Tank N Tummy #22

There was a light, wet snow on the ground as Dominic headed to work at the Tank N Tummy. When he got there, Ryan was finishing shoveling the sidewalk and parking lot and was sprinkling de-icer everywhere. The little bits of sodium chloride crunched beneath Dominic’s shoes. “Hey, Ryan,” Dominic sighed.

“You okay? You seem out of it.”

“I think there must be something wrong with me. I’m just not in the holiday spirit. I usually like Christmas but not this year,” Dominic said. The two of them went into the store. Aaron was behind the counter. Ryan tossed the bag of ice melt behind the counter and he and Dominic continued walking toward the dairy case. “Maybe I’m just depressed this Christmas. I’m getting tired of giving and getting presents. I don’t know. The days aren’t as long anymore. It gets dark sooner.”

“Have you put up your Christmas tree?” Ryan asked. “I put mine up a week ago. I’ve felt better ever since.”

“It’s just a small tabletop one. I put it up but I’m still not happy,” Dominic said.

“Oh my God, it’s the Christmas season,” Aaron said. “It’s been such a rough year; can we just ignore all the famine and pestilence for a bit. Let’s just focus on Christmas.”

Dominic went behind the counter while Ryan swept up the mess they and the customers brought in from the outside. They worked in silence for a bit, Ryan still cleaning and Aaron and Dominic checking out customers. MaryJane came into the store, “’Sup, sluts?” she greeted everyone in her usual manner and went over to the soda fountains. She got her daily fifty-two ounces and went up to the counter. “What’s wrong, Dominic?”

“He’s sad,” Ryan said.

“Sad? How can you be sad? It’s Christmas!” MaryJane whooped.

Dominic just stared at her.

“Maybe you should put up your Christmas tree,” MaryJane suggested.

“Already did.”

“Have you given or received any Christmas cards?” MaryJane suggested. “Getting Christmas cards in the mail usually cheers me up.”

“No, I haven’t,” Dominic sighed.

“Maybe you just need to do something Christmas-y. How about you ask Harvey if you can direct the Tank N Tummy Christmas talent show?”

“How do you know about the talent show?” Ryan asked.

“How do you know Harvey is looking for a director for it?” Dominic asked.

MaryJane went silent then pshawed and waved her hand at them. “It’s an annual tradition. Remember, you asked me to join you three years ago when you performed Jingle Bells dressed as trains?”

“I’m gonna need to see a picture of that,” Aaron raised his hand.

“Directing the talent show might be a good idea. I’m doing a one-man skit about Santa Claus similar to the 2000-year-old man,” Ryan said. “I think it’ll be good.”

“I guess I could ask about it,” Dominic shrugged. “It might cheer me up a little.”

“There you go! Problem solved,” Ryan said.

“I will mention you personally in my suicide note,” Dominic groaned.









Later that day, Dominic was walking down the street on his way to where the talent show was going to be held. It hard started to snow and there was a bit of a nip in the wind. “Excuse me, mister,” a little walked up to him. Will you help me write a letter to Santa Claus?” she held a piece of paper and pencil up to Dominic.

“What? I don’t have much time. I’m supposed to get down to All-Stars Adult Club to help direct my job’s talent show,” Dominic explained.

The girl shoved the pencil and paper into Dominic’s hands. “You write it and I’ll tell you what I want to say.”

“Okay. Go ahead,” Dominic rolled his eyes.

“Dear Santa Claus. How have you been? Did you have a nice summer? How is your wife? How are your reindeer? I have been extra good this year so I have a long list of presents that I want.”

“Oh, brother,” Dominic sighed.

“Please note the size and color of each item and send as many as possible. If it is too much of a hassle, make it easy on yourself. Just send money. How about twenties and fifties?”

“Twenties and fifties? Augh!” Dominic threw up the paper and pencil and ran away.

“All I want is what’s coming to me. All I want is my fair share,” the girl said.









Every year for the talent show, Harvey rented out a strip club he liked to frequent. There was always a buffet and every employee from the five Tank N Tummies around town were there either as an audience or participants. Dominic walked into the club and heard a piano playing. His fellow employees were either seated at tables or up on-stage dancing to the music. No one really seemed able to dance. Someone was doing a Frankenstein monster move, another was just flailing their arms and head side to side, and a couple seemed to be doing some sort of Godzilla stomp. MaryJane spotted Dominic and stopped dancing.

“Alright! Quiet, quiet, quiet. Our director is here,” she said and flourished her hands toward Dominic. Only a couple people clapped.

“It’s good seeing you all here. I’ve never directed anything before but I guess I’ll just hear what your talent is and then figure out a place to put it. I guess we can all go backstage and you can all kind of audition for me and I’ll make a schedule. The important thing is that we entertain the people out there. I will be right in front of the stage giving you signals. Like, stage left or stage right. If I put the palms of my hands close together, shorten your act. If I pinch my fingers and make a straight line, it means draw out your act. I want this to be a fun night and I hope you agree with me, right?” As Dominic was talking, the music had started back up and one-by-one the people started to dance again. “I said ‘Right?’”

The employees continue dancing, ignoring Dominic. “Sorry, Dominic. This is a tough group to keep focused,” MaryJane said as twisted her body and threw up a fist with each move.

“All right, all right! Stop the music! Everybody get backstage!” Dominic ordered and within a few minutes, everyone was backstage. “Okay, divide up into what you are going to do. Singing and dancing in one line, skits in another, and miscellaneous in another.”

Everyone split up as best as possible and Dominic called up the first person. “Hi, I’m Summer from the East 16th Street location. I’m going to do the Evolution of Dance,” Summer began wagging her legs and gyrating her hips like Elvis.

“Cool. Can’t wait to see it with music.”

“I don’t use music. It distracts me,” Summer said.

“O…kay,” Dominic sighed. “Ryan, what are you doing again?”

“Something like the 2000-year-old man only the 2000-year-old man is Santa Claus,” he explained. “I moved to the North Pole before it was cool. Get it? It’s a commentary on the continents shifting and…”

“Yeah, that’s great, Ryan. Next,” a woman stepped forward. “Hey, Alice. What are you going to do?”

“I am going to be juggling to ‘If the Devil Danced In Empty Pockets’ by Joe Diffie. It’s something I’ve been working on the last two years. In between all my cross-stitching, of course.”

“Of course.”

“I will be performing the classic show tune ‘Steam Heat’ from the stage play and film ‘The Pajama Game’,” MaryJane stepped forward toward Dominic. “While I’m singing, I will be wearing a body suit of balloons that I will be popping with a cigarette.”

“You don’t even work for Tank N Tummy. What are you even doing here?” Dominic asked.

“I explained my routine to Harvey and he seemed excited about it. ‘It is a strip club,’” MaryJane mimicked Harvey’s strange accent. “His words.” Dominic sighed again. “Next.”

“I’m Leonard, from the Perry Street location. I’m going to do my taekwondo black belt routine,” Leonard was a tall man with long hair and a long beard and a deep, monotone voice. Giyaaah-hah!” he screamed while making an attack move toward Dominic.

“Thank you, Leonard,” Dominic said. “Next.”

Leonard walked by Ryan and looked at him. “Hi. Do you know when you are going to die?”

“No…” Ryan replied.

“’Cuz I do,” Leonard walked off.

“I’m Dennis from the Iowa Street location. I’m going to do a comedy routine that has jokes and impressions,” Dennis explained.

“Cool. Can I hear one?”

“Sure. Give me a second…” Dennis turned around for a second then turned back around. His thumbs were pulling back his eyes and he jutted his top teeth out. “Herro! I’m Dong! I’m so happy to be heel,” he said.

“You’re fired,” Dominic said.

“You can’t fire me,” Dennis said.

“I can fire you from the talent show. Your talent tonight is being part of the audience. Before we move to the next talent, does anyone have a Christmas themed talent? So far we have karate, juggling to country music, and a striptease. The only thing remotely Christmas or holiday related is Ryan’s Santa Claus skit and it’s going to be terrible. There aren’t even any decorations up,” Dominic pointed out.

“Yes, there is. The banner out there that says ‘Christmas Talent Show’,” Ryan said.

“The letters are in black Times New Roman and spread across twelve pieces of paper taped together. There’s not even a tree.”

“That’s it, Dominic,” MaryJane said. “Why don’t you go out and find a Christmas tree? There’s a Christmas tree lot a few blocks away. Just get a nice tree we could put in the corner of the stage. We’ll see if we can find some lights or something. Ryan, go with him.”

Dominic and Ryan left the strip club and began walking to the Christmas tree lot. The lot had numerous trees about Ryan’s height and some taller. “What kind of tree should we get?”

“I don’t have any money so let’s find out,” Dominic walked over to the man smoking behind the counter of a beat-up booth. A sign above the man read ‘Christmas trees for sale’ and on the booth it read ‘The tree man is in’ with ‘in’ being a piece of paper you could turn around. “What kind of tree can I get for…thirteen seventy-four?”

“Well, not much. Most trees start at $25 but I suppose I’ll let you have that tree over there for $13,” the man pointed to a short and sad tree with weak branches and very sparse needles. It was held standing by wires connected to boards of wood.

“That’s a pretty pathetic tree. I’ll give you $7,” Dominic said.

“Deal.”

“The Christmas spirit is so heartwarming,” Ryan rolled his eyes.

“Do you have any money so we can buy a better tree?”

“No.”

“Then shut up. Besides, this isn’t a bad little tree. It just needs a little love. Besides, like all these other trees, it’ll be dead soon anyway.”

“So heartwarming.”









“Boy, are you a blockhead,” a woman said when Dominic and Ryan returned with the tree.

“That’s rude. I don’t even know who you are,” Dominic said.

“Nelina. I work at the Perry Street location.”

“She’s why I am the way I am,” Leonard interjected.

