Phone Bemoan

from Heathcliffcomix Instagram

The boys all just came from running over Garfield. What's Scratchy doing here? He's not a comic strip character.

January 11, 1987

I guess building a snowman is a young man's game? I don't know. I've never built or helped build a snowman in my life.

Why is Brutus sitting on the giant snowball?

He should memorize a number or two. Businesses still tend to have landlines. You can also ask someone to borrow their phone. "Can I borrow your phone?" "Yeah, sure." "Damn it!" "What's wrong?" "None of my numbers are in your contacts!"

Brutus needs to be honest with himself that even with phone numbers memorized, Wilberforce would be useless in an emergency.

In case you missed it, I believe I have found myself a new nemesis in The Brain. Although I don't think I'll go to this well as much as I do with Capt. Kid. If you would like to support me or this website, you can throw some money at my Support page.

O...K...?

I am against AI. No one is stopping you from creating anything, just start creating. Oh, it's not good? Well, keep working at it and you'll get better. But I'm also against AI helping us learn things. ChatGPT isn't a search engine and it will just make things up. The screenshot to the left is a list of 10 "lesser-known facts about Snoopy". Clearly, much of it is gathered from AI. It was posted to one of those non-official random Facebook Pages that anyone can create and no one was calling it out despite being weirdly incorrect about a lot of it. Let's go through it, shall we?

1. Snoopy doesn't have a full name and if he did, it wouldn't be "Snoopy Von Peanuts" as Schulz was not quiet about how much he hated the name "Peanuts".

2. While Snoopy was inspired was Schulz's dog, Spike, Spike was an English Pointer. Spike (drawn by Schulz) actually appeared in a "Ripley's Believe It or Not" comic about being able to eat nails. Andy, Schulz's favorite dog, was a mixed breed.

3. Snoopy wasn't always a dog? He was, but clearly the AI got confused because Snoopy originally started out as a regular dog who seemed to roam the neighborhood. It took awhile to establish that he was really Charlie Brown's dog and even long to turn Snoopy into the character we all know today.

4. Snoopy does have an entire family. You may have seen his family tree popping up around the internet. Snoopy's family consists of siblings Andy, Olaf, Rover, Spike, Marbles, Molly, and Belle. Belle also has a son, giving Snoopy a nephew.

5. Snoopy's favorite food, at least based on appearances in the strip, are chocolate chip cookies.

6. It's weird that the most complicated fact is also the most correct. The World War I Flying Ace is probably Snoopy's most famous alter ego having appeared in "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown". But is it a "lesser-known fact"?

7. Another correct fact. Peanuts first debuted on October 2, 1950, with Snoopy making his first appearance on October 4.

8. He's a global icon. Yeah, this is also correct.

9. The Peanuts television specials began in 1965 with "A Charlie Brown Christmas", but the first Peanuts feature film was "A Boy Named Charlie Brown" in 1969. "Snoopy Come Home" was the second.

10. While Snoopy is shown typing on top of his doghouse trying to write the great American novel, "expert in typing" is odd phrasing. What is his words per minute? How accurate is he?

May 26, 1966

Ugh, why is that water fountain so close to Veeblefetzer's office? Just so he can harass his employees? Seems like a very specific bit for someone who has "Don't Tread on Me" written on his door.

I looked this up and nothing was helpful. I just want to point out how pissed off people get when it looks like our sports are being rigged. Pine tar. Deflategate. Doping. Pete Rose.

The Brain in "Big Dough"

The Brain was a, I'm just going to assume, short-lived character from the early 1950s. The Brain was pin-headed young boy who apparently is really smart. He'd get a good idea and a cloud and bolt of lightening would strike him. Unfortunately, it would not strike him dead. And I'm using the term "good idea" very very loosely.

I don't really care to know anything more about this kid. "Big Dough", a title I don't really understand, is from The Brain #2 and has art by famed Archie Comics artist Dan DeCarlo.

Hey! I don't care how smart you are. Get your feet off the TV.

The Brain's Dad should kill himself since he can't provide for his family.

