Wednesday, January 15, 2014

No. 45: Baby Galoshes

1929
1.
AN ORDERED HOUSEHOLD
Living-room at LIONEL’s house. Three o’clock in the afternoon. Ramona is marveling at the furniture and the beauty and enormity of the house as the camera circles around her. LIONEL comes in from the kitchen, drying his hands on a dish towel, smiling. Wide-eyed, Ramona says:

On screen.
“IT’S BEAUTIFUL!”

Back to scene.
LIONEL smiles bigger and places the towel on a table and walks closer to Ramona, saying:

On screen.
“THANK YOU.”

Back to scene.
LIONEL reaches out and touches Ramona’s cheek. She tilts her head down to meet his hand slightly and closes her eyes. Lionel says:

On screen.
“I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. YOU’VE BECOME VERY IMPORTANT TO ME.”

Back to scene.
Ramona speaks:

On screen.
“AND YOU’VE BECOME IMPORTANT TO ME AS WELL.”

Back to scene.
Ramona continues:

On screen.
“WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO TELL ME?”

Back to scene.
Lionel turns away from Ramona, places his hand alongside his mouth and shouts:

On screen.
“BETHANY!”

Back to scene.
The camera, now focusing on the main staircase, Bethany, a child of about four comes running down the stairs excitedly. She runs down the stairs and leaps into Lionel’s arms, shouting:

On screen.
“DADDY!”

No one ran down the stairs. “Lionel” and “Ramona” waited for the little girl to run down the stairs but nothing happened. “Where the hell is Virginia?” the director, Lyman Zukor, shouted. A woman ran up to Lyman and whispered into his ear. “She doesn’t want to do it? Then I will find some other kid to do it!”

Vivian Parrish, who was playing Ramona, scoffed angrily. “I never liked that Rackham brat,” she said to her co-star Alan Matte who was playing Lionel.

“Mommy!” a little girl ran out on stage toward Vivian. She collided with her in a huge hug. Vivian giggled uncomfortably.

“Natalie, you know you aren’t allowed on stage with Mama,” she picked up her daughter and held her in her arms. “Sorry, Lyman,” Vivian smiled at the director.

“Don’t worry about it,” Lyman said. “She may be able to help us out. Do you think Natalie could do this scene?”

“She would just have to run down the stairs and into Alan’s arms, right?”

“Yes. And then she can go over the next five scenes she’s in and do those later in the week.”

“We can at least see how she does,” Vivian turned to Natalie. “Honey, do you think you can run down those stairs when Mr. Zukor shouts ‘Action’ and jump into Mr. Matte’s arms?”

“Yes,” she nodded excitedly.

“All right. Places!” Lyman shouted. A stage director took Natalie up the stairs as Lyman sat back down, cameras got ready and Vivian and Alan returned to their places on stage. “Cameras and…action!”

Back to scene.
The camera, now focusing on the main staircase, Bethany, a child of about four comes running down the stairs excitedly. She runs down the stairs and leaps into Lionel’s arms, shouting:

On screen.
“DADDY!”

Back to scene.
Lionel and Bethany give each other a peck on the lips. A slight look of shock is on Ramona’s face. Lionel turns back to Ramona and says:

On screen.
“THIS IS BETHANY. MY DAUGHTER.”

Back to scene.
Lionel continues talking:

On screen.
“HER MOTHER DIED IN CHILDBIRTH AND IT’S BEEN JUST US FOR SO MANY YEARS. BEFORE WE GO FURTHER WITH THIS, YOU NEED TO KNOW THAT IF YOU WANT TO BE WITH ME, YOU’LL HAVE TO WANT TO BE WITH BETHANY AS WELL.”

Back to scene.
Ramona smiles at Lionel and places her hand on Bethany’s cheek and says:

On screen.
“I’M SURE I’LL ADORE HER.”

Back to scene.
Ramona and Lionel kiss.

FADE OUT.

“And cut!” Lyman shouted. “Beautiful! Natalie that was some fine acting you did. You got a real good daughter here, Viv!” Lyman boasted.

“Yeah. The only good thing Harold Lloyd ever did for me,” Vivian took Natalie from Alan and kissed her on the cheek.

2.
And a Wife Makes Three did moderately well but the actor that people and critics wanted to see more of was Natalie Parrish. Her acting was considered unique and natural, her appearance, markedly different from the beautiful, near-beauty queen children normally seen in movies, was considered more inviting which movie-goers were drawn to.

Two months after the film was released, Lyman Zukor and studio president Leonard Van Meter called Vivian and Natalie in. “We want to sign Natalie to a three-movie deal. The public loves her,” Lyman said.

“That’s great!” Vivian faked. “I don’t mean to be selfish but what about me?”

“We love you, Viv, and we want to extend that contract to you on the stipulation that you play Natalie’s onscreen mother,” he revealed.

The look of excitement left Vivian’s face. “I can still play young, Lyman. In fact, I would rather play young.”

Lyman and Leonard chuckled and tried to cover their faces. “Ms. Parrish. Vivian,” Leonard sighed. “We want you with Natalie because she is young and inexperienced. It would make sense that you would be her mother and you would be in every scene with her for support.”

“I could play her sister or a young aunt…”

“The movies we have scheduled for you and Natalie don’t have those characters. And one has a brother, not a sister,” Lyman explained.

“Then rewrite it. It shouldn’t take much to change the character from a boy to a girl,” Vivian said angrily.

Lyman and Leonard looked at each other. They both sighed and Leonard spoke. “We will rewrite the brother role to be a sister. We will see how it works out but any negative review about you playing a teenager and we’re not accommodating you in the other movies,” he said sternly.

“So you had better bring your best performance, Viv,” Lyman said. “You’ll be playing seventeen so do what you have to in order to channel a 17-year-old.”

“It’ll be the best performance of my career!” Vivian ecstatically stood up as she shook Lyman and Leonard’s hands.

“It better be,” Leonard pointed. “We’ll get someone to send over a script to you and Natalie when we get the changes done.”

“Thank you,” Vivian said and left the office.

“We better get our best makeup artist on this thing as well,” Leonard said.





Jim runs over to David and his family as they walked solemnly down the street. He’s shouting:


On screen.
“HEY! WAIT UP!”


Back to scene.
The family stops and turns to Jim who catches up to them, stops and pants:

On screen.
“FOUR NIGHTS A WEEK? AND SECOND BILLING?”

Back to scene.
The family all look at each other and talked amongst themselves. A small crowd had gathered around them. David speaks:

On screen.
“DEAL!”

Back to scene.
Jim and David shake hands. The small crowd cheers. Mary turns to Harold, smiles and says:

On screen.
“IT LOOKS LIKE WE’LL BE STAYING AFTER ALL.”

Back to scene.
Harold speaks:

On screen.
“GOOD.”

Back to scene.
Mary and Harold kiss. The camera pulls out to reveal the family and crowd cheering and being jovial as Mary and Harold continue kissing.

Fade out.

On screen.
“THE END!”




The film ended and the lights came up slightly. Seated in the small theater was Leonard, Lyman, director Ellis Dow, another producer Adolph Blair and screenwriters John Zaputa and Wallace Donner.

“That was good,” Lyman said.