“Okay. This was all I could afford. I only had $13 and nobody gave me any money for a better one,” Dominic explained. “Besides, it’s not a bad tree.”

“You’ve been dumb before, but this time you really did it.”

“Okay, Nelina. Again, we don’t know each other.”

“Do you want me to tell you what Christmas is all about?” Ryan asked.

“No. No, Ryan. I know what Christmas is all about. And this isn’t it. I’m going home. I’m going to take this little tree home and put some decorations on it.” Dominic arrived home at his apartment, carrying his tree. He fumbled for his keys and a trill come from his feet. He looked down and saw a cat sitting and looking up at him. “Hey, Cat-Cat. What are you doing out here?” He sat the tree and picked Cat-Cat up. He went to the end of the hallway and knocked on the door to the apartment Cat-Cat belonged to. No one answered and he knocked louder.

“He moved out,” a neighbor said, walking up to her apartment door across the hall.

“He moved out? When?”

“About a week ago.”

“He left his cat here just to wander the apartment building?”

“I guess so. Sorry, Cat-Cat,” she scratched his head and he purred louder.

“Well, I guess you can stay with me. Everyone deserves a warm place for Christmas. Come on, Cat-Cat, let’s get inside.” Dominic unlocked his door, picked the tree back up and went inside.  ▩

Tank N Tummy #21

Dominic and Ryan stood behind the counter wearing masks and gloves. Numerous signs on the counter stated that cash transactions were being limited. A piece of Plexiglas hung from a chain from the ceiling. A customer came up to the counter, also wearing a mask, with some bottled drinks and a cup of coffee. "Have you guys been working this whole time?"

"What do you mean? We didn't close when schools or everything else did. We are apparently essential workers which really makes you think," Dominic said.

"Hopefully you're getting hazard pay or something," the customer said.

"I think Harvey gave us a five dollar gift card to McDonald's," Ryan said.

MaryJane came into the store for her daily 52 ounce drink. She came in without a mask. "'Sup, sluts," she said. 

"MaryJane. Mask," Dominic said.

"Oh, sorry," she dug a mask out of her purse and put it on. "I'm still not used to this."

Dominic noticed that the mask had a hole over the mouth. "MaryJane, your mask has a hole in it."

"Oh, crap. Grabbed the wrong one. This is one of those masks that you can wear and use to eat."

"Those masks are only used for one reason...blowjobs," Ryan said.

"You got me," MaryJane shrugged and laughed. "I'll be right back. I have a regular mask in my car." She left the store.

As she left someone else came in without a mask. "Sir, please put on a mask," Dominic said.

"Eat my ass," the customer said.

"Alrighty then," Dominic responded.

"At least we're doing the right thing," Ryan tried to comfort Dominic.

After the morning rush, Dominic and Ryan were alone in the store. Harvey came in, stained shirt, cargo shorts, and no mask. "Harvey, put a mask on."

"I'm not giving any legitimacy to this hoax. I came to this country from my communist home so I wouldn't have to wear a mask," Harvey explained.

"You came here in 1996," Dominic said. "And you're neither Chinese or Cuban."

"You sound just like the prime minister," Harvey grumbled as he went into his office and slammed the door.

"We're all going to die," Dominic sighed, shaking his head.

“Hey, guys,” Aaron said as he came into the store. “How are you doing?”

“We’re good. Can’t complain,” Dominic replied. “Geez, you look tired.”

“I am,” as if on cue, Aaron yawned really big. “I hardly got any sleep last night. I kept having this weird dream.”

“What about?”

“Well, my room was flooded with this bright blue light and these three strange creatures entered my room and got me out of bed. It was like they wanted to show me something as they kept pointing to the light outside my window. I went with them and started following the light to their spaceship. They then took me onboard and began poking and prodding me. They then removed my clothes and laid me down on this cold metal exam table,” Aaron began explaining. “They began closely examining me like a doctor would almost like they were trying to see what everything did.”

“Then they shoved a metal rod up your butt?” Dominic asked.

“What? No. They did have me pee in a cup which was weird.”

“Did you wet the bed?” Dominic asked.

“No. Why would I wet the bed?”

“Whenever I dream about peeing, I wet the bed.”

“What? What the hell?” Ryan exclaimed.

“Doesn’t everybody?” Dominic looked back and forth between Ryan and Aaron. “Then what the hell is wrong with me?”

Ryan and Aaron turned away from Dominic and looked at each other. “I don’t think that was a dream,” Ryan said. “I think you were actually visited by aliens.”

“What? No. It was a dream. Aliens don’t exist.”

“Sure they do. They’ve been all over the last few years. There are hundreds, maybe thousands of videos of UFOs being caught in the sky,” Ryan excitedly said.

“You believe in aliens and UFOs?” Aaron seemed skeptical. “Yeah. So does Dominic.”

“Now wait a minute. I believe in aliens up to the point that they can travel here. I believe aliens do exist but they evolved over roughly the same period of time as we have therefore they would not be capable of vast interstellar travel.”

“Then what was that flying object in the sky when we were driving to Colorado, Dominic? What was that flying object in the sky?”

“I’m going back to my magazine,” Dominic sighed and lowered his head.

“Flying object…”

“About three years ago, Dominic and I were driving out to Colorado so we were out in western Kansas. Dominic was driving and I was looking out the window. I saw this small black disc-like object in the sky kind of hovering, kind of moving. I pointed it out to Dominic but he thought it was a plane or a drone or something military related.”

“It was!” Dominic exclaimed.

“’Sup, sluts,” MaryJane came into the store.

“Aaron got abducted and probed by aliens,” Dominic said.

“No, I did not. I didn’t,” Aaron shook his head.

“Seriously? You have to tell me about it,” MaryJane took Aaron’s hand.

“Aliens and stories of alien abduction get MaryJane horned up,” Ryan said.

“Really?” Aaron raised an eyebrow. “It was just a weird dream. I just dreamt that I was abducted. I definitely wasn’t probed.”

“Could I come over about seven? We can have some dinner and you can tell me about your experiences and I can spend the night and see if the aliens come back,” MaryJane said.

“Uh, I guess so. Like I said, it was just a dream and I don’t think anything will happen but you can come over. Whatever,” Aaron shrugged.

“Great. I will see you at seven,” MaryJane tickled Aaron’s chin and left the store.

“Aaron’s gonna lose his MaryJane virginity,” Dominic said. “Remember when you lost yours, Ryan?”

“We were 23. MaryJane had broken her leg and couldn’t put any pressure or weight on it. I brought her food and kind of helped take care of her and she wanted to pay me back.”

“We’re not going to sleep together,” Aaron discouraged. “Are we? It’s just dinner, a sleepover, and maybe an alien abduction.”

“I have two rules: Everybody gets one—everyone gets a chance to lose their virginity. The other is everybody gets one…time with MaryJane,” Dominic said.

“Does she know you talk about her like this?” Aaron asked.

“It’s fine,” Ryan pshawed.

“When was your first time?” Aaron asked Dominic.

“We were eight. We had had a long night of gambling at this casino in Las Vegas…”

“Neither of them will talk about it,” Ryan said. “They always tell a different story. I sometimes think they haven’t been together and they’re just lying about it. I, personally, recommend sleeping with MaryJane.” Dominic looked at him in an odd way. “What? I do. She genuinely enjoys sex, she’s a very pretty young woman, she’s smart and funny, and not a bad lay.”

“Geez. Why don’t you just marry her?” Dominic said in a mocking tone.

Aaron let MaryJane in. She had a pizza box with her. “I brought pizza. I hope you like meat on your pizza.”

“Who doesn’t? The kitchen is around the corner. You can set the box down on the counter,” Aaron directed.

The two of met in the kitchen a couple seconds later and MaryJane was already digging into the pizza. “Hungry?”

“High. Are we gonna see aliens tonight?”

“I told you that it was just a dream. I don’t think anything is going to happen,” Aaron said.

“Show me your bedroom,” MaryJane took Aaron’s hand and began dragging him toward an open door off the hallway. “This is it?” MaryJane shoved the last of her pizza into her mouth and got into bed. “You were laying down, right? Then what happened?”

“Uh, there was a bright blue light that came in from the window. I heard a loud rumbling and then I felt the presence of someone—two someones—in my room. I didn’t actually see anything and fell back to sleep pretty quickly.”

“Cool. I wonder what the light and rumbling were,” MaryJane questioned. She got out of bed and went over to the window. She peeked out the blinds and didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. “And you weren’t probed?”

“No. I’ve never had anything go into my butt,” Aaron replied.

“Okay,” she nodded thoughtfully. “You should try it but aliens don’t do that.”

“They don’t?”

“Why would they? Think about it. If aliens, who have already flown light years across the universe so have already mastered expansive space travel, needed to understand how humans work, wouldn’t they just ask or abduct and analyze us? They could also just kill us and perform an autopsy. They would learn very little about us just through a colonoscopy.”

“That does make sense,” Aaron said. “I guess I never thought about it before.”

“Look, I believe aliens exist. There’s no way we are all alone in the universe. But I don’t believe they have the ability to travel long distances, just like we don’t. But I want them to be real and exist and I want them to communicate with us. Also, I saw this adult magazine with some aliens really giving it to a woman so I’ve always been fascinated with that as well,” MaryJane explained. “Let’s get some more pizza and I’ll pull the magazine spread up on my phone.”

Aaron sighed deeply. “All right, why not?”

“What are you doing?” Aaron asked, watching MaryJane look around in his closet. “You said you were going to the bathroom and I find you digging around in my bedroom closet?”

“I did go to the bathroom. Thanks for your concern. Why do you have a bowling ball?”

“Because I used to bowl. I was pretty good at it, too,” Aaron seemed to take too much pride in his bowling skills.

