Everyone Brutus Votes for Loses

October 21, 1967

As hard as it might be to believe, ptomaine poisoning isn't real! It was made up in the 1800s and disproved in the 1910s! What was called ptomaines are actually harmless and the reason you get sick from food is harmful bacteria. This doesn't mean Brutus won't get sick, but it won't be from ptomaines.

Oh, they don't care. Your eyes are still on it. A lot of them now just have the words being said on the screen. I live in Kansas and don't have your standard local stuff but I still see ads despite Kansas being safely Republican (though that could change this year). I can't imagine being in Ohio during an election season.

If it's Brutus' break or lunch, he doesn't need to tell Veeblefester

October 20, 1967

Bulldogs aren't tough. They look tough, but you never hear about bulldogs being tough. When you go to a shelter and say "I want a tough dog", they don't normally point you in the direction of the bulldogs.

Kewpie is not only genderqueer/nonbinary, but is also interspecies(?).

I take a short walk at work during lunch. It helps reboot for the afternoon. But I'm in classrooms with up to 160 middle schoolers so I don't know why Brutus needs to clear his head.

A 25-Year Slump

October 19, 1967

I think that scale is more than broken. And probably even more so after Brutus hoisted himself onto it. I would've known it was broken with "in great demand at parties". Nobody's inviting me to parties.

I think Lawrence of Arabia is kind of an outdated reference. What other movies are set in deserts? Mad Max: Fury Road, English Patient? Maybe The Martian? Dune? I don't know. There should be a more contemporary movie for this metaphor.

I Like Squirrels Too

October 18, 1967

So a loud "tick-tock" is fine, but a loud "tock-tick" is too much? Ok.

Yeah, that'll happen. It's not Brutus' fault. Gladys must still be mad from yesterday.

Kewpie Doesn't Sleep In a Doghouse

October 17, 1967

Do not anger the gods, Brutus. I don't think you can afford the punishment.

Apparently, "burning the candle at both ends" once meant wasting too much money. See, candles were expensive so burning the candle at both ends would use the candle up faster. It got its modern meaning, being overworked and exhausted, in 1920.

Why is Brutus two hours late without calling? He doesn't even seem to be explaining what happened. He's clearly trying to keep something from Gladys and without any hint as to what, I'm just going to assume the worst: He went to his secret storage unit to bask in the glow of his Funko Pop collection.

Early to Rise

October 16, 1967

Is Brutus just late? He doesn't seem drunk or anything. How about Brutus just tell Gladys the truth about what goes on during the Veeblefester Tea Cozy Quarterly Office Party?

It's weird starting a new you on September 28. You should start that stuff on October 1 or January 1 or in 2030.

It looks pretty mid-day for only being 6:30 in the morning!

 

 

 

 

 

I posted the first chapter of Vagabond Girl, the novel I finished a couple years ago, on my Tumblr I haven't used in over ten years. I hope you find it interesting. I plan on posting chapters every Monday and Thursday through October to see if there's any interest.

Stop Saying 'Tummy'!

August 14, 1988

I could see how someone who's never bowled would think getting three strikes is bad. Three strikes is typically a bad thing in other games. Of course, it seems like Brutus didn't explain the rules. He just put a bowling ball in Gladys' hands.

I apologize that after a week off we return with new comics and this gross display of affection. Butterflies in your stomach and feeling warm all over? It is a Sunday!

I believe there's a difference between a crush, liking someone romantically, and love. I'd go into detail about it, but that's not why you're here. You're here to see me say Wilberforce's first encounter with romance was actually the flu or maybe gas.

 

 

 

 

 

If you would like to support me or this website, you can throw some money at the About page.

The View from the Top

August 7, 1988

I don't know if operating a telephone was more complicated now or back then. Why do the Thornapples have a phone, an answering machine, an unlisted number, and an answering service? Seems like a lot of wasted money. The Thornapples, or at least Brutus, really want people to call them.

Hey, Veeblefester, think of how much money you'd save if you had everyone work from home and got rid of the building. I know that's not cool to think about these days as developers, landlords, and Realtors are people too, but overhead can be expensive.

 

 

 

 

 

I don't have any overhead, but if you enjoy reading these posts, you can throw some money at the About page.

All the Children Are Hungover

October 14, 1967

This kind of stuff doesn't happen these days because good morning songs aren't on any standardized tests.

I feel ya, Brutus. I have the same important decisions. What show do I rewatch? Seinfeld, Golden Girls, Bob's Burgers, King of the Hill, The Office, Community, Superstore, Pushing Daisies? Have I forgotten any? There are others I'd rewatch, but I'm still in the process of convincing my wife we need to watch them.

Dreams of Our Brutus

October 13, 1967

Brutus has worked for Veeblefester for 27 years?!! Brutus absolutely deserves a raise! And look, I am fine with getting praise and accolades for the work that I do, but I also want that praise and accolades to become money.

What kind of nightmares is Brutus having? My wildest nightmares are, like, when I'm falling or something. Or it's some weird work/fun combination making work seems like garbage and fun seem like work.

And I'm just going to say it but I think this is the most depressing thing I've ever seen Brutus say.