“It was,” Leonard said. “I have to give kudos to Vivian. She was able to play young…”

“She even changed things that we had written in the script,” Wallace began. “She’d say ‘a 17-year-old wouldn’t say this’ or ‘a 17-year-old doesn’t do this,’ and we’d change it and it would always make it better.”

“She can play young but unfortunately she doesn’t look young,” Ellis said. “Make-up tried to do what they could but they aren’t miracle workers.”

“We can just hope that her performance is so good that no one notices or cares how she looks,” Leonard said.




“But the movie was popular,” Vivian complained. “All of our performances were well-received.”

“Yes, but the most common complaint was that you were too old for the role. A couple reviews even said that you were better suited for the mother’s role,” Lyman said.

“But Play in Peoria clearly shows that I can play Natalie’s older sister.”

Lyman shook his head as she spoke. “I’m sorry, Viv. The role of Natalie’s mother in any future movies is yours if you want it.”

Vivian sighed. “No. I need some time off. I want to make sure Natalie is taken care of and treated fairly,” Vivian said. “I have my daughter’s interests to protect.”




1931
3.
A Kid in the Ointment was about a singer, played by Vivian, whose daughter, played by Natalie, is starting to show talent of her own which starts causing Vivian’s character to lose out on jobs. She meets a man who wants to represent her daughter and she starts learning to accept her daughter and soon became a popular and successful mother-daughter team. Nobody expected the movie to be popular.

The Monday after it came out, Natalie Parrish was a household name. As Vivian and Natalie walked to the studio to see Leonard, three people came up to Natalie, calling her ‘Baby Galoshes’, the stage name her character had in the movie.

“Why do people keep calling me ‘Baby Galoshes’, Mama? Don’t they know my name is Natalie?” Natalie asked as they continued walking.

“They might but that’s how people identify with you. You’re not Natalie to them but you are Baby Galoshes because you did so well in your movie,” Vivian tried to explain.

Natalie seemed to understand but still had a blank look on her face. They got to the studio where more people—both tourists and fellow actors—came up to her. Vivian took her hand and began walking faster, practically dragging Natalie behind her.

When they got to Leonard’s office, he was beaming from ear to ear. “I am so glad you two could make it today. This is a big day for both of you!” Leonard motioned to the chairs in front of his desk. “Please have a seat.”

“Leonard, what’s going on?” Vivian asked as she sat down.

Leonard sat down. “We want to do a series of Baby Galoshes films starring Natalie. In case you haven’t noticed, Natalie has become an overnight sensation.”

“I thought something was a little odd on our way over,” Vivian said to herself. “How many movies are we talking about?”

“As many as the public will pay for. We would like one or two a year with a holiday themed one every two to three years.”

“She may be working year-round. She needs to go to school and be around children her own age,” Vivian said.

“We can work around her schedule. It’ll be no problem,” Leonard said.

“Give us the week to think about it. This is a big decision for both of us to make.”

“I bet Natalie would love to make more movies and entertain people,” Leonard smiled, looking right at Natalie.

“Yeah!” Natalie squealed.

“I’m sure she would, Leonard, but she is five-years-old and can’t make this kind of decision on her own,” Vivian stood up, grabbing Natalie’s arm. “We’ll let you know at the end of the week.”

Vivian and Natalie left the office. “I want to make more movies, Mama,” Natalie said.

“I know, sweetie, but this is a big decision. It’s a lot of work and you could be typecast doing just one character. And with a name like ‘Baby Galoshes,’ it could ruin your career,” Vivian huffed.

4.
The Baby Galoshes franchise had spanned four years and seven movies. Natalie was known around the world and had grown from a precocious 5-year-old to a rather mature 9-year-old. While Baby Galoshes was a household name, people didn’t know who Natalie was. To the world she was only Baby Galoshes.

The series had undergone many changes over the last four years. The first two movies starred Vivian and Natalie as mother and daughter. Vivian’s character was killed off and it became a story of a young star and her stepfather for the next two movies until they, for an unexplained reason, became about a talented orphan. The most recent movie changed the plot again to an orphan star now in the charge of her maternal grandparents played by Rita Carlyle and Frank Sheridan. All the performances were praised but everyone agreed that the Baby Galoshes series had run its course.

“What do we do now?” Vivian asked Leonard.

“What are you talking about?” he asked.

“Where does Natalie go from here?”

“She can still audition for movies with the studio. However, her time as Baby Galoshes has embedded that image into the public’s heads.”

“Just like I knew it would,” Vivian sighed.

After Vivian’s character was killed off in the third Baby Galoshes movie, she had become a manager and agent to Natalie. Vivian made sure she was treated fairly and that she went to school and still had time to be a kid.

“I heard a rumor of a movie being produced about a girl who lives in the shadow of her talented sister,” Vivian said.

“Mm-hmm,” Leonard nodded. “We’ll be starting production soon but Natalie is a bit older than we were planning on.”

“But she could be the older sister.”

“The older sister doesn’t sing or dance.”

“She doesn’t need to. Natalie wants to be an actress and I’m going to make sure that she accomplishes that.”

Leonard nodded again. “Auditions will be held in the next month. We’ll get a script sent over to her and tell Natalie ‘good luck’ for me.”




“Why are they talking bad about me, Mama?” Natalie asked Vivian during breakfast after reading a review of her new movie in the newspaper.

“You shouldn’t be reading those reviews, Natty,” Vivian said with a sigh and taking the newspaper away from Natalie. “People expected you to sing and dance in your movie and when you didn’t, they just got a little upset.”

“Was I supposed to sing and dance? Why didn’t they like me?”
“It’s just what they expected. Because of Baby Galoshes. Don’t worry about it. It’ll just take people a little longer to understand that you aren’t a singer or dancer anymore.”




1937
5.
MARY
Tell Colin that I can’t come and see him yet.

MARTHA
[distraught]
That’ll put all the humor out him if I tell him that, Miss Mary.

MARY
I can’t stay. Dickon is waiting for me. I’ll visit him later.

MARY runs away from MARTHA down the path to the garden. Nearly all of the weeds were cleared out and most of the roses and trees had been pruned or dug about. DICKON was already working when MARY arrived.

DICKON
[not looking up]
There’ll be apple blossoms an’ cherry blossoms overhead. An’ peach an’ plum trees in bloom against the wall, an’ grass’ll be a carpet o’ flowers.

Montage of MARY and DICKON working in the garden along with scenes of animals and birds in the garden. Tiny foxes run around, birds flitter about and robins fly down to observe MARY and DICKON. Squirrels also come up and MARY and DICKON feed them nuts and seeds. Soon, DICKON sits down with his pipe and MARY joins him.

DICKON
This is looking very different. Even you are changing, just like the garden.

MARY
I’m getting fatter and fatter. Mrs. Medlock will have to get me some bigger dresses. Martha says my hair is getting thicker and not so flat and stringy.

The sun begins to set.

DICKON
I’ll be at work by sunrise.

MARY
So will I.

MARY runs back to the house. When she opens the door to her room, she sees MARTHA waiting for her with a doleful face.

MARY
What’s wrong? What did Colin say when you told him I called come?