“I used to bowl, too. My dad taught me. I was pretty good, too. We should go bowling together some day,” MaryJane said, sitting the ball back down on the floor of the closet. “We should probably start heading to bed. It’s almost midnight. What time was the light and everything?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Like I said and have been saying, I was probably asleep or it was sleep paralysis. I wasn’t contacted by aliens,” Aaron explained for what he thought was the fiftieth time.

“I’m gonna go change,” MaryJane said. “Hope you don’t mind that I’m not gonna wear pants.”

“I don’t care. I figured I’d sleep on the floor or the couch,” Aaron said.

“Oh no you don’t. What if the aliens come in and don’t see you in bed and just leave? You need to be in the bed with me.” When they got there, MaryJane was in a baggy shirt and underwear while Aaron was wearing sweatpants and a shirt. MaryJane requested to sleep closest to the window. “This has been a pretty good evening, Aaron. Even if we don’t see any aliens, I still had a good night.”

“It was fun. The pizza was good and the company was good. I’ll see you in the morning, MaryJane,” Aaron snuggled into the bed with the blanket pulled up to his chin.

“Thanks for indulging my stupid, crazy fantasies,” she said and leaned over to kiss Aaron on the cheek. She rolled over and the two of them fell asleep fairly quickly. MaryJane woke up a soft rumbling a couple hours later. She rocketed up to the rumbling and saw a blue light shining in from the window. “Aaron. Aaron!” she shook Aaron awake.

“What?”

“A light. There’s a light,” MaryJane pointed to the window. Aaron sat up and saw the light.

“Yep, that’s what I saw. Now I know I’m awake so I wonder what that is. What’s that sound?”

“I don’t know. That’s what woke me up.”

Aaron got out of bed and went over to the window. He pulled the blind slats apart with his fingers and looked outside. He saw a bulldozer of some sort in the parking lot across from his building. It was just idling which was where the noise was coming from. “It’s construction equipment,” Aaron said. “It must have been the light and sound mixed with sleep paralysis that made me think there was someone in my room,” Aaron reasoned.

“I guess that makes sense. I knew it was a stretch that aliens actually appeared here, especially in the bedroom of a close friend,” MaryJane said. “Oh, well.”

Aaron started getting back in bed. When he laid down, MaryJane rolled on top of him. “What’s up?” Aaron asked.

MaryJane kissed Aaron and began removing both of their shirts. The next day, Aaron came into the Tank N Tummy with a smile on his face. Dominic and Ryan looked up from their magazines and over at Aaron.

“Hey, Aaron,” Dominic began, “how was your weird alien sleepo…?”

“Twice,” Aaron exclaimed, smiling.

Liberty Horror #4: Ghost of A. Chantz

Ghost of A. Chantz

Dominic, Ryan, and MaryJane arrived at the historic Chantz Mansion where a van with 107.3 FM emblazoned on it was sitting in the yard. “You the contest winner?”

“I am,” Dominic said. “These are my friends, Ryan and MaryJane. They’ll be spending the night with me.”

“A threesome with two men in a haunted house. It’s a dream come true. Again,” MaryJane said.

Everyone looked at MaryJane. “O…kay…The rules are pretty simple. You have to stay in the Chantz Mansion for 18 hours. From three this afternoon to nine a.m. tomorrow morning. We will pay for pizza to be delivered at 7—three pizzas, one for each of you. As long as you stay in the house then you win the $1,000 each,” the radio guy explained.

“Sounds easy,” Dominic said. “It’s not like this place is haunted anyway.”

“Innit,” a gravelly voice said from behind them. “I been caretaker of the Chantz Mansion for nigh on twenty years. I’ve seen mysterious lights, bodies in the window, footsteps on the floor, heartbeats in the walls, and the smell of death in the air. It’s enough to drive a person insane.”

“But you seem fine,” Dominic said. “Can we go in the house now?”

“If we’re murdered by the caretaker does that void our winnings?” MaryJane asked.




The Chantz Mansion was a beautiful brick house on a hill overlooking the river. It had been built by a milliner in 1879 and abandoned since the 1940s. As the house became more deteriorated, the more people thought it was haunted. The great-grandson of Alexander Chantz was trying to rehabilitate the house and reopen it as a bed and breakfast, AirBnB, or museum. The radio station gave him several thousand dollars in exchange for allowing this contest to happen at his house.

“This place is beautiful,” Ryan said, aghast at the fancy woodwork, marble, and brick throughout the interior of the house.

“It is now three o’clock. You three are now required to stay in the house until tomorrow morning. We do have cameras placed throughout the house and yard to watch you. The caretaker will be in his house and also keeping an eye on you,” the radio guy explained.

“Oh, good,” Dominic said sarcastically.

“Just give me your pizza order and that will be delivered at seven.”

They exchanged information and the radio guy left leaving Dominic, Ryan, and MaryJane alone in the Chantz Mansion. “What are we supposed to do here?” MaryJane asked.

“Do we just spend the next eighteen hours on our phones? Is there a TV? Books? Is there even electricity in this place?”

The wood in the fireplace suddenly ignited. They all jumped and looked at the fire. “Well, the fireplace works,” Dominic said.

“Who lit it?” Ryan asked.

“Maybe there was already a burning ember…” MaryJane said “…and it got hot enough…or the ghost was getting a little chilly, I don’t know.”




The three had been in the house for a few hours with no incident. They decided to wander and explore the house. Most rooms were empty but were strewn about with dust, rodent feces, and some debris. The wallpaper was faded and peeling in some places. A deer head hung on the wall which went good with the stuffed bear in the corner of the living room. There were no lights anywhere so they were relying on whatever natural light that came through the boarded-up windows.

“Where are the bathrooms?” Ryan asked.

“I think there is just the one downstairs,” Dominic said.

“What’s in here?” Ryan asked, grabbing a doorknob and trying to turn it. “It’s locked.”

“Probably just storage,” Dominic said.

“Sex dungeon,” MaryJane said.

“I think that would be downstairs in the basement,” Dominic said.

“Mine’s not,” MaryJane said.

“But you live in an apartment.”

“I need to find a bathroom,” Ryan said. “I’ll see you downstairs,” Ryan walked away and headed downstairs.

MaryJane turned to the locked door. “Why does this sex dungeon storage room have a giant window in it?” As she asked herself that, a mustachioed face appeared in the window. The eyes had dark circles around them and tight curly hair. The face stared menacingly at MaryJane. She yelped and turned to Dominic. The face disappeared.

“What’s wrong?”

“A face. In the window.”

“What? There’s nothing there,” he looked and saw nothing. “It was probably just your reflection.”

“I don’t have a mustache,” MaryJane said.

“Well…” Dominic shrugged.

“I. Don’t. Have. A. Mustache,” MaryJane repeated, hitting Dominic with each word.

“Maybe you turned your head too fast and it was your hair…” he pulled her hair around her face, bringing a lock of it under her nose.

“No,” she shook her head.

“Maybe…” he began to offer another explanation.

“No,” she cut him off. A high-pitched Joker-esque laugh echoed through the house. Dominic and MaryJane looked at each other. “Feets, don’t fail me now,” she said and began running downstairs.

“It’s probably Ryan or something,” Dominic said. He slowly followed her down the stairs.

MaryJane got downstairs and turned, running right into Ryan as he was leaving the bathroom. They both screamed loudly in each others faces.

“Quit screaming. You’re both acting like idiots,” Dominic said. “Show a little decorum!”

“The laugh clearly wasn’t Ryan. Then who was it?” MaryJane asked.

“Probably the radio station playing a trick. It’s so they don’t have to pay out the $3,000,” Dominic said. “No matter what, we do not exit this house.”

The deer head on the wall suddenly fell and rolled down the stairs. As the deer head came to a rest, the laugh echoed through the house again.

“We may not get a chance to exit this house,” MaryJane said.




A little after seven, the doorbell rang, a simple chime from a bell connected to a turnkey on the porch. MaryJane and Ryan jumped a little as they sat on an old and kind of damp couch. “It’s the pizza,” Dominic said and stood up. He walked over to the door and opened it. The caretaker stood on the porch with three pizzas.

“Your pizzas are here,” he grumbled.

“Why are you delivering them? Where’s the delivery person?” Dominic asked.

“The pizza boy met with an unfortunate accident shortly after entering the grounds,” the caretaker said.

“That’s too bad. Want to stay and have some pizza?” Dominic asked.

“No. Thank you. I have to call the pizza place about the pizza boy so they can call his next of kin,” the caretaker began walking away.

“What a cool guy,” Dominic said, closing the door.

“What’s going on?” Ryan asked.

“Pizza’s here. I think the caretaker killed the pizza boy.”

“Oh,” Ryan nodded his head. “Great.”

“Wanna eat this at the dining room table?” MaryJane asked, referring to the large table in the fancy dining room just off of the living room.

“Yeah. Let’s do that,” Dominic agreed. “It’ll be nice. We can light the candles on the table and get really fancy with our pizza.”

The three of them went to the dining room where a giant table was in the center of the room. Two candlesticks sat on the table—one on each end. They put the pizza down on the table and Dominic went into the kitchen. MaryJane pulled a lighter out of her pocket and lit the candles. When Dominic came out of the kitchen, he was holding a pack of matches. He saw the candles were lit and stopped in his tracks.

“Who lit the candles?” he asked.

“They just lit on their own,” MaryJane said. “It took all our power to not run away in fear.”

“Weird,” Dominic looked closely at the candles. “I wonder how they did that.”

MaryJane and Ryan rolled their eyes at each other.




After dinner, they heard footsteps upstairs and banging on pipes in the basement. They went to investigate both and saw nothing. This happened several times and each time they went to investigate. “You know, it’s ten o’clock,” Dominic began. “We should all just go to bed and get this night over with. It’s not like there’s anything to do anyway.”

