Friday, June 10, 2016
Lot of Work In Those First Two Steps
Slylock Fox and Comics for Kids
"Daddy, look what I drew!"
"Aw, it's a...what is it?"
"It's a pig."
"Why is it standing up? Is it begging for food? Pigs don't do that."
"It's how the comic strip told me to do it."
"And if a comic strip told you to jump off a bridge, would you?"
"I hate you, Daddy."
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith
I don't know what Hootin' Holler Cream is and I don't care to know.
Crankshaft
Why is Les giving her that look. And more importantly, why is she giving that look back!?
U.S. Acres
Booker just straight up murdered that worm.
Ripley's Believe It or Not
So I see Ripley's is now just taking their information from a children's science book, a Buzzfeed article, and Atlas Obscura.
Wednesday, June 08, 2016
Action Comics #1!!?!?! Wait, It's the 2011 One
Mary Worth
"Also, Alpha Dog. Grr-Ruff!"
Rex Morgan, M.D.
I would totally read an old comic book. I'd get all my fingers oils on it and bask in all its glory. I don't give a darn.
Tuesday, June 07, 2016
š³
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Zits
Jeremy's dad just totally sent his son an eggplant emoji.
The Born Loser
I have always been fascinated with Rhode Island. Rhode Island was initially founded on an island which was named Rhode Island. It is the largest island in Narragansett Bay and is the island the whole state is named for. The island was originally known by its Native Narragansett name, Aquidneck, but sometime in the 1630s, began being known as Rhode Island by Roger Williams who founded the Providence Plantation after being kicked out of the Massachusetts Bay Colony. The area around Rhode Island soon became the colony of Rhode Island and then the state. The original Rhode Island is still officially Rhode Island but Aquidneck Island is used as an alternate name on maps and the USGS. The despondent look on Miss Peach's face isn't sadness about how she has failed as a teacher but how we as a society have failed in giving social studies and geography the emphasis it deserves in our public school system.
Crankshaft
Hey! It's popular Funky Winkerbean character Les Moore before he became a depressing sad-eyed mope. I'm glad to see him but this really confuses me about the Funky/Crankshaft timeline...
Zits
Jeremy's dad just totally sent his son an eggplant emoji.
The Born Loser
I have always been fascinated with Rhode Island. Rhode Island was initially founded on an island which was named Rhode Island. It is the largest island in Narragansett Bay and is the island the whole state is named for. The island was originally known by its Native Narragansett name, Aquidneck, but sometime in the 1630s, began being known as Rhode Island by Roger Williams who founded the Providence Plantation after being kicked out of the Massachusetts Bay Colony. The area around Rhode Island soon became the colony of Rhode Island and then the state. The original Rhode Island is still officially Rhode Island but Aquidneck Island is used as an alternate name on maps and the USGS. The despondent look on Miss Peach's face isn't sadness about how she has failed as a teacher but how we as a society have failed in giving social studies and geography the emphasis it deserves in our public school system.
Crankshaft
Hey! It's popular Funky Winkerbean character Les Moore before he became a depressing sad-eyed mope. I'm glad to see him but this really confuses me about the Funky/Crankshaft timeline...
Monday, June 06, 2016
Incredible Comics #6
Alderman Lucius Goebel looked at a map of his ward in the city. Ward 29 was mainly a collection of dilapidated tenements populated by people well below the poverty line. There was an area outlined in red and shaded grey. It was an area that he wanted to tear down and rebuild as a shining beacon in the neighborhood.
Lucius’ assistant came into his office. “Planning, sir?” he smiled.
“Do you think we could build a lake? We could dig a waterway from the docks and fill in a couple of blocks with water to make a lake?” Lucius asked.
“I’ll get the engineers to look into it, sir, but you are no closer to beginning work on Sistine Hill than you were two years ago.”
“And why do you think that that is, Conrad?”
“Owners aren’t selling to the developer,” Conrad shrugged and said.