Look, I love a good pinhead, but I feel this kid is going to be a disappointment. I doubt he's even that smart. I don't like the trope that "smart kids are still kids" because I've seen that Unsolved Mysteries about smart kids and they are all snooty douches.

I like the rose details on the kitchen cabinets.

That dough seems really...liquid-y. Needs to add more flour or something. I would expect Brain's parents to be more upset. Any other parent would be FURIOUS right now.

It's 1950-something, what would be easier than shoveling it? It's going to be something stupid, right? Something no normal person would think of, right?

Mm. Doesn't seem like a stupid idea, but I feel the dough would just get all gummed up in the snow blower blades.

Dad spent money on a snow blower (roughly $400 back in the 1950s) but yet is complaining about having no money. He should sell the snow blower.

So is his name "The Brain" or is his name really Thaddaeus and he just goes by The Brain because he's so...I guess we'll say, smart?

That's your best rug? That rug(!!) is your best rug?!!

Oh, the rug matches the chair. Ok.

The rug and chair also match Dad's underwear.

Dad's like, "We tried nothing and we're all out of ideas. We're just going to bed!" Isn't it, like, 5:30 in the evening?

Is The Brain going to cook the dough? That'll be fun peeling bread out of everything for the next couple of years.

He can perfectly say "And now a pinch of salt!" but goes "Him no taste good!" like some stereotype?

The top hat, I feel, is a bold choice for this native to make. Is he the chef or the leader?

That bread baked up surprisingly even...and bread-shaped despite the dough being pooled on the floor.

Your ideas are why we are in this mess, kid.

I don't see how this helps.

...or this...

What is wrong with you?

Why can't they just sell the bread? They can use the money to balance their bank account that they just completely forgot about. Remember Dad being frustrated about money on the first page? Instead, they now need to buy a new rug, a new chair, and repair the floor. Not to mention buy all the stuff you would need to put on these gigantic sandwiches.

Is there someplace they can send this kid?

Water, Water

May 25, 1966

Was this a common dream people used to have? Frolicking with pretty angels? Greek or Roman Gods? Fairies? Whatever. Say 'good night' to Bob Cratchit.

Veeblefester drinks the water from the watercooler? I mean, don't get me wrong, Veeblefester doesn't drink tap water, but I can't picture him drinking water from a little paper cup at the watering hole like an anthropomorphized Timon and Pumbaa who now have 9-to-5 jobs, yet there it is. I'm seeing it.

Veeblefester Is Always Harsh

May 24, 1966

BUG MUSIC!!?!! Well, it is the sixties. Sadly, Dobie Portacio will not be at the level of such acts like The Beatles, Simon & Garfunkle, the Rolling Stones, or Jan and Dean, but maybe he'll still be a more local celebrity. (probably not)

I can also catch just as many flies with one of those things with sugary water where they can go in but can't come out. Which reminds me, I need to contact the Department of Labor and see if I can start sealing the doors closed during work hours. Surely we're over that shirtwaist claptrap by now.

I apologize for not posting yesterday's classic comic and bringing up this classic image in comparison.

How About the Cake Just Sitting Out on the Counter?

May 23, 1966

Is this how people quit back in the '60s? This is how I should quit. And I work at a school so it'll be fun for all!

Mother Gargle comes for a visit all the time. She practically lives with you. And a cake and a crab cake are nothing alike. She'd feel the insult immediately. Get a carrot cake. Nobody likes carrot cake apparently, except me.

Gladys usually does her own baking. Must be an impromptu visit.

Tuesday Night Quickies

May 21, 1966

Women. Can't drive. Can't take a joke. Can't golf. These kind of strips aren't going to get old at all.

It's a Tuesday. He was probably outside during school and going to and from school. Leave him alone.

Five Years If You're Lucky

May 20, 1966

But seriously, what is it?

That would actually be a funny comment if this were a couple who actually liked and loved each other and knew how to have fun.

This is a bold move, Wilberforce. I believe in being honest with your children about your finances. "Look, kid, you have to wait for major holidays and your birthday. We can only afford a new gaming console every 5 or so years or else the entire system just falls apart."