“That’s a great idea,” MaryJane agreed. “I’d rather be murdered in my sleep anyway.”

The three of them went upstairs to the bedrooms. By the time they all got ready and into bed, it was a little after eleven. “I’m glad you all agree with me to just go to sleep and end this night,” Dominic said “but there are enough beds that we don’t have to sleep together.” Ryan and MaryJane were in Dominic’s bed, snuggled up close to him.

“But this is how it is in all my stories,” MaryJane said.

“Do your stories feature three grown adults sleeping in the same bed with their clothes on?” Dominic asked.

“At the beginning…” she replied.

“I’ll go to another room but I’m gonna make sure your name is scrawled on the wall with my blood,” Ryan said as he got out of bed.

They fell asleep quickly when they each got settled down. A loud thud woke Ryan up and then he heard the sound of what sounded like a chain being dragged across the floor. Ryan got out of bed and went to door. “I’m probably going to regret this,” he sighed and opened the door.

MaryJane awoke to a scream—a long, almost ear-piercing scream from what sounded like everywhere. MaryJane hopped out of bed and ran to Dominic’s room. He was also awake but was still lying down. “How can you just lie there when a ghost woman clearly wants her baby back?”

“It’s just a recording,” Dominic said. “Or Ryan on the toilet. It could be Ryan on the toilet.”

“It must be Ryan on the toilet because he hasn’t run in here yer.”

“That is odd,” Dominic threw the covers off and got out of bed. “Don’t tell me he’s in his room soundly sleeping.”

The two went down the hallway to where Ryan was sleeping. They pushed open the door and saw Ryan wasn’t in the room. The screaming had stopped when they both got in the hallway. Both looked around the room for a place where Ryan could hide. “Where is he?” MaryJane asked. “I’ll check in the bathroom.”

“I’ll stay here in case he comes back,” Dominic said. MaryJane went off downstairs. Dominic leaned against the door jamb to the bedroom and crossed his arms and waited. Five minutes passed. Then ten. After fifteen, Dominic shouted. “What’s going on down there?”

There was no response.

Dominic sighed heavily and followed MaryJane’s path downstairs. Dominic approached the bathroom and saw the door was open. There was no sign of Ryan of MaryJane. “Well, crap,” he said.




For nearly an hour, Dominic sat alone and silent in the house. In two more hours, the sun would be up and then three hours after that he’d be $1,000 richer. He thought for a moment. He wondered if he could get Ryan and MaryJane’s money if they had left, gone missing, or were murdered.

A clanking sound began from the basement. “Nope,” Dominic began. “It’s just someone in the basement banging on a pipe with a hammer or something. It doesn’t scare me. In fact, it makes me want to go back to bed. I think I’ll do that. Go back upstairs and back to sleep.”

Dominic got up and went upstairs. He passed the locked door then paused. He took a couple steps back and tried the knob. It turned and the door popped open. Inside, was an old-timey glass doll sitting in a rocking chair, completely naked and missing both eyes. There was a crack in the doll’s head and the doll, somehow, was holding a giant knife.

Dominic closed the door. “That is not a good use of that room,” he said. “But it doesn’t bother me. I’m still going back to bed. And I know it may seem like me narrating what I’m doing and talking to no one might look like you have driven me insane, but I assure you that I am not. I’m just making sure the radio people, the caretaker, and my so-called friends know that I am not scared.”

Dominic went back into his bedroom and got back into bed. He heard stomping up the stairs and down the hall, passing in front of his door. Dominic covered himself with the blanket and closed his eyes.

He woke up to thunder. Out the covered window, he saw that the sun was coming up. The thunder boomed again. “That’s odd…” Dominic got out of bed and went to the window. He peered out of the boarded-up window and saw three people in black robes and hoods standing around a fire underneath the window. “The hell…?”

Laughter echoed throughout the house. Dominic’s hair stood on end and goosebumps appeared on his arms. There was a loud, slow knock on his bedroom door. Dominic didn’t know what to do. Keep an eye on the possible cult members outside or see who was at the door. He slowly approached the door. They knocked only once. He opened the door and stuck his head out and looked up and down the hallway.

Darkness there and nothing more.

There was a knock on the front door. Slow and loud like the one on the bedroom door. Knock……knock……knock. “Probably the caretaker,” Dominic chuckled to himself. “Leaving Ryan and MaryJane’s dead bodies on the stoop.” Dominic went downstairs and opened the door. Three robed people stood outside the door, similar to the ones that were out back. They began approaching the front door with their hands leading the way. “I already know about Jesus,” Dominic said and slammed the door.

He turned around and saw three hooded figures enter the living room from the dining room. The front door flew open and the other three figures entered the house. “Well, this certainly didn’t end up on my list of ways I’ll probably die.”

The six figures surrounded Dominic and moved closer, boxing him in. The figures were silent then stopped when they were within a couple feet of him.

“It’s time to give your soul…” one of the figures said “give your soul to 107.3 FM—the city’s rock alternative!” the hoods were taken off and the radio guy was standing there along with the caretaker, Ryan, MaryJane, and two guys Dominic had never seen before.

“What? This is all a bit? For the radio?” Dominic asked.

“Yep. And you all passed with flying colors. We were streaming the whole thing. I have to admit that I’m shocked you weren’t as scared as Ryan and MaryJane.”

“He’s a emotional robot,” Ryan said.

“So what happens now?” Dominic asked. “There’s still three hours until nine.”

“You all get the money. This was just a fun little idea we had to drive people to our website,” the radio guy said.

“I just think it’s so cool that everyone but me was in on this,” Dominic said, a huge smile on his face. “My best friends, the radio guy who I trusted, the creepy caretaker. You two I’ve never seen before.”

“This is our producer, Milton Saunders, and our prize patrol head, Scott Geiger.”

Dominic pointed to Milton’s mustache. “Hey. Mustache,” he turned to MaryJane. “Mustache.”

“Told you I didn’t have a mustache,” MaryJane replied.




Everyone sat in the living room, eating breakfast ordered in. “So everything was accomplished with hidden speakers and random people hiding in dark corners?” Ryan asked.

“Yep,” the radio guy said.

“Somehow creepier than if there was a murderous ghost haunting this place,” Ryan said.

“Okay. So you explained how you did everything but how did you get the candle to light?” Dominic asked.

“Candle?” the radio guy was confused.

Ryan and MaryJane looked at each other.

“I looked all over that candle and couldn’t find any way to light it from a distance. How’d you do it?”

“Candle? We didn’t do anything to candles or lights. It was too expensive,” the radio guy said.

“Seriously?” Dominic got up. “Feets don’t fail me now.” Dominic took off out the door.

“What’s this about a candle?” the radio guy asked Ryan and MaryJane.

“He thinks there was a candle that lit itself,” MaryJane said.

“MaryJane lit it with her lighter while Dominic’s back was turned,” Ryan laughed. “So we just let him believe something supernatural lit it.”

The radio guy laughed. “Are you going to tell him?”

Ryan and MaryJane looked at each other again. “No,” they said in unison.

“He’s needs to be knocked down a couple of pegs anyway. He’s been absolutely terrible since that whole Ryan’s car was trying to kill him thing,” MaryJane said. ▩

Tauy Creek Digest #58: Obligatory Christmas Story

Dominic and Ryan drove to work together. In front of the Tank N Tummy was a storefront Santa smiling and waving and shouting "ho-ho-ho" to the people that entered the store. "I can't believe Harvey still rents out a Santa to stand in front of the store," Ryan said.

"It's still pretty profitable," Dominic explained. "It still gets him about $100 for charity."

"What charity did Harvey go with this year?"

"It's called SWITCH. It's supposed to help people in the transgender community get the surgeries they need to be who they are," Dominic said.

"Ah. So Harvey wants to buy a Nintendo Switch."

"Pretty much."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" the Santa greeted as Dominic and Ryan passed by.

"Ho-Ho-Ho, to you too, Santa. Have a Merry Christmas," Ryan flipped a couple of quarters into the bucket sitting next to the Santa.

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa repeated. The Santa then drew a gloved finger across his throat while staring directly into Ryan's eyes.

Ryan flinched and followed Dominic into the store. "Did you see that?" Ryan asked when the door was closed and the Santa was out of earshot.

"What?"

"He did this," Ryan demonstrated. "He threatened me."

"I'm surer you're just mistaken. He was probably going to wipe his nose and you mistook that or something."

Ryan turned to look at the Santa. He was staring menacingly at Ryan through the window.

MaryJane arrived and walked by the Santa. The Santa greeted MaryJane and she came into the store. "Sup, sluts," she said to them and went to get her daily 72 ounces of soda.

"Hey, MaryJane. How are you?" Dominic asked as she approached the counter.

"I'm great. The holiday season really puts me in a good mood," she said.

"Did that Santa act weird or anything when you went by?" Ryan asked.

"No, he smiled and said 'ho-ho-ho', I responded 'you got that right' and came in here. Why?"

"I think that Santa wants to kill me," Ryan said.

"I'll have to invite him to the monthly meeting," Dominic muttered.

"Kill you? Really? I'll be right back," MaryJane went back outside and went up to the Santa. They talked for a bit, even laughing at one point. The conversation ended with MaryJane flashing the Santa her breasts and the Santa boisterously cheering 'Ho! Ho! Ho!' MaryJane came back into the store. "He's not trying to kill you."

"How do you know?" Ryan asked.

"I asked him. 'Are you trying to kill my friend' and he said no. I then said 'I don't blame you if you wanted to' and we laughed. He then asked to see my boobs."

"And you just showed them to him?" Ryan asked.

"It's Christmas," MaryJane said.




Lauren came in to work at two in the afternoon. "It's your last day," Dominic said as she walked by the counter.

