Death Waits for No Golfer

"There are some mornings that I don't even recognize him, he's so obsessed with golf. He's not even very good at it but still subjects himself to it every other weekend or so. I've prepared myself for the inevitable but I worry about the other kids whose fathers subject themselves to golf."

It's nice that Uncle Ted's high school buddy died doing what he loved but that doesn't change the fact that he keeled over on a golf course, which are very difficult for paramedics to get to. It's very possible that if he was doing nearly any other hobby, Uncle Ted's high school buddy would still be alive.

It's a Brutus' Dozen

Four?! Geez, I can forgive one. Maybe...maybe two, but four?! I get the feeling this meeting isn't going to go great.

I hope Brutus spent the entire car ride to work from Dodo's Donuts and upstairs to Veeblefester's office repeatedly thinking "Please don't look in the box. Please don't look in the box. Please don't look in the box. Please don't..."

Brutus is not a fan of Arbor Day. Brutus hates trees. They're hard to mow around and then he just has to deal with the leaves that fall to the ground. Brutus is going to cut that tree down and if his tree-hugging hippie son goes with it then so be it.

Mother Gargle Has No Interest In Peace

I'm sorry but until Mother Gargle can learn to respect me, she's not allowed in my house.

Has Brutus gotten shorter? Well, no wonder you can't get any respect from your mother-in-law. No one likes an incredibly shrinking Brutus.

Brutus, We Just Came In Here To Ask About Dinner

Did Brutus go to a small high school? I find it hard to believe they'd keep a debate class with only one student. Unless it was an after-school program that Brutus did, if there's only one student in class then the school just shrugs and goes "Well, I guess there isn't going to be a debate team this year."

I can't see Brutus being any good at debating. I mean, we've all seen the way Gladys, Veeblefester, Mother Gargle, Wilberforce, and the woman at the diner just rake Brutus over the coals.

Get Ready for Mo' Problems

I'm going to focus on the elephant in this comic strip. The use of the phrase 'purchasing power'. Who talks like that? Gladys needs to understand that they should be using extra money to shore up their finances and saving it for their future. Instead, she wants to continue to buy moronic tchotchkes.

Don't get me wrong, I buy moronic tchotchkes too but I feel guilty about it because I'm damaged from growing up poor.

Surely My Child's Stupidity Isn't My Fault

Why are we getting report cards in late April? Report cards come out at the end of each quarter. Is it a progress report? If it's a progress report then you should already know Wilberforce was doing poorly in school. But let's be honest here, it's probably the teacher's fault. She's probably too busy discussing critical race theory and talking about homosexuality while showing the students pictures of trans genitalia that the kids don't know what's what. Gladys should go yell at the school board.

"What books are you teaching my child in there?"

"Why don't you come visit and see for your..."

"No, no. Just ban them all. Don't make me get my state legislator involved."

Brutus Is Like a Transformer

oh gee look another fat joke ha ha

It's odd that Brutus tries to go to great lengths to say he is more than he is. There's nothing more to Brutus. What you see is what you get. Brutus shows no ambition, seems to have no goals or really any hobbies anymore (haven't seen him play golf since July), and seems perfectly fine with his station in life. Not to mention he rarely fights back when someone wrongs him or messes up his diner order.

Anyway, Mother Gargle does notice that she and Brutus (and Gladys) all have the same build, right?

I'd Be Upset Too If You Were an Hour Late and Didn't Call and Let Me Know

"How mad was he"? Veeblefester is always mad. How would you know he was mad about this exact thing?

I would've liked to be there as Veeblefester shouted across the building "Payroll! Dock Thornapple one hour!" and payroll shout back "Done!"

Hey There, It's Yogi Ber-ra

Brutus, have any of your teams ever had a comeback before? If anything, Brutus' team is ahead and then the other teams begins scoring ultimately winning. That's the worst kind of loss.

And of course he's still watching. He has to watch until the bitter end.

The Magic Is Over

I think it's time to draw up some divorce papers. I mean, if being promised to give you the best of everything is the only reason you got married then that marriage is doomed from the start. It's just a shame that there's a kid involved.

Maybe Brutus and Gladys will leave Wilberforce out of their divorce like they leave him out of dinner, family game night and road trips.