MARTHA
I wish you’da gone. He was nigh going into one o’ his tantrums. There was nothing we could do to keep him quiet. He would watch the clock all afternoon.

MARY purses her lips and a look of anger comes on her face. She angrily leaves her room, storming off to COLIN’s room. When she gets to his room, COLIN is lying in bed, on his back and doesn’t even move to acknowledge MARY.

MARY
Why didn’t you get up today?

COLIN
I did. When I thought you were coming. I made them put me back in my bed this afternoon. My back ached and my head ached and I was tired. Why didn’t you come?

MARY
I was in the garden with Dickon.

COLIN
I won’t let that boy come here if you go and stay with him instead of coming to talk to me.

MARY
If you do that, I will never come in this room again.

COLIN
You’ll have to if I want you.

MARY
I won’t!

COLIN
I’ll make you! I’ll have them drag you in!

MARY
They may drag me but they can’t make me talk! I’ll clench my teeth and just sit there and never tell you one thing! I won’t even look at you. I’ll stare at the floor.

MARY and COLIN stare at each other intensely, glaring and fuming.

COLIN
You are a selfish thing!

MARY
Then what are you? Selfish people always say that. You’re more selfish than I am. You’re the most selfish boy I ever saw.

COLIN
I’m not as selfish as your fine Dickon is! He keeps you playing in dirt when he knows I am all by myself! He’s selfish!

MARY gets angrier and takes a couple steps toward COLIN.

MARY
He’s not! He’s the most unselfish boy I know. He’s…He’s like an angel.





Frances Hodgson Burnett’s The Secret Garden, the story of a spoiled young girl who learns of a garden at her uncle’s manor when she is sent to live there after her parents die, wasn’t supposed to be anything special but somehow became the most talked about film of 1937. Natalie was soon in high demand with nearly all the producers and directors at National wanting her and the public wondering what her next role would be.

6.
“This could be a very controversial role, Vivian. Are you sure Natalie is up for it?” Leonard asked.

“Definitely,” Vivian answered. “She seems to have a natural talent for drama and we need to make sure that talent is being utilized. Also, we need to see what she can really do.”

Leonard sighed. “All right, Vivian. Guthrie will be ecstatic that Natalie is on board.”

The movie was called Tumbleweeds and was to be directed by Guthrie O’Dowd and was a western set in the 1850s. Natalie starred as Emma Anderson, whose father is killed and homestead burned by John Custer, a notorious criminal. Emma hires George Jefferson Armstrong to hunt down and kill Custer and the two travel around the west searching for him and getting into additional trouble because of Armstrong’s temper and reputation.

The movie featured lots of killing and, unlike most westerns at the time, was aimed toward adults. Scenes of Emma brandishing and using a gun during a shootout were discussed, scenes of Emma and Armstrong sharing a bed were cut and refilmed to show them in separate bedrooms or on opposite sides of a campfire circle. In the end, the movie did very poorly. Guthrie was let go from National and Natalie was released from the holiday movie she was scheduled to be in. Soon, people calling her to be in their movie stopped and Natalie was let go from her contract with National, her last on-screen appearance being in a “Two Goofs” short subject in 1938.




1940
7.
One of the biggest names in Hollywood in 1940 was Jimmy Hicks. Jimmy’s first movie made him a star and his next movie proved that he deserved the stardom. In 1939, Jimmy was nominated for an Academy Award for his role as Billy Lasker in Eyewitness. In it, Billy witnesses the murder of a young doctor but a black man is accused and tried instead. And even when Billy confesses to what he saw, people don’t believe him because Billy’s father is defending the black man in court. Eyewitness was very well-received and offered topical conversations on many things.

Jimmy was also a part of the Tawney Family series of movies, the third one of which was going to start filming in another three months.

As Jimmy left one of the studios, Natalie ran up to him and introduced herself. “Jimmy Hicks? I’m Natalie Parrish; I used to be Baby Galoshes.”

“I remember those. They’re a nice little escape from thinking,” Jimmy said.

“Thank you. The reason I want to talk to you is that I know the next Tawney Family movie is about to start filming and the role of a possible love interest for your character hasn’t been cast yet.”

“Yep.”

“I was wondering if I could audition and if you like my performance, you could put in a good word for me for the role.”

“Yeah, I could do that. Can you come by my hotel room at about eight tonight?” Jimmy asked. “You can read some lines and see where we can go from there.”

“Of course! I’ll be there at eight on the dot,” Natalie exclaimed.





Natalie arrived about five minutes before eight. Jimmy answered the door wearing a robe. Despite Jimmy being Natalie’s age, he was pretty much left to his own devices.

“So glad you could make it,” Jimmy invited her in. “I selected a couple of scenes I thought would best represent the character you are trying out for.”

“Great. I really appreciate you doing this,” Natalie said.

“No problem at all. I know how rough it can be out there,” Jimmy smiled. “Please sit down and we can begin.” Jimmy handed Natalie a script and motioned Natalie to the couch.

The role was for the coveted part of Laura Blackburn, a tomboy who starts out as Jimmy’s rival which soon grows into a relationship. The role had a possibility of being in subsequent movies, as well.

Natalie and Jimmy read a couple of scenes together and talked about their lives and careers for several hours until a clock somewhere in the hotel room chimed midnight.

“Midnight? I should go,” Natalie said. She stood up and sat her script on the table.

“Natalie,” Jimmy stood up quickly and grabbed her shoulder. “How badly do you want this role?”

“I would do almost anything for it. I want to get back into making movies,” Natalie said, getting a catch in her throat.

“Go to bed with me tonight and I can guarantee you the role of Laura,” Jimmy said.

Natalie smiled and blushed, looking away from Jimmy. “Jimmy, we’re only fifteen…”

“You would be perfect for the role, Natalie,” Jimmy said. “But the producers are going to be looking for a girl that will have chemistry with me. If we sleep together then you have more chemistry with me than any other girl who auditions.”

Natalie thought about that but still shook her head. “I don’t know if that’s something I want to do. I’m still a virgin and do I really want to use my first time to try to get a job?”

“A job that could change your life,” Jimmy said.

Natalie thought about it again and then she looked up at Jimmy.




She woke up the next morning naked and in Jimmy’s hotel bed alone. There was a note on the bedside table ‘Make yourself at home.’ Natalie smiled and got out of bed, throwing on one of Jimmy’s robes to cover her even though her clothes were in a pile next to the bed. She walked out to the kitchen nook where some coffee had been made and a copy of “Variety” was laid out. She poured herself a cup and glanced at the paper. She noticed a small article on the new Tawney Family movie.

3rd Tawney Family to Start Filming Next Month
‘The third movie in the successful Tawney Family franchise starring Jimmy Hicks and Robert Acarta will begin filming next month after a long search for an actress to play new character and love interest for Hicks was finally concluded with the hiring of Sasha Marco as Laura Blackburn.’

Natalie gasped when she read the part had already been cast. She threw the paper down, stormed back into the bedroom dropping her robe and getting dressed. She stormed out of the hotel room and headed back home.




1949
8.
As Natalie’s career fell, Vivian’s picked up slightly as she began being cast as side characters. The characters weren’t important to the story nor did they move the plot along but Vivian was proud of them because it brought in a paycheck and kept her in front of the camera. Vivian had done a fairly decent job at managing and saving the money Natalie had made making movies but Natalie hadn’t worked since 1939 and the money was being spent quickly.