"Did that Santa say or do anything when you walked by?" Ryan asked.

"Yes, it is," she answered Dominic. "No, he didn't," she answered Ryan.

"I can't believe she's leaving," Dominic said.

"You knew this was coming. You know she was going to the college to become a teacher. That day's finally come," Ryan said.

"Yeah, but I didn't actually think it would, you know?" The Santa came into the store. Ryan tensed up. "I'm gonna go talk to her. I'll be right back."

"No, wait, don't leave..." Ryan pleaded but Dominic walked away.

"Harvey said I had free access to the drinks and snacks," the Santa said.

"Yeah, yeah. That's fine," Ryan was nervous. "What are you going to be doing for Christmas?" Ryan asked, trying to be friendly.

"I think I'll be spending Christmas Day slowly peeling the skin off your dead body with a vegetable peeler. Then, until New Years I'll be boiling your bones to make a stew," the Santa said.

"So you are trying to kill me?"

"If you have to ask, then you are already dead," the Santa growled. "Ho! Ho! Ho!" he exclaimed and went back outside the store.

"You can still apply for a job being a part of the support staff. We might not work together but we'd still be working together. You'd also get paid a bit more. You can even go back to college and become a teacher. I think you'd like it," Lauren said.

"I don't know if you know this because I hide it really well but I'm an idiot," Dominic laughed.

"No, you're not," Lauren said. "Think about it. If you decide to stay here, great, but keep in touch."




"You have to go home at some point," Dominic said. "The Santa went home three hours ago. I have to lock up. Let's go."

"I guess. I haven't seen him in hours so I guess he went home," Ryan nervously walked out of the store and Dominic locked the doors behind them. Dominic and Ryan drove home. Dominic dropped Ryan off at his apartment. "Hey, man, if I don't see you before, Merry Christmas."

"Thanks, Merry Christmas to you, too."

"Are you going to apply for a job at Lauren's school?"

"I don't think so but I'm still thinking about it. See you on the 26th."

Ryan headed toward his apartment. As he was fumbling for his keys someone stepped out from behind a bush. "Ho. Ho. Ho," the Santa growled.

EPILOGUE
Dominic arrived at the Tank N Tummy on December 26th. He went to unlock the door but found gum jammed in the locks. "Really? On Christmas?" he asked himself. He went around to the back and found gum in the back door locks too. He sighed and climbed up the ladder to the roof and opened the roof access and climbed down into the store. He unlocked the front door through the inside. He turned on the lights, started the coffee and tea, and unlocked the register. He threw the newspapers into a rack and got behind the counter before lowering his head and covering his face in his hands.

Tank N Tummy #20

Dominic and Aaron were behind the counter when MaryJane and Ned came into the store. “I am at work now. We can talk about this later,” he said.

“No, we need to talk about this now,” she replied. “It’s a very important decision and we need to discuss it.”

“I’m at work now. You need to go to work. We can talk about it later,” Ned said, again.

“I’m not leaving until we talk about this. I don’t want to spend the day mad at you or you mad at me.”

Ned glanced at Dominic and Aaron who quickly acted nonchalant like they weren’t paying attention. “Fine but let’s at least go into my office.”

“Fine,” MaryJane agreed and they went into the back office and closed the door.

“What do you think they are arguing about?” Aaron asked.

“Probably whose turn it is to take it up the butt,” Dominic replied.

The door opened again and Ryan came into the store. He was noticeably limped, almost dragging his foot. “Hey, guys,” he said.

“Hi, Ryan,” Dominic greeted. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Ryan got behind the counter, pulled the stool up and sat down. He let out a long sigh of relief.

“Is something wrong with your foot?” Aaron asked.

“Not at all. Well, it’s a cramp,” Ryan shrugged. “Maybe I slept on it wrong?”

“Slept on it wrong? Do you sleep curled up like a cat?” Dominic laughed.

“My foot’s asleep,” Ryan shrugged again.

Aaron bent down and poked Ryan’s ankle. Ryan screamed in pain. “Yep, that what happens when my foot falls asleep too.”




Lauren loved the weight of her boyfriend, Bryce, on top of her as they had sex. She held onto him tightly as he finished and pressed more of his weight down on her. He rolled off of her and sighed happily. She rolled over and took him in her mouth, tasting themselves mixing together. He shuddered and began moaning. She then stopped, cuddled up next to him and they kissed. “Thank you,” she said. “Waking up to that was quite a surprise. Shouldn’t you be getting ready for work?”

“That’s kind of why I slept over last night. I took today off so I could spend the entire day with you on your day off,” Bryce said.

“You want to run errands with me?” she asked, laughing.

“We can do those things but I have other things planned. Breakfast, a museum visit, a hike at the lake, a nice lunch, and I plan on making dinner for you tonight,” Bryce revealed and kissed Lauren. “Which, we should really get ready. I want to get you some breakfast and then we can do one of your errands.”

“Oh, boy. You’re gonna love being at the DMV with me,” Lauren placed her hand on his cheek.

“Seriously?”

“My license expires in two weeks and this is my only weekday off for three weeks. Don’t worry. There’s plenty of time to do everything. Let’s get going.”




“You need to see a doctor. Your ankle is clearly broken,” Dominic said. “How did it happen?”

“Nothing happened. I slept on it wrong. It’s a cramp,” Ryan restated. “Maybe I pushed a baby carriage out of the way of an out-of-control bus.”

“No,” Dominic responded.

“Maybe my apartment caught on fire and I had to jump out of the window.”

“Not that either,” Aaron said.

“Then I slept on it wrong.”

“Look, it doesn’t matter how it happened but you need to see a doctor. Your foot is starting to swell and I can see it turning purple,” Dominic pointed at Ryan’s foot.

“It’s fine. Now, I’m going to go get a drink. Does anyone want anything?”

“No, we’re good.”

Ryan slowly got off the stool and put pressure on his foot as he stood. “AAAAAAAAAAHH! UUUHHHNNNNFFFF!” he shrieked. He began hobbling off toward the fountain drinks, moaning and grunting with each step.

“Such a man,” Aaron said. “A dumb, dumb man.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to move in with you,” MaryJane said as she and Ned were still in his office. “I just like my independence and space and moving into your place doesn’t offer that.”

“Then we can find a new place. Together,” Ned said.

“What happens when we break up. Then neither of us have a place to go unlike if we just keep our own places and I just dip my toe into moving in with you.”

“When we break up. So you think we’re going to break up?”

“That’s not what I meant,” MaryJane sighed. “This is my first long-term relationship. I mean, there’s no way this was going to last forever, right?” she chuckled, hoping to lighten the mood.

Ned was quiet. He fumbled a pen around in his hand. “I guess not since you have been sabotaging it from the very beginning.”

“What? No I haven’t.”

“You went in thinking it wasn’t going to last. That’s sabotaging it. You convinced yourself that it wasn’t going to last so when it does seem like it could you come up with a reason to end it. Why?”

“I don’t want to end it. I just don’t want to move in with you.”

“Then say that. I asked you and you agreed but then said you wanted to keep your apartment.”

MaryJane was silent this time, scratching a fingernail across the arms of the chair she was sitting in. “Then what do we do?” she asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe we should take a break,” Ned said.

“Okay, Ross. This is us arguing over moving in together. What happens when I tell you that I don’t want to get married or have children or that I’m saving up money to travel around the world for two years?”

“That sounds amazing,” Ned complemented. “You don’t want to get married? I understand the kid thing but marriage?”

“Why do we need the government or church involved in humanity’s love?” MaryJane smirked at Ned. “Having a ring on my finger or a different last name or someone to come home to doesn’t change how I feel about a person, the way I am, or the sex so what’s the point?”

“Yeah, what is the point?” Ned asked.

“See? I told you my foot was fine,” Ryan said, returning to the counter.

“But you winced in pain the whole time. You even had to stop to rest,” Dominic said. “Leave. Go see a doctor. I’ll go with you. Ned can come out here and help Aaron.”

“I’m not going to see a doctor.”

“Why not?” Aaron asked. “Are you afraid of the doctor?”

“Yes. A few years ago, a doctor told me that my father was going to be just fine. Nothing would go wrong. That doctor lied and my father died. If I go to a doctor I’m afraid that I won’t come back out.”

“Your dad’s not dead,” Dominic exclaimed. “Both he and your mom are still alive. They sent me a Christmas card last year. I saw them at the movies last month.”

“I just don’t like the doctor. Mainly because I can’t afford it.”

“We’re going to the doctor,” Dominic said. “Aaron, let Ned know. We’ll be back as soon as we can.”




Lauren and Bryce held hands as they stared at a painting at the art museum. As they looked, Lauren tilted her head and rested it on Bryce’s shoulder. “Thanks for coming to the DMV with me,” she said. “It made the wait a little less boring.”

“I still don’t understand how they were using numbers but our place in line was ‘R’. Where does R fall on the number line?” Bryce asked.

Lauren chuckled. “It doesn’t matter. We made it through.”

“I’m so glad we had this day together,” Bryce said. “We should probably move away from this painting. We’ve been staring at it for awhile.”

It was a painting of woman and her baby. Most people assumed it was supposed to be Mary and Jesus but it was really the wife and son of the artist. “Even though it’s the artist’s wife and son, he used religious iconography which is why everyone thinks it’s Mary and Jesus,” Lauren explained.

“I didn’t know you knew so much about this painting,” Bryce said.

“It’s on the placard,” she pointed out.

“Oh,” Bryce chuckled. “If he painted this, purposely making his wife and son seem like Mary and Jesus, then does that mean the artist considers himself God?”

“Seems like it,” Lauren nodded.

“Come on, let’s keep wandering,” Bryce began walking to the next painting, guiding Lauren with him. “We need to work off breakfast and lunch so we’ll be ready to eat the dinner I’m making for us.”




