Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Lay the Smackdown, Brutus


How in the hell did Herman become today's featured comic? Herman is almost as bad as The Born Loser only with worse art. Sorry Jim Unger but if Chip ever stops with TBL, you're next!


Gladys needs a firm talking to after this strip. While I admit that Brutus is probably overdue for a raise, he is pretty constrained by company policy. You know, Gladys, women can work in this century so you can go out and get a job if you want some extra money.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Well, They Are!


I love Secret Asian Man and his huge eyebrows. They should compromise and get one of those big packs of Tic Tacs. And what is the obsession with using Tic Tacs as more than just breath mints?


Is Gladys reading that little fact in the newspaper? That seems like an odd article to have in a newspaper. Maybe she's reading USA Today with all it's cool color charts.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Tall Jokes Are Funny, But They Hurt


I'd do the same thing in Veeblefester's shoes. I hate tall jokes because they are so cliche and stupid and not funny. I'm six-three so I've heard a few tall jokes in my day. The other reason I would beat Brutus to a bloody pulp is that Brutus is only about three to five inches shorter than Veeblefester. At least in this strip. I know I've seen panels where Veeblefester literally towers over Brutus but today's strip obviously was drawn to scale.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Two Days--One Weekend


So our Big Nate storyline comes to an end. Nate won and got "Bethany" back into his local paper which honestly would probably not happen no matter how many people complained.


I think Charlie Brown's baseball team should play Wilberforce's baseball team. Maybe Charlie's team would actually win one. I know I'd be cheering in the stands. And Marcie and Peppermint Patty would be so proud of Chuck that they would...well, you know where I'm going with this.


Oh your God!! This is a color Sunday comic and just look at how much color there is. Dark brown, two shades of lighter brown and a small dot of blue. Chip, why even take time to send this comic to the colorist? The guy at the print shop was probably so mad. "You just made The List, Chip Sansom!" he screamed as he saw he had to color roughly one panel. Also, this would never happen in the corporate world. Employees would happily like their boss to leave early so they could goof off the rest of the day. Besides, Veeblefester would have an assistant or something to watch the staff.

Unless Brutus is Veeblefester's right-hand man which if so, is just bad business.

Friday, April 25, 2008

I Wonder If Her Chair Buckles Too


It's a father's worst nightmare. Coming in and noticing his son surfing the Internet on the computer and finding out he's reading soap opera comic strips. I don't know what I would do if I found my son reading soap opera comic strips. I guess I would feel like a failure of a father. Just Say 'No' to Apartment 3-G.


Marmaduke has apparently never experienced remote control batteries dying and is full of sorrow.


Oh look, another fat joke. This strip rehashes the same joke a lot. I've never noticed that before. Why would you want your wife or any significant other to wear high heels when they are roughly a foot taller than you. Yes, I find tall girls kind of attractive but give me a girl who's a foot shorter any day. Why would a woman of Gladys' size even wear high heels in the first place. She knows they can only support so much weight.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Never Look That Hopeful


Nate takes things into his own hands and calls the features editor of his local paper. The man genuinely looks like he cares...


Why would Veeblefester cut Brutus' pay? Unless Brutus is being demoted or it's an across the board pay cut then there should be no excuse for Brutus getting a pay cut. I would also think that'd be good reason to quit and find something else. The look on Gladys' face in the last panel is kind of creepy.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Maybe Charlie Brown Should Market a Shampoo


Today's Big Nate reminds me of me. When my local paper dropped Sally Forth I actually cared but didn't know why. I know now that dear old Sally actually became pretty funny. Apparently it was taken over by new creators. Now I have to look at the dreadful Luann every Sunday. We don't even have the dailies which actually tell a story. We get the lousy Sunday edition.


Today's strip makes me shudder. Underneath that baggy, shapeless robe, Gladys is nude. It's a scene I can't unsee. The only way to get rid of it is with a bullet...to the brain.

Anyway, bald jokes are too easy in this strip. I'd make a joke about Brutus actually caring about what type of shampoo he should use. Men don't really care. We'd use dishwashing soap if possible then top it off with Suave Lavender-scented conditioner. But that's just Brian being Brian.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Has Your Paper Dropped Born Loser Yet?



I subscribe to Big Nate through email and I noticed this week's storyline is about Nate's hometown paper dropping his favorite comic strip "Bethany". I am intrigued by this storyline because I anxiously await when my newspaper drops strips. I was ecstatic when the Journal-World dropped Marmaduke and Cathy back in 2004 or so. We, the readers, had won. And the world rejoiced. I'm gonna keep tabs on this storyline which is a breath of fresh air from the recent school time stories that have been going on. Plus I really like Nate's dad.