These days, Natalie spent her days sleeping and her nights imbibing in many drugs and lots of alcohol and sleeping around. She hadn’t auditioned for anything since 1946 because “What’s the point of auditioning if they aren’t even going to consider me?”

“You need to keep trying, Nattie. You’ll find something. Maybe you need to audition for smaller roles,” Vivian suggested.

“Because it’s worked out so well for you the last couple of years,” Natalie rolled her eyes.

“At least I’m working and making money, unlike you. Why don’t you audition for one of the many television pilots networks are creating?” Vivian suggested again.

“Television? I’m a movie star, Mama. Television will never have the respect that movies have and I want respect!”

“You’re not going to get a lot respect with those needle marks on your arms and being arrested for marijuana possession and getting back-alley abortions!” Vivian said reducing Natalie’s last five years to one sentence.

“You’re just jealous of me. You’re mad at me because when I became a star, you became unpopular!” Natalie snarled.

“I was famous before you were even born, little girl, and I stopped being famous because I wanted to make sure you were taken care of both monetarily and emotionally. If you’re so famous then how come I’m going to the set today and you’re going to sleep all afternoon?”

Natalie screamed breathily and stormed down the hallway to her room, slamming the door. Vivian walked to Natalie’s bedroom door.

“CBS is holding auditions for two new television shows today if you want to go. I’ll be home about six.”




Vivian got home at about six but Natalie was gone. She had left for the house of Dionne Holliday. Dionne made one movie in 1942 and had been strung out ever since. The money she made was long gone and Dionne had made a living essentially whoring out her body and selling drugs. Natalie met Dionne at an audition and became fast friends, mainly because of the way they both thought they were being jerked around by Hollywood.

The inside of Dionne’s house was pretty trashed with the carpet being torn in places, cigarette butts and liquor bottles strewn around the rooms. There were holes in the wall and most of the light fixtures didn’t work because the bulbs were either blown out or broken.

Natalie stood, fairly unbalanced, against the wall across from the bathroom door as she waited for Dionne to pee.

“TV. She wants me to audition for TV,” Natalie said in disgust. “I’d rather stab a needle into my eye.”

“I’ve been to TV auditions. All these people who’ve never acted before or washed-up Vaudevillians, they’re taking jobs away from real actors like you and me,” Dionne said from the bathroom and then came out. “And what’s scary is that when TV goes away, all the actors,” she said derogatorily, “will think they are entitled to be cast in movies. It’s just a load of bullshit.”

Natalie nodded. “My mom just doesn’t understand me. Since I was two, no three…two? I’ve wanted to act and entertain people…in movies! What’s the point of spending all that time and effort learning lines, stage cues and articulation if I’m going to get paid squat for it? TV isn’t going to pay as much.”

“Mm-hmm,” Dionne agreed. “I have a guy coming over here who wants to meet you.”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah. He’s always been fan of yours. He’s hoping that you and he will really hit it off. He even said that he’d be willing to pay for it.”

“I’m no whore,” Natalie giggled.

“He’s asked that if you two do hit it off that you wear these,” Dionne opened a closet and pulled out a pair of red galoshes. “And that you call him ‘Daddy.’”

Natalie laughed. “I’d be glad to,” and she took the boots from Dionne.




1951
9.
Carrie Hall had been trying since 1949 to get a show she created on the air. Since 1947, Hall provided the voice for the character Lizzie Pugh on the radio show Wife in Love. Carrie had written several scripts for a new TV show called The Newlyweds about Carl and Madelyn Allison who have just gotten married and moved into a small apartment in New York City. Their neighbors were Thomas and Anna Barnett, an older couple married for nearly 30 years. It took a lot of prodding to get a network to take a chance on it but NBC agreed and commissioned a pilot in March 1951 and the series to begin in September.

The phone in the Parrish household rang loudly. Natalie was asleep upstairs so Vivian had to run to answer it. “Hello?” she answered.

“Is this Vivian Parrish?”

“This is her,” she replied.

“I saw that you auditioned for the role of Anna Barnett in The Newlyweds. Is this the same Vivian Parrish who was in silent films and the first two Baby Galoshes movies?”

“Yes…”

“Oh, I love those movies and I love you. This is Carrie Hall, star and producer of The Newlyweds. I would be honored to offer you the role of Anna if you still want it.”

“Really? That would be great!”

“It’s going to be great working with you. I’ll see you at the studio at nine on the twelfth.”

Vivian hung up the phone. “Thank God,” she said quietly and started to cry.




Life on the set of The Newlyweds was very jovial and the best part was that everybody got along with everybody else. Carrie’s husband was played by Brent Osmond and Vivian’s played by William Tuckfield, who was ten years older than her but she didn’t care. William was a kind man who drank a little too much and gambled a bit too often but he never let that get in the way of work.

The first shot of The Newlyweds was Brent carrying Carrie over the threshold of their apartment. The studio audience was instructed to applaud loud and long during this. The image is now one of the most famous in TV history.

Everyone was nervous for the first five or so episodes as they waited to see what the ratings said about their show. After a rehearsal, Vivian went to her dressing room, sat down at her makeup table and placed her face in her hands. There was a soft knock on the door. “Come in,” Vivian said softly.

Carrie came into the dressing room. “Are you doing okay, Viv?” she asked. “You seemed a bit shaky during that last scene.”

“I’m fine. I’m just a bit nervous.”

“Nervous about what?” Carrie asked as she sat down next to Vivian.

“The show. I’m worried how it will be perceived and the ratings and just what will I do if the show doesn’t last.”

“Let me let you in on a little secret,” Carrie smiled. “The network loves the show. The advertisers love the show. And based on the preliminary ratings that landed in my office yesterday, America loves the show. We have thirty-three episodes to film this season and another thirty-three after that and another after that and probably another after that.”

Vivian smiled. “That’s good to hear. Thanks again for letting me be a part of this.”

“My pleasure. And remember, if that daughter of yours ever comes to her senses, I think we can squeeze in a couple of guest posts for her.”

“I’ll let her know again but she is adamantly against television,” Vivian reminded.

“Give her awhile. She’ll come around.”




1958
10.
“There’s really no way around it,” Gordon Deckel, the president of the network said to Carrie and the three other producers. “We’re going to have to write them out of the show.”

Seven seasons The Newlyweds had been on television. It was still at the top of the ratings and had made each of the four leads a star and a decent amount of money. After the show had wrapped for its seventh season, William had a heart attack while walking along Hollywood Boulevard. He was declared dead at the scene. His funeral was well attended by stars past and present along with family and fans. Shortly after the funeral, the network began wondering how to proceed with the show.

“The show’s been on for seven years. Brent and Carrie are not exactly newlyweds now so we can write out William and Vivian, introduce a new newlywed couple who can become new friends,” said one of the producers.

“Absolutely not,” Carrie said. “Why are we punishing Vivian? She’s been nothing but loyal to the show and the network. Why can’t we write William’s death into the show? We can still introduce the new couple but Anna—Vivian—could become the person everyone goes to for solving marital troubles.”