“So, we’re done?” MaryJane asked, holding back tears.

“I think so. I think we came to that agreement,” Ned tapped on his desk.

“But it was fun, right?”

“It was. I have no regrets,” Ned said. “Well, maybe one. Getting too involved in this.”

“We should’ve hammered out the details before we hooked up. I’m a lawyer, I should’ve known better,” MaryJane shook her head and stood up. “I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah. I’ll still be here.”

“I’ll still be buying my 60 ounce soda here,” MaryJane confirmed.

“Glad we won’t lose your business,” Ned laughed.

They left the office and Ned escorted her across the store and out the door. “See you, Ned.”

“See you, MaryJane,” Ned waved.

“Did you two break up?” Aaron asked.

“Yeah. Where’s Dominic and Ryan?”

“Hospital.”

“Oh my God. What happened?”

“Ryan has a broken foot and he insisted on continuing to walk and stand on it and try to prove it wasn’t broken so we finally convinced him to go to a doctor.”

“Ouch. Well, sorry, I was tied up with MaryJane instead of helping you when they left.”

“It’s only been half an hour. I’m good,” Aaron said.

Ned got behind the counter with Aaron and sat down on the stool. “Broken foot?”

“Yeah. He even walked from here to the fountains and back. He was in extreme pain the entire time. It took him nearly ten minutes. He had to rest. It was hilarious.”

Ned laughed. “I wish I had seen that. That does sound hilarious.”

Tank N Tummy #19

Dominic and Lauren were behind the counter reading a magazine together. It had been slow this morning so they were really enjoying their time together talking bad about celebrities but also being jealous of them. The bell over the door rang and the two of them looked up. Ryan stood in the doorway. “Ryan, put a mask on,” Lauren said.

“Where were you this morning? Alice said you came in, said you had an emergency, then left,” Dominic said.

“I have a message,” Ryan started, sadly, looking like he was building up the courage to talk. “I found Mama Kitty, behind the dumpster when I got to work this morning. She wasn’t moving, was barely breathing. I rushed her to an emergency vet. The doctor did everything he could…Mama Kitty didn’t survive.”

Ryan then rushed off to the restroom. Dominic wiped a tear from his eye but another one, from the other eye, fell. Lauren looked back and forth between the restroom and Dominic. “What?” she asked.




“We are gathered here,” Dominic began as he, Ryan, Aaron, MaryJane, Lauren, and Ned stood around a storm sewer just off of the Tank N Tummy’s property on the busy street to the west “to remember a little cat who brought a lot of goodness into our lives.”

“Do I have to be here?” Lauren asked. “Not to be disrespectful but I didn’t know Mama Cat.”

“Mama Kitty,” Ryan corrected.

“Yeah, I didn’t know her either. Also, we’re closing the store for this. Lauren and I could just…”

“Mama Kitty deserves this,” MaryJane shouted. “She was an angel among devils. So innocent. So pure. Show some damn respect.”

“I remember when I first met Mama Kitty. She was just a tiny little thing. We didn’t know at the time that she was pregnant with little kittens. It would be the first of many little sewer cats…” Ryan began.

Lauren interrupted. “Sewer cats?”

“Mama Kitty and her kittens all lived in this storm sewer. She had, what? Three litters of kittens?” Ryan asked.

“I think so. A few stuck around but most moved on,” Dominic answered.

“Moved on to sewers of their own,” Aaron sobbed.

“I’m gonna go back inside,” Lauren hooked her thumb behind her.

“I’ll join you,” Ned said.

“No respect,” Dominic, Ryan, MaryJane and Aaron all said, shaking their head in disappointment.

Lauren and Ned paused, looked at each other, and turned around to rejoin the group.

“Let’s all go around and share our favorite memory of Mama Kitty,” Ryan said. “I already talked about when I first met her but her most powerful moment was when she held her own against the trash possum.”

“We have trash possums?” Ned asked.

“It’s fine,” Dominic waved him off.

“I was taking out the trash. It was after two in the morning and when I went outside I heard hissing. I turned and looked and saw Mama Kitty on one end of the dumpster and the trash possum on the other just hissing at each other. It was quite the sight to see. After about five minutes of hissing, the possum skittered off and Mama Kitty gladly had the dumpster to herself.”

“So brave.”

“So strong.”

“I see myself in Mama Kitty,” MaryJane said. “Along with every other female on this planet.”

“There are cars at the pump,” Lauren said.

“They can still pay at the pump,” Ryan remarked.

“Remember when Melissa broke up with me?” Dominic asked.

“How can we forget? You talk about it at least once a week,” Aaron replied.

“Well, shortly after it happened, I was in a really bad place so I went out to the dumpster to think like I usually do,” Dominic began.

“You go out to the dumpster to think?” Ned asked.

“I was sitting there, sulking, when Mama Kitty came up to me and she was just a-purring. I began talking to her about Melissa and what had happened. Every so often she would meow at me—you know, she had a little chirpy beep as a meow—like she was giving advice. She made me realize that I’d fall in love again, find someone to be with, and, most importantly, have sex with again. The three hours I spent talking to Mama Kitty at the dumpster really helped me get over Melissa.”

“You spent three hours sitting with an alley cat at the dumpster?” Ned asked. “Three work hours?”

“But you’re not over Melissa,” MaryJane said.

“But that’s not Mama Kitty’s fault. She probably did her best,” Ryan explained.

“Mama Kitty was a little slut,” MaryJane chuckled. “And I mean that in a good way. I always look up to women who don’t mind using their body and pleasuring themselves.
Every time I’d see her in the back and her little heinie up in the air and a male cat coming toward her, I’d smile and give a little nod. You go, girl.”

Everyone was silent for a couple of seconds before Ned spoke. “Lauren and I are going to go in. There is a person about to try to break one of our windows with a brick. Come on, Lauren.”

“Mama Kitty saved my life!” Aaron suddenly exclaimed.

Ned sighed. “I guess that window will hold for a couple more minutes,” he said, looking the crowd in front of the store.

“Shortly after I was hired here, my last grandparent and father died very close together,” Aaron began. “You might remember that I worked a lot, like, twelve to sixteen hour days. Mama Kitty was always there for me. I would buy her cat food from the pet store and sit out by the dumpster with her as she ate and talked about my father and grandparents. I don’t know if she was actually listening but she’d be there as I talked. She really helped me cope with losing those close to me.”

“Aw, that’s sweet,” MaryJane cooed.

“Mama Kitty was very special,” Ryan cried.

“Does everybody spend an inordinate amount of time by the dumpster?” Ned asked.

“Don’t knock it til you try it,” Dominic said.




“I got Mama Kitty back from the pet crematory,” Ryan said, about a week later, walking into the store. “I figure we could put her on top of the cigarette cabinet behind the counter.”

“That is truly a place of honor,” Dominic said.

“You can’t put an urn of cat ashes behind the counter,” Ned said.

“Why? Because of some sort of stupid health code?” Ryan mocked.

“Yes.”

“Well, we have to keep it here at the store. Mama Kitty was an important part of our lives at the store,” Ryan lovingly pet the urn.

“Since all of you and her spent most of your time together out back by the dumpster then maybe you could set the urn out there,” Ned chuckled.

No one else reacted.

Ned sighed and rolled his eyes. “I guess you can put her on a shelf in my office,” he offered.

Ryan and Dominic quickly ran in there, knocked a couple picture frames and a trophy off of a shelf and sat Mama Kitty’s urn carefully on the shelf. “It really ties the place together,” Ryan said. He and Dominic continued looking at the urn. A single tear rolled down Ryan’s face.

Tank N Tummy #18

Harvey came into the store carrying a box. He saw Lauren standing at the counter. “Where are Idiot and Moron?” he asked.

“They’re in the office with Ned and New Guy,” Lauren answered.

“Good. You’re all here. Come with me. I have task for you.”

“We aren’t going to try to smuggle something over the border again are we?” Lauren asked.

“Hey. This country was built by immigrants,” Harvey said.

“I agree but I just don’t think they should be brought here in a windowless truck through a hundred degree desert,” Lauren said. “I still have nightmares.”

“Idiot should’ve drove faster,” Harvey and Lauren went into the office. “Idiot, Moron, New Guy, my entrepreneur brother-in-law is looking at kid’s games to import. He wants me to help him test one out and since you three are the closest to children that I know, you will do it.”

“What do we have to do?” Dominic asked.

“Play with this all day and let me know what you think,” Harvey handed Dominic a small burlap toy. It was heavy and the cheap burlap made Dominic’s hand itchy.

“What is it?” Aaron asked.

“Wacky Sack,” Dominic read. “From the makers of Joey Shank and Bag O’Glass.”

“You squeeze it and it starts counting down. After a while, it goes off and whoever is holding it is the loser. Well, more of a loser,” Harvey explained.

“So it’s like a hot potato,” Ryan said.

Dominic squeezed it and the Wacky Sack started ticking and making a strange “Guh” sound. “Why does it make the same noise as Ryan during sex?”

“Ha ha. Here. Toss it,” Ryan held out his hands. Dominic threw the Wacky Sack and Ryan caught it. Ryan immediately threw it to Aaron who threw it back. Ryan then threw it back to Dominic. The three of them kept passing it to each other until it began whooping and vibrating in Aaron’s hand. For some reason it made him laugh which made the other two laugh.

“Aaron’s out,” Dominic said. “Let’s go into the store so we have more room to throw.”

“You know you are still at work,” Ned said as the three of them left the office with the Wacky Sack.

“Ned. How are the raises coming?”

“End of the day. Promise.”

“It better be done,” Harvey wagged his finger and left the office.

“Raises?” Lauren asked.

