I'm Going to Ignore the Bad Joke

Gordo, August 28, 1965

I appreciate Gus Arriola putting in all the sounds cats make when they wash themselves.

That is a very well-drawn cat.

September 20, 1965

You're going to die thousands of miles from your loved ones and you are upset about not having matches? I mean, I guess I get it: You have these cigars, why not smoke them, but still, get your priorities straight.

Is Brutus' stomach in knots because he has a crush and that crush just got into a new relationship? Eh. Probably just some bad pudding or something.

Take Your Dependent to Work Day

September 18, 1965

I know how this ends. Fairfield burns the building down and steals money so he can move to a tropical island.

Why are we denying vacation as punishment? You give him that vacation. He has earned it. He gets to take it whenever he wants. Frankly, this place deserves to be burned down.

Yeah, I'm sure Wilberforce would love watching Brutus push paper around his desk and making sales calls. I've seen that episode of The Office (numerous times) and the kids hated it in that, too.

Employees Are Bad

In the shadow of a power plant, a high school reunion disrupts the lives of three friends. Returning to Framingham, Stephen, Shawn, and Brian reunite and upend their lives when reunited with Vanesss, Brian's ex Alison, and Stephen's ex, Nicole. From Liberty #1, The Kings of Framingham. Contains sexual situations.

September 17, 1965

I used to think I was "with it" and I mean "with it" as in I understand quite a lot of things from the silent and boomer generation. I watched a lot of old TV and read a lot of old pop culture books. But I had to look up martinet (strict disciplinarian) because who says "Mr. Burke is a real martinet" anymore?

I'm assuming those guys' suits are supposed to be a solid color but the scan makes them look like a terrible patterned monstrosity.

Maybe Brutus should've stayed at work on Monday.

Weird coloring in this strip. The briefcase is the same color as the door. The wall color is leaking into the speech bubbles. And Gladys' pink sweater is just eyuck, although that's not really the colorists' fault.

Height Hate

September 16, 1965

I listened to three Schubert sonatas and symphonies and don't understand this. Is it because as it seems to fade out, it kicks back up to an ecstatic flourish? Maybe this comic, about a composer who died in 1828, landed better with 1965 audiences.

Jimmy Buffett died back in September! It took Chip almost eight months to do a tribute?! Might as well do nothing at this point.

I don't know why Brutus is telling Veeblefester that he's leaving. Just leave. He doesn't need to know.

Is that hair even a centimeter? Are you five nine and eleven centimeters and that little hair puts you into five-ten category? Whatever. You won't be worrying about your height when that blood work comes back.

Strike Out

November 12, 1989

I hate escalators. I try to avoid them whenever I can. After bridge collapse, escalators is second on my list of possible ways I will die.

At least this strip didn't end with Brutus' mangled, bloodied corpse caught in the comb plate like so many of my nightmares.

There's not another game you can watch while this one figures itself out? It's gotta be boring just watching the announcers complain and bad video of the field with fans slowly leaving.

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That's What She Said

As you may have seen, Post News, the social media site specifically created to cater to longreads and journalists is shutting down. As with every other social media site that emerged when Elon Musk took over Twitter and then renamed it to a porn site, I joined and had hoped it could become a new home for these Born Loser posts and maybe more. I was on Post for about six months before abandoning it mainly because I wasn't getting any traction or followers. It was a grand idea and I wish more journalists and writers would've tried it out. It could've been a good place to get your news that's not controlled by algorithms.

In other social media news, about a month ago, I deleted my Hive Social account because it doesn't seem to be getting updated anymore, the founder has locked their account, and it seemed as if I was the only one on my timeline still updating their account. You can check out all my socials on the About page.

September 15, 1965

How much buried treasure is there in this country? You hear stories, sure, but how much buried treasure actually exists in the United States? Is it enough for this guy to buy a new hat? I hope so and I hope he finds the treasure.

Oh! Now Wilberforce is coming for his own father! Again, get wrecked, old dork! Wait. Brutus is roughly my age. Oh, no!!

Here's the real strip. Why can't Brutus just have a damn day off? Let him relax, jeez.

Young Vs. Old

Felix the Cat, June 4, 1933

Most of the early Felix comic strips deal with Felix wanting to be adopted. Everyone is always so mean to him. I'd adopt him.

It was from old comic strips that I learned where the phrase ix-nay came from. "Nix" is a mostly obsolete way of saying "No". Most likely due to The Three Stooges shorts, "ixnay" and "amscray" (scram) entered into the American lexicon, becoming the only Pig Latin words to become mainstream.

Those kids are worried about a goat but are perfectly fine with a cat the size of a small child being able to talk and ride a bike?

Speaking of Felix the Cat: The Felix the Cat Nintendo game is available on the Nintendo Switch now! Help Felix save Miss Kitty from the Professor. This port retains it's playability, it's cuteness and originality, and great music. If you've never played it, I highly recommend it.

September 14, 1965

Is this something kids did back then? Draw circles on the ground and goad other kids into fights? I guess the more things change, the more they stay the same.

I don't like either of these kids. I kind of want them to beat each other to bloody pulps.

Instead of drawing a small circle around himself and challenging Hurricane Hattie to a fight, Wilberforce is gutting Uncle Ted like a fish. "How does it feel to be old, Uncle Ted? You are probably closer to death than I am to my birth and I'm 9. Is the Grim Reaper a constant sight in your peripheral vision? Get wrecked, old dork!"

Nationally Syndicated Comic Strips Would Still Be Required to Work 7 Days a Week

September 11, 1965

Elmo Zorp is clearly the greatest football(?) player of all time because he was able to run 99 yards in one second. If I were the coach, my tactic would be give the ball to Zorp and just keep everybody away from him.

All hail Zorp!

I am all for four-day work weeks. I am also all for universal income. And universal healthcare. I'm basically all for things and services that improve people's lives. That sack of money should be given to the employees, not sitting on Veeblefester's desk like a paper weight.

I'll Take Things That Never Happened for $500

from FindAGrave

Victor Blakely was born in Topeka, Kansas on September 15, 1897. He was killed October 15, 1918 leading his troops in the Meuse-Argonne Offensive during World War I.

Back in Topeka, he was originally supposed to be honored, along with pilot Louis Phillip Billard, with a street named after him. You can read about that street here.

Pictured is Lt. Blakely's gravestone in the American Cemetery in Lorraine, France.

September 10, 1965

Ooh. We should all do this for 9/11 this year. Really show our patriotism.

Is that someone's bird? Someone's trained bird? Or did a random bird just land on the flag? If it's just a random bird then this would be an amazing picture. Be even better if it were an eagle though.

I find it hard to believe Veeblefester gave you 25 "attaboys". Even when he gives you an "attaboy", it's caked in sarcasm and followed by an insult.

Tis the Season

October 29, 1989

Where did Wilberforce get that Cookie Crisp Wizard (Cookie Jarvis) outfit? Cookie Crook and Officer Crumb had been the mascot for the cereal for five years at this point.

I hope Wilberforce and Hurricane Hattie are robbing Brutus and beating the crap out of him.

Finally, it's Weasels Baseball season. It's my third favorite season after Snowman Brutus Winter and Golf.

Shitter. Coach called you the Designated Shitter.

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