“I don’t think our viewers want to watch an episode about death,” Gordon said.

“One episode mentioning it isn’t going to hurt. Viewers loved William and they’d want to be there for the characters,” Carrie said.

“No,” Gordon shook his head. “We aren’t going to do that.”

“Then I quit,” Carrie sat back and crossed her arms.

“You can’t do that.”

“I can, actually. It’s in my contract that as star and producer, I can pull the plug on the series at any time. Vivian continues to be a part of the show or I quit.”




The season premiere focused on the cast after the funeral for William’s character. The episode basically became a clip show showcasing William’s best moments. It was the only episode not filmed in front of a studio audience and filming had to be halted a lot due to the cast constantly crying. The second episode introduced the new newlywed couple, the Clarks. Natalie was moved to the short list on being cast as Katherine Clark.

“You need to audition for this, Natty,” Vivian said to her daughter who hadn’t appeared in front of the camera in nearly two decades. “The Newlyweds has been on the air for seven years. Carrie likes me and she likes you enough that if you audition she can automatically move you to the short list.”

“Fine!” Natalie growled. “I will audition but just like every other role I’ve auditioned for, I probably won’t get it!”

“You won’t know until you try,” Vivian said. “I want what’s best for you but you have to meet me halfway sometimes.”

The next day, Natalie went to audition for The Newlyweds. The audition went very well and Natalie, along with three other actresses were called back the next day where the producers would make their decision. Natalie missed the second audition. After doing so well, she decided to celebrate with Dionne. While she promised herself to leave early and not get too strung out, she wound up going to a hotel with some guy, doing lines, having sex and passing out about three in the morning. She woke up naked, parts of her face, breasts and genital were caked in semen, blood and urine and she noticed that she wet herself this morning. She groaned and looked at the clock.

“One fifteen,” she said aloud. Her second audition was at nine. “Shit,” she groaned again and collapsed back into bed.




1962, 1968
11.
The last episode of The Newlyweds was just like any other episode. Long feeling that the name of the show no longer applied—especially after the introduction of a daughter in 1958 and a son for the Clarks in 1961, Carrie decided to end the show. The Newlyweds went out on top and the cast was honored with a standing ovation as they took their final bow.

Vivian was now 56, twice nominated for an Emmy with a slew of offers coming in for work on other TV shows. After production wrapped, Vivian and the other cast members stayed backstage talking. “Have I
thanked you yet for giving me this opportunity yet, Carrie?” Vivian laughed.

“Many times. And it was a pleasure working with you all these years. If I ever need your skills again, I’ll be sure to hunt you down,” Carrie smiled.

“Vivian?” a man came backstage. He was a stocky man with a tweed suit and a comb-over.

“Al! What are you doing here?” Al Frazier was an agent Vivian hired in 1959 when Carrie originally toyed with the idea of ending The Newlyweds. Al became a big help in landing commercials, radio spots and guest
appearances and became one of her closest friends.

“I have some news for you, Viv,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Can I speak to you alone? In private?”

They stepped out into an alleyway. “What do you have to tell me? Why the secrecy?”

“Las Vegas police found Natalie dead…” Al said with a big sigh.

“No. That’s impossible,” Vivian said but she knew.
Natalie had disappeared about two weeks ago which was something she had started to do since her Newlyweds audition. Vivian never knew what she did or where she went but she had ideas and heard stories.

“She was found in a motel outside Las Vegas,” Al continued as Vivian started to shake. “And this is why I wanted to tell you in private; the police believe she went there to get an abortion, something went wrong and…”

“No. Natalie’s had an abortion before but that was eight years ago? Or maybe it was…”

“Viv. They found her naked on the floor in a pool of her own blood. A medical book and surgical equipment were nearby. Police think whoever was performing the abortion realized something was wrong and ran off.”

“They’re sure it’s her?” she was starting to cry now.

Al nodded slightly.

“I want to see her,” Vivian sniffed.

“Viv, she’s in Las Vegas for the autopsy…” he paused to look at her. “Come with me. I’ll drive.”




The Natalie Parrish Clinic opened about a year after Natalie died. It was originally started to help child actors cope with being themselves, actors and children and to get their substance abuse under control if needed but it soon grew to help all children no matter the background or income.

In the clinic was a room where Natalie’s story was told from her first role to Baby Galoshes to The Secret Garden to her unfortunate death. It was incredibly detailed and used for the clinic’s tough cases. It even featured a photo the police took in the hotel where Natalie died showing her naked and dead in the pool of her blood.

“I want to make sure that no other child goes through what Natalie did and not just the children of Hollywood but all children,” Vivian said in an interview. “I take a lot of the blame for not establishing boundaries or working harder on getting Natalie roles but we needed money and if she wasn’t working, someone had to. I’m just glad she’s at peace and I hope I can find peace and forgiveness with the clinic.”

A year after the interview, Vivian was sitting in her office when her phone rang. “Hello?” she answered.

“Vivian, this is Carrie. How are you doing?”

“Carrie! It’s been forever. I’m doing well. Really well actually. The clinic is doing great and I know you are doing good. Seven television show on the air all being produced by you. Very busy woman.”

“Soon to be eight,” Carrie laughed. “That’s actually why I called you. I want to offer you the part of Caroline Freeman’s mom in All of Us.”

“What’s it about?” asked Vivian.

“It’s about a blended family. A woman who’s widowed remarries to a man who is also widowed and they each have three kids. The mom, you, moves in to help the new couple raise their six children.”

“That sounds interesting. Yeah, I can come in for an audition.”

“No, no. No audition. The part is yours. The cast is great, wonderful kids. The network has complete faith in the show which is why we’re being fast tracked,” Carrie explained. “So…will we see you Monday?”




On Monday, the entire cast met backstage in the sound stage along with a couple of writers and producers including Carrie. “I think a couple of you met during auditions but let’s go around and formally introduce each other,” she said. “I’m Carrie Hall, creator and producer.”

“I’m Robert Gleeson; I’ll be playing Scott Reed.”

“I’m Caroline Freeman; I’ll be playing Lois Reed.”

“Jack Jacobs, Michael Reed.”

“Dana Thomas, Lily Reed.”

“Michael Hanscomb, Oliver Reed.”

“Julia Reeves, Lucy Reed.”

“Valerie Gammill, Winnie Reed.”

“Matt Linklater, Eric Reed.”

Vivian looked at the six actors and actresses set to play her grandchildren. Jack was a handsome young man of about 15 with curly black hair. Dana had light brown hair and looked about 13 in age. Michael and Julia were the same age, 11, but Julia had red hair which was vastly different compared to who would be playing her brothers and sisters. Valerie and Matt were the two youngest at 5 and 7 respectively. Matt’s hair was starting to turn from blond to a dirty blond while Valerie’s hair was still a bright, illuminated yellow. She smiled and got teary-eyed as she introduced herself. “Vivian Parrish, I will be playing Grandma Rose.”

A small commotion ensued before Carrie interrupted. “All right, let’s head into the conference room for a read-through.”

The cast dispersed and followed Carrie even further backstage. Dana walked over to Vivian and spoke, “Ms. Parrish? You probably don’t remember me. I’m Dana Thomas.”

