it's cold and the snow is falling and he's standing out there...

January 23, 1967

I feel like the door should've been open anyway. Not just so something like this doesn't happen but mostly for ventilation. I'm guessing there's an open window off-panel.

Not gonna buy Lividea a present?

Why, for the love of all that is holy, is Rancid W. Veeblefester waiting at the bus stop? Is he just keeping Brutus company? That still doesn't answer why Veeblefester is waiting at the bus stop!

Sunday Mid-Afternoon Fights

September 6, 1987

Veeblefester should put his cigar out on Brutus. I don't condone that kind of violence but I'll make an exception this one time.

Is Brutus stalking Veeblefester or did Brutus just happen to wander into the same nice restaurant Veeblefester was eating at?

Okay, first of all, shut up. If Gladys has a problem with the way Brutus is treating her, then she can talk to Brutus about it. Communication is the most important thing in a marriage. Second, what's this about being treated like a queen? What even is that anymore? It's 2025. Third, you know what's really rude? Coming into someone else's house and chastising them over something you aren't a part of and then not even allowing them to explain themselves.

"How dare you yawn..." Well, ya borin' me!

"Missouri John" Thomas went on a shooting spree at two ranches near Maple Hill, Kansas, wounding four and killing 1 because his love was spurned. If you would like to support me or this website, you can click the support page at the top.

Hurricane Hattie Snow Removal Company

January 21, 1967

How did Floyd and Josephine get into that drawer? What were they doing in that drawer?

I feel we're going to see a lot of frogs in these early Wilberforce strips because if I recall correctly, a lot of young boys had "pet" frogs in their TV shows and stories I've read.

Nah, we good, Hurricane.

We have a decent group of kids in our neighborhood and every year I worry they will start knocking on our door to shovel sidewalks, mow, or something else and I'll have to turn them down. They haven't though. They clearly don't know about capitalism and the feeling you get when you do hard, physical labor. Good for them.

Missouri John

On Wednesday night, May 4, 1898, John Thomas hired a horse and rode over to the West Fowler Ranch near Maple Hill in Wabaunse County, Kansas, where he had been employed up to a couple days ago. Thomas had rode to the ranch to see Nellie Brand, with whom Thomas had been sweet on. Supposedly, the other ranch employees, mostly Swedes, joked and insulted Thomas about the affair, the bookkeeper, also a Swede, also vying for the affections of Miss Brand. Thomas, now in a rage, swore he would kill every Swede on the ranch.

Getting into an argument, Edwin Fransen and other ranch employees urged Thomas to leave. When he finally agreed, he opened fire hitting Carl Kinstrom, Nellie Brand, missing the bookkeeper, but fatally wounding Fransen. Thomas then did leave and rode five miles to the East Fowler Ranch where he opened fire again on Gus Carlson, a man named Anderson, and, had he been there like planned, Tom Gristy.

John Thomas then rode, nonchalantly, to Halifax (a small rail town now called Hessdale located at present-day Hessdale and Halifax roads) where he stayed the night and had breakfast with J.B. Crumb. The sheriff was heading east along the railroad so Thomas went west to Alta Vista, meeting and staying with numerous people who had no idea he was wanted for murder.

John Thomas then passed through Volland, Alta Vista, and Dwight before arriving in White City. He then went to Latimer, Herington and them Templin. His last known whereabouts were at Lamb's place on May 17th--a whole 13 days after the shooting in Maple Hill. J.M. Wilkerson, an ex-police chief for the Topeka Police spent weeks searching for John Thomas, also called Missouri John because he had originally come to Kansas from Missouri. Wilkerson suggested that John Thomas was probably an alias and he was, by now, going by another different name.

In June 1898, Topeka Chief of Police Henry Steele went to Missouri on a credible tip that John Thomas was back in Missouri. The man ended up not matching the description. Wilkerson continued to search for Thomas in the western part of the state, but ultimately, John "Missouri John" Thomas was never found.

from the March 4, 1898 edition of the Alma Enterprise

I know someone who needs to be visited by 3 ghosts...not that I think it'll help

Look at this dipshit.

