I'm Waiting for the Clock to Strike Five, When It's Five O'Clock I'll Be Free

July 29, 1966

"Love thy neighbor" "Down with everything" Why not both? I can care for my fellow humans while wanting to dismantle societal norms. Since we are in the 1960s, I fully expect a lot of protest-themed comics and I'm sure they will be handled with grace and aplomb.

I don't condone assault, like what Shaggy is doing to Wednesday(?), Edwina(?) here.

What do you consider "close to five o'clock"? Five till? Quarter till? Maybe stop looking at the clock. Or just leave. By the time you gather your stuff and get down the hall, it'll be five. What's Veeblefester going to do if you leave early? Fire you? He's made that threat numerous times before and you are still here.

Is This About My Car Warranty?

July 28, 1966

When I first read this comic, I thought that was a porthole in the background, like on a ship. "That must be how the burglar got in", I thought. But then I thought it was weird that no one mentions being on a boat then I realized it was an open safe.

Can you untie proto-Brutus while on the phone talking to your mother? Someone should probably get ahold of the police.

Why are you even answering your phone? Are you that desperate for human contact, Brutus?

Classic TV

July 27, 1966

Man finally goes to therapy and he gets yelled at by the therapist. Luckily, there are plenty of things out there Thornapple can hate and make his entire personality, much to the detriment of his friends, family, country, and soul.

I, and my wife, watch old shows all the time. Seinfeld, Golden Girls, Murder, She Wrote, Unsolved Mysteries, Matlock, The Office, IT Crowd, Schitt's Creek, and several others. You've seen the state of the world lately? Just let me enjoy 30 minutes in Mayberry before I head off to my 32nd Trump protest.

Hand of Fate

July 26, 1966

"Please no eating food in the art museum, sir."

So what's the worse violation here? Leaving trash on the floor or vandalizing the painting by eating the fruit in it?

I find it hard to believe Wilberforce doesn't know what fate is as an 8-or 9-year-old. Especially since he asked about it back in 2023, got the same answer, and made the same joke.

Late Start

July 22, 1966

Well, the horses aren't worried at all. They are going to proudly, and angrily, run toward certain death.

Is this supposed to be General Custer? Good riddance, then.

Wilberforce isn't starting summer vacation until June 9th?! We started ours late because of our snow days, but we were still done before June. Barely.

You don't seem that sick since you are yelling from your room and down the stairs.

Bowling for Golf

March 1, 1987

I am always a person who says to charge what you are worth. Doctors (and lawyers) are not required to talk to random people about their ailments or lawsuit possibilities. Why would you bill her? No one made you talk to her about her gall bladder. You could've told her to just make an appointment and walked away.

What kind of party is this and why is Brutus here?

Brutus would somehow figure out a way to be bad at bowling, too. Drop the ball on his or someone's foot, throw the ball into the other lanes, somehow jam the ball return mechanism so he doesn't get his ball back. The list of screw-ups is endless.

Hey, the throwaway panels are back.

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One Saturday Morning

July 21, 1966

I'm not cleaning that up. And neither is this guy. I can't tell because it's so dark and this was printed in black and white, but what is this supposed to be? I hope it's not blood.

We ordered a box of syrups and one of bottles had completely emptied into the box. I don't even know how or why the box made it to us. It was clearly dripping syrup. The delivery guy had to carry it upside down but it still left a trail of syrup from street to my kitchen sink. Such a mess.

Are there still Saturday morning cartoons? I don't think there are, even educational ones. I loved watching Saturday morning cartoons, but I also loved sleeping late so I missed them a lot of the time. I was more of an afterschool cartoon person.

Our Darling

MARY ELIZABETH

Dau. of

W.E. & M. SEQUINE

1900 - 1903

OUR DARLING

Mary Elizabeth died of pneumonia at two and a half years old.

I Will Judge This Book By Its Cover, It's Beautiful

July 20, 1966

He clearly got some sort of space disease. He should be lucky his body didn't freeze, depressurize, and his heart explode from being in space and that suit clearly not being safe. I do hope this is more of a disease situation and not a chest-burster situation, because then both these men are dead.

Is Hurricane Hattie going to read the classic Caldecott Medal-winning children's tale about the passage the time and slight commentary on urban sprawl called "The Little House" by Virginia Lee Burton? That book may not be very long (about 40 pages) but you could write a dissertation on the themes and nuances in the illustrations.

Keeping Brutus Alive One Sandwich At a TIme

July 16, 1966

"I also leave you...a boot to the head! And one more for Jenny and the wimp!"

He made wagers? Like, actual wagers with real money? "My uncle is such a skinflint, he'll never leave me money when he dies." I can't tell if Brutus wasn't going to be left money because his uncle was cheap or if Brutus was unlikeable, because the other two seem really happy he's just getting an umbrella.

They're eating sandwiches. The ham can't taste much different. And who sprinkles salt on their sandwich? Look, I don't want to impugn Chip's creativity, but this seems like something written by AI. "I need a low sodium diet. But this doesn't taste good. Put salt on it. Bleep bloop."