“Please, call me Vivian.”

“Okay, Vivian. I just wanted to thank you for your program. You know, the one named after your daughter.”

“You…were at the clinic?” Vivian was taken aback. Dana was young but Vivian knew there had been kids as young as eight admitted to the clinic.”

“I’m now six months clean and feel in a good place. I couldn’t have done it without your clinic.”

“That is so nice to hear. After the kids leave, you never really know what happens to them unless it’s really good or really…bad.”

“Again, I just wanted to thank you and I look forward to working with you,” Dana said.

“I look forward to working with you, too. All of you,” Vivian said smiled.

“All of us,” Valerie joked and everybody laughed.

Monday, January 13, 2014

The Fault In This Book

There are a couple books that I want to review on here but, to be honest, I worry about posting any type of actual criticism on the Internet these days. It's not as if the reviews are going to be scathing or anything but actual valid criticisms can still upset people whose goal in life seem to be making the Internet into a whitewashed feel-goodery. It happens more on some sites than others but seemingly having an opinion outside of what the hivemind has already pre-approved is a major no-no and people will call you out on it.

Maybe it's because I'm not an actual critic so I'm just spouting my opinion and criticism just because I can and think that makes me a better person, I don't know. I'm just trying to get people to read my stuff. The same people who spout the value of being able to do what you love and want are the same people who want to stop any form of criticism that goes against what they love and want. Also, I tend to comment on things made by professionals who should be able to handle criticism not 14-year-olds who just posted a story they wrote when they were 8 and are asking people to "be kind."

The first I want to review is John Green's The Fault In Our Stars which is a very good book and well worth a read but I do think it falls far from Green's Looking for Alaska, which I read first and consider one of the best books I have ever read. In fact, just a cursory search of criticism on TFIOS, people have the same complaints as I do of what's going on the scene is described in detail meaning the character's thoughts and emotions are talked about it instead of inferred, the characters are your typical know-it-all teenagers who think the world is ridiculous and there's something keeping the two characters who should be together apart. The something in this case is cancer.

Hazel Lancaster is a 16-year-old cancer patient who is forced by her parents to attend a support group for kids living with cancer which is where she is introduced to Augustus "Gus" Waters. Hazel and Gus start, I guess you could call it dating, and Gus even uses his "Make-a-Wish" wish on getting Hazel to meet her favorite author in Amsterdam. The meeting does not go very well and the rest of the book is dealing with trying to remedy that. Green has said that TFIOS is completely different from his other books in that "it’s narrated by a girl; she is not in high school; her concerns are somewhat different from the concerns of my previous protagonists; etc." The main character/narrator may not be in high school but she is still of high school age and the only concern different from his other protagonists is the cancer which is treated just like any other type of concern high schoolers/teenagers have. I'll admit that I have known very few people with disabilities and diseases and that includes cancer but what happens in books, anything fiction really, is that they all say they want to belong and be treated normally but seem to refuse to actually do anything to belong and be treated normally. Hazel and Gus do this repeatedly throughout the book. Hazel has a high school friend who you see a couple times in the story but it seems to just be as a reminder to the audience that Hazel, at 16, is an adult and no longer in high school. It may also just be a reminder that these characters are sick which I think is worse in that it shoves their disease down our throat.

The other thing I noticed is that Gus is only a character through Hazel's eyes so we really only ever get her side of Gus. I've seen arguments online about whether or not Gus is a Manic Pixie Dream Girl or, in this case, a Manic Pixie Dream Boy. A MPDG/B is a character with "no discernible inner life, and usually only exists to provide the protagonist some important life lessons." When Gus is not with Hazel we don't know what his life is like and we never really learn what he wants out of life outside of Hazel. Even towards the end, Gus is only ever doing things for Hazel. And I understand that he wants to be remembered but I feel that was just added in to justify him doing all this for Hazel. Any hopes and dreams and life Gus had immediately got pushed to the side after meeting Hazel.

I also understand that I am not the target audience but I still think TFIOS is a decent read. It's entertaining and a fairly quick read so it won't take up much of your time and it does keep you wanting to know more but I would recommend Looking for Alaska as I still think about that one. Maybe if I read TFIOS first I'd place it higher on the pedestal but I can't change that now.

John Green's website is here.
You can order The Fault In Our Stars and other John Green books here.

Until next time, I remain...
~Brian

Saturday, January 11, 2014

I don't know if this is really Liefeld's work but this is terrible even by his standards. It's like he wasn't even trying with this one.

Tuesday, January 07, 2014

The Penokee Man

The small unincorporated community of Penokee was founded in 1888 by Ben Chadsey as Redford. Since the town kept getting confused with Rexford, the residents decided to change the name to Penokee after the Penokee Mountains along Lake Superior in Wisconsin. In 1857, Colonel Edwin Sumner built a sod fort in the vicinity of the South Solomon River. In July, the Cheyenne attacked and Sumner used this fort as a defense against the Natives and to tend to wounded soldiers. The fort was soon abandoned due to the constant attacks.

When Graham County was opened for settlement, the remains of the fort were discovered and cattle drivers used the old fort to corral their herds. The fort was only 100 feet wide and 250 feet long but the walls were four feet thick and seven feet high. By the 1880s, the old fort had crumbled and almost nothing remained. Carl Kobler remembered where the old fort stood and this location became the site of Penokee.

Penokee started off as a very prosperous town. A post office opened in 1889, closing in 2006, and by 1915 there were several grocery stores, elevators, lumberyards, hardware and implement stores, drug stores and a hotel. But the town suffered during the depression years of the 1930s and except for a few businesses related to farming, the town is no longer as prosperous as it once was.

A unique aspect of the Penokee area are the more than 100 cobble-sized limestones arranged to form the outline of a man 57 feet tall and 30 feet wide. The figure is known as the Penokee Man and it is unknown who built it or for what purpose. A Harvard paleontologist in 1879 examined the figure and noted its similarities to other stone figures in the Northern Plains but most of those were destroyed breaking the ground for agriculture. The Penokee Man is one of the few survivors.

The figure is located on a hill overlooking the Solomon River Valley, his arm stretch over his head to the west and his legs face east. It's suggested that the site was a religious site for tribes in the area before white settlement or a symbol for fertility. According to one story, he is Naape, "not the creator of the world, but a heroic figure who transformed the Earth to make it suitable for human beings. The Blackfoot in the north believe he was doing this when he got tired and laid on a hilltop. He spread out his arms and marked where he was with a series of boulders. The view when you are at the Penokee Man is that you can see 360 degrees on the horizon."

Whatever the story or reason, the Penokee Man has been declared an important part of Kansas history. It was listed on the National Register of Historic Places in 1982 and its location has been restricted to protect it.
An aerial view of the Penokee Man.
More information on the town of Penokee can be found here.

Until next time, I remain...
~Brian

Sunday, January 05, 2014

KHNH #3

The bank across from the radio station read that the temperature was two degrees. Mark, Danny and Randi approached the front door to the station at the same time. "It's cold out here," Mark said, opening the door for the other two.

"Did you come to that conclusion yourself?" Danny asked sarcastically, entering the building and immediately removing his gloves. "And we're supposed to get five inches of snow tonight. Going home in the morning is going to be a bitch."