“Exactly and it’s because most of the owners are landlords so these buildings are still making them money and like any good businessman, they want a steady stream of income and not one lump sum. What we need to do is get these buildings to stop making money and the owners will be happy to sell.”
“How do you propose we do that?”
“I already have everything set up,” Lucius said as he sat down at his desk.
Professor Raymond Ripley knelt down at the door to the bank, a device plugged into the security lock. It was scanning the five-digit code to shut off the alarm but was taking longer than Ripley had planned.
“What’s taking so long, babe?” Ripley’s wife, Diana, whined. Diana was significantly younger than Ripley. She was originally a student of his at Cascadia University but when her grades began to drop she began to do extra credit in Ripley’s lab and then in Ripley’s bed. When Ripley was fired for the affair and Diana expelled, he moved all his work to his small apartment. Ripley and Diana got married and created a team of criminals to fund their research and projects. Diana’s younger brother, Tony, was enhanced with gauntlets that could start fires, and an old friend of Ripley’s, Brock, was given a rock-solid skin covering making him nigh-impervious to just about anything.
“I made this thing in a week, it’s just taking a bit longer. Five digits is a lot of numbers.”
“I thought you said it would work quick,” Tony grumbled.
“Compared to just entering in random numbers, this is quick,” Ripley argued back. Finally, the machine beeped and Ripley pulled the cords from the alarm keypad. “Okay, Brock. You can do your thing.”
Ripley backed away from the door as Brock shouldered it and it broke open.
“What about the safe?” Tony asked as they ran into the bank.
“With the serum Doc gave me, I can tear any door off the wall,” Brock said.
“It’s Professor, Brock. I’m not a doctor,” Ripley corrected.
“Same thing in my book,” Brock muttered.
They approached the safe and Brock took the handle in his hand. “”Well, you’re a ragtag bunch of criminals,” a voice came from behind them.
“Time Man?” Ripley groaned when he looked over his shoulder.
Tony turned around and fired two shots of flame toward Time Man from his gauntlet. Time Man easily dodged them but got more serious. “I guess this won’t be easy.”
“Diana, Tony, keep him busy. Brock, keep working on the vault,” Ripley ordered.
Tony began charging at Time Man while Diana pulled a gun out from a holster on her hip. “I wish you’d give me something more than a gun, Raymie,” she shouted at him.
“I barely trust you with that,” he screamed back. “Just keep Time Man busy.”
The siblings ran toward Time Man. Tony threw one flame at him that he dodged but the other nearly hit him in the face. The two of them tackled Time Man and they all landed hard on the floor.
Being more experienced, Time Man was able to easily throw them off of him. Diana landed nearby but Tony was thrown harder and farther back outside the bank. Brock had wrenched the vault door off and he and Ripley were inside grabbing sacks of money. Tony had stood back up, his gauntlets raging with fire.
Tony took one step back toward the bank when an apartment tenement nearby suddenly exploded. Time Man ran out of the bank to see the building engulfed in flames. Ignoring the four bank robbers, Time Man flew toward the inferno.
Hands full of sacks of money, Ripley and Brock exited the bank. “Did you do that?” Ripley asked Tony.
“No. But we need to thank whoever did,” he smiled and the four of them ran off in the opposite direction with their rewards.
As Time Man approached the building, he could hear screams and see tenants and homeless people running out the front door. Time Man flew into the top floor of the building and began scouting around. He found several kids and an elderly woman huddled in the bathroom of one of the apartments.
“Climb on,” Time Man ordered. “I’ll get as many of you down as I can.”
“Several kids climbed on, holding onto Time Man’s neck, shoulders, arms and cape. Time Man picked up three in his arms and gently lowered them to the street below. He could hear the siren of a fire truck approaching but quickly flew back up to grab the remaining kids and the woman. He flew back inside and scouted again. Most apartments were engulfed and Time Man feared that most occupants in these apartments were already dead. Floor by floor he grabbed the residents and brought them down to the street where fire, police and medical units were waiting. When he was halfway through the building, after dropping off three people, a loud rumble began to echo. Looking behind him, the building began to buckle and crumble. Two people jumped out of the window landing hard on the pavement beneath them. “No. Not today,” he said and touched his sundial.