In today's strip we once again hear about Veeblefester's wife Lividea. Are gas stoves really better than electric? I had a gas stove one time and it was a pain in the ass. Of course I had older one that you had to light with a match and that wasn't fun. That's how my sister died...

Monday, April 21, 2008

Swift Fist of Justice

Question.

Is it me or does the artwork in Frazz look like Bill Watterson's? The main character, who I assume is named Frazz, looks like a college-aged Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes.

I've noticed this several times as Frazz makes the Comics.com Featured Comic quite often. Is this Jef Mallet really Bill Watterson in disguise? If not, he's gotten me to read his strip.


Aww, there's no sacks of money on Veeblefester's desk. And Brutus should know by now that he's going to walked on for the rest of his life unless he takes initiative. I know how Brutus feels. I've often worked on my days off and it seems like I'm the only one who doesn't skirt the rules but I'm the one who seems to get nothing out of it.

I now feel bad.

Friday, April 18, 2008

I Want My Fame In Gigabytes

My first computer was a Tandy I got at Radio Shack. It was eggshell white, the hard drive weighed half my weight, the mouse made my wrist hurt and you had to hit the keys in order for the keyboard to register. It also came with Windows 95. Remember Windows 95? I loved that operating system and I really enjoyed messing around with DOS. I actually read the instructions for Win95 and became really good at it. Of course, I didn't have the money to upgrade so I wasn't able to get Windows 98 or anything after 95 so I didn't know anything about the operating systems between 95 and XP.



My thoery is that Brutus' computer still has Windows 95 on it. And that keyboard does not look very ergomatic. It's also probably not healthy having the screen that close to your face. I also must note again that Brutus is not talking to anyone. Who's he looking at? And where's the mouse? Is Brutus left-handed?

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Another Bus Stop Monologue


Brutus is once again all alone at the bus stop in today's strip. Brutus must get pretty retrospective while waiting at the bus stop. I know I do while I'm standing on the corner with a smelly overweight woman, the half-insane black guy who's always fidgeting and the two loud college students who constantly talk about drinking. Let us not forget Crazy Amy, who does interpretive dance while waiting for the bus. She married a Nazi, you know.

Yep, the bus stop is the perfect place for nostalgic reminiscing.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Going to Hail


*Sigh!* Do people really shovel the hail that falls? Brutus does know how dangerous golf ball-sized hail is, right? I am impressed that the Thornapples seems to have a pretty good sized TV though.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Veeblefester Scrooge


Why does today's strip remind me of a scene from Dickens' Christmas Carol? Maybe it's the sacks of money or the fact that there's money in sacks but I expect Veeblefester to be visited by three ghosts this Christmas. Chip, let it happen.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Defending Mother-In-Laws


I'm not married. I don't know what it's like to have a mother-in-law. I've discussed marriage numerous times with my last two girlfriends and would've been thrilled to have their mothers as my mother-in-law. But for future reference, if my mother-in-law ever did something like this, I think that would grounds for a restraining order or, failing that, divorce. I mean, what Mother Gargle is doing is creepy. Look at it. CREEPY!!!

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Joke Ruiner


HA!!! How does Hattie keep getting into the Thornapple house? Doesn't anyone lock the doors in this house? And why is Mother Gargle watering the Thornapple's plants? There are just so many things wrong with today's strip I don't know where to begin.

I guess that's a pretty decent joke. At least it caused Chip to actually draw some more action than is usually required in the Sunday strips.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Brutus Could Write a Fairy Tale...


If Hattie really wants a fairy tale with an unhappy ending she should take a look at some unedited Grimm's fairy tales. Those tales can be very dark and end in the unconventional sense. I'm a fan of Grimm fairy tales because they are dark. If I was that librarian I would point Hattie in that direction instead of giving her an odd look.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Wipe That Look Off Your Face


I don't know what disturbs me more about today's strip. The fact that Brutus has that look on his face while booking a motel room or the fact that he's booking a motel room!! But in all honesty, I wouldn't splurge for the continental breakfast. Unless it featured something more than bagels and three different kinds of cream cheese along with stale, disgusting coffee.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Crap On a Crap Cracker

I noticed something really sad when I went to look at one of my past posts. Apparently after a certain amount of time, the comics on Comics.com are taken down and replace with this:


The kid is rather cute but I'd rather have my comic back. So I'm gonna try to figure out how to keep the comic posted but still legible at the same time so be patient. I'll come up with something.