“Harvey wants me to figure out who gets a raise but he has very specific considerations,” Ned pulled a piece of paper out of his desk drawer. “See? Everyone gets a raise except Alice because she will happily work no matter what. Everyone else is graded on how much Harvey likes them, their work performance, and sales they bring in.”

“Sales? He’s seriously using customer traffic to figure out our worth?”

“He believes there should be a steady stream of people in this store all day every day. If no one is coming in at three in the morning then you need to figure out what you are doing wrong,” Ned said.

“The way that some companies treat employees should be a crime,” Lauren said. Suddenly, the Wacky Sack flew into the office and landed on Ned’s desk, knocking over his coffee. It was still making its “Guh” sound. Ryan ran in, laughing like an idiot to retrieve the Wacky Sack. As he was leaving the office, the Wacky Sack began whooping and vibrating causing Ryan to laugh harder. Lauren looked at Ned. “Although sometimes I get it.”




Ned and Lauren were still in the office working on raises and they could still hear the “Guh!” of the Wacky Sack being thrown around the store. “Can you believe they got customers to play with them?” Ned asked.

“Really?” Lauren was astonished. “How do they stay employed here?”

“I think Harvey likes them,” Ned said.

“Likes them? He doesn’t even know their names. He always calls them ‘Idiot’, ‘Moron’, and ‘New Guy’. Aaron’s been here for a year. We were hired after him,” Lauren pointed out.

“I think those are terms of endearment,” Ned shrugged.

“But their employee files are under Idiot, Moron, and New Guy,” Lauren held up the files that were on the desk.

“I still think they are terms of endearment,” Ned commented.

“Speaking of terms of endearment, how are things with MaryJane?” Lauren asked.

Ned and MaryJane’s relationship had entered its second month which was almost two months longer than anyone expected. “It’s fine,” Ned bobbed his head. “I think the honeymoon period is over. She’s thumbing through her Tinder and Grindr again.”

“MaryJane has a Grindr?” Lauren asked. “I haven’t known MaryJane for long but she never struck me as the relationship type. Even Dominic and Ryan were baffled by your relationship.”

“Gee, thanks. That’s great to hear,” Ned said, sarcastically. “No, I get it. Everyone told me and even MaryJane warned me. I figure that I might as well just enjoy what’s happening and just play it out. I do like MaryJane so it’s not like I’m unhappy.”

“Well, that’s good. I…”

A loud crash occurred in the store. Ned and Lauren jumped up and ran out of the office. Shelves had been knocked over after a customer jumped to catch the Wacky Sack. Dominic and Ryan helped the man up. “Are you okay?” Dominic asked.

“Yeah, I’m good. That was awesome,” the man exclaimed. “Sorry about your aisle.”

“No problem,” Ryan waved it off. The Wacky Sack then went off and everyone playing--Dominic, Ryan, and Aaron, and four customers--laughed hysterically. “Alright, next game.”

“Wait. You can’t play that in here anymore. It’s distracting and now it’s causing things to break,” Ned said. “You can’t play with the Wacky Sack in the store anymore.”

“Okay. That seems fair. Let’s go up on the roof,” Dominic suggested.

Everyone agreed ecstatically.

“Really?” Ned raised his arms in defeat.




Dominic, Ryan, Aaron, and about six customers, now, were on the roof of the Tank N Tummy. Everyone took a position on the roof. “Okay, keep the Wacky Sack away from the sides of the roof, nothing fancy that will cause someone to fall over the edge, if you’re out stay by the air conditioning unit,” Dominic threw out some rules. He squeezed the Wacky Sack and it started to “Guh!” “Let’s go,” he said and tossed the Wacky Sack to one of the customers.

The Wacky Sack was passed around the roof from person to person. They were all yelling and shouting at each other as they tried to distract each other and get the Wacky Sack to another person before it went off. When it did, one of the customers was holding it. He passed the Wacky Sack to Aaron and went to the A/C unit. The game started back up again.

This time Aaron lost and joined the customer at the A/C unit. Another customer got out and joined them. Another game started up. “Hey, what the hell is going on?” someone called from the ladder.

“We’re playing with a Wacky Sack,” Ryan called from the game.

“It’s like a hot potato,” Aaron filled in.

“Well, can someone come down here? I wanna get some cigarettes,” the guy yelled.

“Lauren’s down there,” Dominic said.

“I don’t know who that is. All I know is that I want some cigarettes and no one is at the register.”

“Give us a minute and we’ll be down,” Dominic said.

“Screw that. Come down now and pick up your stupid game later.”

“Give us a minute,” Dominic demanded and caught the Wacky Sack. Before he could throw it, it went off.

“You suck.”

“It’s not a talent game, it’s a game of chance. It all depends on luck,” Dominic said.

“You weren’t fast enough. You suck,” the man pointed angrily.

“Come up here and say that. We’ll see who sucks,” Dominic said.

“You’re on!” the man climbed up the rest of the ladder and got on the roof.

“One-on-one. Whoever is holding the Wacky Sack when it goes off is the loser,” Dominic explained.

“We all know how to play,” the man angrily responded.

Dominic squeezed the Wacky Sack and tossed it to the man. They passed it back and forth, throwing it high, low, fast, slow, just off center. After a while, the man caught the Wacky Sack and then threw it as hard as he could into the backyard of a house in the neighborhood behind the gas station.

“Aw, crap. That’s old man McGuirk’s yard,” Aaron said.

“We’re not getting that Wacky Sack back,” Ryan sighed.




Harvey walked into the store. “Idiot. Moron,” he looked around and saw Aaron at the back freezers. “New Guy. How did you like Wacky Sack?”

“We all really enjoyed it. Sadly, we lost it. Someone threw it in a fit of rage and we couldn’t get it back.”

“No problem. My brother-in-law isn’t going to import the Wacky Sacks. Apparently the burlap causes third degree burns if held too long and many of the Wacky Sacks have tick eggs inside them.”

“Third degree burns? So it’s literally like a hot potato?” Aaron laughed.

Harvey laughed as well. “Ha, ha! You’re funny,” Harvey walked past Dominic, Ryan, and Aaron and went into the office where Ned and Lauren were still working. “You have the raises all figured out?”

“Yeah. We just got done.”

“Excellent,” Harvey glanced over the list. “You didn’t put yourself on here. You don’t want raise. Way to sacrifice,” Harvey turned and left.

“No, I want a...Oh, farts. Oh, well. Thanks for helping me today.”

“No problem, Ned. I should go help the guys with what my actual job is.”

“Yeah, I have a couple other things to do and then I’m going to head out. Thanks again.”

“You’re welcome,” Lauren went out into the store and went behind the counter. “What the…? That shelf is still knocked over?”

“Yeah. We saved it for you,” Ryan said.

“Me? You guys knocked it over,” Lauren argued.

“Technically it was knocked over by a customer and we clean up the mess customers make,” Aaron said.

“And since you’ve been, well, not doing your job all day today, we thought this could be the one thing that you do today,” said Dominic.

“Yeah, I gave you three too big of raises,” Lauren muttered to herself.

Tank N Tummy #17

Ryan opened up his sandwich and took a bite. While he was chewing, a customer came into the store. Ryan covered his mouth and greeted him. “Good afternoon.”

The customer grabbed a sandwich out of the refrigerators and got a drink. He then walked up to the counter. Ryan slid his sandwich over by the register. “That looks good,” the customer said.

“My sandwich? It is good. Turkey and pastrami with Colby Jack cheese, Miracle Whip, and a pickle slice.”

“Mm, that does sound good. How much do you want for it?” the customer asked.

“What?”

“How much do you want?”

“You want to buy my sandwich?”

“I’m paying $3.50 for this. I’ll give you $3 for yours since there’s a bite taken out of it.”

“Am I being pranked? Is this a bit?”

“Fine. $3.50.”

“I don’t care if I am on one of your stupid hidden camera shows. I’m still not watching it.”

“$4. $4 for a sandwich you can remake easily at home and have taken a bite out of.”

“Did Dominic send you in here?”

“$4.25!”

“This is my lunch. This and some potato salad.”

“$5!” the customer exclaimed. “Wait. What kind of potato salad?”

“My mom makes it. It’s an old family recipe we got from a housekeeper my family had back in the 1800s.”

“I’m going back down to $4.25.”

“I’m not giving you my lunch.”

“Your loss.”

“How is it my…? Never mind. $4.57.”

The customer handed Ryan five dollars. “You just made a huge mistake, mi friendo.”

“Par for the course then. Have a good rest of your day.”

The customer left the store with his store-bought chicken salad sandwich and drink. Ryan leaned back over the counter, slid his sandwich over to him and took another bite.




“My parents assumed I’d say yes because Jason and I had been together so long. Three years,” Ethel said. She had stayed at Dominic’s apartment but they slept separately.

“So you turned down his proposal and broke up with him,” Dominic began. “Cold-blooded.”

“It’s not my proudest moment. I still need to confront my parents as well. They wanted me to get married to Jason, start having babies, probably quit my job and just stay home with the kids like some weird 2019 June Cleaver.”

“They wanted me to contract a fatal disease.”

“Yes. They did not like you.”

“I have an idea,” Dominic beamed. “We should have sex and tell your parents that you’re pregnant with my baby.”

“That’s a terrible idea,” Ethel shook her head.

“I didn’t say it was a good idea. I said it was was an idea.”

“Besides, I’m not going to have sex with you 36 hours after I break up with my boyfriend of three years,” Ethel explained. “I need to have a mourning period.”

“Yeah, yeah. I get that,” Dominic nodded. “So, what? 48? 52 hours?”

Ethel laughed. “I’ll let you know.”




“All right. Per your suggestion, Lauren, we now have a small selection of Japanese snacks,” Ned said as he, Lauren, and Aaron stood by a small endcap display.

“Cheese drink?” Aaron asked. He picked up a bottle of a bright yellow, almost orange, liquid. “It’s tea?” he exclaimed. He put the bottle back down and saw something else. “What’s an Anus Bar?”