Look Good, Feel Good

July 15, 1966

It's good to know that men have been the worst since the beginning of time. I'd watch your back, Eve. Adam is clearly up to something. He's going to ruin paradise for everyone!

I'm glad that Gladys feels better about herself, I wish we could see the difference. I guess she just keeps the same style, just cuts off the split-ends. Having a clean and fresh haircut does feel good, when you think about it.

Almost Forgot Quickies

July 9, 1966

Huh. It's an early Belle Batsfrey.

Veeblefester sure loves his metaphors.

You Could Also Just Stop Playing

July 8, 1966

I am constantly carrying trays of food and dishes and I've never dropped them--no matter how impressively loud my kid was coming home from school.

What were you even doing? Cleaning up your social club's tea party you had earlier?

Stop hitting the ball twice as much as you have to? I don't have any good golf advice, a lot of what I see about golf is just hit the ball hard toward where the hole is. I don't know. Have you tried doing that, Brutus?

Another Dollar Lost

Before we get started on today's Born Loser strips, just pointing out that summer is among us so I am out of work for the next couple of months. If you enjoy what pops up here, you can click on the Support link at the top of the page and support me or the website.

If you didn't see, there's a new post about my arch-nemesis, Capt. Kid. He says he knows famous actress Not Rita Hayworth because he's a liar and needs to seek therapy.

February 15, 1987

If this happened today, Brutus would've been beaten by the other restaurant patrons and arrested. Ha ha. We're living in a terrible timeline.

And Brutus, you're fine. No need to be embarrassed or worried. No need to make a federal case out of going into the wrong bathroom. It's 1987, not 2025.

"He says whatever I tell him to say." "I was with Hurricane Hattie at whatever time you say the crime happened. You can't pin this on her, pigs!"

You taught Kewpie to talk? You were only gone 15 minutes.

Driving Faster Than Sound

July 1, 1966

Men, amirite?! But seriously, men suck. What is your stupid bowling bowl doing under the table. Put it in a closet or the garage or something. It's not even in a bag! How many times did Gladys and Fifner stub their toe on it as they ate dinner?

I like the bright colors in today's...WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THE SPEECH BUBBLE!!??! How does a mistake like that even happen? It's going off-panel, which leads me to ask what the original panel looked like or who does the speech bubbles? I swear to God if it's AI...

It's clear that Brutus is the better golfer, right? Knowing how Veeblefester is, it's not prudent to beat him at something. Although I would argue that it's prudent to beat him with something.

Capt. Kid "Sees Stars"

It's time for another installment of Captain Kid. Captain Kid wears stupid clothes, has stupid hair, and is stupid.

Today's comic has Captain Kid lying about knowing a famous movie star. Coincidentally, that movie star is passing through town so will Captain Kid have to own up to his own lying and go to therapy, or will everything end up hunky-dory and Captain Kid will end up the Pope of Chilitown again?

Today's comic comes from Comic Comics #7 and is written and drawn by Al Liederman, who was a normally a gag cartoonist for various newspapers and magazines from 1932 to 1939 and then assisted Jack Kirby and Joe Simson from 1941 to 1942. He worked in comic books from 1941 until about 1971.

Capt. Kid is a lying son of a bitch!

You lying son of a bitch!! At least the comic is over. What? It's not? That's for the movie they're watching in the comic? Sigh. Ok.

Rita Straworth would not waste any energy on knowing Capt. Kid. Unlike me.

Say "Rita Straworth is a busy Hollywood actress. I'm sure the studio will have some sort of party for her. And I'm sure her schedule in this town will be completely full."

Gee, you've never even met Rita Staworth, Capt. Kid? You've never met her? Huh. What a surprise.

I love the cut of Pudgy's jib. Pudgy is the short kid who's clearly tired of Capt. Kid's bullshit.

And yes. Yes, he would lie to you.

Yeah, I'm sure they will let you get up close and personal with Rita Straworth.

You're caught in lies all the time and they continue to talk to you. Honestly, I feel this is all on them at this point. They are clearly enabling you and are a part of the problem.

"If you try to sneak in again, we'll kill you!" *tries to sneak in again* I've never been more happy at a decision Capt. Kid has made.

This guy seems pretty cool with just letting some random kid (dressed like this) go up to a famous person's room for $5. If something happens, it's on you, dude!

Rita Straworth doesn't have someone in the room with her? And she has people at the bottom of the stairs, but not outside the door? It's almost like the studio wants something to happen to her.

Yeah! Plug him!

Quick! Pull the trigger!

*Sigh* Now he'll probably be proclaimed a hero and get a parade or something.

They hit their heads. That's definitely gonna hurt.

Honestly, I feel getting Rita Straworth to go to the party is more frustrating for Capt. Kid haters than being a hero and getting a parade.

Oh, Pudgy...I wish I could tell you how wrong you are, but sadly, I cannot.

Same, Pudgy. Same.

I Don't Think Your Boss Can Talk To You That Way

June 30, 1966

It is a good thing that window was open. The broken glass could've shaved this man's face off.

Is Veeblefester upset because he only has one bag of money on his desk today? Somehow Brutus kept Veeblefester from having two or more bags of money on his desk?