Sunday, November 30, 2008
And so Snoopy attempts to listen for worms. Snoopy has had quite a bit of identity crises over a span of 50 years. Bird, vulture, WWI flying ace, just to name a few. They all get pretty tiring and I find them annoying and not at all funny. Moving on...
Or they are a bunch of golf-playing morons that really are stuck in the 1950s. I don't know...
However in Chip's defense, he seems to be trying in some cases and I do like Gladys' response to Brutus in the last panel. The chef's hat is a bit much though.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
This is the last Random Wikipedia Article. Not really for any reason, just because there is really other stuff that I could be doing than clicking the "Random Article" link on Wikipedia.
Questions? Concerns? Outrages? Let me know.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
I'm a decent bowler but I don't do it very often because I look like a doofus while doing it. I have a weird bowling stance and I can never find a ball that actually fits with my hand. I've wondered if I would get my own ball and shoes made for me, if I would go bowling more often but I decide that I wouldn't so I don't invest. Maybe after I win the lottery.....
I don't think that's true Snoopy. Maybe more highly evolved animal when they regress or even creatures that have no legs because they are jealous but I don't see polar bears wanting to punt something.
It's been my experience that people who are "ahead of their time" actually have real talents and abilities that are misunderstood or useless at that moment. Lucy is just jealous because she has no real talents or abilities but knows that her brother, Linus, is ahead of his time even if he doesn't really know how to phrase some things.
Santa Claus has several catalogues. Wal-Mart, Target, Toys R Us. I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving more than I am Christmas. I never wrote letters to Santa Claus. I don't know why. I stopped believing at age nine so I guess that's the age my childhood ended.
Linus is completely right. He should get what's coming to him. You never expect Linus to be greedy but you also have to remember that he is still a little kid. A highly intelligent little kid who understands contractual law.
Monday, November 17, 2008
It's funny when Snoopy does it. It's funny when Marmaduke does it. It's even funny when Odie does it but when Kewpie does it, he gets that smug look of self-satisfaction on his face. It's time to whack Kewpie on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.
I've often wondered how people do these studies. Who in the medical profession thinks "What if we play Bee Gee songs while doing CPR?". I'm assuming it's the educated cousin of the person who discovered that Dark Side of the Moon synched up with "The Wizard of Oz".
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Kolak always hated meetings with Ultrik. He knew about Ultrik’s hatred for him and tried to avoid him outside of a group setting. Kolak had to go to this meeting alone because it was about the expedition to Earth. Kolak and Ultrik sat at a small round table while Tarvos waited on them with a special dinner. They had currently been talking about the Cat Rangers and the future pertaining to Juriorty, the Rangers and Lara.
“Well,” Ultrik said as he finished what was on his plate, “let’s get down to the matter at hand,” Ultrik noticed that Kolak wasn’t finished with his dinner and waited to be prompted by Kolak to continue.
“Yes, I had always wondered why we had never tried to communicate with Earth before,” Kolak said.
“Humans are a peculiar breed. They tend to fear and hate what they don’t understand. They are our closest contemporaries and over the years we have weighed the options and just decided not to pursue any contact,” Ultrik explained.
“But why now?”
“Opportunity, my boy. We’ve done studies on the planet and learned quite a bit. Earth is seventy percent water, their rainforests are being wiped out, one-third of an entire continent is an arid desert. With our terraforming capabilities, land can be created on water, rain forests can be reborn and the desert can become livable. The so-called super powers of the United Kingdom, United States, Russia, Japan and China can take advantage of our military powers while smaller countries can protect themselves better,” Ultrik explained.
“I’ve read some reports on Earth and from what I saw, most of the countries are possessive and very volatile. Are you sure it’s wise to introduce this type of advanced technology to this species? They’ve had many wars over things are considered pretty trivial,” Kolak warned.
“Earth is the only other planet in this solar system that has any life on it. With our ships, it’ll take three days to get there. It currently takes six months to get to our closest ally and a year and a half to our next closest. Earth will be good for the economy,” Ultrik said. “Upon arrival you will blend in with the humans. Gain their trust and learn about them. We expect this mission to last about seven months then hope to open the lines of communication and possible trade routes,” Ultrik noted.
Kolak ate the last of his dinner, quickly chewing and swallowing it, and spoke. “I still don’t see why I have to go alone. If two Rangers went we could possibly push the trading date a couple of months or so,” he said.
“We’ve thought about sending two but this mission can only be handled by the best and while we were hesitant in sending our best to Earth, we know that Dahrkron is more than competent to take over for you while you are gone,” Ultrik said proudly. “Now, will you join me for desert?”