"Why is it so cold in here?" Randi said as she unzipped her coat.

"The heat's on the fritz," Lloyd said, coming down the stairs and preparing to leave.

"It's going to be fixed, right?" Danny asked.

"In the morning. Look, I tried to get someone out here this evening or even tonight but they're too busy. Besides, it's just you three tonight. Figure out ways to keep warm that don't include setting the place on fire or having sexual harassment charges brought up," Lloyd placed a hat on his head. "I will see you tomorrow. Unless I can't get out of my driveway. Be careful driving home."

"Thanks," Mark sighed. "No point in taking this off," he said as he rezipped up his coat.

"Can't this place get an HVAC system that works?" Danny muttered. "It was this past summer when the air conditioning broke down, right?"

"It breaks down every summer," Mark corrected.

"They installed the new HVAC system the same time I was hired and I don't think it's worked properly ever since," Danny said. "I don't know why they just don't replace it."

"The same could be said for you," Mark said.

Danny looked at Mark, his breath fogging up in front of him. He then just walked away.

"He loves me," Mark said to Randi.




The temperature in the station had dropped to 52 degrees and had been hovering there for the last couple of hours. All three were still in their coats and bundled up although they've been able to keep the studio relatively warm with their body heat.

"It feels pretty good in here considering it's negative seven degrees with a wind chill of negative twenty," Mark said.

"At least it stopped raining ice," Randi said. "You know, we should just go home. There's no reason for us to be here. We can just throw on a bunch of music and say we're going home. Somehow I don't think anyone would mind considering how dangerous it's getting outside."

"You two can go," Danny began. "I'm staying."

"Why?"

"I live the farthest away. And I live where the storm has already dropped five inches of snow and three inches of ice. Staying here is probably a lot safer than trying to get back home. But, please, if you two want to leave then go."

Randi and Mark looked at each other.

"It's too damn cold in here," Danny said, on the air. "Our heater is on the fritz so the three of us--me, Mark and Randi--are sitting here in a near-frigid studio."

"To be fair, it's not near-frigid. It's 52 degrees," Mark corrected.

"That's a lot colder than it needs to be," Danny reasoned. "This is the coldest I've ever been and I've lived in Minnesota."

"Were you on the radio there?" Randi asked.

"Yeah. A station that isn't there anymore. Well, it's there but it's a talk station. It switched eight months after I started there," Danny said. "I stayed there two months after they switched and when a job here opened up, I left as fast as I could. I want to play music."

"My parents are the first house off of an exit in southeast Kansas," Randi began. "And they always have random people coming up to the house asking for directions, or gas, or help with car trouble or even just to use their driveway to turn around. They are generally pretty nice about it. My dad keeps a lot of guns around the farm and he keeps one on the nightstand in my parents' bedroom. A couple years ago, someone starts banging on the door at about four in the morning so he grabs the gun off the nightstand, heads to the front and opens it slightly with the gun behind his back. He asks the guy 'What do you want?' and the guy just grabs the screen door and tries to pull it open. My dad kept his hold on the door and pulled it closed and pointed the gun at the man. The man started freaking out saying that he just lost. My dad gave him directions and he left."

"Did he really want directions?" Mark asked.

"Yeah. Why would you forcibly grab someone's screen door to open it? I think your dad stopped something more serious from happening," Danny said.

"He always tells that story when someone starts complaining about him having all his guns and when gun control makes the news," Randi said. "It just reinforced his belief that everyone should own a gun for protection."

"Ah, he's one of those," Danny said, laughing.

"Yes, he's one of those," Randi said, mocking Danny's voice. "Owning a gun is a right, Danny."

"I'm not disputing that. I'm disputing the myth that you have to go through life living in fear. Fear that winds up causing you to point a gun in someone's face."

"If he hadn't pointed that gun, something bad may have happened," Randi pointed out.

"Tell me, how many times has he actually had to point a gun at someone or threaten someone with a gun to protect himself or someone in his family?"

"At least a dozen," Randi said.

"Threatening your high school boyfriends doesn't count."

"Twice."

"The number dropped that much?" Mark asked.

"I have a sister."

"What were the two times?" asked Danny.

"The story I told you and when we visited Alaska when I was eight. Someone broke into the house we were staying at and the robber and my dad had a stand-off. The robber eventually backed off and ran away," Randi said.

"You've been to Alaska?" Danny was amazed.

"Every year to go fishing from age eight months to sixteen years."

"To fish?"

"Of course. You don't travel thousands of miles to your own private fishing hole?" Randi smiled.

"Well, of course I do. But I'm insane so..." Danny began playing a song and cut off the mics.




Danny, Randi and Mark stood at the entrance of the radio station and looked at the snow continuing to fall. "I think I'm just gonna stay here a little longer," Danny said.

"Are you sure?" Mark said.

Danny looked at the parking lot which had been plowed but still had a couple inches of slush on it. "Yeah. I should be able to leave in a couple hours. I just want to make sure the highways are good."

"Okay. Will we see you tonight?" Randi asked as she placed her gloved hand on the door to leave.

"Wouldn't miss it," he smiled. "See you, Randi."

"See you, guys," Randi waved, pushed the door open and walked out into the cold.

"Bye," Danny said but was sure she couldn't hear him.

"You okay?" Mark asked.

"Yeah, I'm good. I'll see you tonight."

"Okay," Mark said hesitantly and followed Randi into the cold.

Danny went back up to the studio and into the break room where he sat down on a couch and turned on the TV bolted to the wall in the corner. He watched the first half hour of Live! With Kelly and Michael and was about to fall asleep when Randi walked into the break room carrying two bags of McDonald's.

"Do you want some breakfast?" she asked.

"What? Yeah, that'd be great," Danny stood up and took one of the bags Randi offered him. "Why'd you come back? With breakfast?"

"I felt bad just leaving you here. Have you thought about moving closer to the station?"

"I like where I live just fine, thanks."

"All right, suit yourself. What are you watching?"

"Live! With Kelly and Michael."

"I'm sorry. When does Price Is Right come on?"

"Ten."

"Sweet. We'll watch that then head home."

"Sounds good to me."

Friday, January 03, 2014

The Mighty One

In 1992, Mattel began selling little toy sets which featured a miniaturized scene with a little boy and one or two enemies. The toy sets were similar to Polly Pocket, the only difference was that these sets were marketed to boys. They were called "Mighty Max" and they dominated the lives of boys for a couple years before disappearing. I liked just collecting the different Mighty Maxes in each set as each Max had a different color hat but I only have one Max left and I have no idea where it is.


Better than the toy sets was the animated television show. Aired in syndication from 1993 to 1994 with forty episodes over two seasons, Mighty Max was an amazing series focusing on Max, who, after finding his cap in a statue he broke, becomes the Mighty One and with help from his mentor Virgil and bodyguard Norman Max travels through portals on a quest to stop the evil Skullmaster among other villains. One of the best things about the show were the voices. You had Rob Paulsen, Tony Jay, Richard Moll and Tim Curry. Now that's a cast! Each episode was action-packed and just the tiniest bit educational. When you played with these sets and watched the show, you wanted to be Max. I wanted to be Max. I even started wearing a baseball cap from 1994-1996 just in case it was a Cosmic Cap and turned me into the Mighty One.