President Trump picks up his FIFA Peace Prize
like he's Swiper the Fox.

January 20, 1967

This is what happens when your houses are made of ticky-tacky and all look just the same. Even the trees are the same.

What I would hate about being in this scenario is that now Brutus has to move his car.

Wilberforce is Tiny Tim?! Is Wilberforce dying? Does Wilberforce have renal tubular acidosis or rickets? Maybe Wilberforce should suggest he's more like one of the Cratchit's healthier children.

And let's be honest, Mother Gargle is not the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come. If you want to insult her, Mother Gargle could be compared to Ignorance or Want. What about the charwoman or laundress who steals Scrooge's things for money after he dies? Do make Mother Gargle one of the awesome ghosts who serve an important purpose.

Thursday Quickies

January 19, 1967

The first name mentioned is Chiang Kai-Shek? Then Yul Brynner? Ok.

Quit worrying about your bald head and work on yourself, Brutus.

Yeah, you're not getting any bonuses this year. Time to take some money to the track or something. Start posting tasteful nudes on social media and linking a Venmo.

Don't take not getting a bonus personally, Brutus. Very few employees get bonuses anymore.

Cattle Is Cattle, Brutus

January 18, 1967

Are necktie--or, I guess, clothing--salesmen always this violent? He's going to try to sell Brutus a second tie and end up strangling him with it. Also, if each tie is $5 then two for $9.98 is not a great deal. Brutus doesn't need a second tie, he barely survived the first...

What's with this sign? "Stamp out sensible shoes"? What?

Buffalo meat is good. I don't know what Brutus' problem is.

I think we're well passed the point of people thinking buffalo wings are actually buffalo. Time to find a new joke about buffalo wings. How about commenting that boneless wings are just chunkier chicken nuggets? Or how...Does this buffalo burger come with a side? Or cheese? Or any condiments? Just a glass of water?

Holiday Spirit

January 17, 1967

My only reference for expensive dresses back then are episodes of I Love Lucy. When the Ricardos and Mertzes went to Hollywood, Lucy wants a Don Loper original. I'd never even heard of Don Loper but he sells his dresses for $500 and even I knew that seemed expensive for 1955. Hell, $500 is expensive for 2025.

That sign says "Frodo lives".

Brutus is hitting the seasonal drinks early and hard this year.

Christmas doldrums is still just a purely Charlie Brown thing. Others may try, but only Charlie Brown can do it just right.

Press 4 for Billing

January 16, 1967

Is she just going around claiming guys are making goo-goo eyes at her so her boyfriend will beat them up or was this just an innocent mistake? Either way, it's not ideal. I'll gladly take a punch for someone I do make goo-goo eyes to, but not just some random trollop who wants to get her jollies.

A 'gaffer' is a word for an old man and has been in use since 1589. Gammer is a word for an old woman, which is even older. So she's having her boyfriend beat up old people.

I looked up 'Roarak' and the first thing that popped up was an adventure-ready clothing store and I was like "Brutus is going on adventures and needs special clothes?!!" but that was 'Roark'. Roarak is just a name. Chip probably just thumbed through a phone book or one lives nearby. I'm more interested in this company having a person specifically for directing calls and not, you know, an automated call tree system.

Oh, Good. Now They're On the Same Page

August 30, 1987

Brutus clearly does not understand how stocks work, but he is at least wanting to sell when it is worth more. Is it going to keep going up? That'd be my question but I understand how the stock market works.

Now, Gladys, you were just saying yesterday that you won the lottery by marrying Brutus and here you are today at each other's throats. I don't like it when you guys fight. Not because of the trauma and anxiety created, but because I never know what's going on.

I took an in-depth look at one of my favorite gravestones yesterday. Elizabeth Uhl, daughter of Floyd and Ethel of the Grove neighborhood north of Silver Lake, Kansas. If you would like to support me or this website, you can do so at the top of the page.