It's "Ten-To" Your Own Damn Business


Wow, Veeblefester looks very frumpy in Wednesday's strip. I wish my place of employment had a water cooler. Do businesses even use water coolers anymore or have they all been replaced by vending machines with water? I guess maybe high-end businesses could have them or small companies who can't afford to put in vending machines. Water coolers are awesome. I can't stress that enough. Good job slacking right in front of the boss, Brutus.


In today's strip the fact that credit cards are evil is perpetuated. Would a credit card company really raise your limit if you exceeded it? Wouldn't you have to pay it on time and not exceed the limit before they would raise it? I hate credit cards so I don't know.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Rock Chalk Jayhawk


In honor of the Kansas Jayhawks amazing NCAA Championship I decided to take a look at today's Girls and Sports which is one of my favorite comic strips. I wonder which NBA coach Marshall is talking about. If anyone has any ideas, please tell me. I guess there is a possibility this is just an exaggerated storyline which is why they mention no names or teams but I think there is some truth to this.


This actually happened to me. I went up to Chip Sansom to use his computer to post on this blog and he yelled at me. And boy did I write some nasty stuff about him. But seriously, why is Brutus getting so angry? Hattie just wants to use the computer real quick to do something. How does Brutus know what she wants to do isn't important? Maybe she has many faithful readers who depend on her posting every single day. If she doesn't, people could die.

I bet Brutus doesn't want that on his conscience.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

...


Wait, I thought Wilberforce inherited the 'born loser' gene from Brutus. If so, then how in the hell did Wilberforce win today's game? Or did they go to a ball game like the Arizona Diamondbacks? Either way, their team shouldn't have won.

I hate the throw-away panels in Sunday strips nowadays. They offer nothing to the strip but comic artists don't even try to fill them with even a throwaway joke anymore.

I also found something funny in today's Family Circus but I unfortunately can't get it posted because it's not uploaded onto Family Circus.com and I'm not paying $15 for a subscription to DailyINK just for the flotsam that is Bil Keane's Family Circus.

Update: I was finally able to get the strip uploaded. Take that Bil and Jeff Keane.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Talk About a Compact



I don't see how Brutus or Wilberforce fit into the car, let alone Gladys. That is a really small car. So is Brutus going the wrong way on a one way street now? Should we expect Brutus to swerve to avoid a car exiting a freeway or something? I'd like to see that.

Friday, April 4, 2008

Turn Your Head and Cough



You'd think by now Brutus would be used to pain being a constant companion. Brutus' whole life is just one huge pain. And those boxer shorts are not attractive but I understand why Chip drew a design on them. Without them it would look like Brutus was naked from the waist down. And then we would be in constant pain.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Half Her Mouth Is Gone!


I like that Chip actually drew the red splotches on the piece of paper in today's strip. Just in case his three readers (not including me) thought he was lying, he drew the blotches. Nice Chip. Nice.

And the way the mouths on the characters just kind of disappear when they reach the chin is...is just creepy. That also needs to stop.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Everybody Loves a Bum


I know this bum has a name but I don't know what it is. Anyway, why the hell would you loan a bum money? I give a bum money I fully expect to never see it again and this town is riddled with homeless people. I admire the honesty of this vagrant but still find it just a tad unbelievable.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Such Hideous Pajamas


The Thornapple's bed looks really small. Of course I guess any bed would look small with two huge people such as Brutus and Gladys in it. Maybe if the bed was bigger, Brutus' crumbs wouldn't bother Gladys. They should invest in a new bed. On a related note, I need a new bed.

April Awareness

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month here in the United States and since I am against all things rape, abuse and cancer I figured I’d mention it. As most of you know I can seem pretty heartless and uncaring by making fun of things from breast cancer ("Cancer bear! We’re gonna need a bigger boat.") to child molestation ("1...2...3...Pedophile!") but I am against bad things like that especially since they are out of the control of people. I try to donate regularly to breast cancer research, Christopher Reeve and Parkinson’s research but it seems as though one problem always seems to get neglected. Sexual assault.

I have known a few women who have been attacked and/or raped. Thing is, I may only know the girl through someone else but hearing what happened still makes me want to hunt the SOB down and kill him. I’m sure a lot of people would agree with me. It’s something that affects us all and anyone can be a victim.

Interestingly, 60% of sexual assaults are not reported and only 6% of rapists will ever spend a day in jail. Looking through the statistics it gets a little sickening. This is a problem that may never go away but if people stand up and report attacks to the police and face their fears no matter how hard and difficult it is then maybe we can make this problem seem very unattractive.

According to the statistics, in the time it took you to read this, two women were probably assaulted.