Then I found the video game. Now you could actually be the Mighty One and work to destroy Skullmaster. Now, I do have to confess that most of the games in my video game collections are steaming piles of dung. I have your classic Mario games but I also have "The Three Stooges", "Where's Waldo", "The Addams Family", "Bart Versus the Space Mutants" and "Versus the World" and my collection consisted of "Fester's Quest" and "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" for years before I finally sold them. Now, you would think a Mighty Max game would be fairly straight forward. A simple platform game, going to different places, maybe even a map screen. But that's not what happens. When you start up the game, it looks promising.
You got Max and his friends running away from the darkness and Virgil trying to keep Norman from killing himself trying to fight. It even has an annoying upbeat rock soundtrack that is firmly set in 1994. If you wait long enough, it goes to a demo showing you what the game is like. Different than what you expect but looks very doable. Clearly the demo was programmed differently than the actual gameplay.

When you start the game, you go to a character select screen where you can choose who to play as.
You can choose either Max, Felix or Bea. Yeah, you remember Felix and Bea from the three episodes apiece that they were in! You don't get to play as Virgil or Norman. Norman's in the game and I except for the stage select screen, I don't Virgil is in it at all but I've only ever beaten the first two stages. You get to pick the level you want to start at and the screen shows you what enemies you are going to face which I guess comes in handy. I chose the space level and the enemies you will be fighting are penguins in space suits, flying miniature R2D2s, a cyborg frog and a couple other non-descript robot things. So you go into space and you're dropped onto a platform.
Look at what a mess this is. The background with the space junk is constantly moving and you can't tell what's a platform or what's a wall or what is part of the background. In the picture above, the yellow and black spaces you can stand on but not the red and black girder things BUT if the red and black girder things are vertical then they act like a wall. The biggest problem is the jumping. You jump too high. Look at the picture above, if you were to jump, you would beyond the score box causing the screen to move up with you. With such a high jump--even when you just slightly tap on the B button--you know that this isn't going to be a game where you jump on the enemies. No, you have gun that shoots bullets(?) and the bullets ricochet off the wall. To get rid of an enemy you have to pick it up and throw it away. Yeah, you can pick up objects in this game and you lift them over your head.
You can even lift boulders over your head.
The object of the game is to collect 3 futuristic-looking bathtubs and toss them into a portal. But it isn't that straight forward. You have to find a way to get the bathtubs to the portals and you can't jump while carrying something so you have to figure out ways to get the bathtubs onto different platforms either through teeter-totters, moving hoverboards, barely visible springs or balloons. Instead of being a cool action-adventure game, it becomes a problem-solving game.
Look at this. The portal is on the left side of the screen and the bathtub is on the right. I can't throw the tub onto the hoverboard and I can't jump while carrying it. How the hell do I get it over there?
Then I remembered that there is a lever to shoot that moves the hoverboard so you can throw the bathtub onto it. Yeah. You see that lever?
See it now?
How about now?
Everything in this game is hidden by the highly detailed and convoluted background. There are some power-ups that can help you get through. There are hearts that restore your health by one. There's a clock that freezes enemies but you can still get hurt by touching them. You still have to shoot them and throw them away. There is also something that makes you invincible which is nice but it also increases your jump so you now jump twice as high which can be good but is mostly just annoying. Then there's Norman. Oh, yes, Norman. Nigh-immortal, nearly god-like Norman. When you find a megaphone, that calls Norman and mainly what he does is stand in front of you.
That's great, Norman. Um, can you move out of my way so I can see my game sprite?
All Norman does for the thirty(?) seconds he's around is copy exactly what Max is doing. If you run into an enemy then Norman will slice them up but Norman either comes too early in the level thus leaving you on your own for the rest of the level or too late after you have already killed most of the enemies. Now if you could actually play as Norman--even just for a few minutes at a time--and jump while carrying the bathtubs then that would be a better help.

On the plus side(?), you get 5 lives and 3 continues. There are two difficulty settings on the title screen: Normal and Practice. Practice mode gives you 9 lives and you only have to collect 2, not 3, bathtubs. I think when you finish a level, it takes you back to the main screen to play the regular game. When you die and run out of continues, you get an awesome "Game Over" screen with Skullmaster.

I've never beaten this game. I've beaten the Space stage and the Volcano stage which then opens up a Jungle and Arctic stage but that's all I have the patience for. When you beat a stage you get a password which allows you to continue with whatever stage you beat but to be honest, they should've just did one level where you collect five or six bathtubs instead of three levels where you collect nine. Basically, if you want to relive Mighty Max I suggest avoiding this game and writing some fan fiction or, better yet, just watch the TV show:

Until next time, I remain...
~Brian

Wednesday, January 01, 2014

Founder's Rock

Welcome to a New Year and the first entry in the new Capt. Brian's Whiz Bang and semi-new Tauy Creek. I thought long and hard about how to make the changes work and decided that Whiz Bang will focus on history, pop culture, writing and a sprinkling of personal entries. I figured I would start on something history related, namely Founder's Rock in Lawrence.

The first group of emigrants arrived in the Lawrence area on August 1, 1854 and for the first nine years of its existence, Lawrence had a very tumultuous history. In 1929, Lawrence celebrated its 75th anniversary. Two of the major celebrations Lawrence had was the dedication of Lawrence Municipal Airport in Grant Township just north of North Lawrence and the dedication of Founder's Rock, commonly known as the Shunganunga Boulder.
The dedication ceremony for the Shunganunga Boulder on October 11, 1929.
The Shunganunga Boulder rested at the confluence of the Shunganunga Creek and the Kansas River near Tecumseh for centuries after it was deposited at this location by glaciers hundreds of thousands of years ago. The rock, a beautiful red granite boulder, was considered sacred by local Natives and used routinely in ceremonies and as a landmark. In September of 1929, a Topeka attorney, A.A. Graham, brought attention to the boulder and suggested that it be moved to the grounds of the state capital. Graham suggested that people could donate money to pay for the cost of moving the boulder to the statehouse. Before Topekans could act, however, someone in Lawrence learned of the boulder and gathered a group of his friends and with the help of the Santa Fe Railway, got the boulder to Lawrence without anyone in Topeka knowing what was going on.

The rock was placed in Robinson Park at Sixth and Massachusetts Streets and honors the two emigrant aid parties that came to Lawrence in August 1854 and September 1854. Robinson Park is named for Charles Robinson, one of the men who selected the area Lawrence would be founded and the first governor of Kansas. The plaque on the boulder lists when the original settlers left Massachusetts and arrived in Lawrence and their names:

In 1883, a Kansa Indian named Pahn-le-gaqli told five Kansa song-prayers about the boulder. One of the songs went like this:
O Wakanda! O Wakanda!
We see the big, red rock;
It has a hard body,
Like that of Wakanda!
May we continue like it--
Like this big, red rock!


Until next time, I remain...
~Brian

James Avery, 1948-2013

James Avery, best known for his portrayal of Uncle Phillip Banks on the popular sitcom Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and as the voice of Shredder on the 1987-1997 animated Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle series, has passed away. He was 65.