticker on a hat, shirt, or poster and call it good?” Dewey asked.

“Yeah.”

Dr. Coot slid all their work into a nearby trash can.

“Don’t worry, I got another idea,” Dewey winked.




“So what did you experience? What were you thinking about while in there?” Brittany asked Randy after his time in the tank was done.

“How much I had to pee mostly,” he said.

“Oh,” she hung her head.

“But I do think I saw my dad.”

“Really?” she perked up.

“Well, I never knew my dad but what I saw looked like Ted Danson and that’s who I always imagined my dad being.”

“Really? Why?”

Randy shrugged. “I watched a lot of Cheers and Becker reruns while growing up,” Brittany sighed and wrote down what Randy said. He held out his hand. “Money, please.”




“Presenting...the brand new, cost-effective mascot for the Borton College Savages,” Dewey announced. Dr. Coot turned a bulletin board around to show the administration their prized work.

“Is that…?”

“Yes, the star of The Wonder Years and The Princess Bride, Fred Savage,” Dr. Coot responded.

“We just printed the head of Fred Savage onto a piece of paper and taped it over the Native American head. It’s cheap. It’s effective. And we’re still the Savages,” Dewey said.

“But Dewey? What if I’m not a fan of Fred Savage?” Dr. Coot asked.

“Then you are probably an alien pretending to be human,” Dewey laughed. “But, if for some reason, that actually happened then we have this,” Dewey held up another bulletin board. “The Borton College Savages featuring Boy Meets World star and brother to Fred, Ben Savage.”

“Perfect. Let’s get the print shop on this right away so the student store employees can start slapping some stickers on stuff. Great job, Dr. Coot. Dewey.”   ▇

Isn't the Super Bowl next week? Ah, who cares?

I went through my archives because I found the notion that Gladys has never watched the Super Bowl to be a blatant lie and none of the comics that would've posted on Super Bowl Sunday are about the game or even watching the game. You got me this time, The Born Loser. You got me this time.

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Tank N Tummy #11

Ryan got to the Tank N Tummy and went to the back office and clocked in. There was a man sitting at a desk who waved and nodded to Ryan. “Hey, I’m Ned, the new day shift manager,” he introduced.

“Hi, Ned, I’m Ryan.” Ryan left the office and went to the beverage area to make sure everything was filled and ready to go.

Dominic came into the Tank N Tummy and went to the back office to clock in. He waved briefly at Ryan as he walked by. Ned was still sitting at the desk as Dominic clocked in. He waved and nodded to Dominic. “Hey, I’m Ned, the new day shift manager,” he introduced.

“Hi, Ned. I’m Dominic,” Dominic left the office and went to the beverage area where Ryan was rinsing out a coffee pot in order to make more. “New day shift manager?” Dominic pointed his thumb over his shoulder.

“I know. I thought you were the day shift manager.”

“I thought you were.”

“Well, it’s one of us. Certainly not that guy.”

Ned came out of the office and walked up to Dominic and Ryan. “Hey, I just want to talk to you about this day shift manager stuff. I know it’s probably awkward since you’ve both been here so long but I’m willing to listen to you and feel free to ask me things or give advice. I’ll take all the help I can get,” Ned chuckled and turned to go back in the office.

“He seems nice,” Ryan said.

“We have to get him fired,” Dominic replied.

“Harvey doesn’t fire anyone. I’m pretty sure that guy who stole an entire tanker truck full of gas is still on the schedule.”

“We don’t have to get him fired, just demoted.”

“Let me know how that goes.”

“You never support me and my devious plans.”

“Probably because your devious plans always backfire.”

“That was only one time.”

“One time is all it takes,” Ryan exclaimed.

“Whassup, sluts?” MaryJane came into the gas station.

“We have a new day shift manager,” Dominic said.

“It’s upset the fragile balance of Dominic’s life,” Ryan said.

“We can’t all be our own bosses,” MaryJane said.

“You’re not your own boss either,” Dominic said.

“Yeah, but I don’t care. Who’s your new boss? Is Harvey still around?”

“His name is Ned. He’s in the office,” Ryan pointed.

“Ned? Who names their children Ned?”

“It’s a family name,” Ned said, coming out of the office. “It’s a variation on Edmund.

MaryJane turned to look at Ned. “Hot cha,” she breathed, enjoying the view.

“We’ve lost her,” Dominic said.

“I wanted to tell you guys that we have a new employee starting today so be more welcoming to her than you have been to me,” Ned said.

“Her?” Dominic sighed. “Isn’t this place already overloaded with estrogen?” He looked at the disapproving looks Ryan, Ned, and MaryJane were giving him. “I mean that in the most loving and affectionate way. Seriously, only four guys work here. The other eight are women.”

“Sounds like you need more shifts with Alice,” Ned said. “The new worker is named Lauren. She’ll be here at noon,” Ned turned and went back to the office.




Lauren Bell was an average sized and average looking young woman around the same age as Dominic and Ryan. She had long brown hair and thick glasses. When she came in, she glanced at the counter with Dominic and Ryan but continued to the office.

“At least he hired someone about our age,” Dominic said.

“I was thrilled when Aaron started working here,” Ryan said.

“Aaron didn’t have boobs though.”

“True.”

In the office, Lauren was sitting in a chair talking with Ned. “Dominic and Ryan seem like good people. Not to me but in general,” Ned said.

“I should be fine. Being a cashier at a convenience store isn’t my first rodeo. I should get out there. It’s not busy so it’s the perfect time to get trained,” Lauren got up and left the office. “Hey, I’m Lauren,” she said to Dominic and Ryan as she walked up to the counter, tying an apron around her.