Time stopped. Time Man quickly flew back to the building and began finishing what he started. On the fourth floor, he recognized one of the occupants. Martin Hogue, cornered in his bedroom by flame, a look of panic, anguish, and despair pasted on his face, surprised Time Man. Martin, along with two of his neighbors, were placed gently on the street below.
Within and hour, everyone that Time Man could find were out of building. Exhausted, Time Man collapsed on the sidewalk, coughing. Trying to catch his breath, Time Man unfroze time. Everyone was stunned to find themselves out of danger. The building finally began to collapse and police ushered everyone away. Time Man flew up into the sky and watched the building come down.
Time Man landed on the roof of his apartment and took off the sundial, his costume disappearing. He walked down from the roof to his apartment. “Harold!” Ellie exclaimed when he walked in. “Where have you been? What happened?”
“What?” he asked as she ran to him. He realized that his face was dirty with soot and even his hair was slightly singed. “Oh, there was a fire at a building where I was walking home. I was helping people get out and I must have got a little too close to the flames.”
“Oh, my. How dangerous. Let’s get you cleaned up,” Ellie took Harold’s arm and they went into the bedroom. “Was it scary?”
“It was something. Two people jumped out of windows before that new hero, Time Man, could arrive. Five people died. The two that jumped out the windows and three from smoke inhalation in the building. It was almost like a nightmare,” Harold explained.
“Well, it’s over now. You did what you could,” Ellie said and kissed her husband on the cheek. “Come on, let’s get you something to eat.”
The next morning, Lucius Goebel read the paper at his desk. The tenement fire was relegated to the eighth page, barely a suitable column. Conrad came into the office and Lucius folded the paper up. “Good morning, Conrad.”
“Good morning, sir,” Conrad answered.
“Conrad, go make an offer on the old tenement building at 123rd Street.”
“But the owner has been adamant that he doesn’t want to sell. There’s a lot of low income people who live there and he doesn’t want to kick them out.”
“He won’t have to. I took care of all that,” Lucius smiled.
Lucius’ assistant came into his office. “Planning, sir?” he smiled.
“Do you think we could build a lake? We could dig a waterway from the docks and fill in a couple of blocks with water to make a lake?” Lucius asked.
“I’ll get the engineers to look into it, sir, but you are no closer to beginning work on Sistine Hill than you were two years ago.”
“And why do you think that that is, Conrad?”
“Owners aren’t selling to the developer,” Conrad shrugged and said.
“Exactly and it’s because most of the owners are landlords so these buildings are still making them money and like any good businessman, they want a steady stream of income and not one lump sum. What we need to do is get these buildings to stop making money and the owners will be happy to sell.”
“How do you propose we do that?”
“I already have everything set up,” Lucius said as he sat down at his desk.
Professor Raymond Ripley knelt down at the door to the bank, a device plugged into the security lock. It was scanning the five-digit code to shut off the alarm but was taking longer than Ripley had planned.
“What’s taking so long, babe?” Ripley’s wife, Diana, whined. Diana was significantly younger than Ripley. She was originally a student of his at Cascadia University but when her grades began to drop she began to do extra credit in Ripley’s lab and then in Ripley’s bed. When Ripley was fired for the affair and Diana expelled, he moved all his work to his small apartment. Ripley and Diana got married and created a team of criminals to fund their research and projects. Diana’s younger brother, Tony, was enhanced with gauntlets that could start fires, and an old friend of Ripley’s, Brock, was given a rock-solid skin covering making him nigh-impervious to just about anything.
“I made this thing in a week, it’s just taking a bit longer. Five digits is a lot of numbers.”
