You Should Just Sit In the Car In the Driveway Longer and Talk About It

I've been mostly offline this past week because The Born Loser has been in reruns so I got a bunch of posts scheduled and just focused, as much as I could, on my writing. It was nice not really knowing what was going on in the world. When I got back online Friday night, Trump was rambling about the reflecting pool and how it doesn't look enough like a hotel swimming pool and then on Saturday night he put on an elaborate stage play about how much we need at $400 million ballroom. I don't know. I say build that ballroom as quickly as possible and then just seal him up inside of it.

March 27, 1988

If Brutus can't make the concert, can the barbershop quartet still go on as a trio? Or, will the trio have to find a fourth and ultimately pull, oh, let's say, Wastrel Gravesite in off the streets to perform with them?

And you may question Brutus joining a men's group that sings, but I feel it's like when Bill joined the Harmonaholics on King of the Hill. He's lonely and depressed and this, inexplicably, gives his life meaning.

"You'll have to walk to Biff Hooper's birthday party." "How come?" Because the car won't start, you idiot! You should know this! You're sitting in the same car!!

Do guest have to be at the party at a certain time or they are locked out or something? "If I'm not there on time, Stephanie Lovelocks won't be there and it's not a party without Stephanie Lovelocks."

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Sure, Bring Back New Strips On a Friday...

Gotta get a new Arbor Day strip out, I guess. That is a very important holiday.

I get that this is supposed to be cute and sweet (I guess, whatever) but I'm going to direct this question at Wilberforce: When have you ever seen someone water a tree? Don't give us that smile, Brutus. This isn't cute or funny.

Are We At School On a Sunday?

March 20, 1988

I can't tell if this is sucking up or if Veeblefester tells his employees to do this. Either way, it's very demeaning. Although, I will find it hilarious if Veeblefester told everyone to call and wish him a happy birthday knowing he changed his phone number and didn't tell anyone.

I surprised whoever this is stayed on the line. I have no patience for telephone bullshit.

About every couple of years, there is some discourse (I know, right!?) online about how true Paul Revere's ride was. No, it didn't happen exactly the way the media and Longfellow's poem said. Revere was joined by William Dawes, Samuel Prescott, and Israel Bissell who went down different routes. He also didn't shout "The British are coming!" as this was all supposed to secret and yelling that would've alerted British sympathizers as well as patriots. Anyway, the Internet was the best thing to ever happen.

Frankly, the teacher should be surprised Wilberforce got the actual poem correct. It is Wilberforce after all.

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We Talking About Work On a Saturday?

June 5, 1967

I am all for scouts leading old people across the street and them falling into a manhole, but how do you miss a hole that big in the street? It's a good thing she caught herself, otherwise, she'd be dead.

"Lots and lots and lots... He had, like, nine 'lots' in there. It was 80% of my review. Then he snorted and said 'We're done here'."

"There's room for improvement..." Ok, that's fine. But what could I be doing differently? I've been doing this job for 20 years and no one seems able to help me improve...

Have you read the new Chris Welkin, Planeteer for April 1952 from last week? Well, get on it!

Friday Quickies

June 3, 1967

I don't think that fish will be able to feed all four of them. Hope they brought a lot of beans.

Gladys is probably arguing about why Brutus doesn't style his mustache anymore.

We're Still Paying Off Our Last Dream

June 2, 1967

Look, if you two want to see each other while wet and dressed only in towels, you don't have to go through these elaborate lies. Especially since you're doing it out in public anyway.

"They"? Who's "they"? Weinermeyer's? They're okay, I guess. I feel their products have gone downhill in the last couple of years. Probably something to do with Covid and supply chain or whatever.

"A new washer and dryer would be a dream..." Aww, what a sad dream.

Tax Lax

June 1, 1967

While I'm a fan of waterboarding when used for comic relief, I don't see how this will get Brutus to stop snoring. He's just going to fall back asleep and start snoring again--and now the blankets, sheet, and bed are wet!

Who are these people who do their taxes at the last minute? I can understand that someone with complicated taxes putting it off until the last minute, but usually we just see people who have one job, no dependents, and no other income.

Red Squiggle

May 31, 1967

I don't know what's going on in this comic either. At first I thought the phone was unplugged but that cord(?) string(?) is coming out of that box on Brutus' desk. What is that? A tickertape thing or something?

I love the chunky keyboards that Chip draws in the comics. Keyboards haven't looked like that since the '90s, but Chip's not going to draw a thin keyboard or a laptop. He can't. He won't!

One thing I've noticed lately when I'm writing is that autocorrect tends to jump the gun. It begins marking a word as spelled wrong before I've finished typing the word. Maybe it's because I rarely spell things wrong and it's hoping that I do.

Understood

May 29, 1967

What's wrong? It's a suction cup arrow. It's not like it's a real arrow and Teeny's boyfriend is now dead.

Is this all Teeny does? Make out with boys and yell "WILBERFORCE!"? I guess that explains why she hasn't been seen in nearly 50 years.

Nothing going on here. I got a text message today that just read "Come early tomorrow". It's clearly an attempt at a spam text because I don't know this person and the area code is for 406, which is the entire state of Montana. I don't live in or know anybody in Montana, let alone know someone who can demand(?) that I come in early tomorrow. I want to respond, but I don't need other spammers and scammers knowing my phone number works.

Day of Rest...Please?

March 13, 1988

Your hedges are already covered in snow so a little bit more won't hurt. Making someone find another spot for the snow that's not anywhere around where they're shoveling seems like a lot to ask for only $10.

Brutus is really going through some stuff and his wife's reaction is to pat his belly and make a fat joke. I'm surprised Brutus doesn't have some vice to get him through life.

If you would like to support me or this website, you can donate through the About page. The fifth installment of Chris Welkin, Planeteer covering April 1952 posted yesterday so check it out.