“It’s the future. Get used to it,” Lauren said.

Aaron looked at Lauren.

A kid came into the store wearing a red shirt and yellow shorts. He immediately ran over to the display of Japanese snacks. “Oh, boy. Action Bastard Bastard Meat,” he turned to Aaron and Lauren. He posed like a superhero holding the tube of sausage in the air. “Put your mouth on some sausage!”

The kid took the sausage to the counter. “Is that all?” Lauren asked.

“Yeah. I’m trying to get my very own Action Bastard Bastard Belt. I need to send in ten Action Bastard foil stickers from this sausage.”

“Is the sausage any good?”

“It’s smells like sweaty ass, tastes like someone puked on a pile of shit, and the green peppers are like boogers scraped off a wall,” the kid explained. “But I’d do anything for that Action Bastard Bastard Belt.”

Lauren gave the kid his change and he bounded off out the door.

“Bastard sausage?” Aaron picked up a tube. “What the hell is going on in Japan?”




“So she’s telling her parents right now that she’s choosing you?” Ryan asked.

“Yep. Breaking the bad news to them,” Dominic smiled. “I’m going over to their house at five to pick Ethel up for a date.”

“Dominic, I’m happy for you. I know how much Ethel meant to you and that you’ve always been...chasing Ethel, as it were but I hope you know that it’s not going to be the same as before,” Ryan began. “You’re both older, more experienced, and have grown since you were 18.”

“I know it won’t be the same. I’m not throwing everything in my life away though. She is. She’s going to be much more hurt if this doesn’t work out.”

“I guess I should be glad that you thought this through.”

“That’s the thing. Ethel initiated this and she would never do something like this unless she thought it through,” Dominic explained. “It’s fine. No one is going to get hurt."




Two girls came into the store. “Do you still have Mama’s list?” the one in a white cat hoodie and yellow bow asked.

The other girl, also in a white cat hoodie but with a red bow, took a piece of paper out of her pocket. “Right here,” she giggled. “Do you still have the money?”

The girl took some money out of her pocket and giggled. “Mama’s going to be so proud of us when…” she gasped and ran to the display of Japanese snacks. “It’s my favorite candy. Do you think we can get some?”

“We should stick to the list that Mama gave us, Mimmy,” red bow girl said.

“Aw, Kitty.”

“Can I help you girls with something?” Lauren asked.

“We’re buying a couple things for Mama,” Kitty said. “She forgot to get them at the store.”

“Well, what are you looking for?”

“We have a list!” Mimmy exclaimed. She then nudged her sister. “Kitty, show her the list.”

Kitty handed the list to Lauren. The read: cream, Hot Tamales, potato chips. “I think we can help you find these items.” Lauren helped Kitty and Mimmy find the cream, Hot Tamales candies, and potato chips and brought them up to the counter. “That’ll be $8.77,” Lauren said.

Mimmy handed Lauren a ten. They got their change and left the store giggling. They stopped at the door, turned and waved. “Thank you,” they said in unison and continued giggling.

“You’re welcome,” Lauren smiled.




Dominic pulled up in front of Ethel’s parent’s house. She was waiting out front and stood when he got out of the car. He had a bouquet of flowers and was dressed better than he normally dressed.

“Are you ready? Why are you out here? Did you get in a fight with with your mom and dad?”

“No. I wanted to talk to you,” Ethel began. “When I got here, Jason was here. He flew out here. He re-proposed to me and we talked for a bit and he explained how much he loves me but just wants me to be happy and I realized how happy I was...am.”

“Okay...so…”

“Then we made love…”

“Why are you telling me that?”

“...And I know it’s not something you want to hear but Jason and I are back together. I’m sorry that I put you through this. I should’ve just been happy with what I had. I know that now. I’m sorry, Dominic,” Ethel gently kissed his cheek.

“What? Nah. I’m cool. Here,” he thrusted the flowers into Ethel’s chest. “You can keep these. What else am I going to do with the sexual organs of plants?”

“Thank you. Again, I’m so sorry, Dominic,” Ethel was starting to cry.

“It’s fine. Forget it. No problem.”




Lauren and Aaron stood behind the counter. She was reading a book while he was reading a magazine. The bell from the door rang and pink-haired girl stepped in. “Prepare for trouble,” she said.

Aaron and Lauren looked up.

“Make it double,” a purple-haired boy came in the other door. They looked like twins.

“What the hell?” Aaron asked.

“To protect the world from devastation,” the girl continued.

“To unite all peoples within our nation.”

“To denounce the evils of truth and love.”

“To extend our reach to the stars above.”

“Do they do this every time they enter a building?” Lauren asked.

“Jessie!”

“James!”

“Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light.”

“Surrender now or prepare to fight.”

A gray and brown cat ran into the store, meowing.

“I’m gonna tell Ned to get rid of the Japanese snacks,” Aaron said. “I’ll kick Jessie and James out of here, you grab the cat.”

Tank N Tummy #16

“You should start working out,” a customer said as Dominic handed back change. “You’d bulk up quick.”

“Yeah? And what would I do after I get swol?”

“You’d feel and look better. More manly. Also, women like a man who can protect them.”

“I can do that without muscles. Very few will attack someone who has soiled their pants.” The customer took the change and gave Dominic a dirty look before heading out of the store. “This job would be great if it weren’t for the customers,” Dominic sighed.

Ryan walked into the Tank N Tummy. “Sorry I’m late, I wasn’t in my own bed and I wanted a quickie before I left.”

Dominic looked at his watch. “Must not have been very quick.” He took a drink of his pop and went back to reading his magazine. Ryan sat down on the other stool behind the counter and began going through his phone.

“Hey, have you seen this?” Ryan leaned forward and showed Dominic his phone.

“Ethel Wysocki is getting married?” Dominic slowly stood and took Ryan’s phone.

“Apparently.”

“She was my first girlfriend,” Dominic said. “My first everything really.”

“Yeah, I know,” Ryan reached for his phone but Dominic pulled away.

“We made a pact that if we were 30 and single, we’d get back together,” Dominic said. “So close.”

“You seem disappointed,” Ryan reached for his phone again but Dominic got up and walked away.

“I was starting to look forward to getting back with her.”

“What would the odds be that you two would be single when you both turned 30?” Ryan followed Dominic around the store as he continued to look at the engagement announcement.

“I don’t know. It was just kind of fun to think about,” he stopped walking and smiled. “I knew it probably wouldn’t happen.”

“You should send her a congratulations or something. I’m sure her parents will you her address in California.”

“Her parents don’t like me.”

“Why not?”

“Because I deflowered and debased their daughter. Although, to be fair, a lot of what we did was her idea.”

Someone came into the store. “Do you guys sell popcorn?” he seemed panicked and in a rush.

“Yeah, this aisle,” Dominic pointed to the next aisle over from where he and Ryan were standing.

“Maybe MaryJane has her address,” Ryan said.

“Maybe…”

“This is microwavable popcorn--unpopped,” the customer said. “I want popped popcorn--the caramel, cheese, and cinnamon kind.”

“Like what they sell at the mall?” Dominic questioned, giving Ryan his phone back.

“Yeah.”

“I don’t know if you noticed but this is a gas station,” Dominic went over to the aisle the customer was in.

“So you don’t have the caramel, cheese, and cinnamon popcorn?”

“No.”

“What do you recommend?”

“Well, I guess you could buy the microwave popcorn, mix in some cheese balls and melt a Caramello bar and Hot Tamale candies to pour over it.”




Ryan was stocking the candy and softly singing to himself. “Bimbo, Bimbo, what you gonna do e oh. Bimbo, Bimbo, what you gonna do e oh. Bimbo, Bimbo, does your mommy know, that you’re going down the road to see a little girly-o.”

Ryan kept softly singing as Dominic watched. “What are you singing?”

“Bimbo. It’s an old song,” Ryan said. “He’ll clap his hands and sing and dance and talk his baby talk.”

“Sounds racist.”

“It’s not racist,” Ryan defended.

“His friends are making him perform for them? I don’t know. That sounds pretty racist.”

“My mom used to sing this to me at bedtime. He’s just a little boy. They even mention his eye color. Bimbo’s got two big blue eyes that light up like a star. And the way to light them up is to buy him candy bars.”

Dominic sneered. “I don’t know. I feel like it’s still supposed to be racist but the songwriters caught themselves and changed it. Wasn’t there a black kid named Bimbo like back in the twenties or something?”

“Are you thinking about Sambo from the kid’s book Little Black Sambo?”

“Maybe…” Dominic thought. “Still sounds racist.”

“The song is about a neighborhood boy that everybody loves just hanging out with his friends, having fun, and eating candy and chewing gum. Besides the part where his friends make him sing and dance for their enjoyment, what else seems racist about it?”

“Just that one thing but that’s enough.”

Dominic and Ryan went behind the counter. “You never catch him sitting still, he’s just the roving kind. Okay, I kind of hear it now.”

“Told you. It is a catchy tune though.”




“Hey, Chief,” Ryan said as the large Native American silently came into the store. “Are you still coming over when you’re done here, Dominic?”

“Yeah, I’ll grab me some dinner and be over and we’ll show those Canadian twelve-year-olds what-for.”

Ryan chuckled. “Okay. See you in an hour or so.”

Dominic continued wiping down the beverage area. The bell over the door rang again as someone came in. “Dominic?” a girl asked.

Dominic looked up and his eyes went wide. “Ethel?”

“Do you want to grab dinner or something?” she asked.

“Sure. I have about another hour here,” Dominic answered.

“Okay. I’ll be at Pizza-A-Go-Go. I’ll see you in about an hour.”

“Okay,” Dominic had a dumb smile on his face as Ethel left the store.