“I thought you said it would work quick,” Tony grumbled.
“Compared to just entering in random numbers, this is quick,” Ripley argued back. Finally, the machine beeped and Ripley pulled the cords from the alarm keypad. “Okay, Brock. You can do your thing.”
Ripley backed away from the door as Brock shouldered it and it broke open.
“What about the safe?” Tony asked as they ran into the bank.
“With the serum Doc gave me, I can tear any door off the wall,” Brock said.
“It’s Professor, Brock. I’m not a doctor,” Ripley corrected.
“Same thing in my book,” Brock muttered.
They approached the safe and Brock took the handle in his hand. “”Well, you’re a ragtag bunch of criminals,” a voice came from behind them.
“Time Man?” Ripley groaned when he looked over his shoulder.
Tony turned around and fired two shots of flame toward Time Man from his gauntlet. Time Man easily dodged them but got more serious. “I guess this won’t be easy.”
“Diana, Tony, keep him busy. Brock, keep working on the vault,” Ripley ordered.
Tony began charging at Time Man while Diana pulled a gun out from a holster on her hip. “I wish you’d give me something more than a gun, Raymie,” she shouted at him.
“I barely trust you with that,” he screamed back. “Just keep Time Man busy.”
The siblings ran toward Time Man. Tony threw one flame at him that he dodged but the other nearly hit him in the face. The two of them tackled Time Man and they all landed hard on the floor.
Being more experienced, Time Man was able to easily throw them off of him. Diana landed nearby but Tony was thrown harder and farther back outside the bank. Brock had wrenched the vault door off and he and Ripley were inside grabbing sacks of money. Tony had stood back up, his gauntlets raging with fire.
Tony took one step back toward the bank when an apartment tenement nearby suddenly exploded. Time Man ran out of the bank to see the building engulfed in flames. Ignoring the four bank robbers, Time Man flew toward the inferno.
Hands full of sacks of money, Ripley and Brock exited the bank. “Did you do that?” Ripley asked Tony.
“No. But we need to thank whoever did,” he smiled and the four of them ran off in the opposite direction with their rewards.
As Time Man approached the building, he could hear screams and see tenants and homeless people running out the front door. Time Man flew into the top floor of the building and began scouting around. He found several kids and an elderly woman huddled in the bathroom of one of the apartments.
“Climb on,” Time Man ordered. “I’ll get as many of you down as I can.”
“Several kids climbed on, holding onto Time Man’s neck, shoulders, arms and cape. Time Man picked up three in his arms and gently lowered them to the street below. He could hear the siren of a fire truck approaching but quickly flew back up to grab the remaining kids and the woman. He flew back inside and scouted again. Most apartments were engulfed and Time Man feared that most occupants in these apartments were already dead. Floor by floor he grabbed the residents and brought them down to the street where fire, police and medical units were waiting. When he was halfway through the building, after dropping off three people, a loud rumble began to echo. Looking behind him, the building began to buckle and crumble. Two people jumped out of the window landing hard on the pavement beneath them. “No. Not today,” he said and touched his sundial.
Time stopped. Time Man quickly flew back to the building and began finishing what he started. On the fourth floor, he recognized one of the occupants. Martin Hogue, cornered in his bedroom by flame, a look of panic, anguish, and despair pasted on his face, surprised Time Man. Martin, along with two of his neighbors, were placed gently on the street below.
Within and hour, everyone that Time Man could find were out of building. Exhausted, Time Man collapsed on the sidewalk, coughing. Trying to catch his breath, Time Man unfroze time. Everyone was stunned to find themselves out of danger. The building finally began to collapse and police ushered everyone away. Time Man flew up into the sky and watched the building come down.
Time Man landed on the roof of his apartment and took off the sundial, his costume disappearing. He walked down from the roof to his apartment. “Harold!” Ellie exclaimed when he walked in. “Where have you been? What happened?”