“Ryan. Dominic,” Ryan introduced.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Lauren,” Lauren smiled which caught Dominic’s eye. There was something about her that Dominic liked.

“It’s great to have you on board, Lauren,” Dominic smiled back at her.

“That’s not what you said this morning,” Ryan said.

“People change. Opinions change. Shut up, Ryan.”

Lauren chuckled.

“So what brings you to the Tank N Tummy?” Ryan asked. “Gambling debt?”

“Rough divorce?” Dominic asked.

“Some sort of addiction?”

“Mental defect?”

“You hate yourself?”

“That’s why I’m here,” Dominic nodded.

“I just need a job. I was laid off and I’m in school so I need some kind of income,” Lauren explained.

“What are you in school for?” Ryan asked.

Dominic’s heart sank. He had wanted to go to college but had always talked himself out of it. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to do even if he could go back.

“Teacher,” Lauren answered. “It’s something I’ve always wanted to be but I wasn’t able to go when I was younger.”

“Why?” Dominic forced the question.

“I just didn’t have the money and I don’t want to take out loans. I saved my money and I work as much as possible.”

“That’s smart. I’m $35,000 in debt,” Ryan said. “You can have it if you want.”

“Nah. I’m good. Thanks for the offer though.”

The gas pumps and parking lot started getting full so both Dominic and Lauren got to work at the front counter while Ryan wandered the store making sure things remained neat and in stock.

“You’re pretty fast at this,” Dominic said.

“I did work at a Target for a couple years after high school,” Lauren said. “So I can use a cash register.”

“I know it’s your first day and everything but would you like to go out sometime?”

“Yeah. That’d be great. I get off at 8:30. Can we do something after that?”

Dominic shrugged. “Sure.”

“It’ll be cool to meet the other people I might be working with.”

“Oh, so you’re thinking like a work outing,” Dominic said quietly. “Yeah. I’ll get some people together and we’ll swing by to pick you up.”

“There’s a huge spill in the beverage area,” Ryan came up to Lauren.

“And?”

“You need to mop it up.”

“Why me?”

Ryan tapped his nametag. “‘Serving our customers for 2 years,’” he read.

“I don’t know what I mean but whatever,” Lauren said and left.

“So now we all get to go on your date with her?” Ryan asked when Lauren was out of earshot.

“I guess so.”

“I guess it’s possible the work outing could end up like the last one,” Ryan said.

“Ryan, you know orgies like that never happen a second time,” Dominic shook his head.




Quincy’s was a bar and arcade on Quincy Street. Dominic and Ryan usually hung out there when they wanted a drink. It was a bar in homage to former president John Quincy Adams, which the street was also named after.

“I didn’t know this place existed,” Lauren said. “Ooh, they have the Ninja Turtle game,” she grabbed Dominic’s hand and started dragging him. “Play with me.” They began playing. After a couple minutes, Lauren said “Favorite Turtle on three. One, two, three--”

“Raphael!” they both shouted.

“He’s such an ass. I love it,” she chuckled.

Dominic looked at Lauren for a second, smiling, then turned his attention back to the game.

Hope They Get a MatheMagician

I've been wanting to do a post on the "Millennial burnout" that had been making the rounds a couple weeks ago but I just never sat down and got it written because while I feel a lot of it is just laziness (really? you can't mail a letter?) I do get where fellow Millennials like myself are coming from. I think I have this "adulting" thing down because I can work a steady job, pay bills, get groceries and feed myself, not to mention take care of a family, kid, and four animals. But when the author began mentioning other things that she was putting off (email, signing/mailing a book, library donations) I realized that I do that too. For me, it's the non-rewarding stuff. The cat box, dishes, taking the bag of plastic bags back to the grocery store to be recycled. Those little insignificant things then pile up. Instead of just scooping the litter, I now have to replace the whole box; we have no dishes and nothing to eat with; it's now three bags of plastic bags. And it's here where my burnout begins.

Millennials were taught, just like the three generations before us, that if you work hard then good things will come to you. But we're the first generation that is realizing that isn't true. And it's not true either because the system is rigged and so stacked against us now or it was never true to begin with. We can work eight hours and still barely pay our bills and get groceries. We can work twelve hours and still not get by. We can work 16 hours, live as frugally as possible yet still barely break even. What's the point? And just like that cat box, what's the point of scooping it clean when your cat is just going to take another dump in it? We have to keep working, in some form, if we want to survive, but washing dishes, taking out the trash, cooking dinner, are all chores that get placed on the back burner because we are tired.

That's part of the reason I have cut back on my writing. Part of it is to focus on my books and getting things published but the other part is burnout. And the next generation--my son's and everyone younger than him--will have to work even harder unless things get fixed. How do they get fixed? I don't know, I don't have a degree in that and I'm too tired.

So what am I doing? I finished chapter eight of one of my novels and am outlining the next few chapters. I finished two short stories that I'm going to edit and submit to places and am doing some research on a couple of local history items I find interesting. Not to mention my daily updates on my social media. If you would like to support my writing or research, you can buy me a cup of coffee over on Ko-Fi. There's no commitment or subscription involved.

I love cursive but I don't write in it. A lot of my students think I do because my letters are close together and several are connected but that's just the way I write. Recently, there has been an ever so small push to start teaching cursive in schools again. While I think that'd be great, I think just going in-depth on teaching handwriting would be just as effective.

As for writing everything down, they could just hide the paper or tear it up. Also, I love Gladys calling her nine-year-old son a "big boy" that can read.

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I'm off for the next week so until next Sunday, I remain...
~Brian