Is This a "How I Met Your Aunt" Situation?

May 19, 1966

Say it with me: "Women, amirite?" This reminds me of a joke I read in one of those men's magazines. "Before their wedding, a bride gave the groom an amazing blowjob. Talking to his best man, the groom goes 'I just got the best blowjob of my life!' Talking to her bridesmaid, the bride goes 'I just gave the last blowjob of my life!'" Marriage, amirite?

I feel a lot of people didn't know it was Husband Appreciation Day yesterday. I didn't see anything about it except for this comic and a MeTV post about who's your favorite classic TV husband. Gladys isn't on board.

January 4, 1987

I like the guy calling Brutus "Madam". I had a guy do one of these for me one time. I'm not buying your stupid vacuum though. The one I have works fine and didn't cost $2,200. Thanks for getting up that stain though. I feel there's a clause that you don't get the vacuum if there's no power, but maybe not. I'd be more concerned about Brutus forgetting to pay the electric bill.

What is Brutus wearing?

This is a dark Born Loser as Uncle Ted admits he really only tells stories so when his brain has been eaten away by old age, his grandchild can remind him of all his good times. Time marches on and Death comes for all.

Is this what we're losing with the new GoComics?  The throwaway panels are missing. I know they don't need to be seen, hence the name 'throwaway', but I'd expect the company who owns/distributes the comic to be able to show the entire comic. This isn't the shrinking newspaper comics page.

Saturday's post was about the Grote Twins. If you would like to support me or this website, you can leave some money in one of my tip jars.

The Grote Children

Edwyn and Merwyn Grote were the twin sons of Edward F. and Lotta Mae Grote. E.F. was a grocer with a store at 17th & Kansas. Lotta passed away shortly after the birth of her sons in February 1897. E.F. would remarry to Elizabeth Munn. Both are buried in Mount Hope Cemetery. Lotta and the twins are in Topeka Cemetery.

Edwyn Grote, aged 9 months, son of Mr & Mrs. F.E [sic] Grote of 1328 Tyler Street, died this morning. The child was one of twins, the other still survives. The funeral will be held at the family residence tomorrow morning at 9 o'clock." -The Topeka State Journal, July 7, 1897. According to the Topeka Daily Capital, Edwyn died of "dropsy of the brain."

Merwyn, who passed away in January 1898, did not receive an obituary that I could find.

C60kout

It's Superman Day! Superman represents the best of us. He is someone many of us need to imitate at this moment of time. He shows love and empathy for all the people of Earth. We should all do that.

"Not a single one of us is background noise. When one of us disappears someone should notice. Every person is a star. A life. A heart. And when a voice is silenced by darkness another must rise to see that justice is done."

-from Action Comics #792

May 18, 1966

This is how Angelo Grotti entered the insurance business.

This man has a five-fingered approach to selling: 🤜💥

Gladys looks unsure. Probably because even though Brutus is doing the cooking, she'll probably still be stuck with making a homemade potato salad or something. I guess she better grab her chef's hat and Brutus' cookout apron that reads "Hi, Hungry! I'm Dad!" on it with spatulas for exclamation points.

You Can Put Maple Syrup On Whatever You Want

May 17, 1966

One thing I love about these old strips from the 1960s are all the "women amirite?" scenarios we will definitely see. This is the second women driving strip in just a year. At least this lady's head didn't go through the steering wheel. Not that it could...

Better make it quick. It's 7:00 and Wilberforce has to be at school at 8:35.

Is Brutus already gone? Brutus doesn't get French toast/pancakes/waffles? I guess this is to make up for all the times Wilberforce misses dinner.

No-Promotion Quickies

May 16, 1966

What's with the eyes in this strip? They've both got them bedroom eyes. Freaky-ass bedroom eyes.

Like yesterday, don't ask if you'd prefer not to know the answer.

Brutus just needs to accept that he's reached the limit of his abilities at this company. I mean, he should be lucky this company still even exists. Tea cozies? That's not an industry.