Kolak stood up from the table. “No thanks, I’m gonna get home so I can spend some time with Lara before leaving in the morning. Dinner was fantastic, sir. Thank you,” Kolak saluted and left the banquet hall. A smile came over Ultrik’s face as Tarvos approached to remove dishes.
“Yes, Cahmossieu, run off to spend time with Lara. It could be the last time you see her,” Ultrik lightly chuckled.
Porter, Mitchell and Dale trudged through the thick woods on the Kupfer property. They could hear other animals nearby but being pitch black out, they couldn’t see them.
“I think we’re lost,” Mitchell said after tripping on an exposed tree root.
“We’re not lost,” Dale proclaimed. “The gate should be nearby.”
To trespass on the Kupfer property, one could not take the easy way up the small gravel lane to the front door. One had to go around and follow what used to be a farm road and go through the woods, approaching the back gate. The trees started spreading out and the grass became thicker and taller. Dale pointed the flashlight ahead and lit up two stone pillars and an iron gate. The iron gate was bent and ripped from its hinges.
“Here it is,” Dale whispered. Mitchell and Porter got closer to their older brother. Dale shined the flashlight around the gate, up the stones and onto the gargoyles that sat atop the pillars. “Those are so cool,” said Dale.
The three brothers slowly and cautiously passed through the gate and prepared to approach the house. Dale nonchalantly tried to push Mitchell in front but Mitchell stood his ground and forcibly shoved his older brother’s arm away. “What are you doing?” Mitchell asked.
“I thought you might want to be first. I’m trying to be nice,” Dale explained.
“This was your stupid idea Dale so you are going to go first,” Mitchell ordered and took one step back behind Dale.
The Kupfer House was in shambles. Nearly all the windows were broken and the doors hung loosely on their hinges. The paint was peeling and chipped from the walls. The grass was up to Dale’s waist but was a sun-scorched yellow. The three boys peered into the house through one of the broken windows and saw that nearly all the furniture was ripped apart and nearly torn to shreds. A loud shuffling noise erupted behind the boys causing them to scream and run away from the house. They ran back down the old back road to their bikes they left at the entrance. The three of them pedaled as fast as they could.
Soon, they heard a noise. A loud whooshing noise mixed with intermittent flapping. The whooshing and flapping got closer until the sound of Porter’s bike falling to the street and a piercing scream flooded the night. Dale and Mitchell slammed on their brakes to look behind them. There, they saw their youngest brother being carried off by a man-like monster with bat-like wings. The creature flew away until disappearing in the woods surrounding the Kupfer House.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
So Lynn's father isn't a complete douchebag? I guess that's cool and all but then what's Lynn's problem? Dead mother? Molestation? Maybe all she really needs is that ugly scarf.
Does Brutus pay out of pocket for his therapy sessions or is the Veeblefester Company paying for at least 50% of it. I would think Brutus has good insurance but I don't know.
Jack and Sonya drove down the desolate highway. The huge Toyota rumbled down the broken pavement. It was the only vehicle on the road for probably two hundred miles. Jack was sure where he was going, he just knew he was heading west. Sonya was napping with her seat back. Jack watched her breasts rise up and down. Jack could take care of himself but Sonya needed protection. All women did.
I wrote this story (there's more to it but it was one of the ones involved in The Burning) back in 1999 and it's not very well named because I called it "City of the Dead" even though it mainly takes place on a highway in a desert. In the story, the reader never learns what happened but women are dying off by the hundreds and most cannot handle the act of sex to keep reproducing so essentially the human race is slowly dying off.
I had planned for "City of the Dead" to be a three-part story but after I finished the first part I was really disappointed with the outcome so my six-part "The Final Day" story became the only end-of-the-world story I've written. I'm hoping to write another but I'm thinking of rewriting "The Final Day" because that was a really good story although it took place in a universe I created and used between 1992 and 2000 and that universe has been dismantled. We'll see.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Oh, so that's a laser. I'm gonna start using that panel whenever I can. Something about it is just hysterical.
"And explaining she could take no more, Zoe MacPherson left baby Wren in the car, released the parking brake and let the car roll into the lake."
So Gladys keeps forgetting to add cheese and meat? I don't get it.
Unfortunately I am unable to pay.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
And of course it's during the oncoming apocalypse that you realize that you've wasted your life working in a crappy local pizza store or blogging about comic strips.
Why are we still talking about Halloween? This strip looks like it should've been printed either October 29th or October 30th.
Is the reason Cleaver is "the whitest name" you've ever heard because of it's association with the Cleavers from TV's "Leave It to Beaver"? What about former Kansas City, Missouri mayor and current Missouri Representative Emanual Cleaver?