“What?” he asked as she ran to him. He realized that his face was dirty with soot and even his hair was slightly singed. “Oh, there was a fire at a building where I was walking home. I was helping people get out and I must have got a little too close to the flames.”
“Oh, my. How dangerous. Let’s get you cleaned up,” Ellie took Harold’s arm and they went into the bedroom. “Was it scary?”
“It was something. Two people jumped out of windows before that new hero, Time Man, could arrive. Five people died. The two that jumped out the windows and three from smoke inhalation in the building. It was almost like a nightmare,” Harold explained.
“Well, it’s over now. You did what you could,” Ellie said and kissed her husband on the cheek. “Come on, let’s get you something to eat.”
The next morning, Lucius Goebel read the paper at his desk. The tenement fire was relegated to the eighth page, barely a suitable column. Conrad came into the office and Lucius folded the paper up. “Good morning, Conrad.”
“Good morning, sir,” Conrad answered.
“Conrad, go make an offer on the old tenement building at 123rd Street.”
“But the owner has been adamant that he doesn’t want to sell. There’s a lot of low income people who live there and he doesn’t want to kick them out.”
“He won’t have to. I took care of all that,” Lucius smiled.
Who Will Police the Police?
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Slylock Fox and Comics for Kids
I'm torn between what seems like the bigger crime here. On one hand, you have Big Brad Wolf who plans on assaulting people with, at most, 16 ice cubes. On the other hand, you have Slylock and Max who are basically breaking into Big Brad's house. While I believe assault is the greater crime, do we really want our law enforcement officers breaking into our houses and putting salt in our ice cubes?
Dennis the Menace
They do have an alert for that, Mr. Wilson. It's called the month of May.
Pearls Before Swine
Hello, my name is Brian and I live in one of those states. Bill Self, men's basketball coach at the University of Kansas. He even takes advantage of our moronic tax laws and deems himself an LLC where he pays virtually no taxes. Hooray!
Amazing Spider-Man
I know he's building up to something but damn it Bumbershoot Coffeesnatch, get off your ass and help Spidey already!!
The Lockhorns
Slylock Fox and Comics for Kids
I'm torn between what seems like the bigger crime here. On one hand, you have Big Brad Wolf who plans on assaulting people with, at most, 16 ice cubes. On the other hand, you have Slylock and Max who are basically breaking into Big Brad's house. While I believe assault is the greater crime, do we really want our law enforcement officers breaking into our houses and putting salt in our ice cubes?
Dennis the Menace
They do have an alert for that, Mr. Wilson. It's called the month of May.
Pearls Before Swine
Hello, my name is Brian and I live in one of those states. Bill Self, men's basketball coach at the University of Kansas. He even takes advantage of our moronic tax laws and deems himself an LLC where he pays virtually no taxes. Hooray!
Amazing Spider-Man
I know he's building up to something but damn it Bumbershoot Coffeesnatch, get off your ass and help Spidey already!!
The Lockhorns
Sunday, June 05, 2016
Max is pretty sure Weirdly is telling the truth but doesn't dare cross Slylock
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Slylock Fox and Comics for Kids
When the animals took over, they rejected the humans' concept of property and burned any and documents referring to ownership of anything--an idea the animals would soon readopt, but disallowing humans from being able to own property. Thus, all evidence that Weirdly's family owns the forest has been lost. Only the stone, that Weirdly had moved to the entrance of the forest, explaining why the stone had green grass underneath it, remained. As usual, Weirdly has lost the battle but he fully intends to win the war.
Slylock Fox and Comics for Kids
When the animals took over, they rejected the humans' concept of property and burned any and documents referring to ownership of anything--an idea the animals would soon readopt, but disallowing humans from being able to own property. Thus, all evidence that Weirdly's family owns the forest has been lost. Only the stone, that Weirdly had moved to the entrance of the forest, explaining why the stone had green grass underneath it, remained. As usual, Weirdly has lost the battle but he fully intends to win the war.
Saturday, June 04, 2016
He Was the Greatest!
I'm not a boxing fan but how could anyone not like Muhammad Ali? He made sports more than just a game--he made them entertainment. Ali was diagnosed with Parkinson's in 1984 but he continued to be active will into the 2000s despite a gradual decline in health. The most inspiring moment from him, and one that still brings tears to my eyes, was his lighting the Olympic torch at the 1996 Olympic games in Atlanta. Even today, it's inspiring.
Dennis the Menace
Dennis attempts to ruin a guy's birdwatching by pointing out the different kinds of poo they produce. 7 of 10 on the menacing scale.
Family Circus
Marvin
Ugh. Why is Marvin going to rub his feces on the computer. I know it just be a generic joke about how disgusting babies and toddlers are (which they are) but this is the comic strip Marvin. It's about poop.
Funky Winkerbean
Whoever placed that ad spent a lot of money for something that a very small minority would understand.
Mallard Fillmore
I find it hard to believe that there are 700 people who care that much about this strip that they would email Tinsley and/or the syndicate about it.
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Friday, June 03, 2016
I can squeeze you in between 10 A.M. and 5 P.M., I think
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Mary Worth
Yes, Dawn, make sure that you are able to squeeze in a two hour movie between the only two things you have planned for tomorrow. That's how you make friends, by making it seem like they wanting to hang out with you is a major inconvenience.
Momma
That's a bold move, sexually harassing an office administrator before you've even gotten hired yet. But then again, Francis is a bold guy.
Mary Worth
Yes, Dawn, make sure that you are able to squeeze in a two hour movie between the only two things you have planned for tomorrow. That's how you make friends, by making it seem like they wanting to hang out with you is a major inconvenience.
Momma
That's a bold move, sexually harassing an office administrator before you've even gotten hired yet. But then again, Francis is a bold guy.
Thursday, June 02, 2016
Momma can't kill Francis but she will make it seem like he never existed
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Dennis the Menace
Unfortunately, the Mitchells know that no matter how far into the woods Dennis hikes and no matter how lost he gets, the search party always finds him. They always find him.
Momma
There's a lot of theories going around that Momma is some sort of Oedipal character and that she is way too close to her children but I think it's just a comic about a caring mother who wants her children to be happy and...Does it say "SEX" in the lower left corner of the last panel?
Dennis the Menace
Unfortunately, the Mitchells know that no matter how far into the woods Dennis hikes and no matter how lost he gets, the search party always finds him. They always find him.
Momma
There's a lot of theories going around that Momma is some sort of Oedipal character and that she is way too close to her children but I think it's just a comic about a caring mother who wants her children to be happy and...Does it say "SEX" in the lower left corner of the last panel?
Wednesday, June 01, 2016
Luckily he doesn't say enough to replace r's with l's and vice versa
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Judge Parker
As a former boy who was hormonally charged, I can assure that Derek will find a way to touch Sophie parent's van be damned.
Crankshaft
"How is it weird? It's not like I'm going to pleasure myself up there. I just want to see the place where I used to pleasure myself. Totally normal."
Beetle Bailey
Wait. Isn't Miss Buxley dating Beetle?
Wait. Isn't anyone concerned that Miss Buxley is essentially a prostitute in this strip?
Family Circus
Jeffy's right to be afraid. There's murder in Dolly's eyes and no one will be able to hear his screams over the thunder.
Arlo & Janis
Are...Are Arlo and Janis talking about sex tapes that they made?
*stares at emphasized word 'our'*
Yep, they are.
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith
Knowing that no matter who the public elects in November, the citizens of Hootin' Holler have already decided to convince anyone and everyone that their neighbors have better stuff so that the rampant criminals don't steal everything they've worked "hard" for.
Wizard of Id Classics
This is a comic strip from 1966 featuring a Chinese character named Dhing Dhong with buck teeth, a queue, and conical hat being reprinted in 2016.
Let that sink in.
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